Not Engaged Yet

Just wondering

I have been reading what people are posting and I am just wondering if anyo of you have children or are thinking about them? Is that a reason to get married?

Re: Just wondering

  • mermadisonmermadison member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    A year or so ago, when I thought children were a necessity, I was feeling very rushed to get married, because I still wanted to travel and be a young hot mom and blah blah blah. I had a "timeline". I was a moron. I then had an epiphany: I would be a TERRIBLE mother. So no kids for me. I've felt relieved every day since we've had the "no kids" talk. And even though I know bf would make an amazing dad, he is perfectly happy to spend his money on videogames instead of dipers, and trips to Greece instead of college tuition. But that's just us. So to answer your questions: No to kids, and don't get married just because you're knocked up. The end.
  • edited December 2011
    A girl I work with has a 5-year-old son. She did not marry the kid's father, and the two of them have a good, friendly relationship. They broke up several years ago... but everything has worked out for the best.She's getting married to another guy this October, and she's happy.Just because two people have sex and oops a baby is on the way does NOT mean that the best decision is to get married. It means they are going to have a child and they both have to contribute to the care and well-being of that child.I also don't think that "I want a baby NOW NOW NOW" means you have to get married. Waiting to have kids is very responsible, and even if you're 35 and don't have a guy, there are lots of other options to marrying whoever you're with.Adoption, artificial insemination.... ever seen Baby Mama?No, babies and marriage don't HAVE to go together. For me, it was important only to have kids with the RIGHT guy at the RIGHT time. Even though I've wanted kids since I was 19. I've waited because I didn't have the right guy.
  • edited December 2011
    I want to have children.  I'm 30, and I'd like to do before 35.  I would not get married just to have kids, but since I have found a person I love and could see being the father of my kids, I'd like to marry him and do that :) And yep, you don't have to marry someone just because you had a child with them.  If my mom had married my sister's dad, I wouldn't be here.  And her and my mom would probably be pretty miserable.
  • edited December 2011
    I definitely want kids. For a long time I was so worried about the pain of labor, etc. that I honestly was willing to forego it for that reason alone. But after being around my goddaughter, I realized that I really want kids. I think I'm going to be a good mom, and I think BF will be a great dad. We've discussed it and if something were to happen (it won't because we don't take chances, but if it were to), then we'd get married. But we're also planning on getting married anyway. I would never have sex with a guy I couldn't see myself marrying. But that's just me; most people are different. I don't think getting pregnant is a reason to get married. I think it's nice if you were planning to get married anyway, but if you've been dating for a short time and aren't sure, or if it's a one night stand or something, that's different. You may end up being miserable with that person, and in turn subject the child to that environment and make them unhappy. It just seems like a bad decision to get married *solely* because you got pregnant. I would encourage the couple to spend time together to see if they could make it work for the long-term, and even if it didn't I fully believe that both parents should stay involved in the child's life (barring a court order because of mistreatment, etc.)
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  • edited December 2011
    It is nice tyo know that yall are not just jumping into marriage bc you want kids. I have 2 and I am not married yet. One is with my bf of 2 yrs. and the other well she might as well have been his. He has been her daddy even when we were friends. So like 3 almost 4 yrs. I just wanted to know if people were getting married bc of that. It is scary having kids but the greatest thing ever. I will say though dont rush to have then after you are married. Kids are a lot of time and work. Have you time as much you time as you can get. I have very little me time any more. I cant even go to the bathroon or take a shower without someone following me or calling me or crying. Just take your time.
  • trevette1981trevette1981 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I do not have any, but I want some soon. I'm 28 and I don't want to be too old having them.LOL That isn't the reason I want to get married, but I don't want to have kids without being married. I want to get married because I met the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. Actually before we started dating, I had just told a friend of mine if I never get married OR have kids, I'll be fine. If I do, I'll still be fine. I was content being single.Then I met him and I want to get married, TO HIM.Yes, kids are a huge responsibility. Reason why I don't have any yet. LOL. With being married, they'll be more security there.
  • edited December 2011
    Bf and I discussed this a little while ago. He and I would get married right away if I were to get pregnant. We love each other and we're planning to do it anyway. I'm not sure if I want children. If I do have children, I'll be an older mother. I'm not interested in have them anytime soon.
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