How Much Do you Say?

Hazel_B

The other day a friend of mine got back from vacation. Since it had been awhile since we chatted, I had lots to say when she asked how the wedding planning was going. I'm the first to admit that the visions that she had for her wedding and I have for mine are completely different. So, I wasn't expecting to feel like I was competing in any way with her.

I don't think she meant to make me feel this way, but by the end of the conversation I felt awful about my wedding planning. We've been struggling to find that balance between budget and good food that suits that budget. By expressing these thoughts I felt like anything I said was being judged and criticized. I understand that she has been there before, but she doesn't seem to be coming from a supportive place when we talk.

For those of you planning or have already planned, did you restrict what you said to people?

bourgehm

Well when I was planning for the wedding date (that passed), I didn't tell one of my friends much. She talked about her wedding ALL. THE. TIME.  and whenever I would bring up something about mine she'd just go on a rant about hers again. I mostly just don't talk weddings unless someone brings it up though. It gets old. At least it did for me. Plus, I always felt like my wedding was going to suck since her budget was MUCH bigger than mine.

calindi

Sorry that's happening!

I can't say about wedding planning, but jealousy and competition isn't exclusive to weddings. In general, I'd try to say as little as possible to anyone.  You're going to get everyone's opinions, and they honestly just don't matter.  It's definitely hard, since you're so excited, but try to keep from talking about specifics.

niknik15

I usually try not to say anything about wedding stuff to anyone unless they ask for it, then I monitor what I say. I like to say I'm keeping it a suprise for them.

Hazel_B

I kind of feel the say way. Our weddings aren't in the same league, so I don't want to bother comparing them. We are planning on more than twice the number of people for roughly the same budget. We are planning something more casual in order to be able to do that. By saying that we needed to find that balance with the budget it felt like I was being accused of sacraficing quality and being cheap - which isn't the plan.

I guess I just shouldn't talk to her much about the wedding because I just don't want to feel bad everytime I do.

motoLyn

I don't say much, I actually don't talk about it to anyone.  I have a friend who I'm a BM for that is having her wedding in December and I let her talk.  I actually like hearing about other people's wedding and I don't like to talk much about mine.  But if someone asks I'll reply but just answer the question and not go off on a tangent.  I think I just feel self conscious about it.  Don't let your friend get you down Hazel.  Two different kinds of weddings and each unique and special. 

Hazel_B

Thanks everyone, I guess I just feel like I made a mistake telling her things. Maybe it is a good thing that I learned my lesson early on.

desertsun

That's why I was happy to have my NEY girls. i felt like everyone here was really supportive and helpful. I also had one of my OOT BMs and a co-worker friend to talk to about stuff, and neither of them was getting married. Sometimes it's just a matter of talking the most to the people who are the most supportive, and sometimes the only way to figure that out is through trial and error.

I do think it happens though during wedding plan where you go through stages where you're more stressed out and discouraged about things, and that's totally natural and okay, as long as you you don't stay there.

For me, what helped most was reminding myself that the whole point was to get married to my H. It wasn't to have the best wedding, the best food, to look the thinnest or prettiest, to impress our guests, to make everyone happy. If we got married, the day was a success. I think there's a lot of pressure by the wedding industry to get competitive and think you have to be original and creative and oh so perfect. So just by letting go of all that crap and remembering that I just wanted to marry my H, it helped me feel better and to see things more clearly.

Seriously, the NEY girls helped keep me sane, and I'm forever grateful. Don't be afraid to AW over and over to get opinions, advice, support, etc. That's what we're here for.

Hazel_B

Thanks Desert! I think I'll be using NEY alot hopefully for fun stuff opinions as well.

If anything, my talk with my friend just made me adament about things. It just made me focus on FI more, if what I was talking about fit our budget, fit our vision, we had good references for it and we were both happy with the decision than there was no reason to go beyond that in terms of opinions.

desertsun

I'm sorry you had a negative experience with your friend, but at least there is something positive coming out of it, right? I think you have the right attitude about it. It's hurtful to feel like all your plans are somehow not good enough, but you are absolutely doing the right thing by disregarding her criticism and focusing on what's right for you and your FI. You might think about making a bio to keep everything organized. And so I can be a creeper and stalk your wedding plans.

Hazel_B

You are right, I should get on that one

heyimbren

Yeah, if you ever want to talk wedding stuff without someone interrupting you to talk about their wedding, just start a blog that Desert and I can creep or spam my PM inbox on here I love hearing about wedding plans. LOVE. I love seeing how people can all be getting married and have totally different ideas and visions and then seeing how it all comes together to turn out so personal and beautiful.