WWYD: Speak up or keep your mouth shut?

Button5807

I tossed and turned all last night thinking about this and it's still bothering me today so I figured maybe you guys can give me some advice. A close friend of mine who is in a long term relationship confessed to me that she spent all yesterday afternoon planning an affair with her married friend who she used to hook up with in college, but it was only in jest to pass the time during a boring afternoon at work. If she found out that her BF was doing the exact same thing (even in jest) she'd completely flip out and be devastated. I know it's not actually any of my business but I feel like I should say something to her. Part of me wonders if it's not 100% in jest because on a few intoxicated occasions she's complained to me about her BFs low sex drive.What would you do?

pinkpinot

I'd definitely keep my mouth shut & try to stay out of it.  Maybe it was a one time thing, maybe not.  You could always tell her that you aren't comfortable hearing about this because you are friends with her boyfriend.  I just wouldn't want to be caught in the middle if something did happen.

Button5807

Yeah, that's kind of what I was thinking as I was typing this. I don't like passing judgment on others but last night I was sort of reviewing her relationship history since I've known her and her boyfriends tend to overlap, I thought about maybe pointing this out to her.I'm pretty hormonal this week though, hence looking for other takes on the situation.

pinkpinot

Another reason to not be involved, the guy is married! That's horrible. 

jeanacorina

I'd tell her I don't agree with her morals, I'll never see that as OK, and she should not talk to me about things like that because it makes me want to smack her.That's what I told my friend who can't keep her pants on. I hardly speak to her now because I can't bring myself to answer her phone calls. I lost a lot of respect for her.If you want to keep your friendship, you better tell her NOW, before she tells you about the next fantasy affair she has. Or real one. Whichever.

Button5807

Jeana, I think that fact that I could literally feel myself losing respect for her is what was keeping me up last night. :-(I think I'll "man up" when she gets online today and just copy and past what you wrote.

Acrosthec

I'd probably just keep my mouth shut and distance myself this time around.  I say "this time around" because this has happened to me before.In the thread below I talked about my college roommate who's engagement was broken off.  Well, about 2 months or so before it got broken off, she confessed to me that she didn't know if she was over her ex, and sometimes thought about whether she needed to hook up with him one last time to make sure she was over him.  This was while she was engaged to another guy who I was friends with.  I told her it was a bad move and that she shouldn't do it, and she said "You're right, ok."Two months later, it came out that she had *not* taken my advice.  And this was after her fiance had come to me and asked if anything was up.  I had told him that she had told me nothing had happened, and that I had no reason not to believe her because she'd never lied to me before.  He got furious at me because he thought I'd lied to him.  Luckily in the end I got him to believe me that she was the one who lied and not me, but I really wished I had just stayed out of it completely.I might actually consider mentioning something to her, but I would never become the mouthpiece between the couple.  If it came to him asking me what was going on, I would tell him to speak with her.  And in that case, he's going to know something's up, so it may be easier if you just didn't get involved at all.  Then you would be ignorant of the entire situation and it would make them work it out themselves without you feeling guilty because you knew something was up.

Acrosthec

I should add that while I am still friends with both of them, I'm probably better friends with the guy.  The girl and I are still working on getting back to where we were.  She has a lot to do to show me she's worthy of my trust and respect again, because she knows I don't approve of what she did and that I was p!ssed at her for lying to me and getting me in the middle.

pinkpinot

I would never become the mouthpiece between the couple^ this.  That is what I mean by staying out of it.  Of course try to talk some sense into your friend but don't go back and forth with her boyfriend.

Button5807

Yeah I would never say anything to him, that thought actually hadn't even crossed my mind.

Acrosthec

I wouldn't have said anything to him if he hadn't asked, but then again, we were all close college friends, so he felt comfortable asking me.  Her BF may not feel comfortable enough to put you in the position of knowledge giver.  Be thankful.It would've been a whole lot easier if I'd just been able to shrug my shoulders and truthfully tell him that I had no idea.  Instead, I passed on a lie thinking it was the truth, and that made it so much worse.

Button5807

Acro I've been in situations like that before and it sucks so much. I've pretty much sworn off playing match maker among my friends to avoid being in the middle because it's happened too many times before.

Acrosthec

And the font is crazy-time.

pinkpinot

I'm sober but this DRUNK READING

jeanacorina

WTF is up with this font? lol

Button5807

The crazy font size was my fault (fixed it), but the color is pinks doing.

pinkpinot

Everything I touch turns to pink. 

Button5807

I'm not sure i can let you into the bakery then...would pink chicken cakes be a good sell?

pinkpinot

Oh Button, I decided to one "up" you in the sig department.  Behold a $7.99 wine, in PINK.

Button5807

But I could get 2 bottles for that much and Jeana didn't write a song about $7.99 wine.

notquiteblushing

I definitely wouldn't say anything.  She was just having an fantasy.  I have some myself.  But I wouldn't act on them, that's why they are called 'fantasies.'

Button5807

NQB - Is it still just a fantasy when she's "planning" it with another person?

notquiteblushing

Oh wait, I thought she was planning it in her mind.  She was actually conspiring with the guy?  That's no good.

Button5807

Yeah...she claims they were just "planning" in jest, but I don't know...

loopy82

Oh how I love wine! Back to the original question, do you know this married man? Do you think he would go along with the affair idea? I just ask because that is something that would take two people, and if married man is a stand up guy and wouldn't do it, I guess your friend wouldn't get to far. Maybe ask your friend if maybe she should break it off with bf? In my mind if you are planning on cheating you probably shouldn't be in the relationship.

pinkpinot

Jeana's song is beautiful.  That was a one up fail.Speaking of fantasies.  I'm having one right now that it's Friday...

notquiteblushing

I think that is worthy of a "biitch you crazy" then.

**Mutley**

I agree with NQB. I am very honest with my friends. They know not to tell me something unless they want a real answer/response. I would start out with a sarcastic comment, and then if the hint was not taken, I would be very blunt about what I thought of her behavior.

Button5807

I met the guy once in college when he visited her on campus for one of their romps. So I can't really speak on if he's a stand up guy or not...but the fact that he's married and having these conversations with her doesn't speak well, to me at least.I'm waiting for her to get online, if I don't say something I'll slowly drive myself insane.

loopy82

I took too long on writing my post and therefore did not see that he was in on the planning before I posted. Ok, yes that would also tell me he is not a stand up guy. Well if nothing else I guess your friend will have to live and learn...  and hopefully not drive you insane while she does so.

Chunkobutt

might want to throw around the fact that in some places she could be sued for "breaking up his marriage."