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Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
tortor09
member
A Note to Those Who Want Courthouse Weddings, Then Have a Ceremony Later...
Here is my story (Warning: A LITTLE LONG) ...
I met my special somebody in 2011. He was in the Army and lived 9 hours away from me. We knew it was 'IT' from the start we were opposite dates on a double blind date. In March 2012, I went out to visit him for a week on his base. One night, he wrote on my leg with his finger, "Will you marry me someday..?". He told me later that he was just feeling me out and honestly wasn't thinking about any quick wedding plans. I said "Yes!" A few drinks and hours later, I said I wanted to elope with him. He says to me.. "Hun, there are no courthouses open at 2 am." Tears then began to trickle down my face. The next day he reminds me about what happened the previous night and I thought about it some more. I knew he was the man I couldn't live without so why not get married?
The following weekend I went back to our home state, visited my grandparents. I told them I had met someone that was absolutely wonderful.
SIDE NOTE: My family didn't really know I was seeing anyone as I was keeping it on the down low, but they did know him and I visited from time to time and talked every day.
Anyways, I was so excited and I told them that I wanted to get married to this guy that I just visited. They were so excited for me because there hasn't been a wedding in a LONG time. They even told me stories I never knew about. My grandmother didn't want an engagement ring, just a wedding ring. I was nervous as hell to tell anyone in my family that I wanted to go the non-tradtional route to marry the man of my dreams. It didn't matter to me as long as I married him. But, I did tell my grandparents first of our plans. They promised to not tell anyone. Although, they did wish that I would eventually have a religious wedding with a large reception.
A week later, I told my mother. She said she knew that there was something special about him and also wanted me to have a second ceremony, so she could watch her baby girl walk down the aisle.
My dad and sister didn't take me as seriously. But when he got the ring, it got serious. My sister didn't support the fact that we were getting married so much quicker than her and her boyfriend. They had been together for around 6-7 years now and don't plan on getting married for at least another 2 years. My dad didn't want me to turn out like him and my mom, who got married at just 19 years old after my mom got pregnant with my sister. I understood both of their reasons, but I was not knocked up nor was I willing to wait another decade to marry this man.
On May 31 2012, I got married to the love of my life in a courthouse. Our parents, sister, my grandparents were all present. I had some surprise visitors, my godparents. It was beautiful and I do not regret it. My dad cried, something I don't see often. I do admit that it was a little unromantic having saying our vows in the same room that people get convicted in.
We had pictures done at a local park and in the woods. See pictures below. We had dinner at PF Changs and we actually had AMAZING cake in the parking lot using cardboard from the box as plates. We might have forgotten to grab plates... oops! But it was worth every second and every laugh.
We had our honeymoon at a local hotel that one of my friends worked at and got a good discount for us. We hung out with the VFW and ended up receiving wonderful gifts from them such as a free honeymoon suite for the weekend and we are now lifetime members of the VFW and Women's Auxillary. The little things... 
I spent the summer with my husband, but I had to come back to our homestate to start nursing school. I am currently living with my in-laws and am due to graduate in May 2014. He visits me every 4-day weekend he can, we skype often. He is due to deploy next spring and will be coming home right around the time I graduate.
The following summer after deployment and graduation, our families want us to have a religious ceremony and reception. They are very excited to "have a reason to party" and my aunts, grandmother, and mother/MIL can't wait to go dress shopping. I have to admitt that I am excited as well and blessed to have family and friends that support my DH and my non-traditional ways.
I wanted to write this for those who are considering a courthouse wedding then a ceremony to follow. There are MANY people who don't like people who do these "do-over weddings" or "second weddings". There are times that it just isn't appropriate, especially if you plan on lying to your family about being married and faking your "wedding" day. THAT, I do not support.
I feel that you need to have your family's support. Not all are going to agree, but your immediate family members should be understanding what you and your SO wishes are. BUT you also need to understand their wishes. They might want you to have a religious ceremony, which is what happened in my case since we come from very Catholic families.
We will be renewing vows and my family wants me to go all out. I am okay with this, but I am having a more informal wedding dress and downplaying most things for the ceremony since we are already married and it's just a vow renewal. It is not going to be a big fluffy dress, dashing black tuxes, with huge chandeliers. No, not at all. It will be more of a laidback informal romantic country theme with everything outdoors.
Also, a little note about pre-wedding parties such as bacholer/bacholorette parties. We are not having these. We don't need to because we already are married. As far as bridal showers, I am not asking for any of these.
However, my grandmother has told me that her, my aunts, and my mom are going to throw a shower when the time comes. She has told me she wants me to have that experience and to make sure that I have everything I need to settle down with my husband after school and deployment. Also, please note, that we didn not have any of these pre-wedding parties before our courthouse wedding and don't expect them for our vow renewal.
As far as who is paying for what, I paid for everything at our courthouse wedding except for our cake and my ring. We both are planning on paying for everything at our vow renewal as well.
I hope that this post helps as far as those who are trying to decide if its right for them to have courthouse weddings and following them up with a vow renewal.
For those who don't agree, I have heard all of your reasons before. I honestly just care about what my family wishes are. I also want to say that please be more understanding of those who undergo non-traditional weddings, we don't know what's going on their life. Thank you!
Here are some photos from my wonderful wedding day:
[EDIT]: Please look below in one of my other posts for my pictures. I had some issues trying to post pictures the first time around.
Until next time, tortor09.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: A Note to Those Who Want Courthouse Weddings, Then Have a Ceremony Later...
The way to insert pics is to click on the little icon with a tree on the toolbar of the post area. You will then browse what you want on your computer, and insert it into the post.
[QUOTE]I hate this "non-traditional" excuse. Tradition and etiquette are two entirely different things. It's rude to expect people to shell out for wedding party attire, showers, bachelorettes and wedding gifts for a couple who is already married. WHY??? Can't people just have the wedding they can have at the time, and be happy with that? <strong>The "we have to do it because we're Catholic" doesn't fly.</strong> They can be married by the priest without the big do-over.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
Ditto all of this. Especially the bolded part - and the same goes for using the "but we're in the military" or "we had a kid so we have to get married NOW so our families don't complain and then we'll get "married" later" excuses.
If you're old enough to get married you should be mature enough to live with the consequences of your actions and you should understand the meanings of compromising and sacrifice...since you know, marriage is full of them.
[QUOTE]Personally, I'm a huge fan of 'not accepting the consequences of your actions like an adult" being now seen as "non traditional" or "offbeat". I intend to eat a very nontraditional lunch of cheesecake and ice cream then be all offbeat by leaving my job 3 hours early today to go home and play video games. And if my waistline or my boss have a problem with it, I'm just going to explain how I important cheesecake and WoW are to me and demand that they just be happy for me. <strong>Think it'll work?</strong>
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>If it does, let me know ;-)
</div>
[QUOTE]Personally, I'm a huge fan of 'not accepting the consequences of your actions like an adult" being now seen as "non traditional" or "offbeat". I intend to eat a very nontraditional lunch of cheesecake and ice cream then be all offbeat by leaving my job 3 hours early today to go home and play video games. And if my waistline or my boss have a problem with it, I'm just going to explain how I important cheesecake and WoW are to me and demand that they just be happy for me. Think it'll work?
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
I'd add a demand that you not be fired.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: A Note to Those Who Want Courthouse Weddings, Then Have a Ceremony Later... : Well, duh. I'm sure once I explain to my boss how important it was to DH to be home when I hit level 20 with my newest character, he'll totally understand. And if not, then he's a crappy boss anyway, right? Because a REAL boss would value me as an employee enough to let me blatantly disregard policies and common sense.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
btw - you should take a field trip to M&M. There's a poster there who has your same logic.
I see why people would want to get married in a rush, but honestly, if you know like we did, that we're going to be together forever, why rush into it? Why not just do it right the first time? I'm by no means judging, you did what you felt you had to. But looking back on it, you said yourself, you had to have your family there, you had a dinner and cake with everyone. It wouldn't have hurt to wait a few more years until the timing was perfect and you could both be together and have the wedding that you're going to be having in about 2 years.
What exactly 'isn't good enough' about all that?
Why disrespect your great wedding experience by telling everyone that took the time to come be with you that it wasn't good enough?
I just don't get it.
[QUOTE]Here is my story (Warning: A LITTLE LONG) ... I met my special somebody in 2011. He was in the Army and lived 9 hours away from me. We knew it was 'IT' from the start we were opposite dates on a double blind date. In March 2012, I went out to visit him for a week on his base. One night, he wrote on my leg with his finger, "Will you marry me someday..?". He told me later that he was just feeling me out and honestly wasn't thinking about any quick wedding plans. I said " Yes!" A few drinks and hours later, I said I wanted to elope with him. He says to me.. "Hun, there are no courthouses open at 2 am." Tears then began to trickle down my face. The next day he reminds me about what happened the previous night and I thought about it some more. I knew he was the man I couldn't live without so why not get married? The following weekend I went back to our home state, visited my grandparents. I told them I had met someone that was absolutely wonderful. SIDE NOTE: My family didn't really know I was seeing anyone as I was keeping it on the down low, but they did know him and I visited from time to time and talked every day. Anyways, I was so excited and I told them that I wanted to get married to this guy that I just visited. They were so excited for me because there hasn't been a wedding in a LONG time. They even told me stories I never knew about. My grandmother didn't want an engagement ring, just a wedding ring. I was nervous as hell to tell anyone in my family that I wanted to go the non-tradtional route to marry the man of my dreams. It didn't matter to me as long as I married him. But, I did tell my grandparents first of our plans. They promised to not tell anyone. Although, they did wish that I would eventually have a religious wedding with a large reception. A week later, I told my mother. She said she knew that there was something special about him and also wanted me to have a second ceremony, so she could watch her baby girl walk down the aisle. My dad and sister didn't take me as seriously. But when he got the ring, it got serious. My sister didn't support the fact that we were getting married so much quicker than her and her boyfriend. They had been together for around 6-7 years now and don't plan on getting married for at least another 2 years. My dad didn't want me to turn out like him and my mom, who got married at just 19 years old after my mom got pregnant with my sister. I understood both of their reasons, but I was not knocked up nor was I willing to wait another decade to marry this man. On May 31 2012, I got married to the love of my life in a courthouse. Our parents, sister, my grandparents were all present. I had some surprise visitors, my godparents. It was beautiful and I do not regret it. My dad cried, something I don't see often. I do admit that it was a little unromantic having saying our vows in the same room that people get convicted in. We had pictures done at a local park and in the woods. See pictures below. We had dinner at PF Changs and we actually had AMAZING cake in the parking lot using cardboard from the box as plates. We might have forgotten to grab plates... oops! But it was worth every second and every laugh. We had our honeymoon at a local hotel that one of my friends worked at and got a good discount for us. We hung out with the VFW and ended up receiving wonderful gifts from them such as a free honeymoon suite for the weekend and we are now lifetime members of the VFW and Women's Auxillary. The little things... :) I spent the summer with my husband, but I had to come back to our homestate to start nursing school. I am currently living with my in-laws and am due to graduate in May 2014. He visits me every 4-day weekend he can, we skype often. He is due to deploy next spring and will be coming home right around the time I graduate. The following summer after deployment and graduation, our families want us to have a religious ceremony and reception. They are very excited to "have a reason to party" and my aunts, grandmother, and mother/MIL can't wait to go dress shopping. I have to admitt that I am excited as well and blessed to have family and friends that support my DH and my non-traditional ways. I wanted to write this for those who are considering a courthouse wedding then a ceremony to follow. There are MANY people who don't like people who do these "do-over weddings" or "second weddings". There are times that it just isn't appropriate, especially if you plan on lying to your family about being married and faking your "wedding" day. THAT, I do not support. I feel that you need to have your family's support. Not all are going to agree, but your immediate family members should be understanding what you and your SO wishes are. BUT you also need to understand their wishes. They might want you to have a religious ceremony, which is what happened in my case since we come from very Catholic families. We will be renewing vows and my family wants me to go all out. I am okay with this, but I am having a more informal wedding dress and downplaying most things for the ceremony since we are already married and it's just a vow renewal. It is not going to be a big fluffy dress, dashing black tuxes, with huge chandeliers. No, not at all. It will be more of a laidback informal romantic country theme with everything outdoors. Also, a little note about pre-wedding parties such as bacholer/bacholorette parties. We are not having these. We don't need to because we already are married. As far as bridal showers, I am not asking for any of these. However, my grandmother has told me that her, my aunts, and my mom are going to throw a shower when the time comes. She has told me she wants me to have that experience and to make sure that I have everything I need to settle down with my husband after school and deployment. Also, please note, that we didn not have any of these pre-wedding parties before our courthouse wedding and don't expect them for our vow renewal. As far as who is paying for what, I paid for everything at our courthouse wedding except for our cake and my ring. We both are planning on paying for everything at our vow renewal as well. I hope that this post helps as far as those who are trying to decide if its right for them to have courthouse weddings and following them up with a vow renewal. For those who don't agree, I have heard all of your reasons before. I honestly just care about what my family wishes are. I also want to say that please be more understanding of those who undergo non-traditional weddings, we don't know what's going on their life. Thank you! Here are some photos from my wonderful wedding day: [EDIT]: Please look below in one of my other posts for my pictures. I had some issues trying to post pictures the first time around. Until next time, tortor09.
Posted by tortor09[/QUOTE]
Thanks for posting about your experience. What you are planning is calld a Convalidation. Enjoy it to the fullest. I believe you're planning everything appropriately. Congratulations. Receiving your marriage sacrament will be the best thing you can do for your new family.
[QUOTE]Don't assume that family and friends approve, or that they are eager for this. They feel obligated to go along with it. Mom may think it's horribly entitled....but will she hurt her daughter by refusing to go?
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
<div>Our parents and my grandparents specifically <u>ASKED</u> us to do this. Hence the biggest reason behind the religious vow renewal ceremony and reception. Although most are Catholic, they just asked us to have at least a Christian basis since DH and I have not found the right faith that we want to base our marriage on as well as our foundation for our future kids.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>
[QUOTE]How did your Catholic priest reconcile your having been married in a civil ceremony with having a Catholic ceremony? Many Catholic priests won't go along with this. I think vow renewals, especially in a religious setting, are just fine, as long as it isn't a do-over wedding.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]
lol this is so not true - lol I got married in Dec had a Catholic wedding in October with all the bells and whistles there is a difference between a catholic wedding and a civil wedding the church actually recruits couples who are only legally married and tries to get them to have catholic weddings so that they can complete their sacraments
I also asked if its a convalidation vs a wedding and was told it was a wedding -
[QUOTE]Your pictures are really nice, tortor09. Best wishes in planning your vow renewal!
Posted by Julie2013[/QUOTE]<div>Ditto.
</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: A Note to Those Who Want Courthouse Weddings, Then Have a Ceremony Later... : lol this is so not true - lol I got married in Dec had a Catholic wedding in October with all the bells and whistles there is a difference between a catholic wedding and a civil wedding the church actually recruits couples who are only legally married and tries to get them to have catholic weddings so that they can complete their sacraments I also asked if its a convalidation vs a wedding and was told it was a wedding -
Posted by tally7[/QUOTE]
When was the marriage license signed? I'm also not clear about your order of events here.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: A Note to Those Who Want Courthouse Weddings, Then Have a Ceremony Later... : When was the marriage license signed? I'm also not clear about your order of events here.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]
it was signed twice - after each ceremony all legit city hall priest etc etc etc everyone knew what was going on - courthouse Dec 2010 church Oct 2011
[QUOTE]Nice story. This is what I was planning to do also. Screw these women on here they crap on people all the time.
Posted by MrsHoward2Be[/QUOTE]
I wonder why all the anger toward this subject - maybe they secretly wanted two weddings also lol <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: A Note to Those Who Want Courthouse Weddings, Then Have a Ceremony Later... : it was signed twice - after each ceremony all legit city hall priest etc etc etc everyone knew what was going on - courthouse Dec 2010 church Oct 2011
Posted by tally7[/QUOTE]
<div>Unless you got divorced in between, there is no way you have two legal marriage certificates. I know that many churches (and I assume the Catholic church does as well) will provide a church marriage certificate if the original wedding was not performed in the church, but it is not a legal document.</div>