seriously?! seriously.

kailss

this is kind of long, so sorry in advance...

so, background info: bf and i have been together for 3 1/2 years, living together for a month.

i was talking to my [18 year old] sister when she asks me when bf is getting me a ring and popping the question. bf does things to the beat of his own drum, so i told her i have no idea, but that's ok because i want to be surprised. then she proceeds to say that if he doesnt propose by christmas that i should dump him. she says she understands wanting to live together first to make sure we can tolerate each other, but it is ridiculous if it doesnt happen by the end of the holidays.

she then says that "just so i know" that she and her bf [who she's been with since june] will be engaged by this time next year. my sister goes through boys like she changes her underwear, so i'm just waiting to see how long this one lasts.

the thing that erks me the most is that she knows bf and i will be getting married at some point and that he makes me so happy. yet for some reason i should dump him just because we dont get engaged by christmas? it feels like she's trying to create some kind of a ridiculous contest [with a boy who probably wont even make it til next summer] over who's going to get engaged first.

grrrrrrrr........ sorry, just needed to vent.  

zipis1

It really does sound like she's trying to create a contest with you. I mean...at 18 there's a decent chance she's all concerned that if you get engaged first  (or are engaged/newly married when she gets engaged) all attention will be off her. ]

Just out of curiosity, how long have her previous relationships lasted? Maybe she still thinks that all relationships should follow a certain timeline or something...

kailss

her longest relationship was 1 1/2 yrs. she has some dilusional concept that relationships are all butterflies and lovey-doveyness... all the things that fade after the first few months. she's in for a very rude awakening.

desertsun

That is a little irritating. Just remember, she's only 18. Don't let her get to you. there's no contest. Different things happen for different people at different times, and that's just life. Hopefully she'll grow out of this kind of pettiness and drama-inducing behavior.

babybchbum

Don't let it get to you, even if she does get engaged first what does that matter? It shouldn't even matter to her in the first place when you do get engaged (unless she needs to mentally prepare to be happy for you). I feel your frustration and I'm sorry you are dealing with this

Just remember as long as you are happy and know that this is the man you are going to marry that is all that matters.

Norway_T

You are her big sister. Sounds like your sister needs some big sister guidance and love.  You should spend more time with her. Obviously you feel she is not making good choices when it comes to relationships, maybe by spending more time with her, she will learn how to develop healthy relationships with people.

KD+BC

Hahahahahahaha yeah, just remember that she's 18 and obviously not mature enough to understand how relationships work. Ignore her comments. That's why whenever someone who is 18 posts on here about how they're ready to get married they get flamed.

ps. Younger sisters are frustrating. Mine is driving me crazy lately too!

kailss

thanks girls. appeciate the good advice.

norway- the problem with spending quality time with her is that she's been a complete b*tch since she got together with this new guy. i have made time to spend with her so many times but it's alway "i'm going to bf's house today" or "i have to work/go to class" [the latter of which is a valid excuse] or we have plans and she ditches me for her bf. since june, i think i've maybe spent time with her [1 on 1] about 12hrs. then she trys to blame me for the fact that we never see eachother anymore. frustrating is a bit of an understatement.

Goldlie11

I know she's your sister, but just ignore her when it  comes to the topic of marriage.

noelle24

Wow.  I've heard of parents saying "You should dump him if he doesn't propose by X date." But that is usually because they can't stomach the idea of their baby living in "sin" and giving the milk for free and all that jazz.  I can't imagine what your 18 year old sister means by it, other than it is some weird competition thing.

Sorry!

Goldlie11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_seriously-seriously?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2a76588f-d778-4c2b-8385-3845243c99ddPost:62cb19fa-2bc7-4552-8d01-4f3d0b303351">Re: seriously?! seriously.</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow.  I've heard of parents saying "You should dump him if he doesn't propose by X date." But that is usually because they can't stomach the idea of their baby living in "sin" and giving the milk for free and all that jazz.  I can't imagine what your 18 year old sister means by it, other than it is some weird competition thing. Sorry!
Posted by noelle24[/QUOTE]
You remind me of something that happened at my WW meeting.  I was on line to get weighed in and I overheard two members talking.  One was an older woman who was really upset that her daughter had been with her bf for 3 years and he still had not proposed.  She said that they had just moved in together and she was disgusted.  The fact that he had not proposed made her hate him.  I forget how old she said her daughter was, I believe in her early thirties.  I kind of felt bad for the poor couple.  I remember thinking," I wonder if the daughter and the bf know how this lady feels?"

jeanacorina

She's 18, and has a LOT of growing up to do. Just keep reminding yourself of that. She's having a little kid moment.

Anon I. Mouse

I would take relationship advice from an 18-year old with a big grain of salt. Remember when you were 18?

Sheesh, it took me until my late 20's until I truly knew enough of myself and had enough life and relationship experience to be ready for marriage (as opposed to THINKING I was). I am 30 now, and only now getting married!

Take the high road, and don't let her drama affect you, or your relationship. It's none of her business, to be honest. And she will learn soon enough that setting artificial timelines and deadlines on relationships (i.e. propose by end of holidays) is a sure fire way to kill a relationship.

kailss

oh trust me, i'm not taking any relationship advice from her. i'm just irritated by the face that she isnt being supportive.

SassyBrass

That's gotta be irritating. First, if your guy is the "beat of his own drum" type, I'd imagine he'd propose at a time less predictable than the holidays.
And a timeline? That kills the joy of the whole thing. I know you aren't really taking this whole comment to heart, but I can see why it'd get to you.
Plus the whole "We'll be engaged by this time next year" sounds pretty annoying. First of all, she probably won't, and her saying that is probably a fact that's unbeknownst to her BF.
Good luck taking it with a grain of salt for the next couple weeks.

Anon I. Mouse

Little sisters have a way of being irritating without even always knowing it

I have a rather supportive younger sister, however if she wasn't, I certainly would not take it to heart. She's very intelligent, very beautiful and I love her greatly - however she is still very young in many ways, especially when it comes to relationships.

Anyway, next time she starts going on about how she is going to be engaged first or whatever else, ask her if she is planning to beat you to the divorce punch too.