Private vows?

meg65

Lately I've been thinking that I just want FI and I to say our vows to only each other, not speak into the mic or anything.

We are planning on writing on own vows, and I feel like my vows are my personal promises to him, and not everyone needs to hear them. Obviously the people in the front rows (family) and the BP (best friends) would hear, but I like the idea of it being a private thing between he and I. 

However, I know that for a lot of people vows are the best part of the ceremony, and perhaps the reason for the ceremony all together.

What do you guys think?

Simply Fated

I'm confused... you want your guests to basically cover their ears while you say your vows? If you want your vows to be private, then only invite those you want to hear to the ceremony. Easy peasy.

artbyallie

I think it would be very confusing to the congregation to not be able to hear you and it would become 'dead air' basically. Besides, people are supposed to witness your vows to each other; that's part of what a wedding is. If you prefer, you could write private letters to each other and read them alone, before or after the ceremony, and just do the standard vows for your ceremony.

monkeysip

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_private-vows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:c0bc20ce-aa77-44f6-b6ab-8ee05b6ee5fcPost:a825ea89-c69a-4d7e-89e6-c0c91033f58d">Re: Private vows?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it would be very confusing to the congregation to not be able to hear you and it would become 'dead air' basically. Besides, people are supposed  to witness your vows to each other; that's part of what a wedding is.<strong> If you prefer, you could write private letters to each other and read them alone, before or after the ceremony, and just do the standard vows for your ceremony</strong>.
Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE]

<div>I like this idea a lot.  Since I'm having a Catholic wedding, we're not allowed to write out own vows, but even if we were, I tend to think that vows shouldn't get TOO personal or specific (for example: "I vow to bake your favorite lasagna once a week", or "I vow to keep our sex life exciting").  </div><div>
</div><div>So, while you have your more basic vows in front of your friends and family, you can have a special moment with your FI before or after the ceremony where you can be more detailed, more gushy or even silly in what you tell each other.  You can cry, hug each other, or do whatever you want in that private moment.  (Not saying you're not allowed to cry or hug during your wedding ceremony, but you can be even more open and free in private with your spouse.)</div>

kmmssg

I would be really disappointed to come to a wedding and the B&G intentionally made sure I couldn't hear them.  If you don't want me to witness (hear) your vows, then why on Earth would you invite me?  I'd be kinda ticked if I found out it was intentional.

I do think the private letters is a great idea.  Every couple has private thoughts only between the two of them, but if you invite people to witness your wedding/vows, you need to let them hear them.

AurorasEnvy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_private-vows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:c0bc20ce-aa77-44f6-b6ab-8ee05b6ee5fcPost:e06b31d1-f7ea-4f17-8465-4c1628e3558f">Re: Private vows?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would be really disappointed to come to a wedding and the B&G intentionally made sure I couldn't hear them.  If you don't want me to witness (hear) your vows, then why on Earth would you invite me?  I'd be kinda ticked if I found out it was intentional. I do think the private letters is a great idea.  Every couple has private thoughts only between the two of them, but if you invite people to witness your wedding/vows, you need to let them hear them.
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree with this...</div>

raelionheart

Actually most if not all of the weddings I've been to I couldn't hear the vows.  They weren't speaking into a microphone.  It wasn't a big deal I guess, it's not interesting to watch, but it's fine.  I think it's kidna weird when couples are all shy up there and won't speak up, even when they're just repeating "I do."

If nobody gets to hear what's going on, then why did they all come to watch the ceremony?

AdeleDazeem

This is the exact reason why my husband and I had a 12 person ceremony.  For me, vows were private and deeply personal.  I would have been uncomfortable with so many people watching.

However, if you've already invited all these people, there isn't much you can do.  I agree with the idea of writing a letter.  I have also seen where the mikes are turned off for the duration of the vows.  I both get it and find it confusing.

NOLAbridealmost

I would be upset to not hear the vows as a guest. It's really the best part of the entire wedding (well, that, and the wedding kiss).  

RebeccaB88

As a guest, I'd be thinking 'why did I take time out of my day to be here, when they don't want me to know what's going on?' 

smartlypretty

It would also be a little bizarre considering vows are supposed to be heard. That's why the law requires whitnesses. 

tiffanyraven

I've known a few couples do this, but just a little differently. The bride and groom wrote their own vows and read them to each other the night BEFORE the wedding. That way they can truly say what is in their hearts without shyness kicking in. It's also a sweet conversation to leave on if you're spending the night apart so he can't see the bride before the wedding. Then on their wedding day they said the traditional vows.  I plan on doing this as well.

shipsinthenight

Yes to private letters or special, private vows before or after the wedding, NO to not using a mic just so people won't hear you. Other wise the wedding becomes pagentry and confusion. We are planning on writing our own vows, ande with that in mind, I would not write anything I wouldn't want other people to hear. Promices about not getting unhealthy or keeping our sex life active until we're 70 are for our private conversations. Promicing to never stop loving each other are obvious, and ok for other people to hear.