Feelings on motherhood?

[Deleted User]

So, with my friend's "we're not trying to get pregnant, but we're not preventing it" thing recently (see earlier post)...I've been thinking about motherhood lately. For me, I've always wanted to be a mom someday. I think i've known since I was pretty young that I wanted a family; I've even had a girl's name picked out since I was in elementary school. I know women who are open to the idea of kids and women who never want children...so I guess just opening up a forum for all us gals to talk about our thoughts on the subject...

AudgiePodge

I love being a mom.  But I can totally see why some animals eat their young.

Elle1036

I'm really on the fence about it.  Most days, I feel like I'll be perfectly happy never having children, but then I'll see a really cute one and think that maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

I really want to adopt or foster some older children -- the ones the system tends to forget -- but whether we pursue that will depend a lot on FI's and my career situations in about 10 years.  I'm definitely not having any kids, naturally or otherwise, for at least, like, 7 years.

My main reasons for not wanting biological children, at least for now, are:

1.  Terrified of pregnancy.  Seriously.  I remember how miserable I was during puberty when my body was doing all kinds of things I'd never seen before, and pregnancy strikes me as equally scary and weird.

2.  Kids throw up... a lot.  Some of the people around here know already about my emetophobia...  I can't stand vomit.  I'm sure I could get over it for my own children, but I'm not sure I even want to try.

Wrkn925

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_feelings-motherhood?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:1c4a98fe-bf33-4df2-9aa4-141aebc3a206Post:c35e16af-9202-4e39-bdc8-ffdc5e17c0ca">Re: Feelings on motherhood?</a>:
[QUOTE]I love being a mom.  But I can totally see why some animals eat their young.
Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]

I love that saying.

That, and: "Raising teenagers is like trying to nail Jello to a tree."

I want kids.  BF wants to TTC right after getting married.  I have him talked into starting on our one year anniversary.

He wants one, I want two.  I had siblings and couldn't imagine life without them.  Kids are like Lay's potato chips, you can't have just one.

Blue & White

I'm horrified.  This is how I know I'm not ready for kids yet. 

1) I'm horrified of childbirth, needles, doctors.  I think I'll need to be on anxiety meds my entire pregnancy, which I fear is a bad thing for my future children (note: I currently do not have anxiety problems that require medication...so this would be a big change)
2) As a teacher, I've seen so much of what can go wrong.  I'd like to think I won't mess up my kids too much, but I won't know until I have them, right?  I just want them to be awesome
3) The thought of being preggers before marriage seriously freaks me out.  I blame this on being raised Catholic.

calindi

I really want to be a Mom!  Really, really, really... but not yet!

I've never much believed the "We aren't trying but we aren't prevening it" thing - if you aren't taking birth control or using condoms and are actively having sex, then you're trying to get pregnant.  But I do understand why people say that so there isn't any pressure.  I dunno, I figure we'll start trying but not tell anyone after we get settled in his first base (around 2 years after we get married).

alanna91

My BF and I don't want to have children for about another ten years.
I used to think I would be TTC right after college, but once I actually got to college and started planning my career I realized that wouldn't work out.
We also both feel the same about adoption, it's something we'd really want to look into.
And like Elle, I would want to adopt an older child, they need homes too.

But I have a long time to decide on the specifics!

[Deleted User]

I completely understand that some people do not want to have children...whatever their reasons. It is a personal decision, and I would never try to talk someone into starting a family if they were not ready or didn't want one.

With that said though, for me I think at some point (later in life) it would be sad to have no children. I think about China (They've had a 1-child policy for a while now) and how those children are growing up with no siblings...and then when they have their 1 child...that kid will have no aunts or uncles. I have a very large family and watch my grandparents enjoying retirement and older age surrounded by people they know and love from all generations. I cannot imagine getting older without that connection.

heyimbren

I really, really love kids and want to kids. BF would be happy with 1 or 2; I would ideally love more, but I'll have whatever I can have. Adoption is one of my goals for later on in life as well.

I actually like the idea of being pregnant, EXCEPT the hormonal changes. I already tend to be a fairly moody person, and the idea of PPD especially scares me. My family has a history of mental health issues, and I'm so happy with where I'm at (mentally, emotionally) that I really don't want that to change.

SassyFlats

We want kids. Always have. Discussed it really early in our relationship because there wasn't a point in continuing to be with someone who didn't want kids 110% for sure. It's incredibly important to me to be a mother, and it's important to DH to be a father.

We want 2. If we want more after that, we'll revisit the situation. We plan to TTC in about a year. If for some reason we can't have kids naturally, we'll find some other way to be parents (although it would be heartbreaking to switch gears at first).

It's a huge priority for us, and not even a question of "if," just when and maybe how.

motoLyn

When I was younger having kids was a natural feeling.  Growing up and fending for myself I think man maybe that's not in the cards for me.  But I see how my older sister and her hubbie act with my little niece and its so endearing that I can't help but be a big softie.  FI is all about having kids, he's so planning the things we're all going to do together.  We talked one night before bed about what would happen if I got prego by accident before we get married.  His answer we get married now in a small ceremony and start our family early, my answer, I don't know.  I think I'm just not ready to have a little one growing in my body.  But FI will lay a hand on my tummy sometimes and get that goofy look on his face when he sees Hapa babies. 

I think I'm just scared.  And I'll admit it here.  I tried REALLY HARD to get back into shape I don't think I'm going to be able to get my body back into pre baby shape once I have a kid.  Yes I am having a moment of conceitedness.

Hazel_B

I've never not considered having a family.

FI and I have discussed children and plan on having two (with third under discussion after the second). Due to my age I think we will start TTC as soon as we get married, so 2012.

Wow, seeing that in writing makes me feel nauseous. Not in a bad way, but in a I know life is going to really change soon and I hope that I'm ready for it way.

Hazel_B

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_feelings-motherhood?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:1c4a98fe-bf33-4df2-9aa4-141aebc3a206Post:83909149-281d-40e9-9fda-dd2ec808620e">Re: Feelings on motherhood?</a>:
[QUOTE]When I was younger having kids was a natural feeling.  Growing up and fending for myself I think man maybe that's not in the cards for me.  But I see how my older sister and her hubbie act with my little niece and its so endearing that I can't help but be a big softie.  FI is all about having kids, he's so planning the things we're all going to do together.  We talked one night before bed about what would happen if I got prego by accident before we get married.  His answer we get married now in a small ceremony and start our family early, my answer, I don't know.  I think I'm just not ready to have a little one growing in my body.  But FI will lay a hand on my tummy sometimes and get that goofy look on his face when he sees Hapa babies.  I think I'm just scared.  <strong>And I'll admit it here.  I tried REALLY HARD to get back into shape I don't think I'm going to be able to get my body back into pre baby shape once I have a kid.  Yes I am having a moment of conceitedness.
</strong>Posted by motoLyn[/QUOTE]

This! I try really hard to view pregnancy in a postive light, but I can't help but view it as destroying my body. I've come so far and it wasn't easy. Heck, I still have a ways to go until ideal, but I'm happy right now.

Sparrow87

I don't know if I ever want my own kids, I don't want to say no because I'm scared of being with someone who knows they never want kids and then changing my mind later.  So I guess I'm closer to maybe someday in the far future. 

I also feel that raising children should be part of the human experience, so whether I have my own or not I definitely plan on fostering and then perhaps adopting a sibling group.  I can't stand watching siblings torn apart if they're taken away from their parents. 

trebmal

I know I want kids.  The older I get the worse it gets and I have some issues medically already and very well could've missed my chance.  BF has a little girl from his first marriage, she'll be 7 next week, but it's just not the same, I like being a Step Mom (so to speak, since we aren't married yet).  BF and I have talked about it (before the drama around Valentine's day) and he is ok with it either way.  He says we'll try (a LOT-lol) but if it doesn't happen we'll be ok. 

cu97tiger

I have always been a very motherly person, but was never really sure I wanted kids, until I met my SO. Now, I can't wait to have a baby. I actually told him last night that I'm ready to start trying (his answer: No.). Ha, I know it makes sense to wait until after we're: engaged, then married. But I'll be ready to start TTC the day after we get married. I'm not getting any younger (I'm 35) and since we've agreed on having one kid, I'd rather do it sooner than later!

Cate - I respectfully disagree that 'not preventing pregnancy but not trying' mean's your trying. 'Trying' to me means charting periods, figuring out when ovulation is and having sex at the 'optimum' times. It is definitely a way to take the pressure off and just let things come naturally, but it is not 'trying' to get pregnant. PS - My sister got pregnant twice within one month of 'not preventing'. Ha.

SassyFlats

As far as the body stuff goes, I don't view pregnancy/giving birth as ruining a woman's body. I think our bodies were meant to do just that all along, biologically speaking. So I kind of see it as changing my body for that specific purpose. Which is kind of an amazing, beautiful thing. I hope that I end up happy with a post-baby body. DH will tell me whenever I express concern that no matter how my body changes, it will be beautiful because of what it means and why it changed in those ways.

Whether I end up with larger hips, a rounder or flatter butt, larger or smaller breasts, stretch marks, who knows? But to DH and I, it's just part of what my body has always been made to do. It was made to change and shift and grow another human being. That's just awesome, man!

I'll let you know if I still feel that way next year.

SassyFlats

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_feelings-motherhood?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1c4a98fe-bf33-4df2-9aa4-141aebc3a206Post:45d0c54b-988c-4844-aa27-cc8e12c0a268">Re: Feelings on motherhood?</a>:
[QUOTE]PS - My sister got pregnant twice within one month of 'not preventing'. Ha.
Posted by cu97tiger[/QUOTE]

What?

sparkles88

Neither BF or I want children. I think we just have other priorities in life. BF is very much into his powerlifting training. He is already competitive, and he strives to be at the elite or pro level one day. I want to have my own event planning business some day. Since both of our goals are pretty time consuming, I really don't think we have much time to devote to children.  In the off chance that we do want children someday, we've both decided we would rather adopt than TTC.

AudgiePodge

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_feelings-motherhood?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:1c4a98fe-bf33-4df2-9aa4-141aebc3a206Post:e8359e9d-2b9f-452f-bcba-6954d09a97ca">Re: Feelings on motherhood?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Feelings on motherhood? : What?
Posted by SassyFlats[/QUOTE]

Separate pregnancies.

cu97tiger

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_feelings-motherhood?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1c4a98fe-bf33-4df2-9aa4-141aebc3a206Post:e8359e9d-2b9f-452f-bcba-6954d09a97ca">Re: Feelings on motherhood?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Feelings on motherhood? : What?
Posted by SassyFlats[/QUOTE]

<div>My first niece was conceived within one month of my sister going off the pill. My sister is now pregnant again... and once again got pregnant within one month of going off the pill. That girl is F-E-R-T-I-L-E!</div>

PolkaDotBella

I honestly can't wait to be a mom... not right now, but in the future. We talked about having kids very early on in our relationship and we both never thought about not having kids someday.

We've started talking about it more frequently now... we'll be out somewhere and my BF will point out a cute toddler or baby. It's super cute that he's starting to notice kids more and more. He even had a tentative timeline in mind...  get married next year and start TTC right away, though we're thinking we should push that back to 2013 because of my school and job.

We just have to agree on how many... he said not 1 or 2 and I said not 3, so he wants 4... I told him we should have 1 and see how it goes!

SassyFlats

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_feelings-motherhood?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1c4a98fe-bf33-4df2-9aa4-141aebc3a206Post:8d5837a9-5c55-4db1-a7bc-6871b6fd5e9d">Re: Feelings on motherhood?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Feelings on motherhood? : My first niece was conceived within one month of my sister going off the pill. My sister is now pregnant again... and once again got pregnant within one month of going off the pill. That girl is F-E-R-T-I-L-E!
Posted by cu97tiger[/QUOTE]


OHHHH, I was like "how can someone get pregnant twice in the same month? That's not biologically possible even if two eggs are released within a 24-hour period that's not getting pregnant twice..."

My brain was going wonky. I totally misread your other post.

csousa1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_feelings-motherhood?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:1c4a98fe-bf33-4df2-9aa4-141aebc3a206Post:1c7d9915-4c82-4924-853a-b0a013f10369">Re: Feelings on motherhood?</a>:
[QUOTE] 2.  Kids throw up... a lot.  <strong>Some of the people around here know already about my emetophobia...</strong>  I can't stand vomit.  I'm sure I could get over it for my own children, but I'm not sure I even want to try.
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

Elle, I used to be VERY emetophobic when I was younger. My sister had a very sensitive stomach and I still remember the terror that I used to feel when she would be sick. Not the usual, oh that's gross I don't want to be near it kinda thing, but all out white knuckle heart pounding terror. It may sound weird to some people, but I get it! After being the designated take-care-of-the-sick-drunk-girl friend in college, though, I got over it. Mostly. Still freaks me out though.

There is nothing I have ever wanted more than being a mom. When I was little and people would ask what do you want to be when you grow up, I would say in love and a mom. BF wants kids too, and it came up very early on in our relationship that a big famoily was an important dream to both of us. We want 4 but we may have to scale that back to be realistic.We' rather wait and be engaged and then married first with some more financial stability, but quite honestly I could have a baby tomorrow and be happy, and BF would be happy too.

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_feelings-motherhood?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1c4a98fe-bf33-4df2-9aa4-141aebc3a206Post:768731ef-a473-4725-bb87-17315ba313c4">Re: Feelings on motherhood?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Feelings on motherhood? : Elle, I used to be VERY emetophobic when I was younger. My sister had a very sensitive stomach and I still remember the terror that I used to feel when she would be sick. Not the usual, oh that's gross I don't want to be near it kinda thing, but all out white knuckle heart pounding terror. It may sound weird to some people, but I get it! After being the designated take-care-of-the-sick-drunk-girl friend in college, though, I got over it. Mostly. Still freaks me out though.
Posted by csousa1[/QUOTE]

See, I have certain friends that I absolutely refuse to drink with, because I'm worried they'll overdo it.  But yeah, you nailed it.  It's not just the gross factor.  It's horrifying.

Hazel_B

Sassy - As weird as it sounds, most parts of pregnancy i don't see as ruining. Hips changing, stretch marks whatever. I view that as part of the process, my fear is not be able to lose the baby weight. I understand that my body will change and I accept those things. I just know how I felt when I was heavier and I don't want to go back there again. I am a happier person now and I think that would correspond to being a better mother, for me atleast.

shipsinthenight

I KNOW I want kids...but deffinitly not right now. BF isn't ready, neither am I. I've still got school and a career to start, and I know he wants to feel like he can afford a kid. We aren't even ready for pets...Then we get to the question of number and don't agree there. I want 3, he says 2. We're both onlies, so it's not like "I had all these siblings and I want my kids to have the same thing," it's more like, "I never had any and I want my kids to have that experience. My thoughts are that we'll probably get married within the next 2-3 years, take a couple years to spend as married, get a house at some point, and then start going on the kid thing. For now, we enjoy practicing.

DanieKA

I want children. I've always wanted them, but the desire has gotten stronger recently. At the same time, I'm not ready. And I'm not talking in that way that nobody is ever really ready, but besides not being married (which would be ideal, though not necessary) I'm not out of school yet, I'll be starting my career at the end of this year. I'd like a year or two to pay down loans, buy a house, enjoy SO and life as smug marrieds for a bit before having babies. That being said, I'd like to be done or at least pregnant with the last by the time I'm 35, for sanity an medical reasons (I lurk on infertility and success after infertility on the bump. Don't ask how I made it there, it was through a series of innocent clicks, and I'm terrified of being infertile and the increased risk for every woman over 35 for issues like downs syndrome). Well, I'll be 30 early next year, so after we get married we may be having babies back to back. But for the most part BF and I are on the same page. We both want that experience. I want 3, he wants 2 but we will cross that bridge when it comes. We might only want one after the first! I also want to say that I am a big believer woman's rights and choices and that I think it's everyone's right to decide whether or not they want kids and want to parent. Sometimes society looks down upon those who choose not too as selfish and destined to be lonely in old age. Then society can also look down on you for having too many kids, whatever that number is. Family building is a personal choice and it's nobody's d@mm business how we choose to form our families. A family can be 2 people (husband/wife, father/son) or it can be 34 people and counting.

peekaboo2011

I really want babies.  Like, really really bad.  FI doesn't want them for 10 years after we get married, but seriously, I don't think I can wait that long.

He has been much more receptive to children lately though, so things may get easier once this LD crap is done.  We do want to be financially stable/have a house before we have kids, because I don't want to have to worry about money any more than necessary.  

As far as body-changing stuff, I already have gigantic hips.  My mom, my grandma and her mom all got pregnant super easy.  Both mom and grandma were practically like "he looked at me with the wrong thought in his head and BOOM, pregnant".  So, we're being careful now, and I think I'll be fine...I got the good child-birthin genes

HeartOverMind

I want kids. I think being pregnant will be so exciting and I love children, they are so cute.  BF wants 2 or 3. I want to have more than 2 but an odd number of children doesn't sit right with me! lol. I have three sisters and I think 4 is a great number of children but we'll see how that goes...

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_feelings-motherhood?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:1c4a98fe-bf33-4df2-9aa4-141aebc3a206Post:1bb5a514-5d3d-41b0-8826-8c44134dd5b5">Re: Feelings on motherhood?</a>:
[QUOTE] I also want to say that I am a big believer woman's rights and choices and that I think it's everyone's right to decide whether or not they want kids and want to parent. <strong>Sometimes society looks down upon those who choose not too as selfish and destined to be lonely in old age</strong>. Then society can also look down on you for having too many kids, whatever that number is. Family building is a personal choice and it's nobody's d@mm business how we choose to form our families. A family can be 2 people (husband/wife, father/son) or it can be 34 people and counting.
Posted by DanieKA[/QUOTE]

I completely agree that it is a personal choice. I hope you don't feel I was being judgy with my earlier post...I just meant to imply that I would be lonely if I did not have family ties in my older age. Although I cannot imagine NOT having kids, i'm sure there others who cannot imagine HAVING kids. To each their own!