WR: I don't know where to start

Beads921

Seriously. I was NOT one of those girls who planned her wedding starting at the age of 5. I have no idea what I want, and FI isn't super helpful. He really couldn't care less about our wedding, as long as at the end of the day we're married. Which is good (since, ya know, the point of a wedding is to get married), it's just not helping right now. 

Big or small? Sit-down dinner or informal reception? Those are my biggest problems right now, because really until we get that nailed down, we can't do too much venue-wise. 

I'm not much for dancing, but I know a lot of our guests would love it if we decide to go the standard dinner and dance reception route. I've never been to a wedding where that wasn't the case, so I don't know how people would feel otherwise. My newest idea is to have a decent sized ceremony and cocktail reception at one venue, then go for pictures, then a smaller dinner with family and close friends. It feels more authentic for us, and is kind of the best of both worlds, but I dunno. 

Help me! 

Haha I guess just share your experiences - tell me about different weddings you've been to, or what you did yourself. 

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wr-dont-start?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:0f3d0954-9209-466d-a7c0-c4d97b76e6efPost:2fca486d-1c40-4c10-8cda-c2e124871c21">WR: I don't know where to start</a>:
[QUOTE]Seriously. I was NOT one of those girls who planned her wedding starting at the age of 5. I have no idea what I want, and FI isn't super helpful. He really couldn't care less about our wedding, as long as at the end of the day we're married. Which is good (since, ya know, the point of a wedding is to get married), it's just not helping right now.  Big or small? Sit-down dinner or informal reception? Those are my biggest problems right now, because really until we get that nailed down, we can't do too much venue-wise.  I'm not much for dancing, but I know a lot of our guests would love it if we decide to go the standard dinner and dance reception route. I've never been to a wedding where that wasn't the case, so I don't know how people would feel otherwise.<strong> My newest idea is to have a decent sized ceremony and cocktail reception at one venue, then go for pictures, then a smaller dinner with family and close friends.</strong> It feels more authentic for us, and is kind of the best of both worlds, but I dunno.  Help me!  Haha I guess just share your experiences - tell me about different weddings you've been to, or what you did yourself. 
Posted by Beads921[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I like this idea.</div><div>
</div><div>I will say, though, that I'm a sucker for typical dinner and dancing type weddings.  It's odd for me, since I tend to enjoy going against the grain, but I enjoy standard receptions.  As long as there's alcohol and music, I have a good time.</div><div>
</div><div>I think you should start by getting together a general guest list.  Who do you absolutely want to have there?  Once you know about how many people you want, start looking at venues.  Look at lots of different types.  The right one will speak to you.</div><div>
</div>

cu97tiger

Yeah, I know how you meant it, but that sounds like a tiered reception. If you do something like that, it has to happen organically... I say write down the people that you cannot imagine NOT having there on your special day. Then figure out if you want to give them an awesome dinner, a fun luncheon, or maybe a mimosas-and-eggs breakfast. 

If you want to make a whole day of it, get married at 11, give your guests an awesome lunch, then everyone goes home to change, and meets back at yours/your parents/your friend with the huge house's house and enjoy your time together!

Ok, all that to say, go with your gut. Society tells us there are a lot of things we SHOULD want, but when you picture you and your FI saying your I Dos, what do you really want it to be like?

jaycee7389

Have you considered limiting your guest list to close friends and more immediate family members? That way you can have the "feel" of closeness that you want, but can still do the traditional dancing and dinner.

FI and I are doing exactly that, actually.

ravenray

I have to agree with the other girls it sounds like a tiered reception, even though you have the best intentions.

I would start with a guest list. How many people MUST you have and who could do you without.  Then you have to factor in who your families MUST invite because they always have some sort of say.  After that then I would decide on what type of reception you want to do.  I would rather have had a small wedding but it just wasn't possible with the number of people I wanted to invite. There are also many helpful lists out there to get you started

polkadot111

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wr-dont-start?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0f3d0954-9209-466d-a7c0-c4d97b76e6efPost:5cc29181-247e-46c4-a498-42c884837e00">Re: WR: I don't know where to start</a>:
[QUOTE]I see all of your points - I really hadn't thought about it as a 'tiered' reception, and I do not want to go offending people. To be honest, it wasn't my idea - I saw another girl talking about her wedding and it's what she's doing. I thought it sounded kinda nice, but now I'm not so sure. <strong>FI had an idea on the flip side of the coin where we have a small ceremony and dinner and then invite a bunch more people for dancing and the 'late lunch'.</strong> It's just as bad, I think, although a friend of a friend did it and it did turn out OK.  I don't want to entirely limit our guest list to family and close friends. There are too many other friends who have been with us through our whole relationship and who I can't imagine not being there, but who don't make the 'close friends' cut. I like the idea of trying to start a guest list and seeing where that takes us. I think that will definitely help with clarity. 
Posted by Beads921[/QUOTE]

yeah, I feel that this is just as bad. My favorite part is the ceremony. Also, if these guess had ereally "seen you through your whole relationship and who you can't imagine being there", I can't imagine how sad they would be to miss the actual vows. Also, how would you ever cut the list down to those important enough to witness the marriage, and those important enough to just join in on the party? I say pick something that everyone can come to- for the whole thing.

Swazzle

We're not having a 'traditional' reception in that there's not sit-down dinner & no buffet. Ours is ALL hors d'eouvres being passed butler-style for the entire event.  Sometimes I go back & forth about this because I'm not sure how it's going to come together & what people will think but it always comes back to the fact that it's 'so us'.  We're pickers & love a variety of different things to try to it really suits us.  It's also less formal which is also very 'us'.  And our guests will get to try a bunch of different foods instead of selecting just one and they definitely won't leave hungry!

It's called an endless cocktail reception I think (that's what my caterer calls it).  You could look into doing something similar to make your reception less formal. 

Elle1036

Your idea didn't strike me as "tiered reception".  It's common for the bride, groom, and some of their friends to go out after the wedding or for the families to meet for a brunch the next morning without the bulk of the wedding guests, and I interpreted your plan as similar to that.

I think you could definitely do that; just avoid telling everyone about it or making formal invitations for it.  Just spread the word by mouth and let it happen.

polkadot111

I don't like your idea. Either invite the guests you want to everything, or else just invite a few to the ceremony and reception. I would be pretty sad if I was only invited to a ceremony and then a little cake cutting while everyone else gets to go out to dinner. I do not think this is a cool way to go about this.

Beads921

I see all of your points - I really hadn't thought about it as a 'tiered' reception, and I do not want to go offending people. To be honest, it wasn't my idea - I saw another girl talking about her wedding and it's what she's doing. I thought it sounded kinda nice, but now I'm not so sure. FI had an idea on the flip side of the coin where we have a small ceremony and dinner and then invite a bunch more people for dancing and the 'late lunch'. It's just as bad, I think, although a friend of a friend did it and it did turn out OK. 

I don't want to entirely limit our guest list to family and close friends. There are too many other friends who have been with us through our whole relationship and who I can't imagine not being there, but who don't make the 'close friends' cut. I like the idea of trying to start a guest list and seeing where that takes us. I think that will definitely help with clarity. 

NurseyK

If I could do it over again I would have stuck with our original plan: get married in Hawaii, invite parents, siblings, and best friends. All the planning would be done by someone else. The reception would be live Hawaiian music and cake and champage. Done and done!

But... Even though I wasn't excited about a traditional wedding to begin with, I've come this far and now I'm really excited about it.

bsidebella

I am not looking forward to planning a wedding myself. If I had money to blow, I would hire someone to do it for me. I WILL say that TK's checklist is very helpful and informative.

Also, I forget where I read it, but I read somewhere that said a good place to start, budget wise, is to pick the top three things that are important to you and that's where most of your budget goes towards. For us, it was:
1. Reception (the place we have picked out includes cocktail hour, dinner and a cake in the package)
2. DJ
3. Photographer

Everything else - my dress, the flowers, the invites, the centerpieces - are just not as important, so we're not going to worry about spending too much on them.

Beads921

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_wr-dont-start?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:0f3d0954-9209-466d-a7c0-c4d97b76e6efPost:2d67e02d-dde9-48ef-a368-6d44d8a048c4">Re: WR: I don't know where to start</a>:
[QUOTE]Your idea didn't strike me as "tiered reception".<strong>  It's common for the bride, groom, and some of their friends to go out after the wedding or for the families to meet for a brunch the next morning without the bulk of the wedding guests, and I interpreted your plan as similar to that.</strong> I think you could definitely do that; just avoid telling everyone about it or making formal invitations for it.  Just spread the word by mouth and let it happen.
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

This is how I was imagining it as well.

I haven't totally nixed it as an idea (I haven't totally nixed anything at this point...we're making a draft guest list this weekend after which we'll make some decisions). We know we don't want a brunch (no one likes getting up early the next day, us especially), and a dinner would give us a chance to have that more personal time with our immediate families after most of the celebrating is done. The other thing I love about it is that it eliminates that gap between the wedding and reception when pictures are usually being taken, since that will happen after the reception is over.