I hate to rant about FI. He's a wonderful, great guy. I think I am just having a rough day, busy week, feeling moody, have a lot of work ahead of me in the next month, you name it.
But I am starting to feel like FI is sucking any fun out of wedding planning.
At first, it was no big deal. Just a wedding. We were compromising with our parents by having the guest list we do. He was pretty much okay with it, and I thought "whatever, I get a wedding. What girl doesn't want a wedding?"
I am trying to make the best of it. Wedding planning is more work that I expected/wanted, and if I had it to do over again I would just let my mom plan the whole thing and I'd give HER my guest list and just show up day-of.
But FI has had an increasingly difficult time being positive AT ALL about the wedding. He'd roll his eyes now and then about the decisions and the choices and the details, but it was no big deal. Now, he literally makes the whole thing about stress.
Tomorrow, I am having a girls' day at my friend's house. We're dyeing my crinoline, tying ribbons on fans, putting flower petals in little baggies... you name it. We're having mimosas and snacks and just going for it. It SHOULD be fun. I'm looking forward to it. Sure, it's work.... sure, I could have gone to Mexico and not had to do it, but we're doing it and I am (understandably, I think) a bit excited.
FI assumed I'd be home before he gets out of work. I said "Probably not, I don't think we'll be done by then." He gave me his classic look of disbelief. "What do you MEAN you won't be done? What are you guys DOING?"
He knows what we'll be doing. He just can't believe I am voluntarily going to be doing it. It's WORK.
Then, I reminded him about making a payment to the florist.
"We just paid $800 to the photographer!"
"Yes, I know. And I gave you an outline of what needs to be paid when, and we budgeted for this."
"Well, yeah, we budgeted it..."
"So, do we have the money to pay the florist or not?"
"Yeah, we have the money. But man, how much money are we spending on this damn wedding?"
....the same amount we talked about spending when we first got engaged? The same amount we went over several times and budgeted in for each month?
Everything is "Where did you get that? Do you really need that? Is that going to make a difference? Who is going to REALLY care? Why didn't we just get married already? Why are we even having a wedding? This is too much work. You're too stressed. I never wanted a big party in the FIRST place."
I mean.... look, okay, he and I wanted to go away and get married. But we agreed.... BOTH of us agreed.... to let my dad pay for something more traditional. I am making the best of it. He will not help with ANYTHING unless I am on the verge of a breakdown. He doesn't do anything. The only thing he made a decision on was the tuxes. Then he said "Well, that's it. I'm done with everything I had to do!"
I could have smacked him. I showed him a list of everything that needed to be done. I showed him what he could help with. I emailed him the things he could do. He has googled wedding insurance. That's it.
Fine, if he doesn't want to help. Fine. It's okay. But I wish he would STOP complaining about all the other things he'd rather spend the money on when we talked about it and agreed on it months and months ago. I wish he would stop complaining on my behalf about all the little craps I need to do. I wish he would stop rolling his eyes and giving me the "I'm shocked" look.
If he hates the wedding so much, why didn't he just say "I REALLY do not want a wedding and I would like to just take a vacation and elope"????
Because he didn't know what he wanted, and that is NOT my fault, and he can just shut up because I KNOW he'll have a good time. He'll enjoy the food, and spending time with his friends, and I know he wants to marry me. I know that. But he doesn't feel connected to the wedding. He hasn't made any meaningful choices, and he feels like it's our parents' wedding.
Well, too effing bad for him, because he has had PLENTY of chances to jump in and help. I have asked him if he wanted to help with SPECIFIC things. He says no. He complains. He acts like it's the most horrible ordeal ever.
He hasn't even done anything! That's WHY he doesn't want to spend the money or make any decisions or help with anything. It's not HIS. Vicious cycle.
And I have tried to make sure there are things for him. I have surprises up my sleeve to make the day fun and memorable for him. And he makes me want to just say f--- it let's call it off and I'll think long and hard about this whole marrying a big effing baby business.
I don't mean that. I'm just mad and I just want to cry.
Another long post by Jeana.
