name change vent

KatyRoseM

Sorry to vent, I just need to get it out. 

So I decided to take DH's last name because it was important to us to have the same last name, and it would have been really hurtful to his family if he changed his (he is adopted and this made me think they might feel that changing his name was a bigger deal, some adopted families seem to think the name is what makes them family). 

When I first told two of my friends they berated me for changing it because it wasn't as cool a name.  They had a half hour conference call with me about how it was a bad idea and making fun of my new name.  Now they continue to do this.  I'm getting really annoyed at this point.  Seriously, it's my choice.  No its not an ethnic name like my maiden name was, but its my name now, get over it!  My family didn't have any problem with this, why is it their business anyway?

(edited because I'm KUI and hit post too soon)

bethsmiles

How rude of them. Next time you should just tell them to STFU. It isn't any of their business.

kaitlynmichelle

Wow, that was really rude of them.  It is absolutely none of their business and I can't believe they would actually say that to you!  And not a "cool" name?  Lame.  I'd be telling them off.

KatyRoseM

I tried talking to one of them, and she got all defensive and such.  I'm just sick of them making fun of it.  And your right it's none of their business.  I just don't know how to tell them to stop without being rude or mean. 

cu97tiger

Here's how you tell them 'Stop being rude and mean.'

Seriously, though. Friends should understand that 1) you don't get to choose what the love of your life's last name is and 2) you made a choice and they should respect that.

Sorry you're having to put up with that! I can't wait to change my last name. My maiden name is one of the three most common last names in America, so tons of people have my last name. I'll gladly take FI's name!

KatyRoseM

My name was uncommon and now is not, but as you said it's my choice.  I'm also annoyed that when we talked about it instead of talking about the reasons I was changing it they just mocked my new name. 

Sorry, at this point I'm just being whiny. 

kaitlynmichelle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_name-change-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:17288d32-8913-47b0-aa60-d7a66a91520cPost:d887aa58-771e-421f-8bc8-cde52710f221">Re: name change vent</a>:
[QUOTE]Here's how you tell them 'Stop being rude and mean.' Seriously, though. Friends should understand that 1) you don't get to choose what the love of your life's last name is and 2) you made a choice and they should respect that. Sorry you're having to put up with that! I can't wait to change my last name. <strong>My maiden name is one of the three most common last names in America, so tons of people have my last name. I'll gladly take FI's name!</strong>
Posted by cu97tiger[/QUOTE]

<div>I will gladly be changing my name whenever I get married as it is also one of the most common names out there, and I don't like it.</div><div>
</div><div>OP - I don't blame you for being upset about that, I would be too.  I'd just tell them (politely if you want) that you don't feel its any of their business, and their comments hurt your feelings.  Then change the subject.</div>

AudgiePodge

Tell them to grow the eff up.

thelamarrs

Instead of making fun of you and mocking your new name, they should be excited and congratulating you on your marriage! 

In my opinion, you have the right to be mean or rude to them but you're being the better friend by trying not to be.

Elle1036

Ugh, sorry Katy.  That's lame of your friends.

It's totally your decision.  Nobody gets to make you feel about it.

alanna91

Not a "cool" name. Ugh, they're acting like children.
Sorry they made you feel bad
It's the name you're sharing with DH, and if they don't like they can blow off.

ravenray

I would punch them.  And tell them that bullies stop happening in high school. I would also tell them that it is too bad that they don't like your new last name.  It is yours and not theirs if they don't like it they can shove their unwanted opinions somewhere unpleasant.  I would also stop talking to them until they apologize.

 

*Hugs*  I am so sorry you are dealing with this!  If you lived close I would come beat them for you!

KatyRoseM

Thanks so much for listening and being so supportive.  I may just tell them to shut up about it, I just don't want to be an over reacting b1tch

peekaboo2011

They be the bitches.  It's totally your choice, and you should do what you think is right.

If it makes you feel better, my future monogram is doomed.  My married initials will be BM and with my and his first names we're B&J.  You can't avoid the dirty jokes that will come from it.

[Deleted User]

When was it a friend's decision to decide which of you takes the other's name? NEVER! They should realize that! I am so sorry that they are making fun of your new last name if it makes you feel any better, my current name translates to "sweaty man", growing up I never heard the end of it.  I can't wait to get fiance's last name!

NurseyK

I call bullshit.

A phone conference?! Seriously?! Who are they... you're friends, or a bunch of judgmental people you claim are your friends? Don't take this crap. Here is what I would tell them: "You're being rude. I love (fiance) and have been waiting for this moment to be Mrs. (fiance's last name). I love being Mrs (fiance's last name) and am really happy in my life. Please stop your comments, they are hurting our friendship."

If they won't stop, I'll be your friend, even if you're new name is Mrs. ImAbigC.

desertsun

Get new friends.

Barring that, tell them it's none of their fvcking business.

Barring that, tell them "Thanks for caring. Now please respect my right to make this choice for myself. It's not okay for you to say anything remotely negative about my and my husband's last name."

SKP82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_name-change-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:17288d32-8913-47b0-aa60-d7a66a91520cPost:669954ee-ca43-4e78-977e-f1fee5b335d7">Re: name change vent</a>:
[QUOTE]My name was uncommon and now is not, but as you said it's my choice.  I'm also annoyed that when we talked about it instead of talking about the reasons I was changing it <strong>they just mocked my new name</strong>.  Sorry, at this point I'm just being whiny. 
Posted by KatyRoseM[/QUOTE]

This is ridiculously childish!  Would you have been friends with them when you 1st met them if they mocked your name at that time?  Sounds like they're starting to show their true colors when you do something they don't agree with.

I would absolutely say something to them.  Ask them how they would feel if you did that to them.  And tell them their behavior is unacceptable and you will not take them mocking your new husband's name.

[Deleted User]

I'm so sorry your "friends" reacted this way. I would feel really hurt if my friends did that. I think you should confront them individually and tell them that as your friend you expect them to drop the teasing. You've made a very personal choice - who are they to judge that?

Hazel_B

I don't think you are being whiny at all. They are being rude and insensitive and it is upsetting to you.

I think you have every right to make a harsh comment in return. Do they understand they are essentially mocking your family now?

becunning2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_name-change-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:17288d32-8913-47b0-aa60-d7a66a91520cPost:839922c3-4b76-4818-b62d-34cd7ec56856">Re: name change vent</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think you are being whiny at all. They are being rude and insensitive and it is upsetting to you.
Posted by Hazel_B[/QUOTE]

This. Their behavior is totally and wholly unacceptable. Do not let people treat you like that. Ever.

KatyRoseM

Thanks all, I'm just so hurt.  We were all really close in collage and I think whoever said they are showing their true colors might be right.  I'll talk to them next time either of them does this.  It sucks when friends end up like that. 

amsmith1989

That's so upsetting =(  I know some people aren't into the whole name change situation, but I think it's very exciting.  I really hope they clean their act up; as long as you're happy, your friends should be happy for you.

KatyRoseM

I wouldn't even mind having an actual discussion about name changing, its interesting and people often have good points.  They arn't opposed to everyone changing names, in fact when some other friends of ours got married they thought she should change her name.  I don't get it, maybe its because they were closer to him then her and somehow that made a difference.  Or it really could be that they just don't like our name.  (Its not an objectionable name really, its very common, I don't get why they wouldn't like it).  Anyway I'm just venting more, thanks for listening. 

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_name-change-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:17288d32-8913-47b0-aa60-d7a66a91520cPost:f799d26b-3f4d-4bbb-9d2e-2c82c59d8418">Re: name change vent</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't even mind having an actual discussion about name changing, its interesting and people often have good points.  They arn't opposed to everyone changing names, in fact when some other friends of ours got married they thought she should change her name.  I don't get it, maybe its because they were closer to him then her and somehow that made a difference.  Or it really could be that they just don't like our name.  (Its not an objectionable name really, its very common, I don't get why they wouldn't like it).  Anyway I'm just venting more, thanks for listening. 
Posted by KatyRoseM[/QUOTE]

What's funny is that when I originally read your thread title last night, I thought your post was going to be about one of the headaches that normally goes along with the name changing (like fighting with the social security office or DMV or something).  So I was totally going to come on here and say, jokingly "see, that's just another reason you should keep your name."

Then I read your post and felt guilty that I was even going to joke about it.

Honestly, I plan to keep my name, and I feel like I may end up getting crap about that.  In my part of the world, it's very rare that women keep their names completely.  Many move their maiden name to their middle name, but their last name almost always becomes their husband's.  And I know how upset I would be if people belittled my choice, so it sucks that you're dealing with that.

KatyRoseM

Not changing your name is totally valid.  It sucks that either way you get comments.  I got one from a boss that I wasn't supporting women enough, and one from my mother that it was rude to not change your name.  Neither of those really bothered me because I could have a rational discussion about it and they were adult about it.  Its a hot button topic and I get that. 

lilphillips14

That sucks Katy. Hopefully if you just give them a stern talking to, they'll come about. 

Changing your name or not is your own personal decision, and your friends should be supportive of your decision whether they agree or not. Giving silly reasons about it is well, silly.