Not Engaged Yet

Ring size

I am a little troubled... when my boyfriend asked me what size I would prefer in my ring I told him honestly a 1.5 but if that was to much I understood. He said I will get you what you want just know it’ll take a little longer. I said that’s fine because I always said to myself I want the ring once and one time only. No reset no upgrade just the way it is when im in 27 and 77. I told him to buy my ring from my jeweler or his jeweler not a zales or in the mall. Out of curiosity I was looking on zales online last night just to see the price of diamond -does a good quality 1.5 really cost around 13-14k? I feel terrible!!! I told him that is way to much he said don’t worry J I said I am worried I had no idea I remember looking at diamonds last year and the diamond I had saw that was great quality was 10k.  I told him to look at a different size even a 1.4 because I heard it’s a big different in price…is that true?

Re: Ring size

  • edited December 2011
    when BF and i talked about rings i asked him flat out what his budget was and we worked from there.  i got a beautful stone in his price range...honestly, the size really doesnt matter, theres nothing that says that an acceptable diamond has to be X carats.  you will find in talking to others that people have rings of various sizes and they love their rings all the same because of the special meaning. dont make it into a status thing thats not what its about.  Jsut think about how great you will feel when your BF proposes. 
  • edited December 2011
    I think it was a big mistake to tell him you wanted a ring of a certain size, especially if you are worried about cost.  (Although honestly, if you were okay with him paying 10k for a ring, 13k isn't that much more expensive). And I highly doubt going from 1.5 to 1.4 carats alone is going to drop the price by $3-$4k... especially if you also want high quality in the other C's.He'll either stretch his budget to get you what he knows you'll love when he really can't afford it or he'll be forced to get you something smaller.  And I'm betting he'll feel guilty or worried that you secretly don't like your ring because it's "too small".He should look online for deals.  My FI got a great ring and paid 60% of the appraised value when he bought it online.  Let him shop around, rather than dictating that he buy it from either your jeweler or his jeweler.I'm trying really hard to give you the benefit of the doubt here, but there's a bratty undertone to your post that I just can't shake.  Either that, or I get snarkier when I've had no sleep.... anyone else have an opinion?
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  • edited December 2011
    It sounds to me like you need to sit down with him again and just explain that you did some research and your feelings have changed.
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  • edited December 2011
    i think it was a big mistake telling him the size too and  I can completely understand your feeling of a  “bratty tone” but that is not how I am trying to come across. My boyfriend and I have been through a lot and I am no where near the type of person to him you think I might be. He did not have a job for a good portion of our relationship due to starting a company at a time that is very hard to do such a thing. I have supported him emotionally and financially helped through everything. When he got an alternate career while working on his company he had asked what I wanted I had responded with I want you to get what you can afford but he asked me a round about size I said 1.5 to give him an idea because that is what I wanted I didn’t think there was anything wrong with being honest. It is not mandatory or requested just preference if he cant I would still love it no matter what. I also told him again yesterday not to get that size because I had no idea that the cost was that much. I didn’t feel like 10 k was terrible because I thought it was the price of a good ring. I have friends who have around the same price and much much more. So my apologies if you I came across “bratty?
  • TheDuckisTheDuckis member
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    edited December 2011
    Yes, buying stones just below the milestone carat weights (1, 1.25, 1.5, 2, etc) does significantly reduce the price. There's a much larger difference between a 1.45 and 1.50 diamond than there is between a 1.40 and 1.45, because you're hitting that milestone. That said, the difference is closer to 1K than 4K. I would suggest you go shopping with your boyfriend. Look at a lot of diamonds, try them on, and then decide what you want. You might decide 1.5 is too big for your hand, you could finde a 1.25 that's basically the same width as a 1.5, or you may find a 2 carat that you love. You should be looking in the near-colorless range (G, H, or I) and for clarity ratings of S1 or S2. That will help lower the price, and still give you a stone without any visible imperfections. Cut is the most important thing, and I really wouldn't go below Excellent. Some jewelers will tell you that buying a shallow stone makes it look bigger, but they won't sparkle nearly as much. Finally, stick to independent jewelers. Their prices are much better.
  • Lilika FlowerLilika Flower member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It just depends on how much money you have and what you are used to IMO. My SIL grew up wealthy and for my brother to buy her a Tiffany's ring it seemed normal. When FI bought be a $3,000 e-ring his family was floored. I say if you can afford it then wanting a 1.5 diamond doesn't sound bratty.
  • edited December 2011
    But telling your BF that you want 1.5 carats when he's been out of a job for a while IS kind of bratty.You know, I'm usually big on honesty, but in this case, I think you should have just left your answer at "whatever size you can afford honey".It's one thing to say "I prefer round stones, sparklier diamonds over bigger ones", etc.  That at least gives him leeway to find something nice in his budget.  But to say "I want 1.5 carats of X,Y,Z quality" kind of forces him into a corner.But ehh... I'm done with this topic now. Insomnia does nothing for my patience on the knot.
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  • edited December 2011
    Allow me to put this in perspective for you and see if it helps. You want a 1.5ct stone in your ring. I'm sure it will be lovely...all $10k+ of it. My .75ct solitaire came from a Kay Jeweler's in a mall and cost about $2k. Soo....1/2 the size but a 1/5 of the price. Keep in mind, it's the commitment, not the jewelery, that is important.If your BF has the money for a ring like that, then that is wonderful. But if you are really concerned about money, I would definitely sit down with him and tell you didn't realize the expense of a ring like that. Even going down to a 1ct would be a significant price difference and would still be gorgeous I'm sure.
  • Ashleigh8Ashleigh8 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think you and your boyfriend should go and look together.  I had a size idea in mind when we first went but upon seeing it on my hand, I didn't like it at all.  Also, I'm a bit more realistic, I think... I'd probably have a cow if he spent more than 5K on a diamond.  In my mind there is so much more you can do with money like that.
  • chosen175chosen175 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Sorry, OP.... that was totally greedy of you to ask him for THAT big of a ring when you know he's not exactly swimming in $$ right now.  My entire wedding isn't costing $13k.  When heh pushed you for an approximate size, you should have told him 1 carat or something a little smaller and if he had the extra $$ to spend, I'm sure he would have done that on his own.  A broke guy spending $13k on an e-ring.... that's the most ridiculous thing I've heard in a long time.  Thanks for the laugh.
  • edited December 2011
      I am not here for your amusement, he is not broke he was broke. When explaining the situation we had I was just simply try to explain how I am not trying to be a brat because I took care of him and stood by because money was no object and still isn’t . I felt nothing wrong with telling him my honest opinion at the time of when he asked. I appreciate your honesty but I think it’s uncalled to “thank me for the laugh”   Anyway enough said in this post. I thank the ladies who offered me helpful advice. I spoke with him earlier and told him after doing some research I had no idea the prices of these diamonds and that anything was perfect as long as it was from him.
  • edited December 2011
    To the op, do you like 3 stone rings? You can get a 3 stone ring for a lot less than $13,000.  Also, if the ring is 1.5 ctw, then it will be a lot less.  For example, the center stone is 1 ct and the stones on the setting equal .5ct.  That would probably run about $8,000 depending on where you got the ring and the quality of the other 3 Cs. When my bf asked me about rings, I asked him what he was comfortable paying.  It sounds like you were on the spot and just said anything.  Explain to your bf that you did not realize how big and expensive a 1.5 carat ring is and you think you would like something a bit smaller.  He should understand.  good luck.
  • edited December 2011
    I don't know where on zales you were looking but this ring is $6k:  http://www.zales.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3210466My advice is to show your BF the kind of ring you like and tell him to get one that's in his budget.
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  • edited December 2011
      I do like the 3 stone its funny you say that because i try my moms on all the time and have been for like 6 yrs when she got it for there anniversary. The setting i picked is a solataire and it has pave diamonds in the prong part. I saw one similar in zales.com it said 13993 or something like that thats why i was like whattttttttttttt thats absurd. I told him i am so sorry for even requesting the 1.5 because i did not realize that it could be that much and that whatever he gets me will be gorgeous as long as its him from him. He told me dont you worry about it. I feel better telling him the size dosent matter because i dont want him to feel pressure and i never even mean to put the pressure on him to begin with. So all is good -thanks for all that have offered me great advice.
  • edited December 2011
    Here ya go, solitaire with pave diamonds...nowhere near $14k.  You must have clicked on the "celebration" diamond on zales which are ridiculously overpriced. http://www.zales.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3528566
    TTC since 07/11 Me: 32 AO PCOS/DH: 32 Lowish count/motility IUI#1-3 = BFN (Clomid, Clomid-->Femara, Injects) IVF#1 ER on 9/24 19 ER/19 M/9 F w/ICSI Transferred a 5AA and a 5BB on 9/29 Beta 10/9 = 139 Beta 10/11 = 287
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  • edited December 2011
    NQB, that was 1.5 total weight. I could be wrong, but I thought she meant she wanted the center stone to be 1.5. That would make a huge difference.
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  • edited December 2011
    Oh good point.  Wow I just realized Zales.com has a "send a hint" feature.  Too funny.
    TTC since 07/11 Me: 32 AO PCOS/DH: 32 Lowish count/motility IUI#1-3 = BFN (Clomid, Clomid-->Femara, Injects) IVF#1 ER on 9/24 19 ER/19 M/9 F w/ICSI Transferred a 5AA and a 5BB on 9/29 Beta 10/9 = 139 Beta 10/11 = 287
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  • edited December 2011
    Oh good point. Wow I just realized Zales.com has a "send a hint" feature. Too funny. The hint feature can be a lifesaver.  About 2 weeks ago, my boyfriend told me he will be buying my ring soon.  He also wants me to pick out the ring.  So, I e-mailed him the setting and I chose a couple of stones.  When he's ready, all he has to do is click on what I've sent him.  It's a win-win, because I'm picking the ring, but he can still surprise me.   BTW, I'm not getting my ring from Zales.  I'm going with Jamesallen.com. 
  • chosen175chosen175 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I thought you were done with this post....While I realize your bf now has a more conventional job, you yourself said he is still trying to get his business off the ground.  Which means he probably could find a better place to allocate his money to, rather than overspend on a diamond ring that you just "have to have."  If money is no object, and you're used to footing the bills, why don't you just buy the ring you want and let him propose to you with it when he's ready?  He wouldn't need to know how much you spent on it, he could continue to build his business like he wants to, and you wouldn't have to wait any longer while he saved up for your ring.I'm sorry if your feelings were hurt, but I stand by my original post - you should have done you homework on the cost of rings and discussed a budget together before picking out such a pricey ring.  It is obviously too much for him to afford, or you wouldn't feel bad about it.
  • edited December 2011
    I would recommend learning what you can about the 4 C's (cut, clarity, color and carat) and decide what is truly important to you.  I always thought I wanted a center stone of at least 1 carat ... but I knew that I wanted side diamonds as well.  My center stone is .6 carats but I have a lot of side diamonds and when we get married the total carat weight of my engagement ring and wedding band combined will be over 1.25 carats.  I love the setting of my engagement ring and I feel that with a larger center stone it would look funny.  Pick the C that is most important to you and run with it - but keep in mind if you want a full carat or more the price will go up significantly.  A good friend of mine has a center stone of .8 carats and it looks like it's over a carat because her fingers are tiny.  The jump from .8 carats to a full carat is significant - and the jump from 1 carat to even higher is also significant.  Just a few things to keep in mind.
  • edited December 2011
    Some people are down on the OP because of the 1.5 carats that she blurted out.  It seems like she was caught off guard.  I didn't realize how expense diamonds of 1.5 were until I did research.  So, maybe she did not kow.  OP, if your bf has any financial sense, he won't overspend.  Just reassure him that you will be happy with whatever he can afford. 
  • edited December 2011
    Annie thanks for the help. I decided not to get side diamonds because I had changed my mind so many times ever since I starting looking at engagement rings but decided on getting the solitaire. I will try and find a pic of the setting im talking about because there are little diamonds in the prong part only.   Notquiteblushing - I think you right I accidentally went into the celebration section!   Chosen175- While I do appreciate your thoughts and advice I don’t really appreciate your attitude. I was done with the post but other people had written things that weren’t so condescending and I wanted to write back. I made this post originally to say I was surprised about my new findings and I feel really bad because what I had researched has changed since and I was also curious about the difference in price between the 2 sizes. I thought this forum was for advice and help not insults. If you think I am a brat so be it you don’t know who I am and I don’t expect to you.
  • edited December 2011
    OP, have you looked at rings?  Go to any jewelry store (even Zales) and look at different sized stones.  See what looks good on you.  Also, think about what kind of work you do.  Some people cannot wear overly large rings. 
  • edited December 2011
    I agree with Samara. If you haven't gone out to look at rings  you should. I found out that the bigger diamonds just didn't look right on my hand and we decided to go with something less than 1 ct. Not based on the cost just what looked better on me. If money isn't an issue and 1.5 is what you really want then that's great. Just make sure before he spends 10k on a ring.
  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Sounds like you both need to learn about diamonds. Please learn all you can b/f spending that kind of money on a ring. if you focus only on size then you may get a ugly big one when you could get a Very pretty one. http://www.pricescope.com/

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  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    After reading your last response I just wanted to add- I don't think you are a brat. You just had no idea about diamonds. My sweet man had no idea about diamonds & he thought a 1.5 was a "normal" size also. I laughed. It is not the size but cut that counts.

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  • edited December 2011
    haha your so right  and thanks for thinking i wasnt a brat -i actually thought i did know about diamonds because i tried on a few with my mom back in october but i was so wrong. i def want something sparkly and not  cloudy so cut and clarity are def most important. I did try on 1.5 and loved it on my hand only because i think i have chunky fingers lol but thanks for the help i told him that size dosetn matter- i actually think he knows alot more than me about it because hes been shopping which i heard through the grapevine lolthanks again for your help and ps ur ring is gorgeous!
  • redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks It is not the size but how you use it that counts ;)

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  • edited December 2011
    haha so true ;) ps i changed my nameto GrEenEyEs1113i didnt want to use my intials :)
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