Overwhelming!

rachelkr405

Hi Everyone, 

I am new here and-go figure- not engaged yet, but I am hoping to get some ideas for my future wedding and start thinking about the type of wedding I want. In a pretty serious relationship, we're not "there" yet...It doesn't hurt to look though

I am just somewhat overwhelmed by all the details I've never even thought about, escort cards to grooms cakes...whattt??

I am starting to think the simpler the better, but then again I want a wedding so fantastic that everyone will be talking about it for years to come. Can anyone relate?

Like I said, not planning a wedding yet, but definitely want to get familiar with the details of what planning a wedding entails.  Anyway, thanks for letting me introduce myself!  

bethsmiles

I know that its easy to get caught up in the idea of planning a wedding but really its so much better to focus on the now of your relationship. When you say that you are in a
"pretty serious relationship but not 'there' yet" what exactly does that mean? Have you talked about marriage, a future together? How long have you been dating? Have you talked about a timeline with getting engaged/married? Where do you see yourself 5 years from now? What about 10? What about your BF?

noelle24

If you aren't "there" yet, then you don't need to be worrying about this.  Seriously, go enjoy your relationship AS IT IS.  Don't plan for a hypothetical wedding.

Hazel_B

Yes, it can be overwhelming and that is exactly why you shouldn't think about it too much. If you aren't "there" yet then you don't have to think about it.

I know that me saying this likely won't change your mind. Please keep in mind that regardless of how much you think about it now when the reality hits everything will change. Your budget will dictate what you can or cannot do, your FI will have opinions, your guestlist will help dictate things, etc., etc.

Just relax and enjoy where you are!

katanne9

There is an easy solution - stop looking at wedding stuff. Seriously. When you actually ARE planning your wedding it's stressful enough. Just enjoy your relationship and wait on the planning until you can both do it together - it's way more fun that way.

GreenPepperBurger

It's great that you are in a serious relationship that you believe will culminate in marriage, but don't worry yourself with wedding details yet. Take it from someone like me, who is a SUPER planner (I look at travel websites for places I want to go to years from now )  -- there is no rush. You should have some serious talks with your BF about what kind of marriage you'll have, not wedding. A wedding is a fun, big party, yes, but it only lasts for a day. A marriage is much more important.

sapphirebaby926

I'd put wedding planning to the back burner and just enjoy being with your bf right now. Planning a wedding is stressful so don't worry about the little details now - you'll change your mind a million times and it's not worth the stress now when it's not something you will have to worry about for a long time.

PaigeMcC

Hi! *waves*

Enjoy your relationship - it doesn't hurt to look but if you're "not there" then don't worry about it! I never realized how much work planning a wedding would be... seriously just enjoy your time together now.  It'll all come together eventually.

Button5807

I'm just going to second everything everyone else said.

heyimbren

you're only going to be overwhelmed right now if you start looking this far in advanced.

just don't worry about it, and watch terrible wedding shows where the brides go crazy and the couples all fight and feel better that it isn't you.

or you know what? even stick around here and help brides that are engaged and planning their weddings with ideas. a lot of people around the various boards are looking for suggestions, and you can help with that.

jeanacorina

So many of the things you see are completely unnecessary. Wedding websites have gobs and gobs of things they say you MUST have, but it's not true.

I didn't have escort cards. I didn't have a groom's cake. We didn't have the same number of attendants on each side... heck, my brother stood on my side and DH's sister stood on his! We were all kinds of asymmetrical!

I didn't have inner envelopes for our invitations, I didn't have a limo, I didn't have my girls in the exact same dress, I didn't have all of them go get their hair and nails done, I didn't have a sand ceremony or unity candle, I didn't have a sweetheart table, I didn't have a money dance, I didn't have a bridal party dance.

Guess what? I had a beautiful wedding that people ARE still talking about. I can't imagine adding any MORE stress than I already had by worrying about all those things and whatever else websites make you think you need.

Wedding planning is stressful. You will change your mind a lot. You will change your budget quite a bit in the first few months. Your guest list will dictate just about everything, and there WILL be things your significant other wants input on.

Just relax. Enjoy your relationship. Once you're engaged, you'll be overwhelmed with wedding stuff. You have plenty of time for that. But, by all means, stick around and chat. We don't talk all about weddings here on NEY, we mostly talk about relationships and life. And sometimes goofy things, too.

[Deleted User]

There's nothing wrong with dreaming and looking around, just don't plan yet.  Of course I've had a "dream" wedding in my head since I was a teenager.  Those dreams changed every time I went to another wedding or saw one on TV.  Now that I'm engaged, my thoughts have turned to - would he like this or that?  Don't stress yourself out now. Like everyone else said, stick around and hang out with us.  The gals on this board are a riot to talk to.

rachelkr405

Wow, thanks for all the replies! Before everyone thinks I'm that crazy girl who plans her wedding ten years out, I swear I'm not. Really.

 I am interning at a bridal magazine this summer and participating in event planning through the magazine...it kind of just piqued my interest. No plans yet! 

For the person who said that they plan their travel trips before booking them, I'm exactly like you. I kind of consider this research. Just seeing what's out there. And to jeanacorina, your post definitely made me breathe! I'm going to quit worrying about it until I get a ring...

We are still enjoying our relationship, we talk about our future together and know we want to be together long term but we both have things we want to do on our own (finish grad school, become financially independent, etc.) before we even get engaged! I am justttt looking. I hope that I'm still allowed to be here!

jeanacorina

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_overwhelming?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:49740d79-3907-4780-86a3-708f8a9b6c07Post:d45b99b5-5812-4955-a02b-ae1630a88131">Re: Overwhelming!</a>:
[QUOTE]I am interning at a bridal magazine this summer
Posted by rachelkr405[/QUOTE]


That explains A LOT. lol

You're absolutely still "allowed" to be here. The regulars here on NEY tend to focus more on relationships than weddings (that is, until some of us started getting engaged and sharing our plans with everyone). We'd be happy to have you participate around here... and we'll also be happy to tell you when to simmer down with the wedding fever. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />

It's only a day. A great day, sure. But one day out of so many! When it comes to wedding planning, you often have to think- what REALLY matters? And I promise, it's not escort cards.

<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-innocent.gif" border="0" alt="Innocent" title="Innocent" />

catemeg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_overwhelming?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:49740d79-3907-4780-86a3-708f8a9b6c07Post:64fe8485-823f-4ec0-b56d-502807702921">Re: Overwhelming!</a>:
[QUOTE]We'd be happy to have you participate around here... and we'll also be happy to tell you when to simmer down with the wedding fever. It's only a day. A great day, sure. But one day out of so many! <strong>When it comes to wedding planning, you often have to think- what REALLY matters? And I promise, it's not escort cards.</strong>
Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]

Now why can't we have THAT at the top of the homepage?

jeanacorina

Because it discourages frivolous spending?

desertsun

Um....Jeana, are you saying I wasted an entire TWO HOURS of my life working on escort cards? HUH?

Because you're WRONG. My wedding was the BESTEST. EVAAARRRR!



Fo' realz, though, OP -- you do the stuff that you WANT to do. And don't worry about the rest. I promise your marriage will still be valid if you don't have a groom's cake or escort cards. 

Although I do second everyone else on not putting your cart ahead of your horse. Look around and advise others, but don't start planning details for your own wedding until you're engaged. Trust us when we say it's better that way. 

run21

Detail 1. Get engaged.

Ta-DA!

rachelkr405

I think that almost everyone who read my post misunderstood me. 

bethsmiles

The thing with the internet is that we only have the information that you write in the post. So its really easy to misunderstand someone's post so don't take it personally. If you feel misunderstood just clarify its no big deal.

rachelkr405

I know, that is true. I'm just going to drop it for now. :-)

catemeg

I'm sure it's contageous if you're working at a place where weddings are your job.  It's easy to get carried away!

Tell us about you and your boyfriend - how'd you meet?  How long have you been together?  Is this the guy you're going to marry for sure, or are you just interested in a hypothetical wedding with a hypothetical groom since you're surrounded by weddings at work?

And I LOVE Baltimore!  It's a great city - really wish I had some Maryland crab cakes right about now!  Or some oysters from Shuckers - have you been there?

rachelkr405

Haha, I don't know if he's going to be the groom but he's definitely the best relationship I've ever had and been this serious about.

We met through mutual friends last February (09), when he was actually dating someone else. A couple months later in April, a large group went out for my birthday and we ended up hanging out and talking all night at this hookah bar..I realized that night that I really thought he was great- hilarious and super nice, and we started talking over Fb chat and text that week and then he asked me out on a date to the movies the next weekend....

He's been the only guy in my life since then! Most serious relationship I've been in where I could see it working long term. I really love and care about him more than guys I've dated in the past. And he really, really loves me-something that I can't say I know for SURE from past bf's. We have a ton of fun together! And he makes me very happy. 

I'm not SURE we will be together, but we do talk about it quite a bit and plan our hypothetical future, so we will see. We both want to finish college and get our careers going-that's a MUST. Also, financial independence is really important to me- so that means quite a bit of time before anything is set in stone! 

What about you and yours?? 

jeanacorina

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_overwhelming?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:49740d79-3907-4780-86a3-708f8a9b6c07Post:56e2ec0c-b235-4ddf-823c-dcd4d7b8a6be">Re: Overwhelming!</a>:
[QUOTE]Um....Jeana, are you saying I wasted an entire TWO HOURS of my life working on escort cards? HUH? Because you're WRONG. My wedding was the BESTEST. EVAAARRRR!
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

I apologize for my utter lack of judgment. Your wedding was WAY AWESOMER, because you had escort cards! I am a loser for not doing them. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-sealed.gif" border="0" alt="Sealed" title="Sealed" />

<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />

desertsun

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_overwhelming?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:49740d79-3907-4780-86a3-708f8a9b6c07Post:d3668a48-90af-4ca2-812a-c7944685db00">Re: Overwhelming!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Overwhelming! : I apologize for my utter lack of judgment. Your wedding was WAY AWESOMER, because you had escort cards! I am a loser for not doing them.
Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]

Hmmph. That's what I thought.

<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />

Acrosthec

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_overwhelming?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:49740d79-3907-4780-86a3-708f8a9b6c07Post:64fe8485-823f-4ec0-b56d-502807702921">Re: Overwhelming!</a>:
[QUOTE]When it comes to wedding planning, you often have to think- what REALLY matters? And I promise, it's not escort cards.
Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]

Huh, you obviously haven't talked to my mother lately.  She kept me on the phone for 30 MINUTES yesterday talking about escort cards and freaking out that people were going to lose theirs and then the waiters wouldn't be able to tell what people were eating, etc etc.  She made the simplest thing in the whole wedding into a huge headache.

jeanacorina

Dude, I wasn't talking about moms. Moms are INSANE. My mom freaked out over the stupidest things. Like, she called me a week before the wedding (she was arriving that Tuesday, mind you), FLIPPING OUT over how we would get from the salon to the wedding (2 miles away) and who would be bringing the flower girl and ring bearer if my MOH (their mom) was going to be with me.

I said "Uh, mom, we'll figure it out when everyone is here and we see what vehicles we have. I'm sure no one is going to leave the bride stranded with no way to the wedding. And I'm sure my grandparents have room for two small kids in their vehicle, considering they're driving from WV with them."

THEN she started freaking about having to go BACK to the hotel AFTER getting her hair done to help my dad get dressed. "Really? Dad can't dress himself ONE TIME in his life? Also, why isn't he getting ready at the wedding locaton with the other guys? You can get him buttoned up there."

Then, I told her not to call me again until she arrived in Baton Rouge unless it was ACTUALLY something that could NOT wait until we were face-to-face.

Did I mention I had to kick my mom out of my dressing room on my wedding day (in a very polite way, mind you)?

Moms are a whole different animal.