DesertSun and her new sticky! And thoughts from a newbie.

marleylikeair

Haven't had a chance to read all the replies yet, but I like this, desert! I especially like that it says "Please read before posting." I think if this sticky had been here before my initial post, I might have had more to go on and been better able to explain what I didn't agree with in recent posts. (I know, that's easy to say now, but it's true.)

I hate that I started such an intense conflict, but maybe in the end it was good in that it gave lots of us (myself included) some things to think about. For one, it resulted in the new sticky, which I think will be helpful to newbies in the future.

For the record...I *did* lurk for about a month, albeit sporadically. Maybe it wasn't enough, but I still maintain that, especially to a newbie, threads that are started *just* to make fun of newbies with the BSC bug and feature a harsh or snarky tone could prove very off-putting and give the wrong impression. That's what happened to me, anyway. I saw those posts and just didn't feel welcome. Since I felt that way, I figured a lot of other newbies and newer lurkers might wonder, too. I didn't think it was the best way to represent the board, so I spoke up.

I definitely didn't go about it the right way, and I'm really sorry, everyone. I really am.

Also, I'd really like to say thanks to all of you who encouraged me to stick around and/or supported at least part of what I was saying. Y'all rock. And I would be glad to stick around. Intro post to follow soon.

coastiegrl25

Glad you stuck around to see how wonderful these women are...I like people who can tell you the truth straight out. The most non-biased opinions come from here, and offer the most support that one can get!

calindi

For what it's worth, the sticky is from Jeana and has been up for several months.  But still, it's very much worth reading.

Also, while I'm not sure that you gave us something new to think about as this conversation has repeated itself several times in the last year that I've been here, I do agree that it sometimes becomes the "schoolyard bully" mentality where people get pleasure out of picking on others.  I try, and I think most others do also, to be fair and rational in my responses because I don't think these girls need to get trashed for what is a very typical overreaction to the excitement of a pending engagement.  I myself got rather ahead of the game with considering different venues and flowers, etc. but this board and these girls helped me realize that it was worth waiting.

But when girls come back lashing out that we just don't understand, and mad that she didn't get a pat on the head and told that it's just fine for her to set a date without her boyfriend's knowledge, or told that it's great that she went dress shopping before they're engaged, it's really frustrating.  And that's when I think some of the snarkiness comes out.

Also, a lot of the jokes are spurred by recent posts but are in reference to repeated conversations that have the same tone.  So while it may seem to someone who got flamed that all the teasing and jokes are about them, in fact it's likely that old posts that were similar are inciting some of the jokes.

coastiegrl25

Calindi, Desert did make a new post that was requested to be a sticky because of everything going on. I think that's what she was referring to.

marleylikeair

Oops. Sorry. Then thanks to Jeana for the original post and Desert for reposting it!

desertsun

Thanks, Marley!

I wrote the beginning part from "Hi! Welcome to NEY! We're happy you're here." through "You're welcome to just start posting in threads, but it's also nice if you post an intro thread and tell us a little about yourself."

Jeana wrote the stuff under that.

Loopy inserted my sticky suggestions into Jeana's OP.

Some people will read it and some won't, and that's okay. If it can be helpful to just a few people, then my personal thought is, yeah, go ahead and put it out there.

I don't think YOU were necessarily responsible for how OOC your thread got. Jacks created a lot of drama there.

FWIW, I think you come across as pretty rational and smart and NOT BSC, and I think that's why you were encouraged to stick around. You state your difference of opinion reasonably, and THAT is what we like to see.

I think your opinion of the sheer number of posts about newbies coming across to some as unwelcoming is certainly legitimate. I can totally see how newbies would feel that way. That's why it's good you posted what you did. And it's why I will always feel that a variety of perspectives, opinions, posters, and style of communication is a good thing for a message board. People can and should find the comments/advice that seems most suited for them, and not take the rest as personal attacks.

Anyway. Yes. Stick around, please.

PaigeMcC

You guys had a wild and wacky weekend.  Looooordy.

Good points tho, Desert (I just spent the last 30 mins catching up!)

marleylikeair

Calindi, so well said and thanks for the background info! Especially love this part of your post:

I try, and I think most others do also, to be fair and rational in my responses because I don't think these girls need to get trashed for what is a very typical overreaction to the excitement of a pending engagement.  I myself got rather ahead of the game with considering different venues and flowers, etc. but this board and these girls helped me realize that it was worth waiting.

This is really all I was trying to say from the start. (You did a much better job than I did!) And I agree, I think you *are* very fair and rational! I really like what you have to say.

FWIW, I guess when I say "something to think about" I mean in a broader sense. Not trying to make a blanket statement that "everyone has been given something to think about." I just know I'll approach things more carefully in the future, and Bren for one posted something along the same lines in her thread "If you're annoyed with the board...". So that's mostly what I mean. And that a lot of people made good points in that original thread ("Wow..."), for example, that it's hard to pick up on a poster's tone over the internet, and misunderstandings can happen when people (like me) aren't clear in their posts. I don't mean to say that most of us don't already know that, but I think it can be good to be reminded of it every once in a while.

marleylikeair

Desert, thank you! Love this post.

Also, I like your "mashed potato slut" sig. If that means actual love of mashed potatoes, BF is one, too, only he insists on jokingly calling them "whoop' 'taters" because he was raised in the South.

desertsun

My siggy button means I'll do just about anything to get me some mashed potatoes. I love them. A lot. I coined the term "fauxtatoes" for those things that come from a box, b/c I don't think they count as REAL mashed potatoes.

Paige -- thanks, hon! We missed you, but I know you had your own wackiness going on.

calindi

Desert, we're kindred spirits.  I'm a potato slut, in all forms, but mostly mashed.  My 16th birthday, I requested a buffet of all things potato.  Twice-baked potatoes, potato skins, mashed potatoes, etc.  It was amazing!  I love them so much that BF has told me that any wedding of ours wouldn't be complete unless we have a mashed potato buffet.

Mashed fake-tatoes are disgusting and I can instantly tell the difference, usually just be looking at it.  And I'm not sure I'd be too thrilled with them being called "whoop taters" - it's adulterating my favorite food with a weird name!  But as long as they're good quality 'taters, I might forgive him.

GreenPepperBurger

I love any and all things potato.

Even ones from a box.

GreenPepperBurger does not discriminate. Nom nom nom.

desertsun

So...GPB is an equal-opportunity potato slut? LOL

Cate --  I totally made the server at our wedding go back and get me more mashed potatoes. And then I stole some of my husband's b/c I didn't want to ask for thirds.

heyimbren

My gramma makes the best mashed potatoes. Hands down. No box here! I've only ever had boxed potatoes once, ickkkkk.

I'm going to crash any NEY knottie's wedding with a potato bar. I also really love baked potatoes at the Keg with the three cheese butter *drool*

PaigeMcC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_desertsun-her-new-sticky-thoughts-newbie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:30d2c303-8919-44e4-a4e0-f67820bf196bPost:ededfb41-6c8a-4b5d-99cc-f2448f577869">Re: DesertSun and her new sticky! And thoughts from a newbie.</a>:
[QUOTE]My gramma makes the best mashed potatoes. Hands down. No box here! I've only ever had boxed potatoes once, ickkkkk. I'm going to crash any NEY knottie's wedding with a potato bar. <strong>I also really love baked potatoes at the Keg with the three cheese butter *drool*</strong>
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

<div>Keg's garlic mashed FTW.</div>

marleylikeair

Haha. You guys are too funny. I love me some mashed potatoes, too, and am not a huge fan of the mixes, but BF did introduce me to a brand I like. I think "potatoes" is actually the first ingredient listed on the back of the package. The mixes come in smallish pouches and the brand is called Idahoan. I'd be interested to know what you mashed potato fiends think of them if you ever get a chance.

calindi

Desert, all the more reason for a buffet!  You can go back as much as you want (and I'm sure I will!)  Have you ever seen one of those things?  The idea actually came from my mother, who saw it at an event her company had.  She called me up and told me that when I get married someday, I absolutely HAVE to have it (she also spontaneously sent me a tentative guest list, so yeah, she's way ahead of herself, but in the case of potatoes, I'll forgive it).

They have red mashed potatoes and white whipped potatoes and mashed sweet potatoes, and they've got a bunch of toppings, including bacon bits, scallions, fried onions, baked garlic cloves, couple of kinds of cheese, sour cream, gravy, butter.  You scoop it into a martini glass!

Mmmmm

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_desertsun-her-new-sticky-thoughts-newbie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:30d2c303-8919-44e4-a4e0-f67820bf196bPost:921a96eb-7fb0-4980-8b3e-841f5cfc0231">Re: DesertSun and her new sticky! And thoughts from a newbie.</a>:
[QUOTE]Desert, all the more reason for a buffet!  You can go back as much as you want (and I'm sure I will!)  Have you ever seen one of those things?  The idea actually came from my mother, who saw it at an event her company had.  She called me up and told me that when I get married someday, I absolutely HAVE to have it (she also spontaneously sent me a tentative guest list, so yeah, she's way ahead of herself, but in the case of potatoes, I'll forgive it). <strong>They have red mashed potatoes and white whipped potatoes and mashed sweet potatoes, and they've got a bunch of toppings, including bacon bits, scallions, fried onions, baked garlic cloves, couple of kinds of cheese, sour cream, gravy, butter.  You scoop it into a martini glass! Mmmmm
</strong>Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

Please, please, please do this. I'm begging for the potato martini bar.

AudgiePodge

ZOMG! SO MANY POTATO LOVERS IN ONE PLACE!

I LLOOOOVVE POTATOES!!! ANY KIND, ANY WAY! EXCEPT SWEET POTATES. BLECH

YES, I AM SCREAMING!!

desertsun

OMG, Cate, *drool*

You HAVE to have one of those! Please? For me?

Sorry 'bout the threadjack, Marley.

hetshup

At the wedding we are having twice baked potatoes, with gyuyre and bacon. In red potatoes. It's soooo good.


And I like peas in my mashed taters.

calindi

Marley, I've actually had those Idahoans and they're not terrible.  Out of all the fake potatoes, they're the only ones I've actually eaten and not thrown away in disgust, but that might have been out of desperation more than indicative of actually being good.   When I was living in China and having major stomach issues, I ate those quite a few times since you only had to mix them with boiling water and we had a water fountain in the apartment that had instant hot water.

I'll give them a 4/10, which is good considering most instant is at a 1/10.

calindi

Yes, I will definitely have a potato bar.  Like I said, both my mother and boyfriend have declared that there is no other way, and who am I to disagree?

Hetshup, I may crash.  I adore twice baked potatoes covered in gruyere and bacon.

GreenPepperBurger

*mashed potato coma*

calindi

marleylikeair

Haha. It's cool, desert. I understand that some things like mashed potatoes are just bigger than all of us. 

I'm actually really glad to see that my thoughts/apology thread has devolved into 'tater talk; it must mean I'm forgiven. 

calindi, thanks for the Idahoan review! I can see you take your mashed potatoes as seriously as I do my from-scratch pancakes. But that's a subject for another time!

desertsun

I'm soooooo hungry now! Thanks, biitches! :P

heyimbren

Hetshup, I like peas in my mashed potatoes too. But I love corn in them even more! Mmmmmm....

MLekathLEEN

The one venue that we've looked at has the option of a mashed potato bar...nom nom nom.


That's all I have to add.

loves2shop4shoes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_desertsun-her-new-sticky-thoughts-newbie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:30d2c303-8919-44e4-a4e0-f67820bf196bPost:4521f97a-e2a6-4e35-a41b-cf92398a53c3">Re: DesertSun and her new sticky! And thoughts from a newbie.</a>:
[QUOTE]I love any and all things potato. Even ones from a box. GreenPepperBurger does not discriminate. Nom nom nom.
Posted by GreenPepperBurger[/QUOTE]

<div>This made me LOL in the library.  I just got the stink eye for the kid at the next table over.  Thanks for that. :)</div>