Updated: I Am Fully Freaked Out Now

Elle1036

I posted a few days about getthing the FedEx shipping info for my ring.  It was delivered yesterday.  He knows that I know he has it, but he hasn't said anything about it otherwise.

BF and I are currently long distance, but he's in town pretty much every weekend.  He's going to be here this weekend, as well, arriving this afternoon and staying through Sunday.  I know that there are no guarantees that anything will happen this weekend (to be honest, I don't really want it to), but when I talked to him last night, he admitted that he had been planning on coming back a day early to surprise me, but his work schedule got changed at the last minute and he couldn't.  He was really, really, upset about it.  Like, too upset.

I am just going completely BSC, or does it sound like he may have been planning to surprise me with more than just his early arrival?

calindi

BREATHE.  And put it out of your mind.  Don't even think about it.  Don't ruin this for yourself.  You know he has it, you know he'll propose.  Likely within a month or two you'll be engaged.  Be content with that, and remind yourself that being anxious about it will only make you enjoy the moment less.  RELAX!

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-fully-freaked-out-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0ca755fa-8145-446c-938d-0cb860d2211dPost:71f1ef42-9c74-4083-932b-b1bad36821eb">I Am Fully Freaked Out Now</a>:
[QUOTE]I posted a few days about getthing the FedEx shipping info for my ring.  It was delivered yesterday.  He knows that I know he has it, but he hasn't said anything about it otherwise. BF and I are currently long distance, but he's in town pretty much every weekend.  He's going to be here this weekend, as well, arriving this afternoon and staying through Sunday.  I know that there are no guarantees that anything will happen this weekend<strong> (to be honest, I don't really want it to),</strong> but when I talked to him last night, he admitted that he had been planning on coming back a day early to surprise me, but his work schedule got changed at the last minute and he couldn't.  He was really, really, upset about it.  Like, too upset. I am just going completely BSC, or does it sound like he may have been planning to surprise me with more than just his early arrival?
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

Ditto Cate.

I'll be honest, the parts where you keep alluding to the fact that you don't want it to happen confuse me. I mean, I know it's a big deal and a big change, but shouldn't you still want it to happen in the end? If you don't want to get engaged right now, I think that's something that needs to be addressed sooner rather than later.

He'll surprise you when he wants to. Until then seriously, leave it alone. You're only driving yourself crazy.

Elle1036

Bren -- I definitely do want it to happen.  Just not this weekend.  I've been super stressed out with work lately, and I really want the craziness to subside before he proposes.  I don't want the stress of work and everything I have going on this weekend to take away from it at all.  Make sense?  It would be great if he could wait, like, 2 weeks.

Cate -- Thanks.  Easier said than done, though.

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-fully-freaked-out-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:0ca755fa-8145-446c-938d-0cb860d2211dPost:03b73da5-26fd-4d30-b747-2eff52595e2b">Re: I Am Fully Freaked Out Now</a>:
[QUOTE]Cate -- Thanks.  Easier said than done, though.
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

Elle -- Mind over matter.  The only person who can talk yourself down is you.  Remind yourself that you love this man, that whether he asks you tomorrow or next year, your answer will be yes because ultimately you want to be married to him.  Remind yourself that he loves you, and wants to marry you.  The rest is just icing.  There's no reason to be stressed and anxious.  Sure, you're going to be a little excited and nervous, but breathe.  Remember that you're stressing yourself out over something that should be exciting.  And then... let it go!

MLekathLEEN

For your sake and sanity, he just wanted to surprise you with his handsome face. Like Cate said, it's going to happen eventually so just try not to worry about it happening soon.

and trust me, once that rock is on your finger, that work stress will melt away instantly...until Monday.

motoLyn

Take a moment to relax and calm down.  You might be reading into his being "too" upset because of your own stress.  For all you know perhaps he's been really excited to come see you and spend more time with you because he knows you're stressed and wants to help relieve it.  The PP made an excellent point, that regardless you love him and want to marry him.  So whether its this weekend or next month your answer will be yes.  When it happens it will happen, till then just don't think about it and enjoy your time together. 

TRUST me I'm in the same boat as you.  My BF has the ring, I know where he hid it, I resist the urge to go look to see if its there.  My birthday was yesterday and i would have thought he would have proposed then, but he didn't.  Trying to juggle the pressure of working full time and finishing my last year of graduate studies, has me stressed to the max, on top of that trying to anticipate when my BF is going to propose WILL kill me.  So I'm just going to repeat to myself... Focus on the task at hand, my birthday weekend (Yes I still get a birthday weekend even though my birthday has passed) and school.  When he proposes will be a great surprise.  I truly hope that you'll be able to push this to the back of your thoughts and enjoy your time together.  Have a great weekend!

heyimbren

Elle, there's never going to be that "perfect, ideal" time to get engaged and get married. There will still always be other things (like work) going on. It's just that your past couple posts on this have seemed so panicked almost over this.

It's going to be hard to be patient and calm and stop second guessing everything, but reaching that point when you slow down and just enjoy the moment takes willpower. It isn't going to just magically happen. It will take effort on your part. Try find other things to focus on. Like you said, work is really crazy right now. Plus, you don't even know if he's going to propose in the next 2 weeks or 2 months. I know you're pretty convinced that he will, but he might not. You just won't know until it happens. You really aren't doing yourself any favours in working yourself up over it. Soo since you said he's coming to see you soon, just focus on the fact that you get to see your BF! Ring or no ring, you'll get time with him. Isn't that amazing in and of itself??

johnsonia

so excited & happy for u. try to relax and be happy. put it out of ur mind so u can truly enjoy the surprise!!!

congrats too btw!

jilly2121

Coming from someone who siked herself out big time...it's better to believe that he isn't going to do it. I thought the bf was going to propose at a party I was having in front of all of my friends and I envisioned the whole proposal...did it happen..NO and was I upset...YES!  SO now I just dont even try and think about it. I focus on things that are actually far beyond when I think the proposal will be like planning vacations for next year, and thinking about what I am going to do for the BF's 30th bday party etc.

Trust me I know how exciting it is, but I think I'm turning into one of those girls where the bf had the ring and waited a long time to propose. So far its been 4 months and counting since we picked out the ring and he put a deposit down...sigh...sit tight.

Just remember you WILL be getting a ring so nothing else should matter. (That's what I tell myself to keep me sane.)

Elle1036

Update:  Well, I feel really stupid for blabbering about wanting to wait until the work stress died down...  I was let go today.  (Seems to be a trend around here lately).

Part of me is really glad this happened -- I have been way too stressed out and working way too many hours for it to be worth the amount of money I make.  But I'm still reeling from the shock and unfairness of it. 

motoLyn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-fully-freaked-out-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:0ca755fa-8145-446c-938d-0cb860d2211dPost:a0f255c4-6119-48ab-b829-189dc0c48027">Re: I Am Fully Freaked Out Now</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, I feel really stupid for blabbering about wanting to wait until the work stress died down...  I was let go today.  (Seems to be a trend around here lately). Part of me is really glad this happened -- I have been way too stressed out and working way too many hours for it to be worth the amount of money I make.  But I'm still reeling from the shock and unfairness of it. 
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

Elle I'm so sorry to hear about this!  That most definitely would be a shock to the system.  Its Friday don't think about it now.  Enjoy the weekend with your BF and take your mind off of this.  I hope you have a great weekend!

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_am-fully-freaked-out-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0ca755fa-8145-446c-938d-0cb860d2211dPost:a0f255c4-6119-48ab-b829-189dc0c48027">Re: I Am Fully Freaked Out Now</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, I feel really stupid for blabbering about wanting to wait until the work stress died down...  I was let go today.  (Seems to be a trend around here lately). Part of me is really glad this happened -- I have been way too stressed out and working way too many hours for it to be worth the amount of money I make.  But I'm still reeling from the shock and unfairness of it. 
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

Ugh, that's crap. Kinda bittersweet for you, I suppose.

Thank goodness it's the weekend. I hope you have a wonderful weekend with BF regardless. And take a day or two to rest up... and then the awful job hunt begins.

Elle1036

Moto and Bren, thanks for the support!

Unfortunately, I'm not doing a great job at keeping my mind off of this.  It's 2 am where I am, and I'm surfing the internet while BF is asleep in the other room.  I wish I could just turn my brain off.

[Deleted User]

Elle - I'm so sorry to hear about your job.  I know it isn't easy, but I'm sure the right job is out there for you.  Hang in there.  Everything happens for a reason.