Friday (private) ceremony/ Sat big reception???

tatertotpixie

This is my want-to ceremony location, it's a gazebo that can fit about 20 ppl max (theres benches inside)  and has a walkways to the gazebo and from the gazebo to the beach

I want to get married either in the morning or evening (makes the galveston waters look bluer when the sun isn't directly on them... also april is still pretty hot in TX) on 4-4-14, I'm considering (for cost/sentimental purposes) having the reception on saturday the next day in my small hometown about 2 hours away from the ceremony location but CLOSER to the majority of people wanting to attend our wedding reception. (also I can save about $2000 doing it in my hometown than galveston between catering and venue) 

What's the etiquette for this? do i still have everyone escorted to certain seats? I think I want to walk in behind my bridesmaids so that they're "hiding" me until i reach my spot next to my fiancé...?? 

I wanted an "aisle" to walk down and so did my mom... should I change to just a normal beach wedding? (downside here is cost: chair rental, etc.)

I'm going to do a small ceremony attendee brunch/lunch or late dinner in the area (nothing formal just reserve a big table at a local restaurant) 

Should I just do save the dates for the reception? is it a horrid idea to have the reception the next day?? I'm considering doing invites for the reception only and  

 I think most of our invites for the ceremony itself will be word of mouth, so it's less formal and less an "obligation"  and keeps it small and if anyone happens to see anyone elses invitation it's not any different from anyone elses?

HALP!

KellyBrian2013

Who is invited to the private ceremony?

It is considered acceptable (etiquette) to have a private, immediate family only ceremony followed by a larger party on another day. However, this means your siblings, parents, and possibly grandparents. No one else. No friends. No aunts and uncles. And you do risk some people still being offended.

artbyallie

What Kelly said, though you still have to offer some sort of refreshments to the ceremony guests immediately following the ceremony.

rsanna

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_friday-private-ceremony-sat-big-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:bf98d3c9-bb96-4eab-b004-9fd36a6e2e1fPost:68238f31-c28e-4cc2-ae26-3f93dfac3b90">Re: Friday (private) ceremony/ Sat big reception???</a>:
[QUOTE]What Kelly said, though you still have to offer some sort of refreshments to the ceremony guests immediately following the ceremony.
Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE]

I believe OP said she is planning on a small brunch or something for those attending the ceremony.

tatertotpixie

we're actually doing aunts and uncles b/c neither of us have a living father and our uncles are very close to us, which is what we consider immediate family. one of my uncles is walking me down the aisle. our cousins wont be uninvited but they're unlikely to show as they rarely show up for family easter/christmas, i dont think they'll be making the drive just for my wedding, if they do i wont stress about it. *shrug* 

our bridal party is 90% family anyway so there's really only 3 friends that will be there, the grandparents are the reason we're having a "local" beach wedding instead of a destination/elopement 

and like i said we'll be doing a very informal meal with everyone on a balcony of a local restaurant after the ceremony. 

I'm not really concerned with my invite list, but the fact that i'm asking immediate family to attend two events on two different days, also the lack of aisle is throwing me off some... should i worry about this? 

what about save the dates? is it weird to do save the dates for a reception only?

tatertotpixie

OH no i'm DEFINITELY decided on the date. thats not changing. 

and a friday morning wedding is already pretty difficult without having everyone that I just had drive in to galveston drive all the way back to their hometown for the reception the same evening. it seems a bit much. 

the reason I was thinking the next day was because it'll give both of our grandparents/families the rest of friday and part of saturday to enjoy galveston, making it WORTH the drive. then go saturday evening to my reception then they're only 5 min from home 

why no save the dates for reception only?? 

MairePoppy

I think you've covered all your bases. You're keeping the ceremony to immediate family members and having an informal meal after the ceremony. You are holding the reception at a place that's convenient to most of the invitees. As long as you will not mind if some of those close family members might decide to attend only one event or the other, then it's okay.

[Deleted User]

I agree,  I think you have everything covered. I think you can put a runner down to give you the aisle effect you want. I don't think you need to do save the dates since people won't have to plan a full day aside for this. Just give people enough notice with the invites so they can plan for it & you should be. Sounds like a great plan & good luck with everything.

tatertotpixie

what about save the dates? should i skip them and do invites only? can i send the invites out earlier than most (during the normal save the date timing) if i skip save the dates?? I'm a planner so i want to let everyone know like now to save the entire weekend for our wedding celebration, and i love save the date cards.... >_> 

should i worry about seating or just let everyone go where they'd like, i only have one grandmother that would be fussy about where she sits (front row) but we dont have rows per se... so should i just have someone escort her to the bench closest to where I'll be standing??? 

should i do a processional? music? 

the gazebo thing is kinda throwing me off by more than i anticipated. 

 most of our friends love the idea of doing a bachelor/bachelorette even though they know they'd only be invited to the reception (most prefer it as they get the party fun without the boring vow and sitting in the heat part...) so since they're the ony ones that could possibly be offended that works right? 

(its a vegas trip a month before the wedding) 

JaxInBlue

Honestly, if you really want to do STDs for sentimental reasons, I'd do a small number for the VIPs attending the Friday ceremony.  Being more honest, reception only invites are enough to irk a lot of people (me including me, unless there is a clear reason, as with LDS services).  I would not send out something 7-9 months in advance that points out people are not invited to the ceremony.  To me, that would be inviting dissention and drama over who made the cut and who didn't.

Send invitations to the reception celebrating your marriage during the normal 6-8 week window, as it sounds like this will give your reception guests plenty of time to plan for something in town.

As for seating, reserving seats for some guests should a call you and FI make together, but I don't seeing seating a grandmother is a specific seat as a bad thing.  And since you don't get to plan your own bachelor or bachelorette parties, I'd leave this to the fates.  If someone organizes one for you, you can decide then if your are comfortable accepting and suggesting invitations for people not participating in the whole of your wedding.

MairePoppy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_friday-private-ceremony-sat-big-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:bf98d3c9-bb96-4eab-b004-9fd36a6e2e1fPost:1666e41b-19e2-4d67-9666-997b193033e6">Re: Friday (private) ceremony/ Sat big reception???</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>what about save the dates? should i skip them and do invites only? can i send the invites out earlier than most (during the normal save the date timing) if i skip save the dates?? I'm a planner so i want to let everyone know like now to save the entire weekend for our wedding celebration, and i love save the date cards.... >_>  </strong>

Send STDs only to those who will be invited to all events, so they can plan ahead and decide whether or not they would like to attend one or both. There is no need to send STDs to those who will only be invited to the reception. If you send out holiday cards, you could mention the reception date in those. Send the invitations out at the usual time 8 - 10 weeks before the wedding, with an RSVP date for about 2 weeks prior.

 <strong>should i worry about seating or just let everyone go where they'd like, i only have one grandmother that would be fussy about where she sits (front row) but we dont have rows per se... so should i just have someone escort her to the bench closest to where I'll be standing??? </strong>

Assuming you are referring to the ceremony, a small group of 20 guests should be able to seat themselves. If Grandmother would like an escort, then she should have one. You may put a flower on her seat to let everyone know it is reserved for her.

<strong>should i do a processional? music?</strong>  the gazebo thing is kinda throwing me off by more than i anticipated. 

If you'd like music and a procession, go for it, but it's not necessary.

 <strong>most of our friends love the idea of doing a bachelor/bachelorette even though they know they'd only be invited to the reception (most prefer it as they get the party fun without the boring vow and sitting in the heat part...) so since they're the ony ones that could possibly be offended that works right?  (its a vegas trip a month before the wedding)
</strong>
The rule is that only those who are invited to the ceremony should be invited to any pre-wedding events. But if your friends are planning a weekend in Vegas and you want to go along, then why should anyone else object? As long as <em>you</em> are not referring to this event as your bp, it should be fine.<strong>

Posted by tatertotpixie[/QUOTE]</strong>

[Deleted User]

Something I thought of that would be nice for the guests on Saturday. If you can, go to a local drugstore & print out pictures from the Friday Ceremony. Even if they are just photos one of your guests took & put a few in a frame & place them around the reception location. When I've had co-workers who have gotten married that was always the fun part for me to see their pictures afterwards. Your reception guests would probably love to see how beautiful you looked when you said I do.

tatertotpixie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_friday-private-ceremony-sat-big-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:bf98d3c9-bb96-4eab-b004-9fd36a6e2e1fPost:2727c76e-6575-4ce8-9a0b-f4f2e6823633">Re: Friday (private) ceremony/ Sat big reception???</a>:
[QUOTE]Something I thought of that would be nice for the guests on Saturday. If you can, go to a local drugstore & print out pictures from the Friday Ceremony. Even if they are just photos one of your guests took & put a few in a frame & place them around the reception location. When I've had co-workers who have gotten married that was always the fun part for me to see their pictures afterwards. Your reception guests would probably love to see how beautiful you looked when you said I do.
Posted by Erikan73[/QUOTE]<div>
 i've thought about this. but honestly i'm a very picky person when it comes to photos since I do portrait photography in my spare time. I havent found a drug store yet that can print photos without butchering the black levels (yes it makes a big difference.)</div><div> it's still in the back of my mind though....</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>also the bridal party and i will be wearing our same outfits so we'll be able to do those photos at the reception as well... </div><div>
</div><div>we're all changing before the after ceremony brunch/lunch to avoid stains. </div><div>yes i know its a lot but most of them are related to us.</div>

RebeccaB88

If you HAVE to do STDs, do them only for those invited to both events. 

Personally, there's no way I'd travel more than an hour or so to any party where I'm purposely left off the invitation list for the main reason behind the party happening.  I'd rather not be invited at all.  I can guarantee you than some other people will feel the same way.  You have every right to want a small, intimate ceremony, and you have the right to want to throw a party at a later date.  Just don't expect people to think the party is all that important when they weren't invited to the ceremony.  Some will, some won't. 

I'd lean towards just having the small ceremony and lunch afterwards, and leaving it at that. 

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_friday-private-ceremony-sat-big-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:bf98d3c9-bb96-4eab-b004-9fd36a6e2e1fPost:492430f2-8888-4d90-bd74-3c94b358dc06">Re: Friday (private) ceremony/ Sat big reception???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Friday (private) ceremony/ Sat big reception??? :  i've thought about this. but honestly i'm a very picky person when it comes to photos since I do portrait photography in my spare time. I havent found a drug store yet that can print photos without butchering the black levels (yes it makes a big difference.)  it's still in the back of my mind though.... also the bridal party and i will be wearing our same outfits so we'll be able to do those photos at the reception as well...  we're all changing before the after ceremony brunch/lunch to avoid stains.  yes i know its a lot but most of them are related to us.
Posted by tatertotpixie[/QUOTE]

Since you'll all be wearing your dresses again, then the guests will get to see you which will be great. Have fun and enjoy your special day!!!

scroll

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ifeelgoodifeelgreatifeelwonderful

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_friday-private-ceremony-sat-big-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:bf98d3c9-bb96-4eab-b004-9fd36a6e2e1fPost:e6758c7d-619b-4a80-8b4a-9cc7371ca9ac">Re: Friday (private) ceremony/ Sat big reception???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Friday (private) ceremony/ Sat big reception??? : Sorry, but etiquette doesn't change just because someone is related to you.  Like I posted before, your wedding reception is the brunch or dinner on the day of your wedding.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

This!! And I feel like everyone is ignoring it!