Not Engaged Yet

Ring Shopping

So I'll get started by saying that I am not engaged yet (in case that isn't obvious based on where I'm posting).  On that note, I will go on to explain that I am not planning my wedding in advance, nor am I trying to rush anything.

My issue has to do with shopping for a ring...with my boyfriend's parents.  He plans to buy a ring in the next few months, and he's told me that he'd like them to take me ring shopping.  Now, by no means is he dependent upon them normally--he just doesn't know anything about diamonds and still wants it to be surprise, so he wants someone other than me there to help him.  I completely understand that, but I feel like shopping for an engagement ring is a personal experience, and I don't really know that I feel comfortable enough with them for that.  They're really nice people, but I can be a little shy and their taste is very different than mine, so I'd be nervous about being too quiet to disagree with them on things.

I'd rather at least go with my own parents the first time, and then maybe go with his after I have a better idea, but I worry about bringing it up myself because I don't want it to sound as if I'm rushing him.  My parents live far away, but I'm expecting a visit from my mother next month.  Would it be terrible to go ring shopping with her and not tell my boyfriend, should I just forget it, or am I making too big a deal about mentioning the idea to him?

**Edited slightly for clarity.

Re: Ring Shopping

  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I don't understand...did he ask you to go ring shopping with his parents?

  • I don't blame you for not wanting to go shopping with his parents. Why don't you suggest y'all doing some research together on the internet so that you both know what you're looking for when you go into a jeweler. 

    Also, if you go to an independent jeweler, they will know A LOT about diamonds and engagement rings and will be more likely to not rip you off and get you a great bang for your buck. 

    It sounds like your guy is insecure about ring shopping, which is totally okay. Remind him that you know he's got your best interest at heart and that he's got a good head on his shoulders. Research together so you know the lingo and he doesn't feel like he's going into battle unarmed. And tell him to leave his parents at home. 

    "You're our early 20's BSC scarecrow. They cower at your maturity." - lennonkdc Anniversary
  • Clearly my proof-reading needs work.  Yup, I skipped the part where he said he'd like me to go ring shopping with his parents.  My of those days.
  • I would also find that super awkward. Why can't you two just go together? If he wants to surprise you, then just try on a bunch of stuff and tell him what you do and don't like about each one, and he can make an informed decision from there.
  • How is bringing his parents with you going to help with the surprise factor?
  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I would also be uncomfortable with ring shopping with my SO's parents. That's super weird to me. 

    But, I think that if you guys are taking this next step together then you should be able to talk to him about your feelings and explain that you don't feel comfortable doing this. 

  • Yeah. I wouldn't be comfortable with that. I'd tell him either you can go shopping together, you'll shop alone and send him pictures, or you can go shopping with your parents. An engagement ring is a really personal, expensive item that will be with you forever. You want to make sure you can be open and honest about your tastes when you shop for it. On a personal note, I know my MIL would think I was a spoiled brat if she knew what my ring costs. Some things are really better left unsaid with your inlaws.
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I would go with someone YOU feel comfortable with. Whether it is your parents, a sibling, or a friend. Any one can tell him what you like it doesn't need to be his parents. It seems much simpler for him to just go with you though.

  • edited January 2013
    Thank you, everyone, for the very sound advice!  I suppose you're right and I should just talk to him rather than sneaking off with my mom to go ring shopping.  I guess it felt pushy for me to bring up ring shopping myself, but if we're comfortable talking about marriage overall I guess there's not really much of a difference.

    His big concern as far as the surprise is that he doesn't want me to know when he's going to do it--he'd be happy if I would pick out the ring online and he could just order it whenever he was ready (I know, really romantic!).  The lack of reason here is not lost on me--I do realize he could easily take me ring shopping, I could tell him what I want, and he could buy that when he was ready.  Also, I do know he could buy the ring and hold onto it for a while, but he and I both know that he doesn't have the patience for that.  Once he buys it, it will be on my finger.

    The bottom line is you're all right, and I just need to speak up.  Asking him to take me ring shopping instead of his parents could hardly be confused for demanding a ring immediately...

    Thank you all very much!
  • Just to further solidify that I over-reacted justttttt a smidgen, I brought it up and it was about as big a deal as if I had told him I'd like to go to the grocery store.  I guess that problem is solved...
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