HM Registry?

Button5807

A friend of mine is getting married in October. I just got the invite to her surprise bridal shower today. Included with the invite was a registry card. They're registered at a department store and then they have a honeymoon registry at disneyhoneymoons.comI've never actually seen a honeymoon registry, I've only heard about them on the knot and didn't think much of it.Now thinking about it and looking over the registry I just feel really weird about it. Maybe it's because one of the items is the $1800 hotel room. (FYI they're not total psychos, you can put money towards it in increments of $100). Or just because I know so many people who put off their honeymoons because they couldn't afford it. Does anyone else think this is odd, or even slightly inappropriate? Does anyone here actually have one?

tiana531

this is such a debated topic! however FI and i are doing BBB (bed bath and beyond) and a honeymoon registry. We are going to pay for our HM but we want to do excursions and thats what we will register for. We may or may not put the hotel room or flights. Some people think its tacky, and if they do they dont have to pay for it which is why we are doing both. I think they are an excellent idea for people who already live together and have PLENTY of things (like us!) HTH!

AnneAndJJ

That's an excellent point, Tiana. For couples who already live together (and have been for a while), they probably already have most of the standard things couples register for. In that case, I think it is completely acceptable to register for the honeymoon. I think if they have a full registry elsewhere though, it seems like they're asking for a lot, and could be considered a bit rude. But to each their own.

jeanacorina

I am totally considering doing this. There aren't a whole lot of things we need, since we already live together and I lived on my own for a long time previously.I mean, okay, I'd like a food processor and a set of good knives. Maybe some towels... BF wants to register for an XBox 360, and his friends already told him if he does, they'll split on it and get it for him. lolBut, I would LOVE to register for some cool excursions and activities for the honeymoon! Things that would normally be a little out of reach, but would make the trip completely awesome.I want to go horseback riding through the jungle, BF wants to go on a tropical bird sighting thing, there's a pirate-themed dinner cruise that would be fun.I mean, those are the things I'll remember long after the blender breaks.

tidetravel

I'm ok as long as they have a traditional registry too.  However, I prefer HM registries where you can actually register for "things" like dinner on the beach or swimming with dolphins.  I would not be ok with paying for their hotel room.

trevette1981

I don't like them. Just seems like, if you can't pay for your honeymoon, you need to be more concerned with other things. Plus, I'm just not down with paying for a person's trip. I haven't had someone give me info for a honeymoon registry yet, so I haven't had to go to the regular registry. I did rethink this once I thought about most couples already living together and have all they need. (We don't live together, so it wasn't my first thought.) I still don't like them.BUT, like Tidetravel, I'd pay for an excursion, but NOT a hotel room, plane tickets, cruise tickets or their all inclusive meal. They need to pay for that themselves.

jeanacorina

See, that's what I'm going for-- have an actual registry (a small one, because there's just not anything we NEED), and have a honeymoon registry. But, I wouldn't register for the basics like airfare and hotel.... I'd do actual activities. Massage, parasailing, dinner for two, whatever.I agree if a couple can't afford to get there and have a place to stay, they need to rethink the honeymoon.

tiana531

i think some people do the HM registry to pay for their HM but most people dont. Its not like you are paying for their entire trip, you are just paying for one thing. I think people are going a little nuts about these things. If you dont like the HM registry than just dont pay for anything. Although you might not want to pay for a hotel room, maybe aunt and ucle Joe do, you just never know. And just because you register for it doesnt mean you will get it anyway. Plain and simple.

oceana919

To be honest, I love the idea of a honeymoon registry, but I don't know if I would necessarily put the whole honeymoon (plane tickets, hotel rooms, etc.) on there. Maybe a registry of "bonus treats" - like an in-room couple's massage, an extra exursion, etc. It's a nice alternative for those couples who have been living together for a while and don't need a whole lot of home-related items, for that friend/family member that wants to get you something other than a toaster.To be honest, I'm a bigger fan of homecrafted gift. As a grad student with loan bills sure to come knocking any day now, my budget's tight, and I can't necessarily throw down $50 for a block of knives. Two of my favorite gifts to give:1) Date Night on Me. I'll get a pretty basket and fill it with a box of pasta, a jar of homemade pasta sauce, a mini baguette, a block of parmesan cheese with a mini grater, a bottle of inexpensive wine, two wine glasses, little bottle of olive oil, and a few wrapped chocolates. I'll attach a little card to it that says, "Have your first date night as a married couple on me". All in all, it costs about 20-25, but it's a lot different that what other gifts they're getting. I actually had one bride call me from their honeymoon in the mountains to tell me that they were enjoying their wedding gift right then and there.2) My favorite gift to give is a framed wedding invitation. A lot of brides spend a nice chunk of change on their invites, but don't really know what to do with them afterwards. I'm a scrapbooker, so I'll frame the invite - matt it was nice scrapbooking paper in the colors of their wedding, maybe add a die cut accent, put it in a really nice wall frame. All in all, about $15, but they turn out gorgeous. I've given this as a gift at the last three weddings I've gone to, and all three brides absolutely raved over it. Anyways, that's just my two-cents

trevette1981

But, I wouldn't register for the basics like airfare and hotel.... I'd do actual activities. Massage, parasailing, dinner for two, whatever.And that's the stuff I'd have no problem paying for. In fact, I'd try to get them to do something really adventurous, at least knowing my friends and how they don't stray from the normal path, it would be something really fun for them to do.

noelle24

I don't like them on principle for several reasons.  1) Most of them are tantamount to asking for cash, which is tacky. Even if it says "buy a massage", often it will just add $60 to an account which the couple may or may not actually use for a massage 2) If you can't afford that super fancy honeymoon, I think you need to either scale back the wedding or the honeymoon to be able to afford what you really want.  Part of being an adult is prioritizing things in life. 3) You have to be really careful with a lot of these HM registry websites.  A lot of them charge a fee, so that the couple is not getting all of the money you are donating. If a couple has a registry with only a few things on it, I'll usually just give them cash anyway.  Then, if they want to use that cash for a hotel upgrade or a massage or a fancy dinner on their HM, they can.  FI and I will probably do things this way. 

oceana919

1) Most of them are tantamount to asking for cash, which is tacky. Even if it says "buy a massage", often it will just add $60 to an account which the couple may or may not actually use for a massageI never knew that...may have to look more closely next time a friend has a HM registry. Thanks for the heads up

noelle24

Yeah, it does get really sneaky sometimes.  The fact that a lot of these websites charge a fee bothers me too.  I have $60 to give to a couple, I want them to get the whole $60.  So if I see a HM registry, I usually just give a check and be done with it.I meant to add that this is where word of mouth can be fantastic.  Guest: "I noticed so-and-so don't have much on their registry.  Is there anything they want?"So-and-so/parents/friends: "Oh, well, they already have most of the household stuff they need.  Although, I know they are saving for a house/honeymoon/sofa/etc."Voila. Problem solved.

twinkie757

Oceana- I LOVE your gift ideas, I might even do one of them for my brother's upcoming wedding! I'd never heard of HM registries until a week or two ago. They don't really happen around here, so I'm not really used to the idea. I personally don't like giving money or giftcards as gifts ever, especially for a wedding. I know that most people have all of the things they need before they get married, but I guess I just think about it like this...Would I rather have money, or something that always reminds me of them?

jeanacorina

Noelle, I didn't know that about honeymoon registries. I'll be looking into that. Fees and regular accounts are NOT what I want.I really do want to be able to send a thank you note that says:"Dear Aunt Sue & Uncle Tim:Thanks so much for the para sailing excursion on our honeymoon! It was really an experience! Josh threw up as soon as he realized how far off the ground we were, but after that he relaxed and enjoyed himself. Here's a picture! Weee!"I seriously don't believe any of my friends or family would be surprised by me registering for that sort of thing instead of a gravy boat.But I don't want fees. Or an account. I want to sort of be surprised by what we get. Kind of like a "Tell me what YOU think we should do on our honeymoon-- have a relaxing day at the spa or go whitewater rafting?"And then I'd compile all the pictures into a kickass album and treasure it when I'm 75 and can't go scuba diving anymore.

noelle24

Jeana: Something like that would definitely be cool. I'd much rather have that than a random vase.  I just haven't done enough research yet to know which registries are legit and which ones aren't.