proposal pressure?

soldiersgirl027

So my boyfriend and I hit our 4 yr anniversary this past March. He had told me last summer he would propose to me then and I don't have a ring on my finger yet... We went in January and he bought a ring without a diamond. So I was finally happy we were moving somewhat forward. Summer is just around the corner and I don't know how to approach him. I want to know why he is hesitating but he'll joke around telling me not to worry about it (since I used to talk wedding stuff all the time). 

Well I have a feeling that his hesitation is coming from his parents.. How do I approach that. I mean I understand how important family is but it is our life not theres. Am I not seeing something?

StephB1185

same old questions - I'll ask first (unless someone is at the same time).

How old are you? How old is he?
Don't rush him.  My (now) FI waited an entire year after I picked out THE ring to propose.  He'll do it on his own time.  And I learned - the more I 'bugged' him or mentioned the actual proposal - he got more discouraged. 
If you are really serious about this, discuss the MARRIAGE, not the WEDDING. 

Why do you feel his parents are involved in his 'hesitation'?

eav2c

First off, calm down. Trust me, most of us have been in your shoes. Waiting, wondering, waiting, and wondering some more. BUT-and a HUGE BUT-just relax and enjoy your relationship. He will do it when hes ready... Maybe he has something fabulous planned--it would be terrible to ruin that!

One thing I so whole-heartedly regret is fussing over getting engaged. Seriously- I regret it. Not because I don't love my FI but because it put a strain on our relationship. At the time, I hadn't realized how much it actually affected our relationship. But, there's just a pressure--you don't want that, do you? I finally stepped back and evaluated the relationship--Where are we going? Am I SURE he's the one? Do I really want to spend the rest of my life with him? I realized YES, I'm positive, I want to spend my LIFE with him... So, if we have a lifetime together, why worry now? I finally got off the engagment kick--didn't mention it, didn't act like I cared, I just enjoyed our relationship and our time together... Guess what!? 3 months later, we were engaged.

Your boyfriend will propose when he's ready... It doesn't mean that he doesn't love you--it just means, he'll do it when he feels it's right. Wouldn't you much rather have a proposal be right compared to forced?

I know-you've been together 4 years, he said he was gonna propose already... Yes, I get that. But seriously--don't worry about it! Just enjoy life, enjoy your relationship, and enjoy being young! Everything will fall into place--& chances are, he has an idea when and how he's gonna do it. So, just enjoy the anticipation, it's over pretty quickly and settles down quicker than you'd think.

On a side note--when he's ready, his parents opinion won't matter... At least IMO. I value my parents opinion very much, but if it's something I feel strongly about (regardless of their opinion), I'll usually go for it. So, just breathe

jgcohn

I agree with PP.  I feel like this topic is brought up at least once a week on this board.  When he is ready, he will do it!  We do need to know how old you are and where you are in life.  Like, have you both graduated from college?  Are you employed and supporting yourselves?  Those could all play into things.  I know that my bf wants to wait until after he graduates and lands a job where he could support us both if he needed to (I work, so he wouldn't have to...but he wants to know that he could if he ever needed to).  Ideally, he told me that he would love to propose this summer, but there are variables in that equation (read: he needs a job) so I know that I could very well be waiting for another year or more.  Guys have many reasons for hesitating and that is not what you should waste your time focusing on.  I know that lately when I bring things up about our future to my bf, he feels a lot of stress/pressure since graduation is right around the corner and he is worried about not finding a job in the area.  I learned to mention it less and just enjoy our time together (like everyone on this board suggests) and we have been having a great time enjoying each other's company.

Basically...chill out
It will happen eventually!

katanne9

How much have you talked about marriage? And your timeline?

You need to have open communication. Either sit tight because you've discussed this before, or you need to talk to him to re-evaluate your timeline.

PaigeMcC

PPs have given you great advice.  Have you had all these marriage/finanace/kid convos?  If yes then all you can really do is wait.  He'll move at his own speed.  If not then I would suggest you open up these lines of communication and chat with him about your future.  I know it's hard (believe me, I know!) but try to relax and not think about it.  Enjoy the relationship you have now and be happy for the proposal when it comes.  Don't put too much pressure on the boy.

PhilliesPhan23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_proposal-pressure?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:42cc7cbe-6717-4fbc-90f9-b8e13f5843e0Post:55f954fd-472c-4fe4-a17d-be1a9ba5e74c">Re: proposal pressure?</a>:
[QUOTE]He'll do it on his own time.  And I learned - the more I 'bugged' him or mentioned the actual proposal - he got more discouraged.  <strong>If you are really serious about this, discuss the MARRIAGE, not the WEDDING. </strong>Posted by StephB1185[/QUOTE]

Perfectly said! If you are planning on being together forever, what's the rush? You are currently together - being unmarried doesn't prevent you from having your relationship with each other - being self-centered does.