Ring Decisions

PearlyPanda

Hello all,

 This is my very first post besides the one on "getting to know youuu." I've been lurking on here for a while now but I've been too shy to every say anything (shy over the internet...crazy). Anyway, I guess I'll start with a brief summary of where I stand relationship wise. BF and I have been dating for 2 and a half years, we've talked about marriage and getting engaged and we're both sure about it, just not sure when. We're both still pretty young, I'll be turning 21 in July and he 23 in July as well. Anyway, we've kinda looked online for rings and talked a little about the wedding but all in fun. 

Today, when I got to his house, I noticed his computer screen was on KAY jeweler's website for engagement rings. I was kind of surprised, honestly. Then, he told me his dad gave him his [dad's] mother's engagement ring. This was a total shock because I didn't even really know he'd discussed marriage with his dad yet. 

Anyway, BF said he wanted to think about it before taking the heir loom. He was stuck between using the heir loom or buying a new ring. He asked me what I thought but honestly, I don't know. I didn't see his grandmother's ring, but he did tell me it was white gold (which I like). I love the idea of heir looms but I never really thought about having one of my own and we had been discussing picking out my ring together whenever the time came. 

I was just wondering if anyone else has had a similiar situation and what you did. There are definitely pros and cons to both, I'd just like to hear someone else's imput. Any feedback would be great!

Stormz

I have my grandmothers ring that I was considering having reset as my engagement ring...

Until I found a jeweler that could restore it OR preserve the setting and make it into a necklace.

We ended up also going to Kays after we looked around and decided that was the best option for us. I am a firefighter/medic and we liked the idea of having a warranty incase something happened to it. I seldom take my rings off either because I forget or I am in a hurry, so its easier to fix/replace a new ring than a heirloom.

I also found that my grandmothers ring was soldered together and her wedding band/solder was literally eatting the engagement ring part of the setting from something inside the metal.  So that may be something you want to check into when dealing with heirlooms. Make sure you get it looked at by a reputable jeweler to make sure all is well and talk about resizing. That was another issue I was looking at with all the damage to the ring and the fact I have chubby fingers.

Peaseblossom55

Either way I can understand wanting something of your own, but I also love the idea of having an heirloom that is passed down to me.  I would try to see the ring, or have BF show you pics of what it looks like to get an idea if you like the style or not.

[Deleted User]

hi there.

my H had picked out a ring to buy for me, but then my dad said that we could use an heirloom that he'd had in a safe since I was born.  the ring was worn by my great-great aunt.  it's yellow gold, but a pretty style.  I thought I would just get it dipped in white gold, but I haven't.  it really grew on me.

anyway, we decided to use the heirloom.  there's just something about wearing a little bit of your family all the time.  it reminds me of my great-great uncle who passed away in 2007.

we're still thinking about getting me a small, plainer band to wear sometimes, but I'm very happy that we decided to take the heirloom.  it helps that I loved the style, so that's something to keep in mind.

I think it's really sweet that your BF is involving you in this.  a lot of girls hear "heirloom ring" and they're scared they're going to hate it and they don't have any choice, but it seems like he really takes your opinion into consideration. 

FreeSpirit666

I would keep the stone but have it set into a new setting then you can kinda combine them both, just my thoughts

PearlyPanda

Wow!! Thanks, everybody for all the feedback!! 

Stormz: I'm pretty sure BF is leaning more toward buying a new ring that he picks out. I love this idea because we've been talking about picking it out together. Also, I have chubby fingers as well, so I'm sure whatever size the heir loom is I'd have to get it resized. :P That's so crazy to hear about your grandmother's ring!! I would definitely need to check into that.

Danser55: He told me kind of what the ring looks like. It sounds very simple and beautiful, just not at all at the rings we had been looking at for me. I think this is mostly why we're stuck in the decision making process. Ultimately, I can't decide if I even want to make the decision or have BF decide. I think it's something we need to decide together to make sure we're both happy.

CocoBellaF: " there's just something about wearing a little bit of your family all the time."

I love this!!! I mean, i feel kind of strange because BF's grandmother died before I got to meet her. But I feel like having her ring would be like having a little piece of her and his grandfather with me all the time. So sweet!!

FreeSpirit666: I really like this idea too! That is so sweet! Best of both worlds, thanks for the feedback!

prettyInpurple419

This topic is very close to my heart as I've just been in the exact same situation.  When BF mentioned to his mom he was starting to shop around for engagement rings she offered her mother's engagement ring.  I've always loved the idea of an heirloom ring and while I was under no pressure from her or BF to take it, the option was there.  Of course I was extremely worried that even though they were both saying I didn't have to, that if I really didn't it might damage my relationship with my Future MIL. 

First I saw pics of the ring, and it was nothing like what I wanted for myself.  I wanted a cushion and it was a round in a very elaborate setting.  I thought it was beautiful but soooo not me.  But I was trying to stay open minded because I loved the meaning behind it.  Then I got to see it in person and I liked it a little bit more.  Then we took it to a jeweler to talk about getting it cleaned and sized.  They cleaned it up and it was beautiful.  I fell in love with it.  Then they said they were not confident that it could be sized, since I have large fingers and it would need to go up 2.5 sizes.  I was devastated.  Could have cried right on the spot but held back.  We pushed through and took it to a few more places and found one that specializes in restoring antique engagement rings and they were confident it could be sized and a stress fracture on the shaft could be repaired.  I was sooo relieved. 

The ring should be ready this week and I won't get to see it until he proposes.    Let's hope it happens fast!  I honestly don't think he will be able to hold on to it for very long. 

But anyway, the purpose of this story is to stress the fact that even though it might not be exactly what you hoped for, odds are you will fall in love with it.  I had a conversation with my future MIL about the ring and just seeing her excitement about being able to pass that down to ME was enough for me.  By being offered an heirloom, it speaks volumes on how his family feels about you and the two of you together.  BF's mom told me how much she loved me and since I will be her daughter, she wanted me to have it.  Her mom passed away about 2 years ago, so I never met her but I'm so touched.  And I have a ring from my grandmother that I wear on my right hand always.  The thought of having a ring from my grandmother and a ring from his on both hands as I become a part of his family and enter this next stage of my life just is so special to me.  A little bit of my family history and a little bit of his as we begin to build our own. 

I do know that we considered resetting the diamond in a new setting that I picked out when we thought it couldn't be sized and BF's mom was not really excited about that.  The ring has so much history as is and I also worried the diamond or the setting could be damaged in the process and that would break my heart. 

I really started thinking about all those special moments in his grandmother's life where she probably wore that ring, her engagement, her wedding day, when she had her babies and how they probably held onto her hand, and maybe her ring with their little chubby fingers, how it probably consoled her with memories of her husband after he passed, etc.  And how now it will be there with me through all of my special moments.  Heirlooms truly are a beautiful thing. 

Anyway...just another tangent.  Wheeling myself back in....

I'm sure whatever you decide will be best for you, but since this topic was so near and dear to my heart, I wanted to share my thoughts. 

If you do decide on your own ring, I urge you to look at other options besides Kay's.  Not that they don't have great products but you can get soooo much more for your money (in terms of quality) through other vendors such as Blue Nile, Good Old Gold, Engagement Rings Direct, etc. 

Congratulations on this exciting time and please update this thread on what you decide to do!