Awkward and probably TMI

kmheiges

So I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, but we've been friends since highschool. Lately we have only been having sex once a month. He says it doesn't have anything to do with me, and that he thinks he just isn't in the mood because he gained weight. He is trying to do weight watchers and lose weight, so I guess we'll see if anything changes.

My main problem isn't that we aren't having sex, it's that I worry the reason he doesn't want to have sex is because he isn't attracted to me. However, we've talked about that and he says that isn't the problem. He says he is still attracted to me. I guess I'm just wondering what your opinions are. Have you guys gone through periods of time when you just don't have sex as much as usual? With my ex we would have sex multiple times a week and sometimes multiple times a day, and he's the only other person I've been with so I'm not sure what's normal.

I love my bf and we have a great relationship besides that. We talk about everything and have no problem acting weird around each other. I am more comfortable with him than anyone else, and he is always saying how happy he is with me and that he can't wait to get married and have kids. Any opinions?

flygirlmeg

Define "lately."  I think every relationship ebbs and flows.  Sometimes there's more in the sexy-time department, sometimes less.  BF and I have definitely been through times like that but we always come back to OUR normal.  Also, are you unhappy with the infrequency?  If so, it's definitely worthe working on.  Do you initiate or leave that to him? 

kmheiges

Lately as in the past three months probably. I'm not really unhappy with the infrequency, just concerned that there could be an underlying problem that he doesn't want to tell me. But he says there isn't one and that everythings fine, he just doesn't like the way he feels about himself right now.

Our "normal" used to be a couple times a week, which is perfectly fine with me. I don't feel the need to have sex all the time. I just feel worried I am doing something wrong. Usually I try to initiate but get shot down because he isn't in the mood. If he is in the mood he lets me know though. It just makes me self conscious.

AudgiePodge

Believe him.

flygirlmeg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_awkward-probably-tmi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4126bd8f-b7a5-43b7-b751-bfdbe0b3e760Post:5a30a216-9d77-4893-a548-26274cea452a">Re: Awkward and probably TMI</a>:
[QUOTE]Believe him.
Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]

I agree.  I after more details I really feel like it's just a phase.  If you really feel like there's an underlying problem, talk about it with him.  But it seems he's an up-front type of guy and, at least from what you've told me, I don't get the impression he'd hide something.  FWIW, when BF and I have gone through our phases like that, it's been due to his libido instead of mine.  Usually stress and busy times at work.  When things calm down, it always comes back around to normal (for us!).

kmheiges

Thanks for your opinions. I'm sure things will pick up again eventually. It's nice to know that we aren't the only ones who have gone through phases like this.

loves2shop4shoes

I'd believe him.  Although I can understand where you're coming from.  My ex had a higher drive than my FI.  But each person is different, and just because one man wanted it multiple times a day does not mean that if the next man doesn't, he thinks you're a troll.

elannis

As someone who has weight issues myself, I definitely know what he feels like being overweight and not wanting to get naked, lol. What makes me feel good is when my FI talks to me and asks me what I'm comfortable with and what I'm not (certain bendy positions are not very flattering) and he also does an awesome job and complimenting me often. It helps immensely. I feel like he sees absolutely none of the flaws that I do.

I often hear that people need to make sex a priority or you start to lose it (again, there are stages people go through and it will vary), but it just seems to be an insecurity issue with him. I'd just try to be as supportive as you can and make sure that he feels every bit as much the hunk that you see when you look at him.

P.S. Weight Watchers is AWESOME! I lost a ton of weight on it and have managed to keep it off, so hopefully he'll be able to benefit from the program too! Good luck!!

kellyt89

There's a stereotype out there that guys ALWAYS want to have sex ALL the time. I don't think this is fair to guys or girls. BF has some minor health issues that make him not in the mood sometimes, as do I. If he's telling you something and there's nothing he's doing to make it seem like he's not telling the truth, believe him. It might also be nice to tell him that YOU love him and are attracted to him no matter what he looks like too. Guys like compliments just as much as girls

somethingsilver

If there's anything I've learned, it's that guys are blunt and don't read minds. Believe him. He's telling you exactly upfront what's up. We ladies like to think way too much into a situation. I'm sure things will go back to the norm soon!

HULU

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_awkward-probably-tmi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4126bd8f-b7a5-43b7-b751-bfdbe0b3e760Post:5a30a216-9d77-4893-a548-26274cea452a">Re: Awkward and probably TMI</a>:
[QUOTE]Believe him.
Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]<div>
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kmheiges

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_awkward-probably-tmi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4126bd8f-b7a5-43b7-b751-bfdbe0b3e760Post:2e5005f3-7b2b-49e2-a994-7c24217b8c39">Re: Awkward and probably TMI</a>:
[QUOTE]There's a stereotype out there that guys ALWAYS want to have sex ALL the time. I don't think this is fair to guys or girls. BF has some minor health issues that make him not in the mood sometimes, as do I. If he's telling you something and there's nothing he's doing to make it seem like he's not telling the truth, believe him. It might also be nice to tell him that YOU love him and are attracted to him no matter what he looks like too. Guys like compliments just as much as girls :)
Posted by kellyt89[/QUOTE]

I tell him that all the time :) We constantly say we love each other and I tell him a lot how much I'm attracted to him.

kmheiges

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_awkward-probably-tmi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4126bd8f-b7a5-43b7-b751-bfdbe0b3e760Post:836f0e4d-f19b-4d87-a182-d37b2ebb324a">Re: Awkward and probably TMI</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Awkward and probably TMI : (Click to enlarge)
Posted by HULU[/QUOTE]

Lol, I have seen that before and I know I am probably overreacting. Just wanted to make sure I wasn't the only one who has gone through this. I do think that pic/story is hilarious though.