Date Nights

Ember01

Last night K and I got into a discussion about date nights. When we first started dating, K told me that he and his ex went out at least once a week, and typically twice a week. We go out maybe once a month. This has always been something that has bothered me. Not that I want to go out multiple times a week, but why didn't he take me out as much? So, last night we started talking about it. Come to find out, his ex always planned everything and made him pay.

How often do you have date nights out? And who typically plans the date night?

Elle1036

When we lived together and both had full time jobs, we had an every other Tuesday date night tradition.  It was usually just dinner and a movie or something, but it gave us something to look forward to during the long first days of the work week.

Now that we're long distance and he's a student again, we are pretty much joined at the hip when he's in town.  So we don't really plan date nights; we just do whatever we feel like doing.

heyimbren

I like planning things, so it's usually me. Sometimes he'll suggest a movie or want to see a UFC fight, but other than that I usually plan.

We try not to go out too much because it can add up pretty quickly. So sometimes we just like to hang out at my house and watch a movie or play a game or something.

I'd say we probably go out twice a month on average.

coastiegrl25

I'd say once every 2 weeks.  Usually he pays, but sometimes I do.  I usually always plan it, because he doesn't like making decisions about stuff like that.  He would just be ok with McDonalds.  It does upset me sometimes that he doesn't take initiative with these things. but eh, he could do worse.

[Deleted User]

we don't have actual "date nights" very often.  sometimes we stay in and cook a meal and watch a movie on the couch, or play with the PS3 Move (recently!)...  sometimes we like to just go to the local Super-Target after dinner and walk around and look at things.  maybe that's weird...  haha.  between me working a FT job plus teaching music lessons, and he's doing teaching, working at a bank PT, and working for a university PT... we don't have a lot of "date time".  we just try to make sure that the time we do spend together is quality time.  and when we do go out for a real date, it's definitely a treat.

TheMutleys

Before Mr. Man, we had date night every Friday.  After he was born, we went every other Friday or so and would bring him with us.  Now, we plan date nights-in twice a week or so because he is on a strict sleeping schedule.  He just started sleeping through the night.  Soon MIL is going to start watching him every other Friday night, so we can have some 'us' time. 

As far as planning, we switch off.  Sometimes he plans, sometimes I plan.  It more so starts out as "So what do you want to eat?" and goes from there.  For fun, I like to surprise him with plans and 'pay.'  He gets such a kick out of it when I pay, even though it is our money.   

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_date-nights?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:31ec8284-98c6-433d-9c9c-0493632581d4Post:aa81ebf9-2949-4deb-a92b-66d03184a76f">Re: Date Nights</a>:
[QUOTE]Before Mr. Man, we had date night every Friday.  After he was born, we went every other Friday or so and would bring him with us.  Now, we plan date nights in twice a week or so because he is on a strict sleeping schedule.  He just started sleeping through the night.  Soon MIL is going to start watching him every other Friday night, so we can have some 'us' time.  As far as planning, we switch off.  Sometimes he plans, sometimes I plan.  It more so starts out as "So what do you want to eat?" and goes from there.  For fun, I like to surprise him with plans and 'pay.'  He gets such a kick out of it when I pay, even though it is our money.   
Posted by TheMutleys[/QUOTE]

this sounds like a really good arrangement.  i know a few young couples that NEVER GO OUT with friends or for a date because they don't want to leave their baby with anyone.

deburnin

Date night doesn't have to mean going out. We only go out about once a month, but we try to have date nights once a week. We watch movies, play board games/Magic/video games, go for walks. Just something that's different and lets us actually have quality time.

Edit: We usually split planning and paying. If he paid last time, I will the next or we'll just split the bill 50/50.

leia1979

We also generally do the Friday night thing. Sometimes I plan, and sometimes we just get home from work and decide together. We switch off who pays.

AudgiePodge

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_date-nights?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:31ec8284-98c6-433d-9c9c-0493632581d4Post:6d1a5f0b-5342-4ea4-a5e8-401de097e7f3">Date Nights</a>:
[QUOTE]Last night K and I got into a discussion about date nights. When we first started dating, K told me that he and his ex went out at least once a week, and typically twice a week. We go out maybe once a month. This has always been something that has bothered me. Not that I want to go out multiple times a week, <strong>but why didn't he take me out as much?</strong> So, last night we started talking about it. Come to find out, his ex always planned everything and made him pay. How often do you have date nights out? And who typically plans the date night?
Posted by Ember01[/QUOTE]

Why don't YOU take HIM out? Your treat.

We both plan, but it mainly is just going out to lunch or dinner. We do that about 3-4 times a week. It's some thing that DD can do with us.

When we get a sitter, we sometimes go see a movie or go play poker, but that is few and far between. Once a month, maybe.

PaigeMcC

We're saving for a house so money is le tight BUT we usually go out once every 2 weeks or so.  It's usually just dinner but it's nice.  We take turns paying.

TheMutleys

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_date-nights?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:31ec8284-98c6-433d-9c9c-0493632581d4Post:43509a9b-a8ae-47e7-ab23-c795d0f7ff50">Re: Date Nights</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Date Nights : this sounds like a really good arrangement.  i know a few young couples that NEVER GO OUT with friends or for a date because they don't want to leave their baby with anyone.
Posted by CocoBellaF[/QUOTE]

One of the biggest things we got out of Pre-Cana was that you must nurture your relationship for the betterment of the family.  Your relationship needs to come before your kids.  We make sure that we reconnect every single night after the baby is asleep, even if it is only for 30 mins or so.  We talked a lot about what we wanted our relationship to be like post-kids, and so far, we are pretty darn close.   

Also, I nannied for a family with 3 boys and they made it a point to have 2 date nights a month.  The mom said that it really helped the entire family.  When mom and dad are happy, everyone is happy.  If mom and dad don't get time to themselves, then it puts a strain on everyone.  

We are extremely lucky that my in-laws live nearby.  Not everyone has that luxury.  We have two sets that are more than willing to watch Mr. Man.  Plus he is a very easy and happy baby.  I don't think that I would feel comfortable leaving him with anyone that is not family for awhile.

Hazel_B

We don't really have anything specific set out in terms of frequency, However, both of us plan things and we try to split or alternate in paying.

I'd like to make this a resolution for the new year to commit to a night out every couple weeks or once a month.

Ember01

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_date-nights?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:31ec8284-98c6-433d-9c9c-0493632581d4Post:9db3a092-27f7-4828-8b80-03341f6fc4e1">Re: Date Nights</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Date Nights : Why don't YOU take HIM out?
Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]

I do take him out, when I can afford it (about once a month).

We do a lot of nights in where we'll cook together and watch a movie or play a game. When we first started dating, K didn't know that date nights could be in. He had never stayed home and cooked a meal with a girl!

I felt better when I found out that his ex was always the one planning the dates. In my mind I had him planning all these great date nights and then never doing the same thing for me.

[Deleted User]

When BF was working in VA every week we would go to dinner every Friday and Saturday night... Sometimes a movie or to Dave & Busters for dinner and games... Now, that he's been home for the last 3 weeks we see each other every night... I make dinner at my house and we watch TV or we hit up a fast food place... It seems difficult to differenciate between just chillen with each other and actually having a "date night". I did tell BF that I'd like to have a night once a month where we actually get dressed and go out to a different restaurant in the city, just to have the experience...

As far as paying goes, we tend to alternate... There really isn't any method to our madness... Whoever goes for their wallet first, usually... unless one of us is broke at that moment... lol

Also, BF is terrible at making plans... or even deciding what he wants to eat... so it's usually up to me... I wish he'd take the initiative or contribute ideas but like Coastie said... he could do worse!!

mzm153

We do once or twice a week. BF works overnight, so its harder to talk to each other unless at least one of us gets a day off. When we go out, we either go to bars and have a few drinks, but still be able to drive and/or we shoot pool, which we both love. When we shoot pool and a band starts playing, we leave for my place and continue drinking and then watch movies without having to worry about getting too drunk to drive and then he spends the night.

Most of the time I plan because we always go to bars near my place and also I pay most of the time since I make more money than he does. But sometimes he plans when we go to bars near his place.

skyler1108

FI usually works on Friday and Saturday evenings and I work early in the mornings so we are not able to have a planned date night every week. Whenever he has a Friday or Saturday evening off we usually try to go out some where whether is be dinner, shopping or a movie. Since we live together we do get to spend quite a bit of quality time together, we just don't get to go out together that often.

When it comes to paying, we trade off paying. Since I make almost twice as much as him I pay about 2/3 of the time and he pays the other 1/3. It really doesn't make that much of a difference though because we split the bills according to how much we make so this is no different.

As for planning we rarely have anything planned ahead of the time. We usually decide together the day off.

desertsun

We don't have an established "date night" every week b/c my H's schedule varies.

But we do try to get one on one time at least one night a week. We go out just the two of us prob once or twice a month, and with friends prob once or twice a month. It just kinda depends on what we're in the mood for, but I do make it a priority to find time for us to just talk about our days and stay connected.

I would say I'm more the planner and he's more the payer. He makes more than I do, but I do insist on paying on a regular basis so he doesn't feel taken for granted. 

paintgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_date-nights?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:31ec8284-98c6-433d-9c9c-0493632581d4Post:38b828ec-7a57-445e-b5ab-0ad84a147884">Re: Date Nights</a>:
[QUOTE]It seems difficult to differenciate between just chillen with each other and actually having a "date night". Posted by LyzMcFlyz[/QUOTE]

This. We go out to lunch almost every Saturday and most Sundays. We usually have dinner out one weekend night (typically Saturdays) but not always. But is that "date night"? Sometimes I don't think so. I do wish we did more fun stuff but I'm awful at planning and bf is swamped at work, so he's usually pretty run down. I also just moved here a few months ago and haven't really figured out the "cool" places to go. I travel a lot for work so that limits available time. But every once in awhile I get fiesty and want to go OUT! And not just a quick dinner and home! Just can't figure out what to do. :)

As far as paying, we usually take turns.

loves2shop4shoes

We don't have an established date night.  We live together, so on weekends that we don't have something planned, we'll either go out for dinner and a movie or snuggle up on the couch.  We spend a lot of time snuggling.