Update on brother fight...sigh.

loves2shop4shoes

So today I spoke with my mother.  She said that my father eventually got in touch with my brother.  Apparently now my dad and my paternal grandmother will be flying to Italy for his graduation.  She said he didn't sound upset, but he was mad at me because "He should have been the one to invite my dad and how I INVITED them."  I really didn't INVITE my dad...I had a very general conversation with my dad and encouraged him to talk to my brother if he was interested in going.

My brother and I still haven't spoken.  Nor do I plan on contacting him any time in the near future.  Honestly, I feel like I have very little use for someone who speaks to me so disrespectfully over what was an HONEST mistake.

My mother, however, let me know that she EXPECTS we will have made up by Christmas because she doesn't want HER holiday ruined by OUR fight.

Sigh.

desertsun

Yeah, but Shoes, you did repeatedly tell him he was "ridiculous." 

Your brother has a right to his feelings, too. That doesn't mean he has the right to say hurtful things, but he does have a right to be upset with you if he was hurt by things you did/said.

Stop being so butthurt about it. You both said hurtful things. The only constructive thing to do now is move forward and not keep playing the blame game. Stop casting yourself as the victim.

I think you look at every conflict as a competition. Who is right, who is wrong, who won, who lost, etc. You always want to be in the right. You aren't very good at seeing things from others' perspectives.

Start trying to see conflict as an opportunity to better understand the people around you so that you can have happier and healthier relationships. Start focusing on working WITH your friends and family instead of seeing them as your opponents when you have a conflict. Focus on how to get something positive out of it. Focus on being constructive -- don't say things that lead back to conflict. Say things that lead toward resolution.

Did you read some of the things that whereyat and jeana said at the end of your earlier thread? I think they had some good insight about how to handle yourself in a conflict.

PaigeMcC

I was going to offer some amazing advice...but desert already did it.

Desert for prez!!

SeaTea02

Maybe this is just me, but the way I relate to my siblings is so much different than I relate to others. My reactions to conflict with them tends to be way more forceful and dramatic than it would be with a friend.

I think we do that to one another because we all know at the end of the day we will forgive one another no matter what. I would just apologize for hurting his feelings. You don't have to take the blame for the situation, but I think it is fair to apologize for how he might have felt. I know you said you apologized during the situation but sometimes you just have to wait until the dust settles before an apology can be accepted.

Chances are if you apologize for hurting his feelings and recognize that you BOTH said hurtful things, he will likely apologize too. GL