Moving in together

tmacwin

So bf and I have talked a lot about moving in together and what it would mean, the logistics, etc.  We had the first conversation about it last summer.  My lease did end Jan 31, so in November I had put in my 60 day notice.  Realizing we had some miscommunication, bf said he wanted to be engaged before we lived together (he can be old fashioned like that, which I do love).  So I ended up extending my lease by 3 months, so that it now expires April 30. 

Now that we are coming to the end of February, if I move, my 60 day notice is coming due.  So this morning talking with bf, I asked him what I needed to do (give notice, or extend).  I didn't want to put pressure on him, but still need to know what to do about my living situation, as it effects my sister who I live with as well. 

Excitedly, he told me I should go ahead and put in my notice to move out!  So if he wants to be engaged by the time I move it with him, it should be here by the end of April!!!  So excited!!!!  I just wanted to share with you ladies. 

I hope you are all having a great weekend.  3-day weekend here. 

benNmandi82

How exciting! Congrats! Like your fiance I required a ring before moving in with my man. We have been "unofficially" engaged for about 3 weeks now and we have set a date for the wedding but no ring yet. I know it's coming since he told me he's moving me into his house in June and he knows I require the ring. Unlike your fiance I never was like this before I've lived with 2 other men but this time I have a 3.5 yr old son who needs stability so if I move in with him I want a guarentee its going somewhere. I hope you enjoy every minute of it. It could be any day that's what I'm loving about it...I have a deadline of knowing it's coming BEFORE but it's a surprise of when it comes

meamolly

did he say he was going to ask? I just hope there isnt a miscommunication again. I know it may seem like he might ask but that is a lot of pressure for a guy to have to ask in such a short time. Did you talk with him to make sure he knows you dont want to pressure him and dont want him asking just because you want to move in with him? are you sure this isn't putting him in a spot where he might later feel like he was pressured? maybe you should just sign a new lease and wait for him to ask at his own speed.

Also as I am not familiar with your story, how old are you both? how long have you been dating?

[Deleted User]

It is a good sign that he wants you to move in with him.  With this new decision, have you readressed the issue of a proposal before you move in with him? It may be a good idea to clear that up as soon as possible, to make sure that both of you are on the same page.

tmacwin

Sorry for running out on the conversation—I have been out with some friends. I haven't been around here long and haven't posted a ton, so I'm sure many of you may not know my story. We've been dating 1.5 years. I'm 27, and bf is 32. We have talked extensively about marriage and since last summer he has told me he's planning on a Q1 proposal (which is kinda where the miscommunication came from before, since my lease ended during that Q). On Valentines we had another in depth conversation. During our conversation this morning, we did speak of the proposal before moving in. I clearly communicated that it wasn't to pressure him in either direction, I just wanted to see if we were still on the same timeline that we had previously discussed. I told him I don't want him to have to show me his cards, because he and I both want me to be surprised when he does pop the question. So while I don't consider us engaged yet, I know it's coming. On Valentine's, he mentioned wanting to get married late summer, or this fall, but I let him know that I would probably need more planning time and that next spring would probably work better. I hope that answers some of the questions about it. I try not thinking of exact moments that it may happen, but I'm just excited at the though of spending my life with my best friend and love.

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_moving-together-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1e93d4c1-c623-4be1-b48d-3cb1129a8f99Post:33b25f73-f1b7-49dd-8707-00a3078dbc01">Re: Moving in together</a>:
[QUOTE]We have talked extensively about marriage and since last summer he has told me he's planning on a <strong>Q1 </strong>proposal (which is kinda where the miscommunication came from before, since my lease ended during that Q).
Posted by tmacwin[/QUOTE]

Haha... I love that your love life goes off the financial calendar!  That's hilarious!  I assume one or both of you is in finance, accounting, or business?

Good luck, and I look forward to the AW (both the new place and the proposal)!

tmacwin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_moving-together-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:1e93d4c1-c623-4be1-b48d-3cb1129a8f99Post:219d2d90-e537-4021-9e53-f6225b00c961">Re: Moving in together</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Moving in together : Haha... I love that your love life goes off the financial calendar!  That's hilarious!  I assume one or both of you is in finance, accounting, or business? Good luck, and I look forward to the AW (both the new place and the proposal)!
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

Hehe, yes, he's a financial advisor and a portion of his compensation relates to the financial calendar. His degree is also in economics, so his brain is wired that way!

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_moving-together-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1e93d4c1-c623-4be1-b48d-3cb1129a8f99Post:33b25f73-f1b7-49dd-8707-00a3078dbc01">Re: Moving in together</a>:
[QUOTE]Sorry for running out on the conversation—I have been out with some friends. I haven't been around here long and haven't posted a ton, so I'm sure many of you may not know my story. We've been dating 1.5 years. I'm 27, and bf is 32. We have talked extensively about marriage and since last summer he has told me he's planning on a Q1 proposal (which is kinda where the miscommunication came from before, since my lease ended during that Q). On Valentines we had another in depth conversation. During our conversation this morning, we did speak of the proposal before moving in. I clearly communicated that it wasn't to pressure him in either direction, I just wanted to see if we were still on the same timeline that we had previously discussed. I told him I don't want him to have to show me his cards, because he and I both want me to be surprised when he does pop the question. So while I don't consider us engaged yet, I know it's coming. <strong>On Valentine's, he mentioned wanting to get married late summer, or this fall</strong>, but I let him know that I would probably need more planning time and that next spring would probably work better. I hope that answers some of the questions about it. I try not thinking of exact moments that it may happen, but I'm just excited at the though of spending my life with my best friend and love.
Posted by tmacwin[/QUOTE]

I love how sometimes guys underthink time.  It is so cute!  You know that he is thinking about it, so sit back and relax knowing that a proposal is coming.  You still have time before moving in with him.

futuremrstje

When I saw your bit about a Q1 proposal I had to LOL a bit. My bf uses the same terminology when he talks (he's an auditor). We've had similar talks, although we're in the opposite situation. We both wanted to live together for at least a year before getting engaged, to make sure that we can stand each other before making that sort of committment. I know statistically people who live together before getting married have a higher divorce rate but I think a lot of it is because they're getting married for the wrong reasons, like they think that getting married will change things and it doesn't (and probably sometimes the opposite is true as well!). August 28th is our 1 year anniversary of living together, so I'm thinking there will be a proposal sometime in Q3! I alas only have a 1 day weekend, but because I'm working tomorrow (which is a holiday here) I get 2.5 time, and because I worked yesterday I get next friday off so I get a 3 day weekend next weekend! I also took Valentine's Day off so I had a 3 day weekend last weekend as well. 

desertsun

That's exciting progress, tmac!

Because I am paranoid and cynical, I would say it isn't a bad idea to have a backup plan in case something comes up and he doesn't propose when he thinks he will. Just so that you're not stuck between moving in without a ring and not having any place to live. I know you trust your BF to keep his word. I'm just saying it can't possibly hurt to give a bit of thought to a contingency plan. 

Also, I planned my wedding in 7 months and could have done it in less. I always thought I'd want to be engaged for a year, but I had a choice between 7 or 17-20 months, and I knew I didn't want to wait a year and a half or closer to 2 years to marry my love. So, just so you know, you don't need as much time as you might think...

tmacwin

Desert, I hear you about being about to plan it in 6-7 months.  And if I had been in your shoes, I would probably pick the time frame you did.  Given that we can push it back, without it being an entire extra year, I prefer having a little more time.  Reason being, when it comes to venues and other major vendors, I don't want to run into a lot of them being booked up--so I just want to have plenty of options.  We also are both alumni of schools with a large football following (different schools from each other) and figured it would be easier to plan for a date not during football season.  Silly, I know, but football is serious business in Texas!

As far as having a backup plan, I can understand that as well.  When I put in my notice, I can check to see what the terms were if I realize I need an extra month on a month-to-month basis.  I'm sure it will be dependent on whether they have already leased my unit out, but I think it is a valid point. 

Futuremrstje, yes, it's always fun to refer to times in quarters.  My friends and family laugh about our planning terms all the time.

Thanks everyone for the advice.  I'll be sure to keep you updated on the progress.

tmacwin

And, wow, I just realized I've been very long-winded in these posts!  I'll try to start keeping them brief so they are easier to get through.

NurseyK

BF and I kinda in the same boat! I made it clear to him from the beginning that I wouldn't move in unless we were planning both our wedding and our future. We've had a lot of talks about the financials (pre and post wedding), move dates, when we want to get married, pre-marital counseling and such lately. He knows that I have to be out of my apartment by April 17th, and we're planning a trip together March 16 - 21. We've gone on a lot of trips together, so I'm trying not to get my hopes up... but I can't help but squeal a little thinking it might happen on our trip in March. Good luck to us both, right?!