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I'm sure I'll be flamed like crazy..

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Re: I'm sure I'll be flamed like crazy..

  • noelle24noelle24
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Nothing said here was all THAT bad.  We just didn't validate you right away, and when we questioned the fact that you've been engaged twice before the age of 22 you immediately got defensive.  It's not about "New people keep out".  Crikey, all of us bitter old hags were new at some point.  It's not like we all came in together.

    Just because we don't validate your decisions right away and blown sunshine up your butt doesn't mean that we are being nasty.
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  • oceana919oceana919
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-sure-ill-flamed-like-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:1939283b-d321-472b-a801-053e69991778Post:9fdf0ec0-517c-455f-a9b2-b48d69bacb0c">Re: I'm sure I'll be flamed like crazy..</a>:
    [QUOTE]Nothing said here was all THAT bad.  We just didn't validate you right away, and when we questioned the fact that you've been engaged twice before the age of 22 you immediately got defensive.  It's not about "New people keep out".  Crikey, all of us bitter old hags were new at some point.  It's not like we all came in together. Just because we don't validate your decisions right away and <strong>blown sunshine up your butt doesn't mean that we are being nasty.</strong>
    Posted by noelle24[/QUOTE]

    My boss just looked at me funny because I actually LOLed.

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  • noelle24noelle24
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Haha.  That's awesome oceana. :-) 

    Also, I just noticed that my spelling in all my threads today is atrocious.   I need a nap...Frown
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  • dwest2201dwest2201
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I have to say is no one was really mean.  And if you knew the mod or lurked enough before coming out of the woodwork you would notice that she's a sweetheart and she was probably being very genuine in saying she understands your point of wanting to wear the dress.  I can to some extent... the dress was custom made for YOU my a friend of the family (or something I'm not going back to re-read).  I get that it is special and probably an awesome dress. 

    My biggest concerns are as follows...

    Are you absolutely 100% certain that looking at, wearing that dress and having pictures of you in that dress in your house with you future husband will not make you think of your first fiance?  If you are not absolutely sure of this you should not wear the dress no matter what.

    Are you 100% positive that your BF/FI (?) is not at all bothered by the idea of you wearing a dress that was made to be worn to a wedding to marry another man?  He may have said that he was okay with it based on knowing that you really want to wear the special dress and not wanting to upset you.  You have to know that he will not resent it at all. 
    ^Seriously my BF and I have been loosely discussing marriage for about a year and even more seriously recently and had talked about getting married at our church.  We had a serious talk and it turns out he would really prefer to marry in his parents Catholic church that he grew up in and we go to on special occasions.  I was shocked but it's great to know now before we do something he isn't 100% on board with just because he wants me to be happy.   
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  • ksmith67ksmith67
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-sure-ill-flamed-like-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1939283b-d321-472b-a801-053e69991778Post:77a90dff-e5c8-43b0-85b3-3d2283e219bf">Re: I'm sure I'll be flamed like crazy..</a>:
    [QUOTE] Hm. So you've been dating this guy for a year and a half. You're 22. So you were 20 when you met, and you broke off your engagement sometime when you were 19. This might not be true at all, but it sounds to me you're very eager to get married, and you're thinking any guy is ZOMGTHEONE.

    I say this because my BFF (not really) has been engaged three times, and married and divorced once all before she was 21; to be honest, this sounds a lot like her mannerisms. I think you need to really take a step back and look at why you're so anxious to get married. Is it for the wedding? (which it sounds like) Or is it because you want to prove to people (perhaps your ex) that "omg we're like so in love"? In my opinion, it sounds like you're one of those people who constantly Twitter or Facebook update about how much you're in love, because you're trying to hide something. But hey, that's just my opinion. I may be completely off-base.
    Posted by PandaBurr [/QUOTE]

    I didn't break off the previous engagement, my ex did.  He basically just up and left 4 months before the wedding and married the new girl within 6 months.  And my current FI(if I have to call him that here to be taken seriously, I will) was the one who brought marriage up this time.  He has said any number of times that he understands if I'm not ready yet since we've only been together 1 1/2 yrs.  That is 90% of why we are planning a long engagement(I know I'm not the only one who is doing this, I've read many posts this way).  The only reason we aren't "engaged" in my eyes is because we don't have a ring yet even though he has promised we will by Christmas.  We are on the same page about getting married and are planning all these things TOGETHER, unlike some PP's have implied. 

    [QUOTE] If it's cool to wear a dress that was intended for another wedding, is it cool to use your e-ring from your previous engagement? Posted by oceana919 [/QUOTE]
    The dress wasn't so much intended for another wedding as it was intended for me to wear someday.  I returned my engagement ring in the traditional fashion and the dress meant something different to me than a ring.

    [QUOTE]I have to say is no one was really mean.  And if you knew the mod or lurked enough before coming out of the woodwork you would notice that she's a sweetheart and she was probably being very genuine in saying she understands your point of wanting to wear the dress.  I can to some extent... the dress was custom made for YOU my a friend of the family (or something I'm not going back to re-read).  I get that it is special and probably an awesome dress.  My biggest concerns are as follows... Are you absolutely 100% certain that looking at, wearing that dress and having pictures of you in that dress in your house with you future husband will not make you think of your first fiance?  If you are not absolutely sure of this you should not wear the dress no matter what. Are you 100% positive that your BF/FI (?) is not at all bothered by the idea of you wearing a dress that was made to be worn to a wedding to marry another man?  He may have said that he was okay with it based on knowing that you really want to wear the special dress and not wanting to upset you.  You have to know that he will not resent it at all.  ^Seriously my BF and I have been loosely discussing marriage for about a year and even more seriously recently and had talked about getting married at our church.  We had a serious talk and it turns out he would really prefer to marry in his parents Catholic church that he grew up in and we go to on special occasions.  I was shocked but it's great to know now before we do something he isn't 100% on board with just because he wants me to be happy.   
    Posted by dwest2201[/QUOTE]

    He knew about the previous engagement, and that the dress was made for me before I was engaged to the previous guy.  And he was the one who said "keep it, its beautiful and its been your dream" when I said I was planning to sell it.  He went to my parents and said that he thought I should keep it, and that he couldn't imagine me coming down the aisle in any other dress than the one I had.  If that doesn't sound like he's 100% sure, I don't know what will. 


    I'm not going to lie, I did overreact some to some of the things that were said, but mostly I made this post to try and get involved.  Not to be singled out on the "wtf" posts like I'm some sort of freak.  Yes, I have feelings, so I did get a little upset when I felt like I was being attacked for wearing a dress that wasn't bought specifically during my engagement, and when I felt like I was being told I was immature for not considering myself engaged.  I had read quite a few posts that said that "you don't need a ring to be engaged" and I figured that was what I would be considered.  Like I said, I'm sorry for misinterpreting the purpose of this board and for overreacting.  My s/o was right when he said I shouldn't let what was said here upset me so much because what ultimately matters is what he feels and what our families think.  I just wanted to be able to feel as though I was welcome to talk somewhere.
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  • jeanacorinajeanacorina
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You ARE welcome to talk here. But other people are also welcome to answer.

    And, honey, look.... if you really think I was being mean, then I just don't know what to say. Somebody wheel me off to the funny farm, because I thought I was sticking up for you a bit!

    I UNDERSTAND what you're saying. I UNDERSTAND how you feel. I may or may not agree with your choices, and I may have concerns for you, but I do empathize and I wish you only the best. I really hope that you can hang around and get to know us. But you will sometimes receive responses that aren't all happy-rainbow-kittens-fun times. Especially at first.

    This board is not exclusive (several new people this week have fit right in, even if they were questioned at first). But it is an honest board. People will say what they think, and they'll let you know if something seems "off" to them. I value that. I've been called crazy here. I've been flamed. ESPECIALLY when I was new. But I've also made great friends who I really trust. I can talk to these girls about things I can't always talk to my real-life friends about because the ladies on this board are where I am in life, or have been recently, or will be soon.

    I hope you let some of this roll off your back. You seem sweet. I'd like for you to stick around, but I don't want you to feel totally out of place and singled out. Not every board is right for every person, and only you can decide if it's worth staying here or if you need to explore some other boards.
    Anniversary
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  • oceana919oceana919
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Honey, when you title your pot "I'm sure I'll get flamed" and start it off with "because afterall, I have less than 100 posts- and *gasp* I'm planning a wedding, and have a dress-- but have no ring!" (which can be construed by some as snippyness), you're opening the floodgates. You call us bitter and cruel for disagreeing with you, you're only fanning the flames.

    No one called you a freak. We asked pretty reasonable questions in relation to what you presented us. We're not psychic, there's no way we can know everything you just brought up. The impression you initially gave us was that a) you're planning a wedding behind your BF/FI's back, and b) you were planning to wear a wedding dress that had been intended for a previous wedding. Both moves are shady.

    My advice? If you and your BF/FI consider yourselves engaged (with or without a ring), then you shouldn't be embarrassed/afraid to admit as such to the people in your lives. If someone judges you for not having a ring, then screw em. Simple as that. If your finances are not stable enough to support a marriage, then you need to consider extending your engagement even further than what you have planned. The absolute worst thing you can do to your marriage is start it out on unstable ground. Lastly, RELAX. You don't need to be doing any planning when it's over a year and a half away. Work on getting yourselves on stable financial footing, and then worry about getting married.

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  • Button5807Button5807
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I can be mean, hell even down right rude if I'm pissed.
    Mutley can be snarky.
    Oceana swings from logical to anus punching.
    Jeana is always nice and level headed unless you get in appropriate.

    You need thicker skin.
    You need to grow up.

     PPs forced you to see your situation for what it is (strange, rushed, immature) and you threw a temper tantrum, why exactly are we supposed to be accepting of that?
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
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  • oceana919oceana919
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-sure-ill-flamed-like-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:1939283b-d321-472b-a801-053e69991778Post:7ea2da95-2906-4a56-bc9d-f25cd40145c6">Re: I'm sure I'll be flamed like crazy..</a>:
    [QUOTE]I can be mean, hell even down right rude if I'm pissed. Mutley can be snarky. <strong>Oceana swings from logical to anus punching.</strong> Jeana is always nice and level headed unless you get in appropriate. You need thicker skin. You need to grow up.  PPs forced you to see your situation for what it is (strange, rushed, immature) and you threw a temper tantrum, why exactly are we supposed to be accepting of that?
    Posted by Button5807[/QUOTE]

    Um, have I ever properly confessed my love for you?

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  • Button5807Button5807
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-sure-ill-flamed-like-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1939283b-d321-472b-a801-053e69991778Post:5374acd8-51d5-466c-b734-94dccf7d6ed4">Re: I'm sure I'll be flamed like crazy..</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm sure I'll be flamed like crazy.. : Um, have I ever properly confessed my love for you?
    Posted by oceana919[/QUOTE]

    You said yes to my proposal, so yeah...probably.
    I don't think I get tired of it though. lol
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
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  • jeanacorinajeanacorina
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Well, the funny thing is that in person I can be kind of all over the place emotionally, but it's easier for me to really consider what I am saying and what I really mean when I can see it on a screen.

    I do try to remain neutral in volatile situations. I'm really good in an emergency, too! I don't freak out on the spot, I wait and freak out later when it's all over. And, get this: I actually LIKE newbies. I think it's healthy and necessary for new people to join because there is a bit of member decay on forums. Old posters eventually leave. You need new people to come in and fill those gaps in activity.

    I remember when a bunch of us were new, there was a totally different set of regulars. And I feel like the board was a bit more harsh, too.

    Obviously my sunny disposition has affected the board's overall tone. Obviously.
    Anniversary
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  • Button5807Button5807
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-sure-ill-flamed-like-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1939283b-d321-472b-a801-053e69991778Post:fcf72597-7817-4ba0-b4f4-cfb61358b858">Re: I'm sure I'll be flamed like crazy..</a>:
    [QUOTE]Obviously my sunny disposition has affected the board's overall tone. Obviously.
    Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]

    Clearly...

    Actually when you do come in to a thread raining rainbows and butterflies all over everything I do tend to tone down the douchery a bit.
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
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  • oceana919oceana919
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-sure-ill-flamed-like-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:1939283b-d321-472b-a801-053e69991778Post:fcf72597-7817-4ba0-b4f4-cfb61358b858">Re: I'm sure I'll be flamed like crazy..</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, the funny thing is that in person I can be kind of all over the place emotionally, but it's easier for me to really consider what I am saying and what I really mean when I can see it on a screen. I do try to remain neutral in volatile situations. I'm really good in an emergency, too! I don't freak out on the spot, I wait and freak out later when it's all over. And, get this: I actually LIKE newbies. I think it's healthy and necessary for new people to join because there is a bit of member decay on forums. Old posters eventually leave. You need new people to come in and fill those gaps in activity. I remember when a bunch of us were new, there was a totally different set of regulars. And I feel like the board was a bit more harsh, too. Obviously my sunny disposition has affected the board's overall tone. Obviously.
    Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]

    This is why we love you, hons :)

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  • PandaBurrPandaBurr member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-sure-ill-flamed-like-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1939283b-d321-472b-a801-053e69991778Post:0b3d57dd-88cd-40f6-9601-14357e0c87a5">Re: I'm sure I'll be flamed like crazy..</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm sure I'll be flamed like crazy.. : I didn't break off the previous engagement, my ex did.  He basically just up and left 4 months before the wedding and married the new girl within 6 months.
    Posted by ksmith67[/QUOTE]

    I didn't say you broke off the engagement. I actually assumed he did, and you were left bitter and now you're trying to prove something. So... yeah. I still stand by what I said. Also, I strongly believe that you don't need a ring to be engaged, but the context of your original post suggests that you did not consider yourself engaged. So ring or not, that's what we're going to respond to. Again, this is just my opinion.

    Edit: Goign back, I guess I did say "you". That was my bad, because I meant "you guys". I apologize for that miscommunication.
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  • AcrosthecAcrosthec
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-sure-ill-flamed-like-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:1939283b-d321-472b-a801-053e69991778Post:9fdf0ec0-517c-455f-a9b2-b48d69bacb0c">Re: I'm sure I'll be flamed like crazy..</a>:
    [QUOTE]Crikey, all of us bitter old hags were new at some point.  Posted by noelle24[/QUOTE]

    Lies!  I was never new!

    That's all I really have to add unless you want to know a little about me.  You do?!  That's wonderful!

    I'm Acro.  I've been around forever (or so it seems) but rarely make it over here to post because work and life keep me too busy.  I like to think I'm nice, while still being logical.  I was on the boards for a year and a half (or so) before FI proposed, and we're getting married in August. 

    You do seem nice OP, so welcome, and stick around.  The ladies here are sometimes brutally honest, but they're also really smart and full of good advice, if you can grow a thick enough skin to take it.  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />
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  • noelle24noelle24
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You have to admit that the way you started your post could be interpreted as a little snarky.... especially given all the other newb posts where we're being called mean and nasty and bitter.  Also, the first impression I got was that you *aren't* engaged, don't consider yourself as such (even amonst the two of you), and are planning a wedding anyway.  That's crazy.  However, your BF/FI/loveslave is onboard with everything, so that's all that really matters.
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