I just need to vent

missindia87

So....

My boyfriend and I picked out my ring, and he got all the figures he needed. But now he just doesn't seem interested in getting engaged. BUT he makes comments for example we were at a friend's SuperBowl Party and he blurted out soon-to-be engaged as we all went around the room introducing our partners/spouses. BUT then he makes comments the very next day as we're heading into David's Bridal (b/c i'm a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding) to try on my dress...and he's on the phone talking to his friend and states "oh heck no we are nowhere near getting married." on the phone. SO he has admitted he likes to through me for loops b/c I fall so easily, but at the same time once what was funny is now just becoming a sad reminder that we aren't engaged. Should I say something to him that it's sort of hurting my feelings? B/c its one thing to say that we are and continue that but to go back and forth makes for un-needed tension in my eyes. I love him dearly and he's my bestfriend but like any person he can be a bit annoying in the way he does things.

Whew ok done venting. Thanks for listening if you were. Peace out!

TheMutleys

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_i-just-need-to-ventand-understanding-advice-is-most-welcomed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4ba3e7c7-6efe-4b8b-b96f-8356bcfed40cPost:75b0b884-8463-4b4f-bc98-a7ba753bb56e">I just need to vent...and understanding advice is most welcomed.</a>:
[QUOTE]So....

My boyfriend and I picked out my ring, and he got all the figures he needed. But now he just doesn't seem interested in getting engaged. BUT he makes comments for example we were at a friend's SuperBowl Party and he blurted out soon-to-be engaged as we all went around the room introducing our partners/spouses. BUT then he makes comments the very next day as we're heading into David's Bridal (b/c i'm a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding) to try on my dress...and he's on the phone talking to his friend and states "oh heck no we are nowhere near getting married." on the phone. SO he has admitted he likes to through me for loops b/c I fall so easily, but at the same time once what was funny is now just becoming a sad reminder that we aren't engaged. Should I say something to him that it's sort of hurting my feelings? B/c its one thing to say that we are and continue that but to go back and forth makes for un-needed tension in my eyes. I love him dearly and he's my bestfriend but like any person he can be a bit annoying in the way he does things.....Thoughts. Opinions.
Posted by missindia87[/QUOTE]

Um.  Talk to him.  Communicate that you are confused because you thought the two of you were on the same page and his comments make it seem like he is no longer on the same page.

I tend to not think it is funny for a guy to jerk around with a serious commitment like this.  Maybe that's just me. 

cu97tiger

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_budget-weddings_budget-eeek?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:665Discussion:439d6b9f-1dac-4991-97bb-8e960e143b5bPost:6ea73f5e-43f7-4257-a29f-b5905699d2e6">Budget!!! EEEK!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]So my fiance wants tradition budget.....he's side rehearsal dinner, mine wedding/ reception. I'm trying to find a venue thats inclusive and taking the final price and splitting it down the middle. So its "fair" Also, I'm looking for a venue thats on the water, and near baltimore airport....suggestions?!
Posted by missindia87[/QUOTE] <div>
</div><div>I'm confused, because in the post above, you refer to him as your fiance, and you are actively looking for a venue. Maybe he hasn't proposed yet because the fact that you are already planning the wedding is scaring him off?</div><div>
</div><div><a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_budget-weddings_budget-eeek" target="_blank">clicky</a></div><div><a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_im-bridesmaid-another-wedding-shld-include-bride-wedding" target="_blank">clicky</a></div>

missindia87

I probably shouldn't throw that around. We have been looking at venues, just in need of a ring. Altho I have silly promise ring from him. we're odd in the sense of being prepared financially. So i do refer to him as my fiance but w/o a ring. guess freely put it we've also been together as friends and then as couple for some time. idk it's what his family and my family refer to me as and him as...its a family thing. I'm literally his fiance. idk how to explain it. sry for the confusion.

TheMutleys

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_i-just-need-to-ventand-understanding-advice-is-most-welcomed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4ba3e7c7-6efe-4b8b-b96f-8356bcfed40cPost:67196e26-fba2-4764-bcda-5554eeca15cc">Re: I just need to vent...and understanding advice is most welcomed.</a>:
[QUOTE]I probably shouldn't throw that around. We have been looking at venues, just in need of a ring. Altho I have silly promise ring from him. we're odd in the sense of being prepared financially. So i do refer to him as my fiance but w/o a ring. guess freely put it we've also been together as friends and then as couple for some time. idk it's what his family and my family refer to me as and him as...its a family thing. <strong>I'm literally his fiance.</strong> idk how to explain it. sry for the confusion.
Posted by missindia87[/QUOTE]

If you were LITERALLY his <span class="st"><em>fiancée</em></span>, then you would not have made your original post.  If you were LITERALLY his<span class="st"> <em>fiancée</em></span>, you wouldn't feel confused about what your future holds as was inferred by your original post. 

So I go back to... COMMUNICATE with him.  Get on the same page.  If you don't feel comfortable telling him that his comments are hurting you, then you have much more important things to worry about than a ring. 

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_i-just-need-to-ventand-understanding-advice-is-most-welcomed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4ba3e7c7-6efe-4b8b-b96f-8356bcfed40cPost:8e96be8e-cb04-4146-96ab-3f1f23f9bb11">Re: I just need to vent...and understanding advice is most welcomed.</a>:
[QUOTE]Also with helping my bff plan hers <span style="font-weight:bold;">i look at places for myself. but he has no clue about that. </span>

so there's nothing to be nervous about. he dragged me out to go ring shopping. we don't talk wedding or anything of our own cept for my bff's upcoming wedding that i'm in. we are different, tons of ppl would say that we shouldn't talk about weddings, marriage, etc b/c we're not there yet (ring-wise) but until someone shows me a rule, i feel its ok to discuss my future w/ him. <strong>my bff told me i shouldn't discuss the future w/ him.</strong> i think thats silly. b/c then you'll never be on the same page.
Posted by missindia87[/QUOTE]

Discussing your future with him is NOT the same as planning a wedding when you are not engaged yet.  Discussing your future is a great idea.  Researching venues that he has no clue about is a horrible idea.

ElleB87

IMHO, it sounds like you both aren't ready for marriage. If my H was jerking me around by going back and forth about getting engaged I would be furious.  I think you need to have some serious conversations before you proceed with wedding plans.  Also, you're either engaged or you're not and a ring is not necessary either; only two adults who agree they want to marry each other.  Your friend also gave you the WORST advice I've ever heard...you're planning to spend the rest of your life with this guy...of course you should be talking to him about your future.

SKP82

What the what?

loves2shop4shoes

Your BF sounds like a tool.

missindia87

Thanks for the advice.

When your in the business of planning, its hard to not make mental notes of things for yourself. But i suppose i can see where you all are coming from.

My sweetheart isn't a tool, but he can act like one just as the next guy.
I suppose you would have to know us to understand us. Just as I wouldn't know any of you or your positive relationships.

Thanks again.

kellyt89

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_i-just-need-to-ventand-understanding-advice-is-most-welcomed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4ba3e7c7-6efe-4b8b-b96f-8356bcfed40cPost:f7c72ffe-44e0-4dd0-8b60-720bc29f6aaa">Re: I just need to vent...and understanding advice is most welcomed.</a>:
[QUOTE]What the what?
Posted by SKP82[/QUOTE]

lmao SKP.

Also:
Talk to your BF about a timeline. Then stop planning until you both are on the same page about an engagement/wedding timeline.
Tell him to stop teasing you about if/when you'll get engaged since it obviously bothers you. That kind of stuff really ticks me off.