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long distance relationship

Hey everyone! I'm new here and just wanted to see if there's anyone else in a long distance relationship. Bf and I have been long distance for the entirety of our relationship (2 yrs). It wasn't so bad when we lived a 4 hr drive away from each other and could see each other twice or so a month. Now he's in SE Asia for 5 months and obviously can't talk as much. This morning we spent 4 hours trying to fenagle a skype call which didn't end up happening at all because of a shoddy internet connection on his part. I was just wondering if anyone on here is in the same long distance relationship boat as me, and if so, how do you cope?

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Married! :) 5/19/12 The Domesticals

Re: long distance relationship

  • edited December 2011
    Trust me, I feel your pain!  My fiance' and I are finally living in the same city after 7 YEARS!  We went to college together, but then I moved back home to live with my parents after graduating because I decided to go into a different career.  All the while I was going to school, my FI was working in a city 2 hours away.  That wasn't too bad since we weren't too far away.  Then 3 years later he got another job in another state, but that only extended the distance by an hour.  Still, that wasn't all that bad since we were within driving distance.  Then last May, he got a job all the way in Washington state (he moved from Indiana while I was still in Ohio) and that made things really hard.  I'm not going to lie, at first we didn't think it would be all that bad because we were used to the distance, but then we realized just how hard it can be when you no longer have the physical connection.  Being that far away, it put a glaring spotlight on the problems in our relationship and it forced us to deal with it.  Finally, at my school's graduation he proposed and then later on, I moved out here to Washington.
    So all in all, no, it's not easy and I'm not going to lie and tell you that it is.  But as long as the two of you know that you want to be together, if you know how to communicate, and if the love is there, then it'll work out.  Trust me.
  • Wrkn925Wrkn925 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I'd say it's not easy, and I'm lucky enough to never have been in this situation.

    But I would think it would make your relationship stronger.  It would be easy to loose interest when there's no physical connection, but you all have survived, that says alot.
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  • azntomboy26azntomboy26 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Of dating 5.5 years, 2.5 yrs has been done long distance (3 hrs driving, then 5 hrs driving/40min plane ride, now 2 hr plane ride) and you've really got to have a goal for the long distance to end.

    I've learned that the time we do spend together is hardly worth fighting because it adds up to mere hours over months.  Also learned that poor communication of any form (email/skype/phone) will cause lots of fights.  Coping mechanisms I've learned are things like renting the same move and watching it together on the phone.  Also, getting a pillow and keep a few of his shirts around and use them as a pillow case.

    It's tough. And when one person has more time on his or her hands, it makes it more difficult. Try to stay occupied (volunteer, hobbies, etc.)  If you can't talk all the time write e-mails or make notes of things you wanted to say for those short times when you do get to talk.

    Good luck! :D
  • edited December 2011
    Welcome!

    Wow, what is he doing in South East Asia?
  • edited December 2011

    BF and I originally didn't have a long distance relationship, but then I graduated and he's still at college, so now we're doing the long distance thing. It's hard, and we fight more often because of communcation issues, but it does make me cherish every moment I have with him. I also understand the skype issue. BF did a study abroad in India for a month and the skype connection was horrible. They kept losing power and my internet connection wasn't very good to begin with. Skype works better now that he's back in America though!

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  • edited December 2011
    CWill16, he's traveling for fun by himself- he's into travel blogging / photography. Initially he was going to take an entire year off for traveling, until we got more serious and he decided he couldn't be away from me for that long :-P So I guess I can't complain too much! We're probably going to do a year together after I finish grad school.

    Thanks everyone for the stories and advice. It really helps to know there are other people out there dealing with similar issues, and also people who have made it through tough long-distance times. :)
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    Married! :) 5/19/12 The Domesticals

  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    It's definitely difficult, but be prepared for a re-adjustment phase when you finally are able to see each other on a more regular basis.  For us, we spent 10 weeks apart without any real form of communication (military training), then he moved 1000 miles away on the day of his graduation to start law school, so that was a relief to at least be able to speak to him.  We really didn't fight very much at all when we were long distance - we appreciated just being able to hear each other's voice, after 10 weeks of not being able to pick up a phone and call the other one.  But when I moved down to be with him, at first we bickered a bit.  It frightened me, because I didn't want to have the relationship fail after all that.  But we realized quickly that we weren't "fighting", we were just snipping at each other.  We had forgotten all the pet peeves (like the fact that we're both messy, but both hate when the house is a mess, so we get annoyed with each other).  After about a month, we were just ridiculously happy to be together and had readjusted to all the little quirks that every person has.  Just be prepared for it not to be all sunshine and roses when you first are reunited (not temporary visits, but permanently together, especially living together).  It helps to know it's a phase and will pass!

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  • kimmieniesinkkimmieniesink member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My FI and I spent the first 4 years of relationship long distance. I mean REALLY long as well, a 24hr drive, or 2 1/2 hr plane ride.You really just need to think about what can come of this at the end, you know that this is temporary, it's only 5 months, not 5 years. In the long run, it's peanuts. I get that its hard to be apart, and the communication thing is difficult, but there isn't much you can do about it but grin and bear it, and enjoy when you do get to communicate.
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  • JoJo315JoJo315 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My fiancee and I have been together for 2 years. He's in the army and just returned from a year overseas. It was difficult but just know that things will get better soon! Have patience and try and get into a routine with communication. Also, try and stay busy when you can't talk, it really does help when dealing with the distance!
  • Elle1036Elle1036 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Hi Moo!  (I love your username, by the way).

    BF and I are doing the long distance thing right now.  It's only about 300 miles and we get to see each other almost every weekend, so it could definitely be worse, but after living together for 3 years, it's been hard.  I'm not used to falling asleep by myself.

    I stay really busy with work, so that helps some.  The weeks fly by, and I don't have a spare thought in my mind to feel sorry for myself.  I've also reconnected with some friends that I had grown away from a little.

    Try to think of this time, sucky as it is, as a gift.  It's a chance for you to get to know yourself apart from your BF -- to explore interests, try things, read, etc.  It will help the time pass, and it will help you grow as a person.  Good luck and feel free to post on here whenever you start feeling lonely.  I do that, too.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-distance-relationship?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:3d6053af-3218-41db-82c6-bee23019f683Post:315cdd31-b7bd-44cf-a161-22c95175284a">Re: long distance relationship</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi Moo!  (I love your username, by the way). BF and I are doing the long distance thing right now.  It's only about 300 miles and we get to see each other almost every weekend, so it could definitely be worse, but after living together for 3 years, it's been hard.  I'm not used to falling asleep by myself. I stay really busy with work, so that helps some.  The weeks fly by, and I don't have a spare thought in my mind to feel sorry for myself.  I've also reconnected with some friends that I had grown away from a little. <strong>Try to think of this time, sucky as it is, as a gift.  It's a chance for you to get to know yourself apart from your BF -- to explore interests, try things, read, etc.  It will help the time pass, and it will help you grow as a person.</strong>  Good luck and feel free to post on here whenever you start feeling lonely.  I do that, too.
    Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]


    This is actually really good advice.  One thing that I think helped our relationship is that after I finished taking my pre-requisites for professional school, I moved out of my parents house and lived on my own for 2 years while I attended professional school.  I loved living on my own because I learned how to be independent and how to take care of myself.  I also learned some things about myself, such as the fact that I'm so terrible at money management.  I hate to admit it but it's true!  I'm more of a spend thrift while my FI is a penny pincher.  The thing is that we both are aware of this, so it's only natural that when it comes to our finances he'll act as the money manager.  It's not perfect, but it's just the way it is.  I really think that if I hadn't lived on my own and had moved in with my FI right after moving out of my parents house, we would've had some major issues.  Getting to know yourself while apart from your significant other is probably the best thing you can do for you and your relationship.
  • edited December 2011
    Elle, I like your advice about thinking of the time as a gift. I recently realized that these are the last few months (hopefully) I'll have living on my own, and that I should make the most of it by trying new things and learning more about myself. Thanks for reminding me of this!

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  • Zinnecker09Zinnecker09 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ugh!  My BF have been in a long-ish distance our entire relationship so far - we live 2 hours away from each other, work and go to grad school at night...plus, he DJs most weekends at a bar :/ 

    It's definitely hard, even just two hours away...but it makes it that much better when you get to see them!  :)  Hang in there! 
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