Wedding plans

Samara82

So, here's what my bf wants to do about getting married:He wants us to go to Vegas and get married during Spring break of 2011 (I'm a teacher, so I'll be off).  We are going by ourselves.  When we get back, he wants to take our close fmaily members to dinner and have cake (probably 10 people).  We will go on our honeymoon in that summer.Is is wrong that our family will not be there to see us get married? 

salt78

Nope. People elope all the time. FI's family isn't coming to our wedding.

sapphirebaby926

I don't think it's wrong, like salt said people elope all the time but it also depends on your relationship with your families - how important is it to you that they be there?

milkygal

ditto sapphire. Its not 'wrong' your family wont be there, but if you feel its important for them to be there then speak up and let your BF know.

ffmaid

Not wrong. Does it bother you? If this is his ideal what is yours? The wedding shoudl reflect both of you be that a elopment or a huge blow out.

sapphirebaby926

holy moley wifezilla! you're the first person I've seen with all their blue balls!!I figure she either 1) mistyped and meant spring break 2010 or 2) had a realistic conversation with BF about when they would be ready to get married

Samara82

The situation is a little complicated because his family cannot afford to travel to Vegas and the hotel room.  My family might be able to afford it.  I don't want it to be only my family present because I don't want his family to feel left out.  A wedding is not that important to me.  I just know that I don't want to go to City hall.  Why wait 2 years?  The simple answer is that we want to get married over spring break and we won't be ready by spring break 2010.  We are getting engaged later this year and we will be moving in together.  We need time to save up for the plane tickets, ceremony, most importantly the honeymoon.  So spring break 2011 is better for us. 

Acrosthec

If you are saving that much money by Spring Break 2011, don't you think your parents/family could as well?  As long as you give them adequate notice, I think they should be able to, so it shouldn't be an issue. However, it's not WRONG to not have them there.  BF and I discussed a destination wedding in Europe and when I told my mom what we were thinking about she said "Well, your father won't be there because he doesn't want to fly that far due to his medical issues."  Totally understandable, and it's important to me to have my family there, so we're ditching the far-off DW idea. There's no right or wrong.  It's just how you and your family feel about it, and that's on a case by case basis.

Samara82

If you are saving that much money by Spring Break 2011, don't you think your parents/family could as well? As long as you give them adequate notice, I think they should be able to, so it shouldn't be an issue.It's his family that I'm concerned about.  They are really having a tough time health wise and money wise.  So, I really don't think they can travel, even knowing so far in advance.  That is why we want to celebrate with both sides when we get back. 

betrothed123

I think you should really think about how both of your families will feel about this.  We mentioned to my MIL, in passing one day, that we wanted to elope and she made it very clear that she would be devastated if she couldn't see us get married.  We didn't want to start our marriage out p!ssing people off so we planned a wedding that she could attend.

Acrosthec

Financial issues are common in this economy.  Sucks but true.  So I get that.  I also get health problems.  Like I said, my dad won't fly because of his.So the thing you seem to be bothered most about is whether his parents will feel left out since yours can maybe make it.  That being the case, I would either ditch the DW idea and have something small where both families could make it, or just not invite either family to Vegas.  Only you will know which of those options you'd be ok with, but it seems that you'd suffer some guilt if your family could come and his couldn't, and I'd hate to start a marriage feeling that way, but that's JMO.

Samara82

So the thing you seem to be bothered most about is whether his parents will feel left out since yours can maybe make it. That being the case, I would either ditch the DW idea and have something small where both families could make it, or just not invite either family to Vegas. Only you will know which of those options you'd be ok with, but it seems that you'd suffer some guilt if your family could come and his couldn't, and I'd hate to start a marriage feeling that way, but that's JMO.Exactly! That's why I said that nobody can come to Vegas because I don't want his family to feel bad.We discussed having a small ceremony.  Even if we just invited local, close family members, we're looking at least 75 people.  We cannot afford to have that kind of a wedding (plus the honeymoomon).  It would take us a long time to save up for that kind of wedding.  Way longer than Spring 2011. 

notquiteblushing

I think eloping sounds great.  But first I think you should get engaged, talk to your parents and save up some cash.  Once you know your budget everything is easier to plan. 

Samara82

I think eloping sounds great. But first I think you should get engaged, talk to your parents and save up some cash. Once you know your budget everything is easier to plan. LOL.  I definately am not mentioning it to my family until we are offically engaged.  The reason he brought up the conversation is because he wanted to get an idea of how much we should put aside each month.   We've been having a few financial conversations because we're moving in together after he proposes. 

notquiteblushing

Yeah then don't stress so much about it just yet.  My FI and I had all sorts of ideas about the wedding before we actually started planning one.  And when you move in together you'll be saving a lot of money in rent right?  Also where do you live?  I see cheap flights to Vegas all the time. There's a Vegas Wedding FAQ floating around the knot as well that may help if that's what you decide to do.

notquiteblushing

And I have found it: http://vegasfaq.googlepages.com/vegasresources

Samara82

NQB, thanks for the info.I think it's the teacher in me, I always think ahead.  I (acutally we) just want to make sure that we have enough money saved to do everything without going into debt.  Since teachers can't go on vacation whenever they want, we have to go during one of my breaks.  Usually airfare can get quite high around those times.  I'll definately look for deals when the time comes.  Also, I won't know exactly when we can go until the yearly calendar comes out for 2011, which won't be for a while.Like I said, I'm not planning anything.  I just want an idea of the pricetag for the whole thing (honeymoon included). 

notquiteblushing

Well let's talk honeymoond then, that's so much more fun.  Where are you thinking about?  Where the heck do you live now?

Samara82

Well let's talk honeymoond then, that's so much more fun. Where are you thinking about? Where the heck do you live now?I'm in NY.  BF and I are not exactly sure where we are going.  We're thinking of Mexico, but we're open to many tropical locations.   Here's what we want:- A room with a jacuzzi-a beautiful beach-good food  -And we're thinking about finding a resort that is for adults only

notquiteblushing

I'm in NY too.  What part of the state?  I want to go to Mexico too. I've never been.  Do you want activities or just leisure?

Samara82

I'm in NY too. What part of the state? I want to go to Mexico too. I've never been. Do you want activities or just leisure? We're in NYC.  I would like to do a few things like snorkling, tours, but also have a couple of days of lesuire. 

chosen175

A friend of mine just went to Vegas and eloped.  Her venue offered a live broadcast of their ceremony online so people back home could still "attend" without being there.  If you think it might bother your families to not attend the actual wedding, this might be something worth looking into.  GL!

Samara82

A friend of mine just went to Vegas and eloped. Her venue offered a live broadcast of their ceremony online so people back home could still "attend" without being there. If you think it might bother your families to not attend the actual wedding, this might be something worth looking into. GL! That's pretty cool.  I'll look into it when the time comes.  Thanks.

Acrosthec

You should sign up on Travelzoo.com for their weekly emails.  They have great deals on travel and flights/hotel packages, and a LOT of the flights leave out of NYC (which makes me sad because I'd have to pay to get to NYC first, and that's usually as much as the cost of the package deal).They sent out emails every Wednesday, but beware:  the deals are usually only for a few months or so in advance.  Today I got one that had deals all the way into March 2010 and I was floored because it's so rare.

rzeffiro

My Mom and Stepdad eloped....they had both been married before and were enaged and started planning a regular wedding, but ended up deciding they just wanted to do it already! Mom was giving a talk out in Snow Bird, Utah, and she brought my Stepdad. They got a justice of the peace and were amrried on mountain top...it was gorgeous! Bellhops from the hotel acted as witnesses and brought champagne and roses  Funny part- they didn't have "approriate clothes." Mom only had casual clothes and business suits for her lecture...She wore white jeans and he wore golf shorts...lol.

RomysDannie

Hi Samara,Jamaica is actually a very cheap destination and if you have to go during a time when teachers are off, go during the beginning of summer (like June) or Thanksgiving break. My birthday is during Thanksgiving and I always go some place then because honestly it is quite cheap. Mainly because that is the very end of hurricane season and the high season starts in December. Keep in mind that hurricane season officially begins on June 1 so prices will be cheaper then. I would not go between August and the end of October because that is when the hurricane season is at its height. I went to Jamaica for my birthday last year and stayed at the Ritz Carlton for 5 nights and it was only $980 per person. now it was NOT all inclusive (the Ritz just doesn't go that way there) but really you aren't going to be eating a lot if you know what i mean lol.Another resort that I just looked up was the Hilton Rose Hall resort and spa. I have actually stayed there and it is really nice. for 2009 if you were to go from 11/24 - 11/29 it wold only be $954 pp which includes hotel AND airfare. I believe that is very reasonable enough to save. In two years it may be a little more but i doubt it would be so astronomical.  I looked up the same information for 6/11/10 - 6/15/10  (i can't go to 2011) and the same package is $871 pp.As far as your wedding, I agree with the PPs about having a small ceremony locally. If you can have the ceremony fairly cheap (if you belong to a church, they may not charge). if you do it in the morning then you can do an afternoon tea with light hor derves (sp??!!) and people can get their own food. some may not agree with me on that but the main reason i don't want a wedding is because i am not really keepn on paying for a whole bunch of people who i don't see regularly to eat.  The celebration should be in the new life you and your soon to be FI will have after the union, not about this huge a$$ party. don't let society trick you into that.  If you have a huge concern about offending one side of the family or them feeling bad because of  finances then take the DW off the table. Also, if you are eloping, it seems a little long to wait 2 years. You can also have someone be ordained as a minister through that universal monestary site and they can do the ceremony on the beach somewhere. If its a public beach, then it's free and you can do it at a time where people are sunbathing..sorry this was so long!!!

RomysDannie

BTW... the site i was looking at was e.x.p.e.d.i.a.c.o.m

meshellyoo

Samara, your wedding sounds ideal.  It's almost exactly what I plan on doing.  My BF and I talk about doing Vegas a lot and he feels that his family won't be able to attend.  He said that if we do Vegas, it will be just us.  I have told him, I would like to give people the option if they would like to come or not.  It's not fair to assume no one will come.  Let them make that decision.  Another thing, if people try to make you feel guilty for having your wedding somewhere that they can't attend, then ask them if they are going to pay for your wedding.  As long as you both agree what you want, that is all that matters.  You shouldn't try to please others, it's about the marriage, not the wedding.  It's a time to celebrate your union as a couple.  Best of luck whatever you decide to do!

jennyfromtheblock77

If you're only planning on taking 10 people to dinner to celebrate your marriage, why can't you just invite those ten people to a ceremony performed locally, so both sets of parents can make it?  I'm not seeing why the number would need to jump to 75.  You can easily tell people you are having a private ceremony with your immediate family only (if it is important to you to have both sets of parents present).