Not Engaged Yet

Dudes-- don't rush it

Okay! HI!!!We went to New Orleans for a couple of days, it was really fun. :)So, I've been engaged for a week, just casually looking for a place to have the wedding. Not like hardcore OMG I GOTTA GET STARTED PLANNING, but we're thinking June and I have been gathering ideas. Maybe Florida. Florida's nice.Anywho, so we did decide one thing: We're limiting our guest list to about 25 people. That's my parents & siblings, his parents & siblings, my 4 grandparents, his grandpa, and a few close friends (wedding party, basically).Easy, right? Nice, intimate, small. That's what we want. We'll have a big shindig with our huge families (about 18 aunts & uncles on each side, and a crap ton of cousins and family friends) a few months later.Well, my mom told me last night that she and my dad want me to let her know how much the budget would have to be if we invited aunts and uncles (no cousins) and they'd chip in the difference so that they could have everybody there.Well, then that would mean we'd have to invite FI's aunts and uncles, too (which I am sure his mom will want when he tells her we don't want to invite anyone).WTF. I have been engaged ONE WEEK and already all this family crap. "We want you to invite so-and-so to your intimate wedding in another state that you're doing specifically to keep things small." "Well, can't you just invite MY siblings, and not your aunt so-and-so, because my siblings aren't crazy.""Well, if his parents want to invite his aunts and uncles, they'll have to pay for that."*bang head on desk*I love my mom, truly I do. I am trying to explain to her that it's not the money, it's the idea of having 3x as many guests as we WANT.Moral of the story, ladies--- it ain't all rainbows and butterflies. Whatever you want is going to make somebody unhappy. So enjoy being blissfully unengaged, if only just for five minutes after reading this.And grow thicker skin, because knotties are nothing compared to mothers of the bride & groom.FI's mom wouldn't even congratulate him on our engagement, she just said "Well, I thought you were going to wait longer after buying the ring."BAH! He's already talking about eloping in a month or two. ONE WEEK PEOPLE.Be happy the way things are.

Re: Dudes-- don't rush it

  • edited December 2011
    Oh jeez, just tell your mom you're not thinking about that stuff yet. More importantly though, tell me everything about New Orleans!
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  • edited December 2011
    I don't post over here much, but this is pretty much what you can look forward to the rest of your engagement. It is a tough situation because you don't want upset your family. I had wanted to go get married the same way you described, but in Peurto Rico. I can tell you now about 6 months into planning I wish I had stuck to my guns. My FIL's (who are awesome by the way) have offered to help out with catering cost, because we explained we just couldn't afford it which is true. However I also really just do not want a big wedding its never how I evisioned my wedding. Our guest list of 70 max is now at 120 after cutting out a lot of people. We are inviting relatives we had to call other people to get phone numbers and addresses for. If we dont have phone #'s for them why are we inviting them? To make our parents happy thats why.
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  • edited December 2011
    I'm with NQB spill the details about your trip!!!And I'm sorry to hear that things are already a pain with the family.
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  • edited December 2011
    I think that you and your FI should stick to your guns. It's not only about money. If you and your FI want an intimate wedding with 25 people, then that is what you should have. Tell this to your mother (nicely of course). She'll probably respect your opinion. Good luck with everything.
  • edited December 2011
    She'll probably respect your opinion.Respect isn't really the issue. She RESPECTS my decision plenty. It's that my mom (who I love dearly and am probably more alike than I care to admit) only hears things she wants to.It's like, "Honey, I am going to get you a bowl of ice cream with sprinkles on top.""Can I just have ice cream without the sprinkles? I like it plain, mom.""Oh, ok. Are you sure? Because sprinkles make it rainbow and pretty!""Yes, mom. I'm sure I don't want sprinkles. Thanks, though.""Okay, then. You don't want sprinkles. No problem."*mom goes to kitchen and comes back with ice cream*"I put sprinkles on yours because they're just TOO adorable and I just love them! Don't you love sprinkles?"*headdesk*I love my mom. I miss her a lot (I live far away from her), but sometimes I would like her to remember that 5 minutes ago I explained that I don't want sprinkles. It's not that I'm anti-sprinkles, or that I don't like them. I just said "I don't want sprinkles" and she'll give them to me anyway.She just tries so hard to make everyone happy....... and this time, it's me in the middle of it and she knows darn well I don't give a flying rat crap whether my aunts and uncles are sad that I want a private wedding. But I WILL NOT just pick the "good ones" to invite and not the others.That's dumb. And still not what I want.But that is not the point--- I am not looking for advice (yet). I am pretty good at sticking to my guns. Especially with my mom. I just wanted to share this with all the NEY girls, because as soon as you get engaged and start planning, the proverbial sh*t will most likely hit the proverbial fan, so don't be deluded.And listen to the knotties. They know some stuff.
  • edited December 2011
    If someone is not listening to what you're saying, then they are not respecting your opinion. Just like your sprinkles story, if you don't want sprinkles, your mom should respect it and not give you sprinkles. Anyway, I was not trying to be offensive, just saying that you and your FI should have the wedding that you want. I'll give no more advice.
  • atlcatloveratlcatlover member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with the poster that said this is what you can expect for the rest of your engagement.  Weddings for some reason bring out the absolute worst in people.  I am a die hard planner and I hated every minute of wedding planning.  EVERYONE you encounter has an opinion of how and why things have to be done a certain way.  And learn to stick to your guns now, because you'll get a ton of requests for anything you can think of.  Make sure you and FI have the wedding you want to have.
  • edited December 2011
    I know, easier said than done, but in the end, it is you and your fiance's day, and you need to do what will make you happy. If you want a small, intimate destination wedding, then that's what you need to do. If your fam insists on inviting all the extended relatives and family friends, suggest that they throw you an reception-style party in your hometown after the fact. On a different note, if you decide to go with Florida and need advice on the Fort Lauderdale or Florida Keys areas, let me know, would be happy to lend advice! :)

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  • edited December 2011
    Jeana you often crack me up, and this is no exception! thanks for reminding us to enjoy the un-engaged time now, lol! Good luck.
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