Not Engaged Yet

too soon

so my bf and i have only been together about 3 months. Is that too soon the get engaged? We've talked about it and we are already picking stuff out and 70/30 live with him. We're going to get married and have the date picked out for next september but i dont want to hurry the steps of the process. (very concerned about my traditional family's opinion)

Re: too soon

  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Honestly I think if you have to ask this question then the answer is probably yes. Every couple dates for a different length of time before they get engaged so there is no right answer to how long you should wait. My BF and I didn't even say "I love you" until 6 months into the relationship but that is how our relationship works. I know couples who met, dated, and married within a total of 3 months and they are still happily married years later. But if you are questioning it then you need to figure out why. If you feel like you are rushing then you probably are. But if you are only worried about what people will think then you just need to know that this is a decision that only you and your BF can make and nobody can make it for you or tell you what to do.

    Does family's opinion matter? Of course to some degree it does. But should their opinion control your decision? No.


  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_soon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:336ce0f1-3f56-48aa-a3c0-00dc8302c991Post:92d9e5a6-ad88-4f78-adc1-f35a17ea994d">too soon</a>:
    [QUOTE]so my bf and i have only been together about 3 months. Is that too soon the get engaged? We've talked about it and we are already picking stuff out and 70/30 live with him. We're going to get married and have the date picked out for next september but i dont want to hurry the steps of the process. (very concerned about my traditional family's opinion)
    Posted by cowgirlkitkatt[/QUOTE]

    Personally, I think 3 months is too soon just because it's still the "honeymoon" phase of the relationship but I think a couple other questions come into play as well:

    How old are both of you?
    How love have you known each other? (before dating)
    What's the rush?

    Just take those into consideration as well. Also, there is the reality that your family may very well not be happy with this decision. Prepare yourself for that, but hopefully they do support you. But if they do have concerns, try talking to them about their concerns because they may be valid.
  • desertsundesertsun member
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    edited December 2011


    Why are you asking us anyway? You've posted on your local asking for advice on vendors. Seems you've already made up your mind.

    There *might* be a situation out there that would make me think this is a good idea, but given absolutely no context, I have to say yes, personally, in general, I think it's a terrible idea to get engaged after 3 months of dating and to get married after only about a year of dating.



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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Speaking of 3 months, I spy someone with a ticker who's been married exactly 3 months... :)
  • Blue & WhiteBlue & White member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    If anyone proposed to me after 3 months, I'd decline.  My parents would also not bless an engagement that soon.  It takes time to get to know a potential mate...and it also takes time for him to get to know your family.  I recommend baby steps, such as inviting him to your family Thanksgiving celebration.  No need to rush into things.

    Oh, and my family is the mostly traditional family.  But we're also really close so I wouldn't ditch them for a boy, ever.  Which isn't a bad thing :)

    Good luck!

    AND, I recommend vacationing with him.  It's fun and it'll give you something to plan besides a wedding :)
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  • edited December 2011
    3 months is too soon.  You don't really "know" anyone after 3 months.  I'd wait until you've been together at LEAST a year.

    How old are you?
  • edited December 2011
    I am so not the person to call the kettle black here but 3 months seems too soon in your case. Knowing nothing of your background but just seeing how you type kind of gives off that impression. Age is definitely a factor and you appear to be young (sorry if I am wrong).

    Everyone is different but yeah if you're asking that question to internet strangers then it's probably too soon. This is coming from the person who bought a house with and got engaged to my FI after 3.5 months. We had also been friends for 10 years and we're in our mid-late 20's with settled lives.
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  • desertsundesertsun member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_soon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:336ce0f1-3f56-48aa-a3c0-00dc8302c991Post:75f84233-fe37-4934-b0c2-449f4eae2a50">Re: too soon</a>:
    [QUOTE]Speaking of 3 months, I spy someone with a ticker who's been married exactly 3 months... :)
    Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

    it's me! YAY!

    But this reminds me of just how short 3 months is.

    OP, please, don't rush! Take Blue and White's advice and plan a long vacation together. You can learn a lot about a person by traveling together.

    I wish you would come back and try to explain to us why you're in such a rush. I feel like it's hard to give you good advice without knowing the specifics of your situation.
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  • edited December 2011
    I think 3 months is too soon, but it depends on the couple. How old are you? How long have you known each other? Is there any particular reason why you want to get married so quickly?
  • edited December 2011
    MORE INFORMATION/answers to questions
    I am 24 and he is 29.

    We talked to each other about 2 weeks before we went on our 1st date.

    I'm asking here because I'm looking for obective opinions.

    Some days its creepy that we are so in tune with each other in our opinions. For example we were talking about redoing the bathroom in the house he is paying on and he love all my ideas and when I waited for hes thoughts first I felt the same way (wanted to make sure he wasn't just agreeing to agree...)
  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_soon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:336ce0f1-3f56-48aa-a3c0-00dc8302c991Post:d29d259b-a602-4ff9-89d8-6cf25371b80e">Re: too soon</a>:
    [QUOTE]MORE INFORMATION/answers to questions I am 24 and he is 29. We talked to each other about 2 weeks before we went on our 1st date. I'm asking here because I'm looking for obective opinions. Some days its creepy that we are so in tune with each other in our opinions. For example we were talking about redoing the bathroom in the house he is paying on and he love all my ideas and when I waited for hes thoughts first I felt the same way (wanted to make sure he wasn't just agreeing to agree...)
    Posted by cowgirlkitkatt[/QUOTE]

    Okay, so you've known each other for about 3 and a half months then? I do think it is too soon. Some people do click really well, right away but you've got nothing to lose by waiting and just enjoy dating for a while. No need to rush for a wedding. It's an exciting time in your life, and I do understand getting so excited about this and wanting to rush forward, but slowing down will be good for your relationship.
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    You are still in the honeymoon phase of your relationship. You will lose nothing by waiting. Why the rush? If he is the one he will still be the one a year from now.


  • desertsundesertsun member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for coming back cowgirl! I appreciate having a little more info.

    I'm still not sure, however, why you want to get married next September?

    I think it's great that you have similar tastes.

    How do you guys match up in your values?

    Here are a couple links that might help:
    http://marriage.about.com/od/engagement/ss/tenquestions.htm
    http://marriage.about.com/cs/communicationkeys/a/lovelanguage.htm
    http://www.selfcounseling.com/help/personalsuccess/personalvalues.html
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  • leia1979leia1979 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    It's great that you two click so well, but as others have asked, what's the rush? I think the suggestion to plan a vacation together first is fantastic. Who doesn't love a vacation? 

  • edited December 2011

    It all depends on the situation.  My SO and I fell in love almost instantly, we have both been in serious relationships before, but we know this time is different.  Love is a funny thing.  Yes we have been dating just over 3 months and we know marriage is in our future, and even have a tentative date in mind, but also know our relationship is still in the "honeymoon" stage.  Things will calm down eventually, and everyone's honeymoon stage is different, I know older couples who have been married 30+ years who are still in a "honeymoon" stage. 

    Its up to you ultimately, but as a PP said above, if you need to ask if it is too soon or even feel like things are moving too fast then they probably are.  Good luck with everything, I hope you find your answer soon. 

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  • edited December 2011
    IMO 3 months is too soon. Is there a certain reason you have to get married so quickly?
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  • edited December 2011
    no reason other than him and we are so happy together, we click in interests and values
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    If that is your only reason then I would strongly suggest waiting. Like I said before, if he is the one now he will be the one a year from now. I think it would be doing your relationship a favor to hold off on getting engaged/married. Let your relationship grow and mature. Take the time to REALLY get to know each other. Learn the things about him that drive you crazy and let him learn the things about you that drive him nuts. Learn the things that you truly love about him. Learn how you two will handle hard times together and how you will handle the good times together. Have a couple of fights and then make-up. It doesn't have to take years but I can't imagine that all of that and more has happened in 3 months.

    If he is worth marrying then he is worth putting in the time that it takes a relationship to really grow.


  • zipis1zipis1 member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I think it's too soon.

    I'm not trying to burst your bubble here, but many, many people feel like they click really well and are extremely happy together in the first few months. As someone else mentioned you're still in the honeymoon stage, so you're on perpetual cloud nine. This kind of thing can work out for people, yes, but I think such people got lucky, and are the exception not the rule.

    You lose nothing by waiting, but gain everything. And that you're asking us and concerned about other's opinions on the matter tells me that you're not 100% certain this is right for you, and you really need to be if you're going to take this chance.

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  • edited December 2011
    Please wait. It is still to rush into a marriage just because you click well. A marriage is (or should be) forever. Make sure you are entering into it with the right person, and that takes time. Think of other relationships or friendships that might have dissolved. Did you see that happening three months in.

    I hate to be the first to be snarky, but I have food in my refrigerator older than your relationship and I am sure you do too. I think it is a bad idea.

    I am not trying to be mean. This is almost the exact same thing I said to a friend of mine I have known for YEARS who had a similar idea.

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