Help with inquizzative family members

cu97tiger

Is inquizzative even a word? Anyway, BF and I will be visiting my family next weekend after a week-long ski vacation. I am not expecting an e-ring on this vacation, though I know my sister and mom are. Not to mention that my mom has 8 sisters and brothers, they are all married, I have 24 first cousins, etc etc.

Needless to say, I'm sure the quesiton will come up of 'when are you getting engaged/married?' I'd like to come up with a tactful response but havne't found the perfect one yet... I'd love your suggestions. Thanks!

bsidebella

It's spelled inquisitive. There's a spellchecker button right on the toolbar at the bottom.

oceana919

"As soon as he can get his monitoring ankle bracelet off" always did the trick for me.

"Inquizzative" = "Inquisitive".

[Deleted User]

Just tell them that you're not in a rush and that you're just enjoying dating right now. I've been using that for 4 years...and it seems to work. Certainly doesn't mean that people have stopped asking though!

mana8503

I usually respond with "when he asks". 

Wrkn925

I was distracted by '24 first cousins' and thought that was insane. 

Then I counted mine.  I have 18.

mana8503

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_inquizzative-family-members?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0db1a506-050e-4c56-9a7f-fac2f21d86dcPost:94283e63-8685-4743-9f55-c0ac82544444">Re: Help with inquizzative family members</a>:
[QUOTE]I was distracted by '24 first cousins' and thought that was insane.  Then I counted mine.  I have 18.
Posted by Wrkn925[/QUOTE]

I think the last count on just my dad's side was 24 grandkids, 32 great grands with 33, 34, 35 coming in the next 5 months... Ah southern families!

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_inquizzative-family-members?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0db1a506-050e-4c56-9a7f-fac2f21d86dcPost:304500cd-4a84-4220-8029-da76a88fa2a1">Re: Help with inquizzative family members</a>:
[QUOTE]I usually respond with "when he asks". 
Posted by mana8503[/QUOTE]

That only works for a second until they turn around to him and say "So when are you going to ask?"

My answer is usually "When you give us the money to pay for it!"

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_inquizzative-family-members?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:0db1a506-050e-4c56-9a7f-fac2f21d86dcPost:94283e63-8685-4743-9f55-c0ac82544444">Re: Help with inquizzative family members</a>:
[QUOTE]I was distracted by '24 first cousins' and thought that was insane.  Then I counted mine.  I have 18.
Posted by Wrkn925[/QUOTE]

I have somewhere in the range of 40-50 I think?  When you have a family that large, it's hard to keep track, my dad is one of 9 kids and my mom is one of 7, then almost all were married and had several kids.  Last I knew, I also had about 30+ second cousins, but I'm sure that's gone up...people are pushing out kids all over the place.  LOL.

jemmini6

OP- to answer your question, I just always used to tell them "ask him".

Don't get too comfortable with that response though, the questions only get worse once you do get engaged...

mana8503

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_inquizzative-family-members?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0db1a506-050e-4c56-9a7f-fac2f21d86dcPost:ed31e71a-1a50-4921-bc1d-7b7c3cd23884">Re: Help with inquizzative family members</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help with inquizzative family members <strong>: That only works for a second until they turn around to him and say "So when are you going to ask?"</strong> My answer is usually "When you give us the money to pay for it!"
Posted by LyzMcFlyz[/QUOTE]

But hey, pressure is off me!  BF usually comes back with something about making the same mistake twice (he is divorced).

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_inquizzative-family-members?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0db1a506-050e-4c56-9a7f-fac2f21d86dcPost:dafb277b-136c-4d5a-a805-adbe57ff8fd6">Re: Help with inquizzative family members</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help with inquizzative family members : But hey, pressure is off me!  BF usually comes back with something about making the same mistake twice (he is divorced).
Posted by mana8503[/QUOTE]

My BF would just walk away... like he did at a family BBQ this past summer... My grandmother started asking him questions and he got up to get food and never came back... (it's not as rude as it sounds because he's known her since he was 8... He works with her every day... He spends more time with her than I do...)

The joys of being in a relationship with someone related by marriage lol everyone knows everyone and we get it from all ends!

calindi

How about:

"When he gets his divorce finalized.  Bigamy is frowned upon, you know."

"When he coughs up enough dough for an engagement pony.  Engagement rings are way too cliche for me."

"When we've saved enough for a downpayment for a house.  It might take a few years." (thus buying you a LOT of time)

"After I have the baby.  Am I pregnant?  Nope, not pregnant.  Just figured it'd be cute to have our own kid as a ring bearer or flower girl."

"Well, I can't decide if I'm gay or straight, so we're waiting until I'm sure."

"We figure marriage only works out 50% of the time anyway, and we don't like to gamble."

SeaTea02

A simple "I have no idea" will not lead to follow up questions. 

calindi

Or, you know, you could answer truthfully.  It works for us.  We plan to get engaged sometime this year, and get married after he takes the bar exam next summer (2012).  That usually shuts them up.  If you have a rough timeline, that works as a response, too.

musikbx

Tell them to mind their own damn business.

Of course, maybe not as aggressively as that. One thing I realized is that if they're not bugging you about the engagement, they're bugging you about the wedding. After the wedding, they're bugging you about kids. Then, they'll bug you about decisions you make regarding said kids.

It's never ending. I have learned that it's really best to kindly but firmly establish limits with them, preferably sooner rather than later.

Blue & White

I just say "someday"...or "eventually".

I do tell really annoying people (like our landlord, for instance, who has no business asking) "never" - that gets some interesting looks back, but obviously it wouldn't work for family cause they'd think something's wrong with you

BF pretends he doesn't know what they're talking about when they ask "so when's the big day?"

Honestly, it's not up to these other people

CASK85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_inquizzative-family-members?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:0db1a506-050e-4c56-9a7f-fac2f21d86dcPost:01cbf4d0-f13b-41c8-bb3c-e00c57b5adb0">Re: Help with inquizzative family members</a>:
[QUOTE]OP- to answer your question, I just always used to tell them "ask him". Don't get too comfortable with that response though, the questions only get worse once you do get engaged...
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]
Run tell that.

mana8503

Mwahaha!  I made the cut!!!

Good luck, just find something that suits you both.  If your family isn't too annoying it should be a once and done thing. 

msjenna519

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cu97tiger

Ha, thank you for all the laughs from your responses. Just to let you know, I do love my family... they aren't annoying, but I'm no spring chicken so they'll definitely be wondering what the hold up is.

I'm the more outgoing of the two of us, so brushing it off on him would only have him stammering and make him uncomfortable.

I think my favorites are: Mana - 'When he asks' (my BF is also divorced, so 'not wanting to make the same mistake twice' would totally work for him)
SeaTea - "I have no idea."  That's actually pretty true. I know when I'd LIKE to get married, and when we've TALKED about getting married, but I literally have no idea when the engagement or marriage will actually happen.

I'll let you all know how it goes. Thanks for the spelling lesson. I'm usually a good speller but was too impatient to just get this posted. I'll use the spellcheck function in the future!

loves2shop4shoes

If you wanted to be snarky, you could say "Actually, we're getting married tomorrow.  We just didn't tell you because you weren't invited.  Whoops."

musikbx

To be fair, I don't think the spell checker actually checks the subject line. ;-)

jeanacorina

"When are you getting married?" - "Sometime after we get engaged."


BTW, it's true about the questions never stopping. Once I got engaged, people asked when the date was, even when they knew I'd been engaged less than 48 hours! THEN, three days after my wedding I started getting "When are you guys having a baby?" ...it's getting worse now that we've been married more than 6 months. My current response is "I'll become a parent when I'm good and ready, not a minute sooner. And if you know me well enough to ask, then you know me well enough to know that answer!"

I think my new response will be "Well, you know, we managed NOT to get knocked up before our wedding. That worked out pretty well and made me such a celebrity among our family members with grandkids out of wedlock... not sure I'm ready to give up that attention in favor of oohs and ahhs over some little rugrat."

I might be bitter about the questions.