The life timeline

Ember01

Someone mentioned in a previous post that they wanted to be married by the time they were 30. I'm wondering if other people have a specific age in mind for marriage and starting to have babies? What is that age? If that age has come and passed, how did you handle it?

Personally, I always thought 26 was the perfect age to get married and 28 for having babies. I'm 30, so obviously those ages came and went without a wedding or babies. FI and I were talking last night that everyone has a path in life, we almost went to the same college 12 years ago, but at the last minute, I changed my mind. It was a small college and we would have met for sure 12 years ago. Instead, we didn't meet until 2008. I think our paths were not meant to cross until later in life.

Sorry, this is a P & R. I have to go teach.

[Deleted User]

FI met at the university after I switched at the last minute.  long story made short: we tried to date, but it ended up just horribly falling apart because of bad timing.  a year later we tried again, and (obviously) it worked out so much better because the timing was right this time.

I always thought mid-twenties would be a good time to get married (24, 25, 26) and late-twenties to start having children (26, 27, 28).  I'll be getting married in my mid-twenties... we'll have to wait and see about kids! 

SeaTea02

I always kind of thoughts FI and I would get married a little young because we got together at such a young age (15). We both always knew we didn't want to have kids very young though. Our time line is to have kids 4-6 years after getting married, so 26-28ish

musikbx

FI and I have had a general timeline in mind. We planned that I would work at my school for three years, then we would move and start new jobs, establish ourselves there, get married and have babies when I am 30 and he is 34.

I am just finishing my third year at my school, and I am now looking for some international volunteer opportunities. It bothers me quite a bit not to know exactly what is going to happen, but FI is the kind of person who is excited by the unknown and is there to balance me out when I get a little crazy. In the meantime, he is looking for job options in Europe. In the ideal situation, we're hoping that I can do a year of volunteer work, then we can get married and I can join him in Europe where I'll look for a new job and we'll start thinking about the baby plan.

What I'm slowly realizing is that life doesn't always go according to plan. I know that seems obvious, but I basically plotted out my life at 18 and ended up exactly where I wanted to be. Unfortunately, the plan ended after "go to NYC, get a master's degree, teach in the Bronx and find a boy with a cute accent." Now I am here, trying to make a new plan. Which brings me back to my previous point, that sometimes you can't plan things. Life happens and it can't be predicted. Jobs are hard to find, moving abroad isn't a walk in the park and getting pregnant isn't an easy task for everyone. There are so many variables that could get in the way, I've had to learn to take a step back from "the plan" and just enjoy my life as it is happening. I'm not always great at doing that, but I'm trying!

Phew, that was long winded.

niknik15

My only time line is to have a baby by the time I'm 30. I'm 23 now and engaged so it looks like it will happen.

I initially met FI at a mutual friends "pimps and hoes" themed 21st birthday party. We hung out a couple times, but then we both realized that we weren't ready for a relationship. A year and a half later we saw each other turning in homework for an astronomy class that we apparently had together. I guess the stars aligned

AbigailMS

I always thought I would be more of a late 20's marriage person. I always knew I wanted to go into some type of medical field. I knew I'd be in school for a long time. But with our timeline now, we'll get married when i'm either 21 or 22...YOUNG! geez. 

I never thought of having kids, because I didn't want any. I think SO and I have agreed to start trying after I finish pharmacy school. I'm applying in the fall. Soooo 26 for kids? Everything is kind of happening earlier than expected for me. *shrug*

MissOwl

my timeline was
finish college - 22
get engaged - 23
finish grad school - 24
get married - 24
babies - 28-32ish

i'm 26 now and this is my revised timeline
finish grad school - 24 (check)
start ph.d. - 26 (got accepted! check!)
get married during ph.d. 28 or 29?
finish ph.d. by 30
babies after ph.d.

DanieKA

When I was a teenager I thought I'd be married by 24 or 25, but I think I was put off by getting married young when I was in college. I blame one of my crazy roommates who was seriously only there to get her MRS degree. It bugged me. I judged. I thought it was ridiculous that she was spending her parent's hard earned money just to get married. We went to H.S. together, along with our third roommate, so we all knew each others parents and backgrounds quite well. I knew education was a priority to them and I know they didn't have a huge trust fund for her to use college as a dating site only, and I valued education and was an enthusiastic dork about college as well, so to see her skipping class and generally not take college seriously was irritating to me. She barely graduated and that was after having to stay every single summer to take classes she either withdrew from or failed after not putting any effort in during the semester. 

I was quite cynical and very wary of letting marriage become THAT important to me.

Disclaimer: I don't think there is anything wrong with getting married young and having kids young as long as you are mature enough to handle it and know the commitment and sacrifices involved. I know there are a lot of early twenty-somethings on the board and I don't want to offend. It's just my experience that at 22, I didn't know anyone that mature. Myself included.

That being said, I always saw myself married by my mid twenties with a kid or kids by 30. Barring accidental conception in the next month or 2 and a shotgun wedding, that won't happen. And as I went through my mid-late twenties I've become okay with that. Intellectually I know I'm just not in that place yet, though I'm getting there. It is still important to me to try to have children (I flip between wanting 2 and 3) before or at 35, for health reasons (infertility issues, increased risk of down syndrome for AMA, etc...). I thought about it a lot before I met my BF and I was and am prepared to go it alone with that should we, worst case scenario, not work out. 

Being a mother is extremely important to me and I have put somewhat of a strict timeline on that, but as far as marriage, I guess I had one idea when I was a teenager and during college, but I've let life after that ease me on any strict timeline and dictate my feelings. I've calmed down a lot. 

Sorry, that was quite rambly. 

[Deleted User]

We have a tentative timeline. We both want babies in my 27 area. I never thought of what age I want to get married at, 22 is too young for me, 24 sounds like a better age. As long as I am married a few years before kids, I'll be perfectly happy with life.

peekaboo2011

My mother always told me 26 was a good age.  I disagree with her.  She gave up a lot of her life because she got pregnant, and so she seems to be under the impression that no one can have it all.  I disagree, very much.  If I want a PhD and babies and a tenure track position, I'm getting it. /vent.

Here's our timeline:

Get engaged (check!) - 21

Grad school (tentatively accepted?) - 21

PhD - 23/24

Get married - 23/24

Post Doc - 30

Babies - 32

Real Career - 32/33 (I actually have no idea how long a post doc runs, but this would be my estimate)

SeaTea02

I also require owning a townhouse or house before having a child. 

tmacwin

Growing up, I always thought that I would meet my future husband in college and get married soon after, and have all of my kinds by the time I turn 30.  My parents were 24 and 26 when they had me and I had always wanted to be a young parent as well.

As it looks now, I'll be 29 when I get married.  We want to be married at least a year before we start to bring kids into the picture.  So at best, we'll begin TTC once I'm already 30.  This new scenario to me is perfectly acceptable.  The first step was finding the right man to be the father to my children, and now that I have, I know we can raise a wonderful family, no matter what age we start having babies.

calindi

I always thought I'd travel the world and climb the professional ladder during my 20's, meet someone around 25-26, date for several years and then get married around 30 years old and have kids a few years after.  Turns out that timeline will get moved up a bit, and my idea of a professional ladder is becoming a bit different than I originally viewed it.  I'll be married at 26, and we'll probably start thinking about kids around the time I turn 29/30.

heyimbren

BF wants to have a baby by the time he's 30, and I'm a couple years younger. Assuming I go to law school, I'll be all done by about the time I'm 26. So sometime in there works for me. I'm not too picky. We'd both like to be married for a couple years before kids. He wants to finish school first though. We're not really too picky I don't think.

NurseyK

Timeline? Not exactly. I always knew I didn't want to get married young, and that it would be my late 20s or early 30s. I also never thought I would feel ready to be a mother.

About 2 years ago had this feeling that I was ready to get married, but at the time I was very single and happy with being single. 

(Fast forward. I'm 28 now.) Now that I know who I'm going to be with I absolutely can't wait to get married to him and start a family... like tomorrow would be fine with me. Anywho... our plan is to get married late this year, or by March of next year at the latest, and start TTC right away. 

Beads921

I figured I'd meet someone in university and get married right after graduating (so, around 22-23), buy a house a couple years later, then have babies around 30. Well, clearly that didn't work out. I met BF in highschool (I might add, I made a very last-minute decision to attend our high school 2 days before I was ready to start at a different school...). I'm a year out from graduating (university), and I have no plans to get married yet. I do have plans to buy a house in the next year-ish, so that's obviously backwards from what I imagined. I might get married in my mid-20s, we'll see when that happens. It's not a priority anymore really. I'm also not even sure if I want babies anymore, so that remains to be seen.

peekaboo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_life-timeline?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:35a7dcd5-9d7a-4181-9506-cca2dc6ebe87Post:bf611a6e-f056-4d44-8a48-a2900a56d0e2">Re: The life timeline</a>:
[QUOTE]I figured I'd meet someone in university and get married right after graduating (so, around 22-23), buy a house a couple years later, then have babies around 30. Well, clearly that didn't work out. I met BF in highschool (I might add, I made a very last-minute decision to attend our high school 2 days before I was ready to start at a different school...). I'm a year out from graduating, and I have no plans to get married yet. I do have plans to buy a house in the next year-ish, so that's obviously backwards from what I imagined. I might get married in my mid-20s, we'll see when that happens. It's not a priority anymore really. I'm also not even sure if I want babies anymore, so that remains to be seen.
Posted by Beads921[/QUOTE]

<div>Beads, you're in high school?</div>

BunnyChii

I always figured that I would get married in my mid twenties - 24, 25ish. With the looks of things now, I'll be 23 and FI will have just turned 24 about a month prior. So I guess I wasn't too far off on that. 

As for children, FI and I both agree that we're waiting another five years (so I'll be 26) before we even discuss having children. We don't want kids for some time yet, but we are both excited about having a family someday. So I'm guessing late twenties would probably be a good time for us.

I remember my younger cousin once saying that 27 was "old" to have children. Mind you, she was probably 15 or so when she said this, but that always worried me. I was afraid of having an episode of 16 and Pregnant starring my cousin! 

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_life-timeline?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:35a7dcd5-9d7a-4181-9506-cca2dc6ebe87Post:c358f088-112c-4efd-b4df-d0f240e386d7">Re: The life timeline</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The life timeline : Beads, you're in high school?
Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

Beads is in university, she meant she's a year away from graduating from Uni, but she met BF in HS even though she thought she wouldn't meet someone until Uni.

HeartOverMind

The last time BF and I talked about our timeline, we plan on getting married before I finish graduate school. I'll graduate college at 22, hopefully. So, I'm guessing we will be married at 24/28ish. We want to wait a few years before having children, so we can enjoy married life and travel together, so we are thinking 28/32ish. I really would like to have at least one child before 30, that's my main timeline.

But I think I'll be ok if things don't turn out that way. Just as long as I'm with BF, it's all good.

desertsun

I thought I'd get married around 27 and wasn't sure I wanted kids.

I got married at 28 and will prob start TTC sometime after our first anniversary.

tuarceatha

I want to be married before I am thirty, and I will be 28 in July. So there is still time for that expectation...
My BF is 9 months younger than me, so I kind of really (superficially) want to get married during the 3 months where we are both the "same" age. Plus I would love a spring wedding... Just sayin'.

And babies? I think I would want to start having them after the first year of marriage, but who knows...

leia1979

When I was younger, I thought I'd be married by 30. Well, I'll be 31, so I guess I'm not too far off. I've never wanted kids, so there's no timeline.

I've kind of compared myself to my mom. She got married at 24, and when I was 24 I thought, "Man, that's too young!" She had me (first child) at 28. When I was 28, I thought, "I'm still too young!"

It's funny how our perception of age changes as we age.

NurseyK

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_life-timeline?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:35a7dcd5-9d7a-4181-9506-cca2dc6ebe87Post:42b0ba30-34b5-441c-9a5c-ec81d0fa12dd">Re: The life timeline</a>:
[QUOTE]I thought I'd get married around 27 and wasn't sure I wanted kids. I got married at 28 and will prob start <strong>TTC sometime after our first anniversary</strong>. :)
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Desert.... because Tucson is so small, with our luck we'll be bedside moms in the not so distant future.</div>

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_life-timeline?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:35a7dcd5-9d7a-4181-9506-cca2dc6ebe87Post:cf038092-9f03-4418-87d9-a3848a074b27">Re: The life timeline</a>:
[QUOTE]I want to be married before I am thirty, and I will be 28 in July. So there is still time for that expectation... <strong>My BF is 9 months younger than me, so I kind of really (superficially) want to get married during the 3 months where we are both the "same" age. </strong>Plus I would love a spring wedding... Just sayin'. And babies? I think I would want to start having them after the first year of marriage, but who knows...
Posted by jenjenniferf[/QUOTE]

Ha!  I'm in the same boat.  My birthday is July, FI's is December, so jokingly I told him we have to get married before my birthday so that I'm not older than he is at the wedding.


On the timeline topic:  I actually never thought I would get married.  According to my original life goals, I should be finishing up med school right about now.  Instead, I'm unemployed and getting ready to go <em>back</em> to school in a completely unscientific field.  I never wanted kids either, just a nice house and a good group of friends.

When I did start thinking I would get married, I thought I would be around 30.  In reality, I'll either be 26 or 27 depending on when in the summer we get married.  I'm still up in the air about kids, but I definitely don't want any before 30.

oceana919

Our general timeline for the next few years:

Spring 2011 - Get married
Fall 2011 - FI finishes masters
Spring 2012 - All debt paid off (save for student loans), start house hunting
Fall 2012 - Purchase house, second dog, start hunting for teaching position
Fall 2012/Spring 2013 - Finish Ph.D.
Spring/Summer 2013 - Start TTC

Beyond that, our timeline is pretty much up in the air. We know we want to have at least two children, possibly a third if time/finances/health allows. We know we want our kids to be spaced out about 1-2 years apart, but that honestly depends on how hard it is for us to concieve/carry to term. We know, at some point, we want for me to be able to drop down to part-time or full-time SAHMing, but that depends on where FI is with his career and our cost of living. At some point, we want to move somewhere in the Carolinas, but that will depend on our jobs and how long FI can continue his scuba instruction.

Beads921

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_life-timeline?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:35a7dcd5-9d7a-4181-9506-cca2dc6ebe87Post:a7cc8025-5ec0-41f9-8f1e-4a87ee644c80">Re: The life timeline</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The life timeline : Beads is in university, she meant she's a year away from graduating from Uni, but she met BF in HS even though she thought she wouldn't meet someone until Uni.
Posted by heyimbren[/QUOTE]

<div>Thanks for clearing that up, Bren! I really shouldn't post when I'm in class. I don't pay close enough attention to what I'm writing and end up leaving confusing posts.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

bethsmiles

I've never wanted to be married by a specific age. but now that I'm with BF our timeline has us getting married when we are around 23 or 24. We would like to start TTC when I'm 25-26. We want at least 2 children, possibly 3 and we would like for them to all be close together in age. Honestly, if I could just have twins and only have to do pregnancy once I would be super happy. If finances allow I would love to be a SAHM while they are little.

We want to have a house before having children though so depending on when we can make that happen when we decide to TTC will be pushed back (it won't be any earlier than 25 - that is the absolute earliest BF is willing to start having babies).

cu97tiger

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_life-timeline?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:35a7dcd5-9d7a-4181-9506-cca2dc6ebe87Post:f297a95b-9692-4f07-b0ad-4a9e2a580124">Re: The life timeline</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Growing up, I always thought that I would meet my future husband in college and get married soon afte</strong>r, and have all of my kinds by the time I turn 30.  My parents were 24 and 26 when they had me and I had always wanted to be a young parent as well. As it looks now, I'll be 29 when I get married.  We want to be married at least a year before we start to bring kids into the picture.  So at best, we'll begin TTC once I'm already 30.  This new scenario to me is perfectly acceptable.  The first step was finding the right man to be the father to my children, and now that I have, I know we can raise a wonderful family, no matter what age we start having babies.
Posted by tmacwin[/QUOTE]

<div>This. But thank goodness it didn't happen because I was definitely not mature enough for that. I was never sure I wanted to have kids when I was in my 20s, but my parents were both 23 when I was born, so I kind of wanted to be young when I had them. </div><div>
</div><div>Well, now I'm 35, will most likely be 36 when BF and I get married, and most likely will be 37 before we start TTC. I'm definitely a little nervous as I get up there in age, but now that I've met the wonderful man that I want to be the father of my children, I'm just ready to take things as they come. A great quote: 'Man plans, God laughs.'</div>

peekaboo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_life-timeline?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:35a7dcd5-9d7a-4181-9506-cca2dc6ebe87Post:5f044c79-52d1-4db4-bc9d-c4e9613fc77b">Re: The life timeline</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The life timeline : Thanks for clearing that up, Bren! I really shouldn't post when I'm in class. I don't pay close enough attention to what I'm writing and end up leaving confusing posts.
Posted by Beads921[/QUOTE]

<div>Beads, it's cool.  I shouldn't read posts when I'm falling asleep.  I thought you were in uni, and so it way confused me.  But I think a lot of that was me being half asleep when I read it.  :)</div>

Blue & White

Growing up, I planned to get my PhD and THEN get married.  I even told a few boyfriends this in high school.  Nope, no ring till PhD.  (I was a nerd, obviously)

I skipped the PhD and went for a MS because my advisor was a psychopath and I love teaching way more than research anyday.  Not engaged yet, but might be someday.

I always thought "27" was the perfect age for having kids.  Until I realized that that's like a month and year away.  Nope.  Not ready for kids yet.