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I am a horrid, jealous hag.

AnneAndJJAnneAndJJ
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in Not Engaged Yet
GRR!! Ok, so ANOTHER friend got engaged over the weekend. And while I'm so excited for her, I'm also so jealous of her :( (I also think they are silly to be engaged right now, but that's neither here nor there.) The thing is, I don't even want to be getting married right now, I'm thinking maybe in about 2 years. But as some of you know, BF isn't keen on marriage, so it's like a giant reminder every time someone else gets engaged. Most days, I'm totally ok with it; I love him, more than I love the idea of getting married. It's just days like today when I get all jealous, then I feel bad. Esp in this case, because she is a very dear friend. /RANT. I have another friend who is kind of in the same boat as me. Her BF just doesn't want to get married for nearly a decade, and that's killing her. We rant together, but I still feel bad about it.
He pretty much had me at "hello".
-- PS I agree with whatever Jeana said --
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Re: I am a horrid, jealous hag.

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    notquiteblushingnotquiteblushing member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think that's normal.  Jealousy is a very human emotion.  But they have to live their life and you have to live yours.  If it helps at all, I've had some baby fever lately even though we don't want kids for a while. But if you really don't see eye to eye with your BF about not getting married maybe you should talk to him about that.
    TTC since 07/11 Me: 32 AO PCOS/DH: 32 Lowish count/motility IUI#1-3 = BFN (Clomid, Clomid-->Femara, Injects) IVF#1 ER on 9/24 19 ER/19 M/9 F w/ICSI Transferred a 5AA and a 5BB on 9/29 Beta 10/9 = 139 Beta 10/11 = 287
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    noelle24noelle24
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    edited December 2011
    Anne, I hate to say it, but every time you post something like this I get really concerned that you and your BF aren't on the same page about marriage.  You say you are thinking about marriage in 2 years.  Do you really think your BF will change his mind about marriage in that time? He might, but based on how strongly you say he feels about NOT getting married, I doubt it.It's natural to feel jealous.  But I just get the feeling that you are secretly trying to "wait it out" until your BF changes his mind about marriage, rather than accepting things the way they are. And if that's the case, I think you'll be in for a big shock in 2 years. 
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    AnneAndJJAnneAndJJ
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    edited December 2011
    Here's my problem with BF and the whole not getting married thing: Until everyone around me starting getting engaged, I truly was totally ok with it. I've known for most of our relationship that he doesn't want to get married, and I understand the reasons. Then, as people started getting engaged and married, it was like a constant reminder. I honestly don't see him ever changing his mind, but everyone around me constantly says they think he will, which also makes it harder. (There is one friend in particular who thinks it's funny to ask when we're getting married everytime we see him - I find it downright rude.) I honeslty, and I'm not saying this to make myself feel better, would be happy to get married, but I'd be happy not to as well. In my mind, it is an option, not a priority.  Oh, and I say 2 years just to throw a figure in there. I have 3-4 years left to get the degree I'm working on right now. And then another year to get the one after that, then I think I'll work for a while before going back to school again. If I'm going to get married, it wouldn't be until after I am done this degree, however I wouldn't want to have to plan a wedding in a short amount of time, if I was still in school. Right now, it seems like I'm going to be in school forever. All of this said, I'd rather not turn this thread into a reasons why bf doesn't want to get married, and how I feel about it. Everyone is entitled to their opinions about my life, but I feel like I end up repeating myself a lot when this topic comes up. And I have wayyy to much work to get done in the next few days to write essays like this haha.
    He pretty much had me at "hello".
    -- PS I agree with whatever Jeana said --
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    notquiteblushingnotquiteblushing member
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    edited December 2011
    That's fine we don't have to go there.  I don't want to lump you in with smilingtiger (sorry!) who should really just listen to her guy and leave already but I can see why it must suck to want to respect his opinion on marriage when you feel differently about it.What is your degree in?
    TTC since 07/11 Me: 32 AO PCOS/DH: 32 Lowish count/motility IUI#1-3 = BFN (Clomid, Clomid-->Femara, Injects) IVF#1 ER on 9/24 19 ER/19 M/9 F w/ICSI Transferred a 5AA and a 5BB on 9/29 Beta 10/9 = 139 Beta 10/11 = 287
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    TheFutureMrsM-LoungingBeachsideTheFutureMrsM-LoungingBeachside
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    edited December 2011
    Here's my problem with BF and the whole not getting married thing: Until everyone around me starting getting engaged, I truly was totally ok with it. I've known for most of our relationship that he doesn't want to get married, and I understand the reasons. Then, as people started getting engaged and married, it was like a constant reminder.If its what you truly want and are happy with thats fine- but please don't sacrifice something you want. 
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    jeanacorinajeanacorina
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    edited December 2011
    I totally feel for you. Took my FI over five years to propose, and every time someone got engaged, married, had a baby... there was this little piece of my brain that said "WHAT THE F---!"I told FI how I felt about it, because we're just that honest. He told me he wasn't proposing until he was good and ready, no matter what other people did or said he should do (EVERYONE wanted to know when he'd just get on with it already).He knew he wanted to spend his life with me, but I couldn't get our friends to understand why we were waiting, and sometimes I just wanted to scream "OKAY IT SUCKS WHEN YOU SHOW ME YOUR NEW RING AND I HAVE BEEN WITH MY BF YEARS LONGER!!!!"But really, I'm happy for all those friends. It was just tough.So, I get it. It must be harder for you because your BF may never want to be "official". But at least you guys are together, and happy. Forever doesn't start with a ring, it's happening right now.That's what I always said to myself, anyway.
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    Goldlie11Goldlie11
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    edited December 2011
    My concern would be children. Are you willing to have children with your bf? If you are comfortable with this and his not getting married, then don't worry about it. Also, some states have common law marriage, so eventually you may be considered married anyway.
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    AnneAndJJAnneAndJJ
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    edited December 2011
    Quick questions/comments I can answer without much thought. I like this. NQB: I am ultimately working towards my MSW (Master of Social Work), however right now I am still working on my BA (which is a major in Pre-Social Work, and a specialization in Human Resource Management, and is a slow process because I am enrolled in co-op, and I didn't go to University right after grade 12). After my BA, I have to get my BSW, then my MSW. So. Much. School. But I'm excited! MrsM: I feel like if I were to give up BF to get married (to someone else, obviously), I would be losing far more than I would be gaining. Jeana: I love you for saying "forever doesn't start with a ring, it's happening right now". Excellent insight! BF's logic, as of tonight, was that our love is better than those couples who are getting married. We're also brutally honest with one another, so I told him exactly what has been on my mind today. Also, Yay for you finally being engaged. We're all waiting on pics here!! And Goldlie: Yes, I would be willing to have children with him without being married, and we agree on that. We will be common law eventually (it still exists in Ontario as far as I know), but it's not quite the same.
    He pretty much had me at "hello".
    -- PS I agree with whatever Jeana said --
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    smiling_tiger04smiling_tiger04 member
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    edited December 2011
    I totally hear you! I cringe when i hear about others getting engaged when you've been with yours longer. It's normal and it sucks, but you'll get through it. I think the only thing worse is when they start asking you when you're getting married. I think sometimes that question stings more than anything, like they think you're weird or something must be wrong since you're not engaged yet.I know mine has some things he wants to do first before he settles down and we've been together 5 years now. He is making the last payment on his credit card in a couple and that was the major thing he wanted to do before getting married. I was feeling down about him not being ready yet, but he's moving in the right direction and he says he sees us getting married at 27 (about two years from now) so I can live with that timeline. I'm also in school, one year from finishing so it will be better to have it done before trying to plan. As long as you are happy where you are, that's what matters. (Sorry this was so long, I didn't realize it until now )
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    jeanacorinajeanacorina
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    edited December 2011
    Also, Yay for you finally being engaged. We're all waiting on pics here!!Haha, thanks. It's so funny people congrats me in their own threads. :DThere is a pic of my ring in the "I didn't need the chicken cake" thread, you just have to scroll down a bit. As soon as I'm able to take non-fuzzy, non-cell phone pics, I will most certainly share... but that's the best I could do for now.
    Anniversary
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    **Mutley****Mutley**
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    BF's logic, as of tonight, was that our love is better than those couples who are getting married. I truly don't follow this line of thinking.  So it doesn't make sense for you to get married because your love is superior to other people who are getting married?  I don't think you are a horrid, jealous hag.  However, I do agree with NQB and Noelle.  I think that your rants are increasing the longer you are here.  You do 'seem' to be at peace with how your bf feels, that is until someone else gets what you ultimately want.  I hope your jealousy subsides.  :/   
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    noelle24noelle24
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    edited December 2011
    Someday when you have more time, you'll have to explain your BF's reasons for not getting married.  Most of what you've told us on here just sounds like b.s. "Your love is stronger?" What does that have to do with anything? Marriage is beneath you or somehow getting married will make you love each other less? I just don't get it.  but I agree with Mutley.  I hope your jealousy subsides.
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    AnneAndJJAnneAndJJ
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    edited December 2011
    I'm feeling 100x better today! And am once again at peace with my life, the way it is.
    He pretty much had me at "hello".
    -- PS I agree with whatever Jeana said --
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