Step Sister = bridesmaid?

lam2014

Okay so I have been engaged less than a week and am trying hard not to start planning anything and just enjoy the engagement but when I was showing my ring and letting people know my happy news, my "step sister" (our parents are not married, common law) said something that got me thinking. She said she is excited to come dress shopping with me, uh-oh...We are not really close, our "blended family" feels like a forced one of two different families living in the same house, that is all tbh.

My question is about the bridal party, do I need to make her a bridesmaid? Better yet, should I? We were best friends when we were really young but we drifted because she made bad choices and I didn't want that in my life. Now we have very little in common, don't hang out together and whatever conversations we do have are just plain awkward. A friend of mine is getting married in December and was pretty much forced into making her sister her MOH despite preferring her FSIL to be her MOH and I always thought it was her wedding, her decision and no one should force anything but now here I am wondering what to do about my sort of step sister. What would you do?

oceana919

First of all, do not pick your wedding party until you're about 6-9 months out. Seriously. Relationships can change, and short of a) sleeping with your man, b) physically assaulting you, or c) irreversibly damaging your relationship beyond repair, once you ask someone to be in your wedding party, there is no "demoting" or "unasking".

Second, you should ask the people closest to you to be in your wedding party, whether they be family or not. You are not obligated in any which way or form to have your stepsister in your wedding. However, that being said, you need to be aware that not having her in your wedding opens the doors for potential drama. Also, if your parents are financing your wedding and they specifically ask you to include your stepsister in your wedding party, you really should respect their wishes.

leia1979

Since your wedding is nearly two years away, I would not select any bridal party members for another year. If people ask, just say you haven't decided yet. I've seen a lot of complaints from people whose relationships with their friends change and want to change their bridal party after the fact (which isn't nice).

I believe your bridesmaids should be those you are closest to, regardless of how they are related to you. If you don't feel close to her, don't ask her to be a BM. But in general, don't ask anyone until you have under a year to go.

Ollie08

Oceana is very wise. I don't have anything of value to add to that. Other than, perhaps you should check out the Wedding Party board and see what can happen if you choose your WP so far in advance. Good luck!

AnneR15

My personal opinion is that you should have the people you want in your wedding party, not the people you feel obligated to include out of tradition or the people who expect you to include them (way rude IMO).

But Oceana's right that you have to be ready for the backlash that could occur in your family if you do not include her. I think you should do whatever you feel most comfortable with.

Also, there is no rush to pick your bridal party yet, especially if you haven't even set a date for the wedding.

lam2014

I have no intentions of selecting the bridal party anytime soon, I was just curious on what your opinions were about my situation. If our plans work out, I will no longer be living with them anyways when I start planning my wedding so it should not be as awkward to disclude her if I don't have to see her until the day as a guest. Drama is exactly what I want to avoid. We went out to celebrate the engagement and I wanted it to just be the fiance and my mom and his parents but my mom refused to go without her boyfriend and his daughter despite my feelings because she keeps saying that we are "supposed to be a family", it's actually getting quite annoying. I can no longer do things alone with my mother because her BF will get mad if we don't include his daughter. He expects my mom to treat his daughter the same way she treats me, but at the same time barely says two words to me, it's so AWKWARD!. It's a really messed up situation that I cannot wait to be out of. Thank you for the advice though, I guess it is ultimately up to me and whether or not I am willing to face the drama of it all. -_-

bsidebella

My FI doesn't like my brother, and FI's sister doesn't like me. Therefore neither of them are being in our wedding parties - because we want people who care about us in our wedding parties, those who are going to support us and help out when we need help. Not people we don't like or don't like us. There's no rule that says siblings - step or otherwise - have to be in wedding parties.

AnneR15

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_step-sister-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2bd5aa19-bce8-42e1-b77d-1fff22ace988Post:22bdb6ef-01ae-442a-a849-74077c85a1dd">Re: Step Sister = bridesmaid?</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI doesn't like my brother, and FI's sister doesn't like me. Therefore neither of them are being in our wedding parties - because we want people who care about us in our wedding parties, those who are going to support us and help out when we need help. Not people we don't like or don't like us. <strong>There's no rule that says siblings - step or otherwise - have to be in wedding parties.
</strong>Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]

Exactly. FI's sister is one of my bridesmaids, but my brother will not be one of his groomsmen. Not because they don't get along, but they're not as close as his sister and I, and he has other people who are more important to him to stand up there.