Is this a date?

[Deleted User]

So, I met a guy on my bus 2 days ago. I was carrying a bag of items for our office food bank and he made a crack about how a bag of pudding and jello was not a healthy lunch. I explained what the items were for and he mentioned that he had some things he would bring in the next morning for me. He also complemented my hair, asked about where I work and generally seemed to want to get to know me. I usually ride an earlier bus, but I take this one when I'm running late which has been a couple times a week lately.

Well I didn't really take his offer to bring food in seriously. I caught my usual bus and didn't run into this guy or his coworkers yesterday. On my way home last night though, I ran into one of his bus buddies. His friend mentioned that "Tom" had brought in a bunch of items and was keeping them at his office for me. We talked the rest of the bus ride.

So this morning I took the later bus on purpose, feeling bad that I hadn't believed Tom would actually bring some food. He chatted me up the whole ride and it was clear that his coworker had filled him in about our conversation the night before. Anyway, he said he could meet me for lunch and bring the bag of food. I assumed he literally meant to drop it off...but he handed me his card and asked where I wanted to eat. So now apparently I'm going out for lunch with this guy.

Long story short, a food donation somehow turned into a lunch and I'm not sure what else. Is this an attempt at a date? Or should I just take it as a nice gesture from a kind person? I don't feel that he is sleazy or anything, but I'm not looking to meet single men. (obviously) The fact that I have a guy never came up in our limited conversation and I'm not sure if he's married because he was wearing gloves. How would you ladie's take this? What would you do in my situation? Would you meet him for lunch? It's not exactly like I can take a new route to work every morning and avoid him...

becunning2

I would be really uncomfortable, but I tend to freak out about situations like that.  I think before you go to lunch (if you go at all), you should be very clear that you have a long-term significant other with whom you've talked about being engaged.  If he's all like, "Oh...." then you shouldn't go. Just because someone didn't give you the creeps doesn't mean he doesn't have a creepy agenda. O.o

Stina51286

I would be leary of the situation too but thats just bc im freaky about random ppl esp guys (I must have watched too much lifetime when I was a teen). Id say if you want to go, go but make bf aware of it so he doesn't find out from someone else besides you which could start a whole new topic of discussion on this board.

Swazzle

I would be really uncomfortable also.  I wouldn't go. 

[Deleted User]

Ok - you guys are freaking me out a little now. I seriously thought everyone was going to tell me I was blowing things out of proportion here.

I will say that absolutely no alarms sounded in my head and I'm generally pretty street-smart. He is someone (and his friends, 1 of which is a woman) who i've run into on the bus for years...we've just never actually spoken to each other. Is it really that creepy to meet someone for lunch in a public setting?

BF already knows that "Tom" chatted me up the other day on the bus. He's not the type to get jealous and we just don't worry about who each other hangs out with of the opposite gender. We're very secure in our relationship and I have no intention of meeting this guy to flatter myself, get my flirt on or anything like that.

I did mention to his friend last night that I had a BF...I just don't know if that got passed along to "Tom" or not. Of course I would drop some "My boyfriend (blah, blah, blah)..." in the conversation.

Hazel_B

I can understand you being uncomfortable.

Does this guy work for the same company as you? If no, the same industry? If yes to either of those I think you need to go and play dumb and just assume he was being friendly. During lunch make it clear casually that you have a SO and take it from there.
 
Basically, if there is a chance you'll be dealing with this guy other than on the bus try to keep things nice.

lennonkdc

I would feel a bit awkward, but I would still go to the lunch, esp if this guy might be a good networking contact. This is one of the more uncomfortable things I think LTR NEY ladies go thru, b/c we have no band/e-ring to give the social cues that other would pick up on. I've been in similar situations, and I've found that the best way to go about it is to be polite. Go on the lunch (if you want) and bring up BF in the course of conversation. (Oh, and obviously pay for your own meal.) There is the chance that it could be a 'date' or he could turn out to be a good work friend or business contact. I would just go with the flow. 

[Deleted User]

To answer your questions Hazel, I do not work with or in the same industry as this guy. Our buildings are next door from each other, so it's not creepy that we'd both know where each other works already though. Our only real connection is that we ride the same bus most mornings and have for years.

Maybe it's hard to explain to people who don't take public transit...but i've been on the same bus/train for over 5 years. I know that I don't actually know most of these people...but after seeing them for YEARS you reach a certain level of familiarity with them. I once ran into a guy at a wedding that I stood across from on the train for a year and had never spoken to. I think this guy is completely innocent, even if he is interested in more than a friendship here. If he is interested in more than a friendship, obviously I would set him straight on that. However, I guess I just don't see this as creepy...

mookow86

I don't think it's creepy at all since you've ridden the same bus and he works near you, etc. I would go to lunch or coffee with him and just be clear that you have a BF.

Hazel_B

Allusive - I completely understand, I used to make friends with people at my old gym and on public transit all the time. If your gut feeling is good, I say go for it. Just work in that you have a SO and you'll be fine. I still got out for lunch and have drinks with guys from my gym even though I don't go there anymore, so I see nothing wrong with it.

cu97tiger

I don't think it's creepy, but I also don't think you should go to lunch with him. You could say 'I have a boyfriend' all you want, but he might get mixed signals since you're also sitting there on a lunch date with him. I like the Starbucks idea, because you don't need to totally blow him off, and obviously he was nice enough to bring the food.

polkadot111

Ummmm no. I would for sure not go.

Once I met a dude at the laundrymat. Like you, he was just talking to me. Then he gave me his business card. Fine, whatever. Except then, he asked for my number. I gave him a fake one because he was starting to get a bit creepy (and I mentioned FI in the convo a lot, but I'm not sure if he understood because it seemed like his english was not completely fluent). He picked up his phone and called my number I gave him! He said, "Always got to make sure it's real..." CREEPY. I said, "Oh! I gave you my other number! This is my work phone. I don't usually have this one." He said he wanted THAT number. So I had to give him my real number and he called it to be sure it was real. It was creepy especially because the other woman in the laundry place was about to leave. I went over and grabbed my wash out (still dripping!) and got out of there. For the next 3 weeks he called my multiple times per day (like 5). He even told me he 'had a gift' for me and had to stop by to give it to me. He knew my hometown, and kept saying he was driving around in it so he wants to see me...

I think because of that creepy situation I'm a bit hesitent when I meet random people around now. It seems odd to me that he brought you lunch. I would think that was a joke or something. So, Idk. I'm pretty careful now, but I woudln't go.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_this-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0eee7a38-c9b9-494d-a3d0-80f6857698ecPost:43c521e9-be46-46f7-a17c-a413aa45e226">Re: Is this a date?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ummmm no. I would for sure not go. Once I met a dude at the laundrymat. Like you, he was just talking to me. Then he gave me his business card. Fine, whatever. Except then, he asked for my number. I gave him a fake one because he was starting to get a bit creepy (and I mentioned FI in the convo a lot, but I'm not sure if he understood because it seemed like his english was not completely fluent). He picked up his phone and called my number I gave him! He said, "Always got to make sure it's real..." CREEPY. I said, "Oh! I gave you my other number! This is my work phone. I don't usually have this one." He said he wanted THAT number. So I had to give him my real number and he called it to be sure it was real. It was creepy especially because the other woman in the laundry place was about to leave. I went over and grabbed my wash out (still dripping!) and got out of there. For the next 3 weeks he called my multiple times per day (like 5). He even told me he 'had a gift' for me and had to stop by to give it to me. He knew my hometown, and kept saying he was driving around in it so he wants to see me... I think because of that creepy situation I'm a bit hesitent when I meet random people around now. It seems odd to me that he brought you lunch. I would think that was a joke or something. So, Idk. I'm pretty careful now, but I woudln't go.
Posted by polkadot111[/QUOTE]

I think our situations are a little different IMHO. I would have been creeped out by the guy that approached you in the laundry mat too...and I would never have given him my phone number.

This guy didn't bring me lunch...he brought food to donate for my office's food bank collection. He gave me his business card so I could contact him about going out for lunch...I didn't give him any of my information.

polkadot111

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_this-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:0eee7a38-c9b9-494d-a3d0-80f6857698ecPost:29182560-c488-44c6-8ff2-569b6a12594f">Re: Is this a date?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is this a date? : I think our situations are a little different IMHO. I would have been creeped out by the guy that approached you in the laundry mat too...and I would never have given him my phone number. This guy didn't bring me lunch...he brought food to donate for my office's food bank collection. He gave me his business card so I could contact him about going out for lunch...I didn't give him any of my information.
Posted by allusive007[/QUOTE]


Ohhh alrighty. Yeah, I know it's not the same. Just saying you need to be careful. Because you never know if it's a creepy person. But, since you didn't give out any of your info, and he didn't actually bring you something, it's not as weird. I was thinking he was bringing you a lunch. Read that wrong. Also, since he is asking to meet in a public place for lunch, I suppose there can't really be any harm in it. As long as you tell him you have a bf.

GoldenPenguin

I wouldn't be creeped out, but I definitely think he's looking at it in a "date" situation. He's clearly pursuing you under the guise of being nice & bringing you food for your donation. If he wanted to donate food, he could do it on his own - OR he could just give it to you on the bus - he wouldn't have to meet you for lunch. Since you have his business card, I would email him, and either do what Liv said - meet at Starbucks for a quick coffee, or say "hey, maybe I could just grab the food on the bus tomorrow - I've had some things come up this week & am not able to skip out for lunch."

[Deleted User]

Thanks for all of your thoughts and advice! It's always good to be reminded that not everyone has good intentions. While I do believe this guy is harmless...I certainly do not want to put myself in a bad situation. You ladies are the best!!

Ollie08

I don't think it's weird at all. I would just make sure to mention it to your BF, and then go to lunch and mention again that you have a SO. Not in a weird, "Hey, thanks for the canned goods, but I have a BF and we want to get married some day" but more like in conversation "Oh yeah, BF and I come here a lot, it's our fav place"

csousa1

Honestly, I wouldn't be uncomfortable at all. Even if he did find you attractive and wanted to chat you up and possibly ask you on a little lunch date - that still does not make him creepy. Definitely find a way to mention the BF - I like Liv's idea of sending him an email before you meet up. If at that point he's flirty and trying to get a date date out of you, then yea, he's a creep. But if he just wants to grab lunch and make another friend, then there is nothing at all wrong with that. As long as he knows about your BF and your BF knows about him, and no lines are crossed that make you uncomfortable, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with meeting him for lunch/coffee/whatever.

jaycee7389

Given the circumstance I don't think it is creepy. I wouldn't go to lunch though, because he probably is assuming you are single. It is definitely an awkward situation though, and knowing me I'd probably go once and then slip in that I'm engaged.

stacybean

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_this-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0eee7a38-c9b9-494d-a3d0-80f6857698ecPost:af72c93c-4e1e-4f6c-a7a1-1c9b0c880323">Re: Is this a date?</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe I am too trusting but I don't see huge alarm bells here. He gave you his card, right? Maybe email him and say that you don't get a lot of time off for lunch during the day, but you could grab a quick coffee at Starbucks (or wherever) midafternoon to pick up the food, and throw in somewhere that it's a place you and your BF go a lot.  If you didn't see this guy every day for years (and will probably see him a lot more) then I would say just blow him off. But it doesn't sound like he's being sleazy. I don't know lol. 
Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

I was going to suggest the same thing about getting coffee instead. It makes it lessor a time commitment and more casual.