Not Engaged Yet

Just curious, question about pics.

Ok, so the other day, BF and I were at a local park, sitting on a bench by the pond, and across the pond we saw a bride and groom having pictures taken with their wedidng party. Coincidentally, not 10 min later, another bride and groom and their "entourage" (as the BF called it) came from the opposite end of the same bridge and were having their pics done too. Being 92 degrees F that day, I commented how hot those brides must be under all that gown. This sparked a discussion between BF and I about when the best time to have wedding pics done would be, in our opinion (not necessarily OUR wedding pics, just in general). We both brought up the old tradition of the groom not seeing the bride until the ceremony, and how if you have pics done before the ceremony (like my sister did)..it kinda takes that away. The downside to having them afterwards is that everyone could be puffy-faced from crying, and make-up could be ruined..etc. Anyway, having this conversation with him made me wonder what your opinions were and what some of you engaged ladies plan on doing, and what some of you already married ladies did for yours.

Just to add a disclaimer - this is in no way planning for our own, "possibly futuristic" wedding. Just a conversation sparked by what we saw and I thought we both had valid points and was curious about yours. :)

Re: Just curious, question about pics.

  • katanne9katanne9 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We talked about it. I could be talked into doing the pictures pre-ceremony, but we're pretty traditional and I can't talk FI into it. He really wants the first time he sees me to be coming down the aisle.

    But, our whole day is in one location, so we don't need to worry about going off-site and transportation to take pics - therefore it will take a lot less time.

    We are doing pics with our BMs and GMs before the ceremony to get that out of the way.
  • edited December 2011
    My sister actually did her's the day or two before the wedding. Instead of bridal pics it was whole wedding party pictures because her ceremony and reception were right next to each other in a rather ugly part of town and the rose garden she wanted was about 40 minutes away, it was easier for everyone that way and if the weather was bad we could have done it another day with no pressure since the wedding party was only family.

    My BF on the other hand is absolutely against this. He is very traditional and has already told me he will not see me before the ceremony which makes things logistically more difficult. After a wedding we went to last summer this discussion came up my mom feels weddings are a waste of money anyway and taking time to do pictures after the ceremony only wastes time I am not sure what will happen for us in the future.
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  • edited December 2011
    Some people have pics of the bride+groomsmen, bride+ladies, and bridal pics (same for the groom) done before the ceremony, and the shots with the whole family and bride and groom after.  I've seen some really cute "not seeing each other before the ceremony" pictures though.  One was the bride and groom holding pinky fingers around the corner with the wedding party fanned out behind them taken by a photographer right at the corner with a wide angle lens.  Another was in a really ornate double door (possible the church's front door) with the bride leaning back against it and the groom in a variety of poses on the other side, like he was whispering through the door, mirroring her, and sitting looking at the wedding ring and grinning.  The photographer propped the left door open and shot them that way.

    There are a lot of options!  One couple I know had the most touching before pictures... he was standing looking forward, she was running to meet him, and the look on her face was so impish!  Then when he turned and saw her, he was so stunned he misted up a little... all caught close and personal by the photog.  Just talk to your photog about what kind of pics you want!  Then you can find out what the best options are and discuss them with the FI.
    Love isn't how you feel. It's what you do. --Madeleine L'Engle in "A Wind in the Door"
  • Ana_2985Ana_2985 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I don't think anything is "taken away" if you see each other before the ceremony.  You're just having the moment at a different time.  You still get to have the moment where you first see each and the moment where you see each other walking down the aisle/waiting at the alter, they are just separate in this case.  I think it's silly to think that walking down the aisle will be less special because you already saw each other.

    We have no idea what we'll do yet, it's too far away to bother thinking about.  I don't care either way.  We'll do whatever is most convenient.
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  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    FI and I talked about this the other day!!  I'm totally cool with seeing him before the aisle - he's not sure about it.  I'd actually like to see him before so calm my nerves.  And think of the amazing pictures of us seeing each other for the first time....!  But he said he'll think about it.  Really doesn't matter that much to me.

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  • loopy82loopy82 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We will be taking our pictures beforehand. We are not very traditional and since our ceremony and reception are at the same location we didn't want to be trying to take pictures while all the guests are enjoying the cocktail hour. I want to be able to mingle with the guests then, not taking photos. We are also travelling about 15 minutes from our venue to take pictures downtown St. Paul.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_just-curious-question-pics?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4a3cb589-7658-46cf-8dd7-860197f0a7d0Post:ece1883d-ccbd-4d69-82e7-7e2139bdf3a8">Re: Just curious, question about pics.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't think anything is "taken away" if you see each other before the ceremony.  You're just having the moment at a different time.  You still get to have the moment where you first see each and the moment where you see each other walking down the aisle/waiting at the alter, they are just separate in this case.  I think it's silly to think that walking down the aisle will be less special because you already saw each other. We have no idea what we'll do yet, it's too far away to bother thinking about.  I don't care either way.  We'll do whatever is most convenient.
    Posted by Ana_2985[/QUOTE]

    The part that I was referring to being "taken away" was the traditional aspect of it all. If you're a traditional person (not saying I am and not saying I'm not...I'll decide on this if/when I'm engaged and planning my wedding) then there's nothing "traditional" about the groom seeing the bride before the wedding. Either way, I'm sure it would still be very special  when walking down the aisle.
  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    We won't be having a very traditional wedding but for some reason it is important to me that he doesn't see me until I walk down the aisle. Even if there isn't an aisle. Even if there isn't anyone else there but two witnesses and the officiant. I get where you are coming from. But because we won't do a traditional wedding - no wedding party, etc - we won't have many pictures to worry about. I've actually considered skipping the professional photographer. I have some really talented friends. But I'm afraid I'd regret that later.

    If I was doing a big traditional wedding, I'd do as many pictures before the wedding as possible, then do the ones with the groom after. It helps if you don't have to go to some trendy, hip wedding photo location like the gals with the entourage that you saw this weekend!
  • edited December 2011
    We did not see each other before the ceremony.  It was important to DH.  I could have gone either way. 

    Our photographers took pictures of us getting ready at our respective locations.  Then, we did pics with our wedding parties.  (Me with my bridesmaids, him with his groomsmen.)  After the ceremony, we only took a couple pics with the whole bridal party.  Then, we took a bunch as newlyweds.  We wanted to concentrate on getting pictures of the day as it unfolded.  We did not want a ton of planned pictures. 

    My biggest piece of advice in regards to pictures is to wait after the ceremony and spend a couple of moments just the two of you.  Go some place private for 3-4 minutes.  The only part of our entire wedding day that pisses me off is the way my mom acted after our ceremony.  She was rushing us to take family portraits.  She made me very frazzled.  And this was after DH passed out during our ceremony.  I did not care about pictures, I wanted to make sure my husband was okay. 
  • desertsundesertsun member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I think there is something really appealing about having that moment of first seeing each other be private. 

    Plus, I'd like to be able to see FI's face close up and not trip over my feet b/c I'm staring at him way down at the end of the aisle or miss his face b/c I'm focusing on not tripping.

    I also will want to see FI before the ceremony, b/c I know just being near him will make me feel more relaxed and calm.

    So, we're doing a "first encounter," where our photog and her second shooter will capture that moment for us.

    And then we'll go on to do family/party pics before the ceremony.

    I also really hate making your guests wait while you take lots of pictures.

    So I'm very happy with how we're doing things.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_just-curious-question-pics?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4a3cb589-7658-46cf-8dd7-860197f0a7d0Post:e2acdb47-c5ba-4082-9670-b2f807e51e8e">Re: Just curious, question about pics.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I also really hate making your guests wait while you take lots of pictures.
    Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

    Our guests were well taken care of while we were taking pictures.  We had an open bar and lots of appetizers.  Plus it only took 30 minutes or so.  We were even able to mingle with them before lunch was served. 
  • Ana_2985Ana_2985 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_just-curious-question-pics?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4a3cb589-7658-46cf-8dd7-860197f0a7d0Post:ca2fa9a4-8b54-4018-b268-cf38abbcd996">Re: Just curious, question about pics.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Just curious, question about pics. : The part that I was referring to being "taken away" was the traditional aspect of it all. If you're a traditional person (not saying I am and not saying I'm not...I'll decide on this if/when I'm engaged and planning my wedding) then there's nothing "traditional" about the groom seeing the bride before the wedding. Either way, I'm sure it would still be very special  when walking down the aisle.
    Posted by Christi213[/QUOTE]

    I understand what you are saying.  I think each couple should do whatever makes them happy.

    I was just commenting on this because it's something I hear often (both on here and IRL) and I can never understand why people have such strong opinions about something that has no effect on them.  I think it's probably hurtful to say something is less special because it's not the way you (the general you, not you the OP) would do it.

    Another example - when people get all worked up over couples finding out the sex of their baby before the birth because they're "ruining the surprise".
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  • loopy82loopy82 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_just-curious-question-pics?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:4a3cb589-7658-46cf-8dd7-860197f0a7d0Post:83b1f197-c9ff-4944-8994-eeb6f4bb6a50">Re: Just curious, question about pics.</a>:
    [QUOTE] Another example - when people get all worked up over couples finding out the sex of their baby before the birth because they're "ruining the surprise".
    Posted by Ana_2985[/QUOTE]

    If I was pregnant and someone said this to me - I can only imagine what would come out of my mouth. Judging by my temperment and attitude I'm a little scared I may become a slightly growly pregnant lady and have no shame biting the head off someone saying inappropriate things to me. Or the hormones would have some bizarre effect and make me super calm.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_just-curious-question-pics?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4a3cb589-7658-46cf-8dd7-860197f0a7d0Post:eeac11da-3bb2-4f17-b7d8-5500db1c7d49">Re: Just curious, question about pics.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Just curious, question about pics. : If I was pregnant and someone said this to me - I can only imagine what would come out of my mouth. Judging by my temperment and attitude I'm a little scared I may become a slightly growly pregnant lady and have no shame biting the head off someone saying inappropriate things to me. Or the hormones would have some bizarre effect and make me super calm.
    Posted by loopy82[/QUOTE]

    When it comes to pregnancy and advice/opinions, it is worse than wedding planning.  People think that they can comment on ANYTHING.  There is nothing they won't bring up.  Forget any privacy about your body.

    The 1st time someone said something about ruining the surprise, I said "No, I think that bringing home our first baby boy will be a big enough surprise and change to our normalcy.  Thanks though."  The 2nd time, I believe I said something about how I didn't know it was their surprise to have.  Other times, I have just smiled and laughed. 
  • Ana_2985Ana_2985 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Loopy and Mutley - Yes.  That's exactly how I feel and what I was talking about.
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  • loopy82loopy82 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Great. If/when I get pregnant I should probably lock myself up in my house. I don't really care about hearing peoples' opinions unless I ask for them.

    One of my friends is due on Friday and I was asking her if she had a lot of strangers touching her and what not. She said the worse people that she encountered were acqauintances. Strangers never really said/touched here nor did our group of friends. It was the people that she knew but barely. I found that to be interesting.

    I do have to say that I like both of those responses that you gave people.

    One of my ex-really good friends was pregnant and came up with what I thought sounded completely like a stripper name. I told her so. Judging by her reaction that wasn't a good idea. I said it because I thought we were good enough friends for me to tell her what I thought. Especially when I was for certain a lot of other people were/ would think the same thing as me. If I had a "stripper" name picked out for my child I would want someone to let me know that is what came to mind. I don't want to doom my child.

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  • hetshuphetshup member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Mutley-- Have random strangers started to touch you yet? I'm pretty sure my reaction will be to place my hand on their belly. Of course, I really don't like to be touched by random people.
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  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_just-curious-question-pics?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4a3cb589-7658-46cf-8dd7-860197f0a7d0Post:8e24ea46-036b-4067-a320-1a8f146daa34">Re: Just curious, question about pics.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Mutley-- Have random strangers started to touch you yet? I'm pretty sure my reaction will be to place my hand on their belly. Of course, I really don't like to be touched by random people.
    Posted by hetshup[/QUOTE]
    I would have the same reaction.  That or a swift punch to the throat.....  I'm not really a touchy-feely person in general tho.

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    Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
    Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
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  • edited December 2011
    I think that you go with whatever you and your FI decide is best for the two of you... or compromise if you aren't exactly on the same page.   And I agree completely that it is something that will differ from person to person and couple to couple and that no one should dismiss anyone elses opinion just because it isn't what's right for them.

    Also, what Mutley said about pregnancy is so true... and it only gets worse when you have a child.  I had an old man tell me that my son was too big to talk like a baby (he was only 2 but my son is really tall and looks a lot older than he is) he was talking clear enough to understand which was pretty damn good.  I looked at the man and said "well I think that for 2 he's doing well and I also think that you should keep your opinion to yourself old man" while giving a look of serious disapproval.  He stuttered and apologized as we walked away. 
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  • edited December 2011
    Paige I am sensing a lot of anger from you today....punching people in the stomach and now the throat?? If we ever run into each other remind me to be very cautious I punch back.
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  • edited December 2011
    We will be doing our pictures before the ceremony. We are getting married at 4:30 in late October. By the time the ceremony is over, it won't be light enough out to do the pictures in the park I would like to do it in. Also, I don't want to miss out on the reception! We aren't doing a cocktail hour because our reception is kind of like a 4 hour cocktail hour. No seated meal. Just tons of passed hors d'ourves and stations that will be open for an hour and a half. The reception starts basically as soon as everyone makes it to the site from the church.

    I was kind of bummed that there wouldn't be that surprise as I'm walking down the aisle but we decided to do a "first look" at the park so there will be that look thing. Plus, I think there will still be a surprise look at the church when the wedding is starting. My dress is cool but Fi knows what I look like. There won't be a huge shock because of my outfit. I doubt Fi will even know what the dress looked like after the wedding except that it was white (and it's ivory so there's that).
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  • edited December 2011
    No close friends have touched without asking.  My in-laws (mainly DH's aunts) go right for the belly every time I see them. 
    I have yet to have a stranger do it but I have 3 months to go.  A friend of DH's best friend's girlfriend wouldn't stop touching my belly last Friday.  She was very drunk.  She started yelling at my belly.  That was WEIRD!  DH told Mr. Man that he was not allowed to bring home any girlfriends like that and it was better that he learned what a crazy woman sounds like early on.

  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_just-curious-question-pics?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:4a3cb589-7658-46cf-8dd7-860197f0a7d0Post:aa34698e-976f-4e62-942a-4b0c595bad64">Re: Just curious, question about pics.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Paige I am sensing a lot of anger from you today....punching people in the stomach and now the throat?? If we ever run into each other remind me to be very cautious I punch back.
    Posted by chipypony[/QUOTE]

    haha I don't think I've hit someone since I was a kid...I just had a fustrating day and internet punches sounded like a good choice.  lol

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    Canada is kind of like a whole other world with new things to discover that us americans only dream of. - Narwhal
    Paige I would like to profess my love for you and your brilliant mind. - breezerb
    Murried Bio
  • edited December 2011
    We're taking our formal pictures before the wedding at a park.  We both want to mingle during the cocktail hour.  
  • desertsundesertsun member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_just-curious-question-pics?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4a3cb589-7658-46cf-8dd7-860197f0a7d0Post:e153b52d-7613-4616-84ce-6a6d4cec9e72">Re: Just curious, question about pics.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Just curious, question about pics. : Our guests were well taken care of while we were taking pictures.  We had an open bar and lots of appetizers.  Plus it only took 30 minutes or so.  We were even able to mingle with them before lunch was served. 
    Posted by **Mutley**[/QUOTE]

    I think 30 minutes is fine.

    We also plan to take pics after the ceremony and will have hors d'ouevres and an open bar for people while they wait.

    As a guest at weddings, though, I really dislike waiting an hour or more for people to take pictures.
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  • edited December 2011
    We talked about it. We're not tradiontial by no means but we are when it comes to him not seeing me before the wedding. What we're planning on doing is having my pictures made with my BM's & my parents & his parents and all that and him have his pictures taken with his GM's and parents and so forth. After the wedding we  are having our pictures taken and then all of the Wedding Party with us. The makeup idea...it can be fixed just touch it up before the pictures :D
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