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The anticipation is killing me

neyney28neyney28
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in Not Engaged Yet
Hi everyone!
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. We've been living together for a year and we have been talking about getting married for as long as I can remember. I've planned every detail and he even has a ring (which I just saw and about died it's so gorgeous!) however, he hasn't asked my dad yet (I think he's going to today) and it's really important to me. My dad and I are best friends so he needs to do that. That being said, I'm unofficially engaged and I'm sworn to secrecy until he talks to my dad and we have an official proposal. I'm not allowed to tell my family or friends and I am going to explode. It's the biggest new of my life and I have to keep it quiet so I figured I'd share it here.

*phew* sorry it's so long guys!
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Re: The anticipation is killing me

  • chickadeedeedeechickadeedeedee
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'd rethink using the phrase "unofficially engaged" on this board...
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  • chipyponychipypony
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thats kind of like an oxymoron...you are either engaged or not engaged, no inbetween. If you have planned the whole wedding I'd call that engaged, a ring will not make you any more engaged or less engaged. Planning the wedding is what engaged people do...
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  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm trying not to be snarky and I'm trying not to ruin your fantasy so bear with me here....BUT...

    If you have agreed to get married and you have planned the whole thing (which is INSANE if you are not engaged) then you ARE engaged.  There is no unofficial.  You are or you are not.  You cannot be unofficially pregnant or unofficially dead...you are carrying a baby or you are not.  You are breathing or you are not.  Engagements are the same thing.  You have agreed to get married and started planning or you have not.

    /uppity bitchy rant

    Now, that being said - being engaged is an exciting and magical time (believe me, I've been on cloud nine for almost 3 weeks) but don't start planning until you have to! Enjoy your time as an engaged couple and enjoy your relationship together.  FYI just b/c he has the ring doesn't mean you will be 'asked' soon.  It can take days, weeks or months until he's ready to move on with it.  Just try to enjoy what you have and stop planning until you're "officially engaged" or throw your hands in the air and shout it to the world. 


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  • MidniteRaeMidniteRae member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_anticipation-killing-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:1ee63e6b-26b2-4cbd-a792-b325e0c6a883Post:98e1f584-6a1b-4bd4-8d80-e7d8b1c078a3">The anticipation is killing me</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi everyone! My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. We've been living together for a year and we have been talking about getting married for as long as I can remember. I've planned every detail and he even has a ring (which I just saw and about died it's so gorgeous!) however, he hasn't asked my dad yet (I think he's going to today) and it's really important to me. My dad and I are best friends so he needs to do that. That being said, I'm unofficially engaged and I'm sworn to secrecy until he talks to my dad and we have an official proposal. I'm not allowed to tell my family or friends and I am going to explode. It's the biggest new of my life and I have to keep it quiet so I figured I'd share it here. *phew* sorry it's so long guys!
    Posted by neyney28[/QUOTE]
    So.. you are engaged, but your family doesn't know yet? Does your BF or FI know that he "needs" to ask your dad? How old are you and your BF? What do you guys do for a living?
    "You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you." -Ray Bradbury 
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Either you are engaged or you aren't, there is no "unofficially engaged".  Also I agree with everything paige said. Just enjoy right now, you can plan when you are engaged.


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  • saisongbirdsaisongbird
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    MUD. 
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  • Goldlie11Goldlie11
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_anticipation-killing-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1ee63e6b-26b2-4cbd-a792-b325e0c6a883Post:98e1f584-6a1b-4bd4-8d80-e7d8b1c078a3">The anticipation is killing me</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi everyone! My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. We've been living together for a year and we have been talking about getting married for as long as I can remember. <strong>I've planned every detail and he even has a ring</strong> (which I just saw and about died it's so gorgeous!) however, he hasn't asked my dad yet (I think he's going to today) and it's really important to me. My dad and I are best friends so he needs to do that. That being said, I'm unofficially engaged and I'm sworn to secrecy until he talks to my dad and we have an official proposal. I'm not allowed to tell my family or friends and I am going to explode. It's the biggest new of my life and I have to keep it quiet so I figured I'd share it here. *phew* sorry it's so long guys!
    Posted by neyney28[/QUOTE]
    This makes me think this is MUD.  If it's not, there is no real question anyway.  So, what are we supposed to say?
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  • KD+BCKD+BC
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Oh yeah? I'm unofficially pregnant. We've talked about it, planned it all out, even have some baby names! I'm just waiting for conception...
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  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_anticipation-killing-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:1ee63e6b-26b2-4cbd-a792-b325e0c6a883Post:6018b854-5aac-40ba-a836-062a801514ce">Re: The anticipation is killing me</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh yeah? I'm unofficially pregnant. We've talked about it, planned it all out, even have some baby names! I'm just waiting for conception...
    Posted by KD+BC[/QUOTE]

    This just made me lose it.

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  • KD+BCKD+BC
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Glad I could make you laugh! I just don't understand why people think they can be unofficially engaged! Either you are or you aren't. If you won't be engaged until your bf talks to your dad, then you aren't engaged!

    But good luck with your engagement and wedding planning!
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  • jeanacorinajeanacorina
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_anticipation-killing-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1ee63e6b-26b2-4cbd-a792-b325e0c6a883Post:6018b854-5aac-40ba-a836-062a801514ce">Re: The anticipation is killing me</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh yeah? I'm unofficially pregnant. We've talked about it, planned it all out, even have some baby names! I'm just waiting for conception...
    Posted by KD+BC[/QUOTE]


    LOL I love this
    Anniversary
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  • slowdancin2rockslowdancin2rock member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Why is everyone on this board such a bitch? Let the "unofficially engaged" people have their fun. Jesus, what's it to you?
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  • sapphirebaby926sapphirebaby926
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_anticipation-killing-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1ee63e6b-26b2-4cbd-a792-b325e0c6a883Post:ba6077e6-9bd2-4dbb-99f3-ef236f37e588">Re: The anticipation is killing me</a>:
    [QUOTE]Why is everyone on this board such a bitch? Let the "unofficially engaged" people have their fun. Jesus, what's it to you?
    Posted by slowdancin2rock[/QUOTE]

    Good lord you just went off the deep end didn't you?

    Before you're engaged you are dating - then two people make a mutual decision to get married and then you are engaged. There's no other step in there - you are engaged or you're not.
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  • slowdancin2rockslowdancin2rock member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Some people don't consider themselves "officially" engaged until they have a ring, but the two people have talked and decided to become engaged and eventually get married. Are they engaged or dating?

    If two trains leave Atlanta at 5 o'clock...
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  • sapphirebaby926sapphirebaby926
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If you've made a decision to get married and plan a wedding then you're engaged - it's one or the other. There's no weird twilight zone here.
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  • KD+BCKD+BC
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto Saph. If you have made an agreement to get married, you're engaged. If you need a ring to be engaged, you aren't engaged. Either you are or you aren't. I just don't get why this is so hard to understand.

    If you want me to agree with everything that everyone posts, I can but it would make for a very boring and BSC board.
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  • MidniteRaeMidniteRae member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_anticipation-killing-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:1ee63e6b-26b2-4cbd-a792-b325e0c6a883Post:830af600-1d4b-4e8d-b91c-bdf67d1227bb">Re: The anticipation is killing me</a>:
    [QUOTE]Some people don't consider themselves "officially" engaged until they have a ring, but the two people have talked and decided to become engaged and eventually get married. Are they engaged or dating? If two trains leave Atlanta at 5 o'clock...
    Posted by slowdancin2rock[/QUOTE]

    They are dating, not engaged.

    BF and I have talked and decided we want to get married, but we both consider ourselves dating because he did not (for lack of a better word)"formally" ask me to marry him with(or without) a ring.
    "You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you." -Ray Bradbury 
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  • MidniteRaeMidniteRae member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_anticipation-killing-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:1ee63e6b-26b2-4cbd-a792-b325e0c6a883Post:ba6077e6-9bd2-4dbb-99f3-ef236f37e588">Re: The anticipation is killing me</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Why is <em>everyone</em> on this board such a bitch?</strong> Let the "unofficially engaged" people have their fun. Jesus, what's it to you?
    Posted by slowdancin2rock[/QUOTE]

    That's really rude.
    "You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you." -Ray Bradbury 
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  • chipyponychipypony
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Really, if you have spent any time lurking before posting you would have know this. My BF and I have talked about getting married, we have a time line and everytihg, but we certainly aren't engaged and I sure hope he isn't waiting to talk to my father to make it official since he's died 6 months ago....I hope he did it already or I will never be "officially" engaged.

    Does this unofficial thing work else where too? I have planned for my schooling and I am doing the work they just haven't given me a diploma...does that mean I am unofficially a PhD and you should all call me Dr now? if so you just made my day
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  • slowdancin2rockslowdancin2rock member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    MidniteRae, I apologize. I certainly didn't mean EVERYONE. I was just frustrated with the lack of positivity.
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  • KD+BCKD+BC
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_anticipation-killing-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1ee63e6b-26b2-4cbd-a792-b325e0c6a883Post:93cc0c75-660a-43a2-8881-ede114061089">Re: The anticipation is killing me</a>:
    [QUOTE]MidniteRae, I apologize. I certainly didn't mean EVERYONE. I was just frustrated with the lack of positivity.
    Posted by slowdancin2rock[/QUOTE]

    Calling people bitches will not make them feel warm and fuzzy.
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  • NarwhalNarwhal
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think you should know that none of the girls here are bitches.  They all sincerely care about other people.  Most of them volunteer or at least are doing something to better the community in some sort of way.  They are just honest and want to help people get out of their delusions.  If they didn't care about anyone or their relationships, they would just let them go one with their BSCness and laugh at them silently.  We have a lot more positive, funny posts than we do negative catty ones.  You have been around long enough to have noticed that.  Girls announce their engagement and these ladies are ecstatic for them.  Hit a milestone in wedding planning or regular everyday life?  You get about eleven, at least,  congratulatory remarks.  If these girls are bitches, I would really love to see saints.
    Anniversary
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  • slowdancin2rockslowdancin2rock member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Fair enough. I'm not naming names, but I HAVE encountered several legitimate, bona fide bitches. That's all.
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  • hetshuphetshup member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We are generally a very positive crowd, we also tend to be incredibly supportive. In my everyday "real" life, if someone I had never met before pops up at a swimming pool and announces that she is "unoffically" on the olympic team, you bet I'm going to give her a side eye and ask her some questions. That's really all we are saying. We have a culture that is trying to stipulate that you must have all these things to be engaged. You do not need to have all those things, just as having an engagement ring does not make you MORE engaged. In everyday life, if you are planning a wedding, you are engaged. Maybe not with a whole proposal, but yes you are engaged, you have already made that commitment that you will marry and are moving on with the plans. 

    That being said, we do try to give objective advice, and if you came on here and were like, yay! I'm engaged, no one is going to harsh your mellow. However, if things are still up in the air, we will attempt to talk some sense into people. That doesn't make us bitches, it just makes the spectrum that you view us through less rosy. 
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  • neyney28neyney28
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well thanks for all the wonderful support and comments, such lovely people I must say, Not that it matters much anymore, he did ask my dad today and he did officially propose with the ring and we  are officially engaged. Now that I no longer have to keep it a secret, I won't have to blab about my unconventional relationship here. Thanks for your time.
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  • NarwhalNarwhal
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Congratulations on the proposal! :D
    Anniversary
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  • KD+BCKD+BC
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Congratulations on your engagement! I'm glad everything worked out for you. Good luck with planning and I wish you a very happy life with your FI.

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  • jeanacorinajeanacorina
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_anticipation-killing-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1ee63e6b-26b2-4cbd-a792-b325e0c6a883Post:93cc0c75-660a-43a2-8881-ede114061089">Re: The anticipation is killing me</a>:
    [QUOTE]MidniteRae, I apologize. I certainly didn't mean EVERYONE. I was just frustrated with the lack of positivity.
    Posted by slowdancin2rock[/QUOTE]


    If you are frustrated with the LACK of positivity, how about adding some of THAT instead of contributing more negative posts?
    Anniversary
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  • katanne9katanne9 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm surprised no one has called MUD.

    Her sn is NEY NEY and it's her first post.




    SlowRock - the only people cursing other posters out are people like you. 
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  • sapphirebaby926sapphirebaby926
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I thought the same thing too Kat which is why I didn't get involved in this thread until slow rock went BSC

    But in case the OP is real - congrats on your engagement!
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