Not Engaged Yet

Hello!

Hello fellow NYE-ers!  My name is Kristen.  I've been a member of the site for some months now but have never posted... then again I joined as a MOH for one of my friends (who got married in July), and I think I was still single at the time.

Now, here I am, in a relationship with a wonderful man and we will be celebrating six months together a week from Tuesday!  We talk about getting married all the time... it was one of those things we just *knew* pretty quickly.  It seems crazy - we already have a (potential) wedding date, have talked about who we'd want for bridesmaids/groomsmen, etc.

We're just waiting to get engaged because 1) I wanted to wait until we hit our 6-month mark and 2) he's unemployed at the moment, but looking for a job so he can move up to where I am (he lives an hour and 40 minutes away).  He, I, and I'm sure my parents (he's going to ask for their blessing before proposing) would like him to have a job before we get engaged.

So yeah... it's just we have to be patient.  I know that things will all fall into place, it's just a hard economy right now to find a job!  I do have a job though, but it's not something I'd like to have forever (too much stress!)  But it pays well and has good benefits, so I've got to stay there for now.

Anyway... just wanted to post and say hello.  Anyone in a similar situation (ready to get engaged but have to wait?)

PS: can't believe Christmas is only a week away!!
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Re: Hello!

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_hello-14?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:23b81f3c-85f7-41ce-8d4b-6bcb179f2484Post:d1ce5e73-7857-4a99-86a7-01d59dfc0b3f">Re: Hello!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi Kristen!! First off, welcome to NEY! I, too, have been on here for a few months browsing the site and looking for ideas. My boyfriend and I are talking about marriage now also. He told me he's already saving up for a ring (I don't know if that was the right thing to do or not. lol). I have heard that pre-planning is a bad idea, but it doesn't hurt, right?
    Posted by sgarless[/QUOTE]

    <div>Hi, thanks!  I don't know if I'm actually pre-planning or not... just getting some ideas around the internet.  So semi-pre-planning?  lol!  Like I have ideas for wedding dresses but haven't actually gone shopping for one.  Tempting, but not gonna do it till I have that ring!  My BF has asked what kind of ring I like so I've given him some ideas on what I like (white gold, for example), but I don't know if he's started actually started looking yet.</div>
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  • I know what you mean. I went to David's Bridal with my aunt and cousin who tried on a bridesmaid dress for a wedding she's in this summer. I wanted to try the dresses on sooooo bad. lol

    I do think that when I get the ring, I'll start talking about it the second I say YES! At least my boyfriend doesn't mind when I talk about weddings (yet!)

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  • NEY is really depleting my roll inventory this week.

    Also, welcome to TK/NEY, hollins. I'm sure some of our other regulars will be around shortly to ask you a few questions about your different hobbies and favorite foods and whatnot.

    In the meantime, I've got some baking to do.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_hello-14?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:23b81f3c-85f7-41ce-8d4b-6bcb179f2484Post:bdb62845-f98b-43d2-b1f9-4da6e7a8ac49">Re: Hello!</a>:
    [QUOTE]NEY is really depleting my roll inventory this week. Also, welcome to TK/NEY, hollins. I'm sure some of our other regulars will be around shortly to ask you a few questions about your different hobbies and favorite foods and whatnot. In the meantime, I've got some baking to do.
    Posted by HULU[/QUOTE]

    mmmmm rolls! I want some

    PS. We're all very random on here. Get use to it Kristen :)
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  • Hi, hollins!

    Please stop pre-planning.  Liv pretty much said it all.

    That being said, feel free to stick around.  Do you go to Hollins?
    I french with my man
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  • Hi Hollins!

    I too think you should wait until you are engaged to plan all details of a wedding. 

    Meanwhile, are you done Christmas shopping??! I'm not, and I'm freakin' out.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_hello-14?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:23b81f3c-85f7-41ce-8d4b-6bcb179f2484Post:aea79c00-216f-4422-9f6c-2491b3905d3d">Re: Hello!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yeah, don't pre-plan. And maybe it's just me, but it's pretty quick to say, "Oh we're waiting for our SIX month mark to be engaged"....
    Posted by polkadot111[/QUOTE]

    <div>Okay, that maybe have been worded badly... I wanted to wait until AT LEAST 6 months into it... like I didn't want him to propose when we were only together 3 months or anything like that.  A year ago I would've said "I want to wait at least a year before getting engaged" but...</div><div>
    </div><div>Well I don't know what any of you all's religious faith is, if any, but Chris (my BF) and I are Christians and have prayed a lot about this relationship, to keep focused on God.  It may sound crazy but we feel God has been leading us through this the whole time, even before we met.  At first I didn't even want to meet him and our first date didn't go as well as I had hoped (was sooo uncomfortable) but I felt God nudging me to give him a chance... and a month later was when we decided to take the next step.</div><div>
    </div><div>Someone else said to enjoy the relationship now, and Chris and I are definitely doing that.  We look forward to the future, but we are making the most of the relationship now as BF and GF.  We have fun together, we pray together... and we comfort each other.  Right now he's going through a tough time (his mom has been sick for a long time, just broke her hip last week and this will most likely be her last Christmas).  I think everything we have been through in these few months has made us stronger and closer, and we find each other falling more and more in love with each other.  It's a beautiful thing and I'm trying not take for granted what we have now, even though it's so tempting to anticipate the future.</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_hello-14?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:23b81f3c-85f7-41ce-8d4b-6bcb179f2484Post:216e4850-3b53-4a22-8429-947a85ea1ecb">Re: Hello!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi Hollins! I too think you should wait until you are engaged to plan all details of a wedding.  Meanwhile, are you done Christmas shopping??! I'm not, and I'm freakin' out.
    Posted by jenjenniferf[/QUOTE]

    <div>Have a few more Christmas shopping/cards to do... may go later this evening but it's been tough: this past week I've been sick and haven't been able to go out like I wanted (and it started with a fever - on my birthday last Monday, of all times!)</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_hello-14?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:23b81f3c-85f7-41ce-8d4b-6bcb179f2484Post:20fbc104-e94f-4dbf-8785-bfc72b181363">Re: Hello!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Hello! : Okay, that maybe have been worded badly... I wanted to wait until AT LEAST 6 months into it... like I didn't want him to propose when we were only together 3 months or anything like that.  A year ago I would've said "I want to wait at least a year before getting engaged" but... <strong>Well I don't know what any of you all's religious faith is, if any, but Chris (my BF) and I are Christians and have prayed a lot about this relationship, to keep focused on God.  It may sound crazy but we feel God has been leading us through this the whole time, even before we met.  At first I didn't even want to meet him and our first date didn't go as well as I had hoped (was sooo uncomfortable) but I felt God nudging me to give him a chance... and a month later was when we decided to take the next step. Someone else said to enjoy the relationship now, and Chris and I are definitely doing that.  We look forward to the future, but we are making the most of the relationship now as BF and GF</strong>.  We have fun together, we pray together... and we comfort each other.  Right now he's going through a tough time (his mom has been sick for a long time, just broke her hip last week and this will most likely be her last Christmas).  I think everything we have been through in these few months has made us stronger and closer, and we find each other falling more and more in love with each other.  It's a beautiful thing and I'm trying not take for granted what we have now, even though it's so tempting to anticipate the future.
    Posted by hollins2007[/QUOTE]

    FI and I have a very strong faith as well. However this does not mean it's okay to rush into marriage. I believe that if you feel God 'nudging' you, but you don't feel you are ready COMPLETELY yet for marriage, the time is not right. When I got engaged 3 years ago I too felt that God was 'nudging' me, so we rushed things. 3 years later (after 2 wedding dates moved back) we're finally ready. I know we partly got engaged so early because of this and because I felt the same things as you do about your BF about my FI. But now I think that I may have  just convinced myself that God wanted this, when deep inside I knew that I needed more time to get to know my FI before that next big step of marriage. If I could do it all over I would have waited to get engaged a bit longer (we got engaged around the year mark) and would have gotten to know him better before taking the next step.
    Used to be bourgehm. +1,500 posts. Silly knot
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  • Oh God it's like that chick on the students board but without the creepy age difference D:

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_hello-14?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:23b81f3c-85f7-41ce-8d4b-6bcb179f2484Post:8ba88785-1a45-4c7a-aed4-16f23ea1fa4d">Re: Hello!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh God it's like that chick on the students board but without the creepy age difference D:
    Posted by ahstillwell[/QUOTE]

    <div>Okay, not sure what you're talking about, but I'm sorry if I offended anyone with my post.  Maybe it was a mistake to post here...  I didn't realize talking about potential marriage with my boyfriend was "pre-planning" and highly frowned upon, and being compared to someone with "a creepy age difference" really makes me feel unwelcome here (FYI I'm 27 and my BF is 37... is THAT considered creepy???)</div><div>
    </div><div>I realize everyone has an opinion and I should've expected them when I posted (if I had read the sticky about this board BEFORE posting, that might've helped too) but I guess I was hoping for more of a "welcome, how are you, tell me more about yourself" versus "pre-planning = bad."</div><div>
    </div><div>Well anyway just stating my thoughts at the moment, I apologize if I've offended anyone (again).</div>
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  • My patience level is abysmally low right now, but I fricken hate it when newbs encourage each other in their BSC tendencies. Or when after evidence of complete BSC, we go... oh, btw, bad idea and don't do the following:

    NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

    GAH!
  • Tough it out Hollins. Every body is offended by something.

    You are in the right place if you enjoy chit chattin' about various things.

    p.s. Virginia represent!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_hello-14?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:23b81f3c-85f7-41ce-8d4b-6bcb179f2484Post:e5e5af20-ce3a-4443-a71c-c19de3d8fd27">Re: Hello!</a>:
    [QUOTE]My patience level is abysmally low right now, but I fricken hate it when newbs encourage each other in their BSC tendencies. Or when after evidence of complete BSC, we go... oh, btw, bad idea and don't do the following: NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! GAH!
    Posted by becunning2[/QUOTE]

    <div>Sorry for my "newb" question, and for whatever newb tendencies I'm displaying, but what is BSC???</div>
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  • thejucheideathejucheidea member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_hello-14?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:23b81f3c-85f7-41ce-8d4b-6bcb179f2484Post:7eda4682-45fe-4294-9119-c0bbe881d855">Re: Hello!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Hello! : Sorry for my "newb" question, and for whatever newb tendencies I'm displaying, but what is BSC???
    Posted by hollins2007[/QUOTE]
    Batsh*t crazy.

    And the students board I was talking about was a 15 year old who was engaged to a 19 year old and said that the reason they felt compelled to get engaged and plan for the future despite not completely liking each other was that God told them that was what they were supposed to do.

  • Batsh*t crazy?  I've been called a lot of things, but never that before.  Guess there's a first time for everything...
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  • Hollins, 

    First off, welcome :) 

    Second off, don't take offense to the BSC/Newb comments - we are a very honest group of women. Pre-planning = bad, but if you keep it in check, and enjoy random conversations - you will be just fine :)

    How do you feel about sushi? wine? Harry Potter? Potatoes? Cheese?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_hello-14?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:23b81f3c-85f7-41ce-8d4b-6bcb179f2484Post:fbc54a9f-b48e-4afa-bd5c-bbba4e9041d6">Re: Hello!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hollins,  First off, welcome :)  Second off, don't take offense to the BSC/Newb comments - we are a very honest group of women. Pre-planning = bad, but if you keep it in check, and enjoy random conversations - you will be just fine :) How do you feel about sushi? wine? Harry Potter? Potatoes? Cheese?
    Posted by IrishDreamer[/QUOTE]

    <div>Thanks, Irish.</div><div>
    </div><div>Sushi = never had it, actually.  Not much into seafood.</div><div>Wine = pass!  I average one drink a year (if that), and it's usually alcoholic milkshake (I'm a chocoholic! lol)</div><div>Harry Potter = read all the books.  Seen the first 4 or 5 movies.  Not obsessed, but enjoy it.  Eventually I'll see the rest of the movies!</div><div>Potatoes = love them!  Baked or mashed.</div><div>Cheese = yes. :)</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_hello-14?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:23b81f3c-85f7-41ce-8d4b-6bcb179f2484Post:aa3ff672-d1ab-47df-8512-e53add4223dd">Hello!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hello fellow NYE-ers!  My name is Kristen.  I've been a member of the site for some months now but have never posted... then again I joined as a MOH for one of my friends (who got married in July), and I think I was still single at the time.

    Now, here I am, in a relationship with a wonderful man and we will be celebrating six months together a week from Tuesday!  We talk about getting married all the time... it was one of those things we just *knew* pretty quickly. <font color="#FF0000"><strong> It seems crazy - we already have a <u>(potential) wedding date</u>, have talked about who we'd want for bridesmaids/groomsmen, etc. </strong></font>

    We're just waiting to get engaged because 1) I wanted to wait until we hit our 6-month mark and 2) he's unemployed at the moment, but looking for a job so he can move up to where I am (he lives an hour and 40 minutes away).  He, I, and I'm sure my parents (he's going to ask for their blessing before proposing) would like him to have a job before we get engaged.

    So yeah... it's just we have to be patient.  I know that things will all fall into place, it's just a hard economy right now to find a job!  I do have a job though, but it's not something I'd like to have forever (too much stress!)  But it pays well and has good benefits, so I've got to stay there for now.

    Anyway... just wanted to post and say hello.  Anyone in a similar situation (ready to get engaged but have to wait?)

    PS: can't believe Christmas is only a week away!!
    Posted by hollins2007[/QUOTE]

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_hello-14?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:23b81f3c-85f7-41ce-8d4b-6bcb179f2484Post:ec2e95f7-5900-408f-8ee2-825a39549057">Re: Hello!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Hello! : Okay, not sure what you're talking about, but I'm sorry if I offended anyone with my post.  Maybe it was a mistake to post here...  I didn't realize talking about potential marriage with my boyfriend was "pre-planning" and highly frowned upon, and being compared to someone with "a creepy age difference" really makes me feel unwelcome here (FYI I'm 27 and my BF is 37... is THAT considered creepy???)

     I realize everyone has an opinion and I should've expected them when I posted (if I had read the sticky about this board BEFORE posting, that might've helped too) but<strong> I guess I was hoping for more of a "welcome, how are you, tell me more about yourself" versus "pre-planning = bad." </strong>

    Well anyway just stating my thoughts at the moment, I apologize if I've offended anyone (again).
    Posted by hollins2007[/QUOTE]

    Oh, so sorry that people did not conform to your preconceived notions in regards to responses. <a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/2/7/92e33a6b-19e1-4e33-877b-85acb01f3c27.large.gif" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '92e33a6b-19e1-4e33-877b-85acb01f3c27', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));" class="PhotoLink"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/2/7/92e33a6b-19e1-4e33-877b-85acb01f3c27.medium.gif" alt="" /></a>  It is also not anyone's job to make you feel welcome. 
    <a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '92e33a6b-19e1-4e33-877b-85acb01f3c27', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> </a>

    Talking about MARRIAGE is different than talking about the WEDDING/picking out dates.  You said that you guys had a potential date and were picking out your wedding party.  That is planning a wedding.  That is NOT planning for a marriage.  Two very different things. 

    You even said "it seems crazy."  It seems crazy because it IS crazy. 

    I also side eye ANY couple who starts planning to that extent so early on in the relationship.  Can it work?  Sure.  Is it likely?  Nope.

    Wait to get to know each other better.  You truly have nothing to lose by waiting.  You have a lot to lose by rushing your relationship to the next stage too quickly.  Then again, I would be waiting until he had a job for a sustained period of time, not just until he was no longer unemployed.  Maybe that's just my practical side talking.  
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_hello-14?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:23b81f3c-85f7-41ce-8d4b-6bcb179f2484Post:8ce61fc3-12e0-4b38-ba59-fc3c878b1e67">Re: Hello!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Hello! : In Response to Re: Hello! : Oh, so sorry that people did not conform to your preconceived notions in regards to responses.   It is also not anyone's job to make you feel welcome.  Talking about MARRIAGE is different than talking about the WEDDING/picking out dates.  You said that you guys had a potential date and were picking out your wedding party.  That is planning a wedding.  That is NOT planning for a marriage.  Two very different things.  You even said "it seems crazy."  It seems crazy because it IS crazy.  I also side eye ANY couple who starts planning to that extent so early on in the relationship.  Can it work?  Sure.  Is it likely?  Nope. Wait to get to know each other better.  You truly have nothing to lose by waiting.  You have a lot to lose by rushing your relationship to the next stage too quickly.  Then again, I would be waiting until he had a job for a sustained period of time, not just until he was no longer unemployed.  Maybe that's just my practical side talking.  
    Posted by TheMutleys[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>We're not just talking about a wedding, but marriage.  I'm not naive to think it's all about the wedding, since that's only the start to a life-long commitment.  I take this very seriously, as does my BF.</div><div>
    </div><div>Call me crazy.  Fine.  I will however try to limit the pre-planning stuff, because I didn't realize how much I had been thinking about it until all that's transpired on here today (I do appreciate the advice, even if it isn't what I was expecting when I posted).</div><div>
    </div><div>Sorry I gave off the impression of being a "BSC newb" as that was certainly not my intention.
    </div>
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  • Hollins - you have been dating for less than 6 months and live almost 2 hours away from your BF.  Slow your roll.  What's the rush to get engaged after 6 months?  Get to know each other and enjoy dating for awhile.

    And I agree with cunning.  We don't need any BSC encouragement around here, garless.
    IMG_6364
    "Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make life so, right in the middle of it we die, lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce." - Natalie Goldberg
  • Alright, I get it!!!  lol.

    After sleeping on it I've decided to delete my profile on this site.  There's no point for me to be on a wedding website if I'm not engaged (for me personally) and I'm going to "slow my roll" as you all suggest - never heard that term before, will have to keep that in mind.

    I know this particular board seems to be a hodge podge and NEY's are welcome (hence the name) but I don't think I belong here right now.  And that's fine.  No, I'm not running away due to all the critical comments... it just made me revaluate a bit and realize I need to forget wedding/marriage stuff for a while.  I guess I just got so excited at the prospect of getting married that I didn't realize HOW excited I got.  Guess it's better saved for whenever I actually get the ring :)

    Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, everyone!  May all your dreams come true.  God bless.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_hello-14?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:23b81f3c-85f7-41ce-8d4b-6bcb179f2484Post:305380bf-973c-44bd-afd1-a9ae4b19132b">Re: Hello!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Alright, I get it!!!  lol. After sleeping on it I've decided to delete my profile on this site.  There's no point for me to be on a wedding website if I'm not engaged (for me personally) and I'm going to "slow my roll" as you all suggest - never heard that term before, will have to keep that in mind. I know this particular board seems to be a hodge podge and NEY's are welcome (hence the name) but I don't think I belong here right now.  And that's fine.  No, I'm not running away due to all the critical comments... it just made me revaluate a bit and realize I need to forget wedding/marriage stuff for a while.  I guess I just got so excited at the prospect of getting married that I didn't realize HOW excited I got.  Guess it's better saved for whenever I actually get the ring :) Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, everyone!  May all your dreams come true.  God bless.
    Posted by hollins2007[/QUOTE]

    <p class="MsoNoSpacing">That is very wise and mature of you.<span>  </span>You did really well.<span>  </span>:)<span>   </span>Good luck on your life endeavors and I hope that your BF is the one for you someday.</p>
    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

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