I need the wisdom of NEY

Battletoads

You all are mature, intelligent women, so perhaps you can help me with this. Ill try and condense it  :P

 About a year and a half ago, I moved up to Northern California from Santa Barbara for school. When I left, I was confident that everything would be fine. Ive never had problems making friends in the past, so I saw it as a new adventure.

Well, Its been a year and a half, and I still have no friends outside of work (and my work friends are pretty much all guys, so its not like i can hang out with them all the time). It seems like all the people in my classes dont really want to talk to a new person. As if they have enough friends, and just dont need any more.

The area Im in is also pretty big, its like LA. There are tons of little sub-towns around, and I have yet to find any places where young women seem to hang out. I even applied to 3 different clubs at school, 4 different times, and heard nothing from any of them. Im running out of idea for making friends!

Do any of you lovely ladies have experience with this? How did you solve this 'lack of friends' in a new area problem? Any advice is appeciated  

swhite2012

I have never been the kind of person to have a bunch of friends except for in high school. Most of my better friends now are guys. It's just how I am, and I'm ok with it. If you really want to make more friends, I would keep trying to join new things like you have been. Also, maybe you come across shy to your classmates and that's why you have a hard time interacting with them.  Other than that, I'm probably not a ton of help =(

Battletoads

I have a lot of really cool guy friends back home, its just that all the guy friends I have up here are married! I feel odd hanging out alone with a married man, ykwim?

Youre probably right, though, Im sure I do come across shy. Im also a little weird in my likes, so its a little harder to find girls my age who have the same interests. Thanks for the input though!  

bethsmiles

I know exactly what you are going through. I've been living in Colorado for 2 years now and have yet to make any friends outside of class or work. I'm trying to be more outgoing but it's pretty hard for me. You could try joining a gym or if you are religious try finding a church you like.

For what it's worth I feel like we could be friends if we lived anywhere near each other I actually feel like I could be good friends with a lot of the ladies on here if we only lived closer!

Battletoads

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_i-need-the-wisdom-of-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:117eb046-eac5-4725-9d66-918cb1c63a3bPost:3b3a6748-038f-48e2-83e8-43b66c7fe780">Re: I need the wisdom of NEY</a>:
[QUOTE]I know exactly what you are going through. I've been living in Colorado for 2 years now and have yet to make any friends outside of class or work. I'm trying to be more outgoing but it's pretty hard for me. You could try joining a gym or if you are religious try finding a church you like. <strong>For what it's worth I feel like we could be friends if we lived anywhere near each other :)</strong> I actually feel like I could be good friends with a lot of the ladies on here if we only lived closer!
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I have joined a gym, and I swear, it is entirely populated by old ladies! haha! And sadly, Im not very religious, and the only religion I would really like to explore is Taoism, and the closest temple is in San Fran!</div><div>I feel the same way about being your friend irl! Youre a really awesome person! There really are some cool ladies on here, and i get a little sad when i see where theyre located  :<</div><div>Its also hard to be outgoing when you dont know where the heck to go, you know what i mean?  :P</div>

bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_i-need-the-wisdom-of-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:117eb046-eac5-4725-9d66-918cb1c63a3bPost:8742af2d-aec9-48c7-976b-d8c1051bb3b5">Re: I need the wisdom of NEY</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need the wisdom of NEY : I have joined a gym, and I swear, it is entirely populated by old ladies! haha! And sadly, Im not very religious, and the only religion I would really like to explore is Taoism, and the closest temple is in San Fran! I feel the same way about being your friend irl! Youre a really awesome person! There really are some cool ladies on here, and i get a little sad when i see where theyre located  :< <strong>Its also hard to be outgoing when you dont know where the heck to go, you know what i mean?  :P</strong>
Posted by Battletoads[/QUOTE]

Totally. It is way harder to meet people than it should be!

Battletoads

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_i-need-the-wisdom-of-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:117eb046-eac5-4725-9d66-918cb1c63a3bPost:2f5cdaf9-b467-4a78-9500-40424caf886e">Re: I need the wisdom of NEY</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need the wisdom of NEY : Totally. It is way harder to meet people than it should be!
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

<div>Seriously! I feel like its because college isnt like high school. Youre magnetized to certain people in high school, but in college, youre way more focused on school. I almost feel like Im trying to ask someone out. The rejection of someone who you want to be friends with is so scary!  XD</div>

ravenray

Are you going to school in Sacramento?

I am also not very good at making friends but since you are going to school do you have a major that you can hang out with people who like that.  I find that helps and you can move on from there.

If you are in Sac I can see what I can find out for you.

kpdun84

I totally know what you mean. I have no friends outside of my cousins... It really makes me sad.

Battletoads

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_i-need-the-wisdom-of-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:117eb046-eac5-4725-9d66-918cb1c63a3bPost:0f29e46b-b963-43c6-91da-a74e9011abd4">Re: I need the wisdom of NEY</a>:
[QUOTE]Are you going to school in Sacramento? I am also not very good at making friends but since you are going to school do you have a major that you can hang out with people who like that.  I find that helps and you can move on from there. If you are in Sac I can see what I can find out for you.
Posted by ravenray[/QUOTE]

<div>I am in Sacramento! Im currently at ARC, but CRC is where i will be going in August to start the Veterinary Technician program. I had made one friend last semester in Biology, but we werent super close. Biology was one of the few things we truly had in common.</div><div>I would REALLY appreciate any help you can offer!</div>

ravenray

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_i-need-the-wisdom-of-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:117eb046-eac5-4725-9d66-918cb1c63a3bPost:ffc829f8-db68-4602-b8e4-c0d7fb5b83aa">Re: I need the wisdom of NEY</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need the wisdom of NEY : I am in Sacramento! Im currently at ARC, but CRC is where i will be going in August to start the Veterinary Technician program. I had made one friend last semester in Biology, but we werent super close. Biology was one of the few things we truly had in common. I would REALLY appreciate any help you can offer!
Posted by Battletoads[/QUOTE]
That is really funny. I am taking a class at ARC too. I would say now that you are going to be in a program make sure you makes friends within that group.  I think It's harder to make friends at a JC, because people come and go so often.  I'll ask some of my friends at ARC to tell me what they know.  I don't live in Sac so I don't really know where to go.  Do you like to dance?

Battletoads

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_i-need-the-wisdom-of-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:117eb046-eac5-4725-9d66-918cb1c63a3bPost:a756e3d3-4336-4216-8434-8fd7e780c37e">Re: I need the wisdom of NEY</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need the wisdom of NEY : That is really funny. I am taking a class at ARC too. I would say now that you are going to be in a program make sure you makes friends within that group.  I think It's harder to make friends at a JC, because people come and go so often.  I'll ask some of my friends at ARC to tell me what they know.  I don't live in Sac so I don't really know where to go.  Do you like to dance?
Posted by ravenray[/QUOTE]

<div>How funny! I do think Ill make friends in the tech program, but thats months away. Ive been feeling really alone, so i thought id try and be more proactive with my friend-hunt! And i appreciate you asking for me!  :)</div><div>I do like to dance, but I dont know how to do it very well! Ive always wanted to take classes, like for swing dancing, but BF is NOT a dancer, so I havent really found the chance!</div>

ravenray

You NEED to take him or go by yourself to Midtown Stomp.  From 8-9 they teach you how to dance then from 9-12 they have a dance.  The guys there are generally very good about dancing with you and being patient.  I love that place and it is a blast.  Do you have any other interests?

Battletoads

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_i-need-the-wisdom-of-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:117eb046-eac5-4725-9d66-918cb1c63a3bPost:9351ca77-ae8f-4ed2-9f87-eb20e3bd9949">Re: I need the wisdom of NEY</a>:
[QUOTE]You NEED to take him or go by yourself to Midtown Stomp.  From 8-9 they teach you how to dance then from 9-12 they have a dance.  The guys there are generally very good about dancing with you and being patient.  I love that place and it is a blast.  Do you have any other interests?
Posted by ravenray[/QUOTE]

<div>That sounds like so much fun! Hes gonna get dragged there no matter what  >:)</div><div>I love to do crafts, and i loooove to make jewelry. I was in a jewelry making class for 3 years. I also like to hike and just kind of explore. My coworkers tell me that Auburn is one of the most amazing places for hiking trails, so ive always wanted hike up there and go fishing for crawdads  :P</div><div>I also love movies, video games, board games..... I kind of like a little bit of everything! How about you?</div>

ravenray

I also happen to work for the Forest Service so if you ever want advice on places to hike, I have got them. I wouldn't say Aubrun is the best place for hiking but fishing it does have.

Have you tried Meetup.com?  A bunch of girls on here have used it quite successfully.  I know they have hiking groups and such.

I love to hike, read, ride horses, and play games.  I am not very good at my interests off the top of my head lol.  

Battletoads

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_i-need-the-wisdom-of-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:117eb046-eac5-4725-9d66-918cb1c63a3bPost:9513fcb6-3e90-49a1-8801-106176aee7ba">Re: I need the wisdom of NEY</a>:
[QUOTE]I also happen to work for the Forest Service so if you ever want advice on places to hike, I have got them. I wouldn't say Aubrun is the best place for hiking but fishing it does have. Have you tried Meetup.com?  A bunch of girls on here have used it quite successfully.  I know they have hiking groups and such. I love to hike, read, ride horses, and play games.  I am not very good at my interests off the top of my head lol.  
Posted by ravenray[/QUOTE]

<div>Thats so cool, I would love some of the good hiking trails! I was looking around online today and the hiking sites kind of fail  -_-</div><div>I also JUST discovered Meetup.com last night! I googled 'like dating sited but for friends', lol! I think i found some cool groups, and I joined one so far.</div><div>I love reading too. For the longest time, I always kept a book on me, at any given time, and I just read nonstop. Horseback riding is one of those things that Ive always wanted to do, but I just havent gotten the practice in. My coworkers wife has horses and for a while she was showing me the ropes of owning one and riding, but then I got buried in schoolwork  :C</div>

ravenray

Ya I am more then happy to help. Let me know what you like to do and I can tell you what a good fit would be.

Reading is excellent.  Maybe join a book club? That might be a good way to make some friends.

Battletoads

I love forests. I am never more happy than when Im in a forest, and I find a little river or a little pond to swim in or wade through. I also love wildlife, and quail in particular. If you know of any trails that are frequented by Valley Quail, let me know!  

Great idea on the book club, Im gonna check around on Meetup to see if theres any local ones  

JaniV123

i know exactly how you feel in all senses. i have tried to make new friends and it seems hard. my likes are unconventional but im in an oppoiste aspect. im in a relationship, have been for 5 years, and most of the people around me are single. so yea. i say do give up, keep trying new things, and do not try to be someone you are not. people who are worthy will like you for who you are no matter you likes

thejucheidea

I met all of my friends protesting and my hookah-tea-and-bitch friend at work.

Those are all of my friends.

Vintagelove4

Hey I lived in Santa Barbra when I was little!! All of the advise has been really good. You might also want to try frequenting a coffee shop in your area. That's what I did and you'd be surprised at how many usuals there are in the college-student age group.

Battletoads

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_i-need-the-wisdom-of-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:117eb046-eac5-4725-9d66-918cb1c63a3bPost:4cea3015-78be-4e84-b6de-fd81ce2534ed">Re: I need the wisdom of NEY</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey I lived in Santa Barbra when I was little!! All of the advise has been really good. You might also want to try frequenting a coffee shop in your area. That's what I did and you'd be surprised at how many usuals there are in the college-student age group.
Posted by Lilyrose4242[/QUOTE]
Thats so cool! how long ago?  :D<div>And thats a VERY good idea, with the coffee shops. What gets me, though, is that all the cool coffee shops are in downtown sac, 30 min away. Its kind of a commute just to lurk a coffee shop  :P</div><div>Time to start the search for something besides starbucks around here!  :D</div>

jorja86

I hear you. I never had a problem making friends in high school or college...there are plenty of similarly aged people around. It's been a lot harder now that I'm a "grown up" to make new friends. I have made a couple of good friends at work, and I'd also recommend checking out meetup.com. Good luck, I know it's tough.

Battletoads

Thanks for the luck! I appreciate it!  

peekaboo2011

I love Sac.  Unfortunately, I've been gone for so long I'm no help. 

One of my BFFs is in Rio Linda though.  That's all I've got.

Battletoads

I wish I loved it! Its been so long without friends, Im kind of starting to resent it  :C

orangehills

I live in Sac! I feel you- I have a few friends outside of work that I've known a long time, and that's it. It's hard to meet new people! There are meet up groups here- check out meetup.com- Sac has a 20s/30s group of women that meet up a lot who are cool, I've done it before.  Are you meeting people in classes? Are there clubs at school? I don't know if you are religious at all, but church is always a good place to meet people too. I'm in the same boat though- I think it's harder making new friends than dating lol

doubleSS07

I'm in Sac too!  I'm a transplant from the Bay Area though and I have found it REALLY hard to make friends with some of the girls here.  I did make a new friend at the gym but even that took a year of being in the same class to get going LOL  I think it's this town..it's just weird.  If you guys want to hike I'd be down.  I haven't found any great spots around here but I hear spring is the best time and my BF is not an "outdoorsman" 

We do however frequent the bars and restaurants so if you want any ideas on good places to chill out with a drink or go out to dinner let me know.  We're in to craft beer and wine so we've all kinds of cute little places to go.  I didn't realize there were so many of us in the same area!

orangehills

I'm thinking maybe there needs to be a small, Sac get together. For all of us who live here but don't know tons of other people! Sounds like a good idea to me

helloblueeyes

I'm in Sac.

FI went to ARC up until recently. It might be the school, I didn't really make any friends at FLC and i was there for 5 years or so. And ARC is not exactly the nicest JC or inhabited by the nicest people or in the nicest area. Most of my current friends are from work, but we share common interests or weirdness. I will totally agree it's hard to make friends in this town but that the best way is find something that you like doing and interact with people there.

Battletoads

Orangehills: I think youre right, we need a sac town meet-up! I found that womens group and applied, still waiting to be accepted! It looks like fun! Ive met a few people at school that seem nice, but none of them really keep in touch once the class is over.

Double: Yeah, this city is just kind of....not friendly. I dont know what it is, it just doesnt seem like people want to get to know you. Isnt that crazy that there happens to be so many NEYers in sac? I cant believe it! Ill definitely ask you about some cool places to eat and drink, BF would love that! and I would definitely be down for hiking, we all really should get together sometime for a mini-meetup  

Blueeyes: Youre very right. ARC really isnt the best place with the friendliest people. Im glad Im not crazy, and Im not the only one who sees this! Im gonna keep up with the hobbies, maybe Ill find friends soon!