meet the parents

skichica622

BF and I will have been together 4 years in Jan, living together since July, *hopefully* engaged around our anniversary. Our families live about 1.5 hours apart, not too bad, but I am dragging my feet when it comes to our parents meeting. Now that we are living together, both sides are hinting that they'd like to meet each other. I think they'll get along great, I just am curious about whose house should it be at or should it be at a restaurant. And who arranges it, me and my BF? So share your stories! Have your families met? How did it go?

mermadison

How comfortable are both sets of parents with you "living in sin"? If they don't care, spruce up your place and have it there. It can serve as sort of a "neutral ground" for everyone. Otherwise, dinner at a restaurant might be your best bet. My mom is...difficult...so there hasn't really been an official meet-and-greet.

jeanacorina

Mine haven't met yet, due to being in different areas of the country. However, when my mom comes to visit in November, I plan to invite my FMIL out to lunch with me and my mom.I think meeting on neutral ground, like at a restaurant, is best. Or invite everyone to your house for dinner. That's another good option.I don't really know who traditionally arranges it, one of the moms is supposed to call the other once their kids are engaged... but tradition only goes so far. Parents aren't always paying for kids' weddings, and kids don't always live with their parents until they're married, etc. So, I think you should do the talking.

tiiiffffff

I agree that if both sets of parents are completely comfortable with you and your BF living together then have them over to your house for dinner. If you are comfortable with his parents then I think you should go ahead and call everyone and arrange it, if you're not as close with them then tell your BF to invite them over. Our parents have actually became pretty good friends.. but we all live within 15 minutes of eachother. They first met about a year ago, we all went out to dinner for my BF's birthday. Luckily our parents are very similar and everything went great.I say have them over though because I think the most memorable and best time we had with everyone getting together was the first time they came to our house. There was definitely more of just a family feeling having everyone sit down for a dinner you've made.Good luck whatever you decide.

notquiteblushing

Our parents finally met a few weeks ago and it went great or at least better than the many nightmares I had in nervous anticipation.  Originally we had planned to go to a neutral location in between where they live but it kept getting rescheduled.  In the end we did it at my parent's house because it was informal and we wouldn't be rushed like we would at a restaurant.  Also it allowed them to chat about the wedding since we're engaged.  I like the idea of having them come to you guys though. 

Acrosthec

Ours met at my parents' house.  BF's parents were going to my hometown to shop the next day and were planning to stay the night, so we tried to set up a restaurant to eat dinner at.  Unfortunately most restaurants are closed on Christmas night (go figure), so my parents said they could come to their house and eat.  It went alright.  My dad and his aunt have differing political views, so now we know not to seat them together anymore.  It was a fun night, other than that one hard-learned lesson.

traciecook

My parents met his when they were in town visiting for Christmas last year. His parents live in town and mine don't. We decided to go the resturant route for neutral ground (we live together too). It was honestly the most boring dinner ever. All they did was talk about our pets the entire time, avoiding any possible bad topics, I guess. My parents are very different from his so I guess it's one thing that had in common.The one thing about the resturant is decide in advance who is paying. I knew my parents would pay because they are like that, but looking back I think BF and I should have paid. Oh well!GL!

MidniteRae

Our families met at me and my BF's house for a superbowl party last year. I was beyond stressed about it. Our families are quite different. But they seemed to get along. You and your BF should arrange it. I would say either at your house or at a restaurant. Good luck with it and be sure to post about it(if you want) afterwards.

ffmaid

It should either be at your house or a public space. you and Fi need to pay to avoid any alkward power struggle over who pays ect

jeanacorina

When you say "power struggle" I picture Godzilla vs. King Kong.Just sayin'.

NcsuPsych

My FI family is from Conn. and mine from NC, 3 hours from where we live . . when his family was down here a couple months we all met up at the zoo  (Our younger siblings were coming along) so it was a fun place for them to play, but also a comfortable area for parents to talk. My FI and I arranged it. I'd say it went rather well. Both families would have liked to have spent more time getting to know each other, but since his family is 14 hours from us, its a little hard. Good Luck!

KD+BC

My dad knew his parents before I even new my bf (my dad is a teacher and had his brother and sister in elementary school). That being said, I agree with pp, your place if everyone will be comfortable. If not, try to pick a casual restaurant so everyone is comfortable and DEFINITELY pay for it yourselves. Enjoy and GL!

skichica622

Thanks everyone! Yeah both sets are fine with us "living in sin" but our apartment isn't quite big enough for all of us at once. It never occured to me that there might be awkwardness about who pays at the restaurant, so thanks for that advice!! I feel like I'm leaning towards having his parents over at my parent's house because my dad loves to cook for people. We'll see, I'll keep everyone posted!!

ffmaid

If Fil come to parents place that puts your parents as the hosts and the FIL as guests which is an unequal starting point. If you can in any way shape of form have them meet as equals, ie either your place or a public place where you pay, then you fail to have the unequal aspect of who is fiscally in charge and in the home court and things will go better. FYI I went out to dinner with my sister and parents and sisters mother and father in laws this weekend even after their being married about 4 years there was a power grab for who would be the host and pay and thus be the one in control of the evening. NOt good and not a good place to put your FIL in for first meeting