Motivation...What am I missing?

lunarsongbird

I suck at motivation. So very much. Once, Andrew told me that he would take me to Disneyland when I reached my goal weight. I freaking love Disneyland! It's the most magical place on earth! Another time- Liv and I agreed that if we were both "on plan" for a certain period of time- we would send eachother goodies. I LOVE presents.

Things I LOVE don't even seem to motivate me. What the heck?!

Is motivation difficult for you too? Do you have a secret? Are there any secrets?

And lord knows that new years resolutions don't motivate me. LOL. Blargh! Haha.

cu97tiger

I'm the same as you, Lunar. FI and I were just talking about it this morning, actually. I have little to no willpower. I will work very hard on some things, but can't be bothered with others, with no rhyme or reason between the two.

kellyt89

Okay, I will preface this with, I'm a huge nerd and I get Oprah magazine. lol

There was a really interesting article in there a couple months ago about finding and doing something you're passionate about. One of the quizzes was actually to find your motivation style - and how you will work best when there are setbacks.

I actually found the quiz online:
http://www.oprah.com/spirit/How-to-Determine-What-Motivates-You-Motivation-Style
maybe it will help!

flygirlmeg

UGH!!!  It's like you two are reading my mind!!  I was thinking of doing some mini-goals for myself in 5 pound increments but I'm not sure that would really motivate me either!  Even knowing I have a half marathon in just over a month isn't working and I've allowed myself to get behind on my training.  What to do, what to do?!!

Hazel_B

This is totally me. I've been whining for ages about how I have an issue with getting motivated.

I'm also like Tiger and will work ridiculously hard on some things and couldn't be bothered on the rest.

So, if you find the key to motivation....let me know!

Stina51286

It takes me to sign up for something to be motivated to do it. I already signed up in November for my half thats in May. I paid for a personal trainer so i had to do it (it was not cheap).

I just read something on pinterest that you put a dollar into a jar for every day you workout and when you hit 100 you get to go shopping or buy one expensive thing (for $100) that you typically would not buy as a reward for your hard work.

flygirlmeg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_motivationwhat-am-missing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4d06b529-8ac0-4001-8672-b0901535f67aPost:57046652-8830-4597-8b2c-a771985b56fc">Re: Motivation...What am I missing?</a>:
[QUOTE]It takes me to sign up for something to be motivated to do it. I already signed up in November for my half thats in May. I paid for a personal trainer so i had to do it (it was not cheap).<strong> I just read something on pinterest that you put a dollar into a jar for every day you workout and when you hit 100 you get to go shopping or buy one expensive thing (for $100) that you typically would not buy as a reward for your hard work.</strong>
Posted by Stina51286[/QUOTE]

I like that idea . . . maybe I can make that work. 

I just took the Oprah quick Kelly posted and apparently I'm not "highly" motivated by anything!!  It says I'm moderately motivated by connection, security, and accomplishment and lowly motivated by enlightenment and influence.  After reading the descriptions I think I'm most motivated by accomplishment, followed closely by security.  The only problem with accomplishment is that feeling doesn't come until AFTER!!  I gotta motivate BEFORE!!  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />

bethsmiles

I have the same problem. I do really well until I do bad one day and then I just give up. I always start out so determined. I think part of it is that I expect too much so this time my goal is to lose 45-60 lbs. in a year which means about 15 lbs. every 3 months. It seems really slow to me because usually I set my goal as 10 lbs a month but I figure this way there isn't this huge pressure to do amazing every week.

Also the fact that BF is going to propose next year a huge motivator for me. I want to be skinnier by the time he proposes and if I fail this time there isn't another shot at it. So since you are already engaged you can think about how you want to look on your wedding day and keep in mind that you only have so much time until then, if you don't stick to it there isn't another shot at it.

bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_motivationwhat-am-missing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4d06b529-8ac0-4001-8672-b0901535f67aPost:43488937-52f3-4c6e-b326-40137acf56e9">Re: Motivation...What am I missing?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Motivation...What am I missing? : I like that idea . . . maybe I can make that work.  I just took the Oprah quick Kelly posted and apparently I'm not "highly" motivated by anything!!  It says I'm moderately motivated by connection, security, and accomplishment and lowly motivated by enlightenment and influence.  After reading the descriptions I think I'm most motivated by accomplishment, followed closely by security.  The only problem with accomplishment is that feeling doesn't come until AFTER!!  I gotta motivate BEFORE!! 
Posted by flygirlmeg[/QUOTE]

I wasn't highly motivated by anything either.

Stina51286

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_motivationwhat-am-missing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:4d06b529-8ac0-4001-8672-b0901535f67aPost:59ce0699-836b-442e-9f5c-51710b5dceed">Re: Motivation...What am I missing?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have the same problem. I do really well until I do bad one day and then I just give up. I always start out so determined. <strong>I think part of it is that I expect too much so this time my goal is to lose 45-60 lbs. in a year which means about 15 lbs. every 3 months. It seems really slow to me because usually I set my goal as 10 lbs a month but I figure this way there isn't this huge pressure to do amazing every week</strong>. Also the fact that BF is going to propose next year a huge motivator for me. I want to be skinnier by the time he proposes and if I fail this time there isn't another shot at it. So since you are already engaged you can think about how you want to look on your wedding day and keep in mind that you only have so much time until then, if you don't stick to it there isn't another shot at it.
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

Have you ever tried livestrong.com? Its a great tool at losing weight, eating well, and a great support system on the different blogs. If you have not seen it, its free, you enter in your height, weight, goal, and exercise level and itll tell you how many cals/exercise a day and it gives realistic goals rather then far fetched ones. But the possibility of a proposal is a good motivation factor!

NeedFavors

Ok, important disclaimer first....

I am sitting on the couch surfing the web while I should be working out. lol

For me what works is never letting up, the minute I sit down on the couch, it's over. I can only stay motivated if I don't relax and when I am in this mode, I am completely exhausted at night and sleep really well ready to take on the day the next morning.

However, when I do let up, for just a little bit (like today) I get so disgusted with myself and it kicks me into motivation again, so it's ok to rest every so often. :-)

I think the key to this is figuring out what works for you, think back to something you've achieved and what pushed you to keep going.

kellyt89

I don't think I was highly motivated by any one thing either when I took it in the magazine, I got 3 different things. I wonder if there's a way to figure something out that encorporated multiple "motivation styles" at once?

cu97tiger

This is awesome:

I guess part of my problem is that I haven't yet figured out what I'm truly passionate about. I think I know, but it would involve some serious risk-taking, a pay cut, and a whole ton of uncertainty that I'm just not up for right now.

Stina51286

Tiger, mine was the same expept that connection was low.

lunarsongbird

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_motivationwhat-am-missing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:4d06b529-8ac0-4001-8672-b0901535f67aPost:f0a8abd3-9fbe-437f-bacd-60208f621860">Re: Motivation...What am I missing?</a>:
[QUOTE]This is awesome: I guess part of my problem is that I haven't yet figured out what I'm truly passionate about. I think I know, but it would involve some serious risk-taking, a pay cut, and a whole ton of uncertainty that I'm just not up for right now.
Posted by cu97tiger[/QUOTE]

Oh heck...I have the same results! We're scrrrewwed. LOL

lunarsongbird

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_motivationwhat-am-missing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:4d06b529-8ac0-4001-8672-b0901535f67aPost:59ce0699-836b-442e-9f5c-51710b5dceed">Re: Motivation...What am I missing?</a>:
[QUOTE] since you are already engaged you can think about how you want to look on your wedding day and keep in mind that you only have so much time until then, if you don't stick to it there isn't another shot at it.
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

I think the reason this isn't working for me is that I'm tired of hating myself...Although I want to make changes- I also want to love myself and be accepting of myself. I want to love myself on my wedding day...even if I fail to lose weight. I'm coming to terms that this is me...and this will be me at 230 pounds...or at 145 pounds. I love me.

Maybe my desire to love myself will help me motivate myself to do good things for myself. I'm just tired of carrying the guilt of not going to the gym...of eating fries. I carry SOOO much guilt. 

<a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/2/13/42aa5438-fbde-47b0-8d5e-74ef6d37d657.large.jpg" title="Click to view a larger photo" class="PhotoLink"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/2/13/42aa5438-fbde-47b0-8d5e-74ef6d37d657.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>

lennonkdc

Mine was exactly the same Tiger.

I just wish I knew what it was that would keep me active on a daily basis. I like how I feel when I work out, but I just can't make myself do it every day, and even if I do well for a few weeks, if I don't see a change in the scale or my measurements, then I feel all defeated. This summer I had a good routine going, for about 5 weeks, but I only lost 3lbs or so. So I did one of those 'cleanses' where I basically took caffeine pills and gave myself the runs for 2 weeks because I was so desperate to look cute on vacation. As unhealthy as it was, I lost close to 10lbs. I know I shouldn't look for a quick fix, but I just felt so defeated that 5 weeks of work yielded no results...

ravenray

Don't feel guilty Lunar!  We love you! 
My problem is I am just lazy.  I don't really want to do some of those things so I just make excuses or play on line.  Sometimes I can be really productive, but I have to give myself a severe talking too! 

lunarsongbird

So one thing that helped me with cleaning around the house was telling myself that I only need to clean what I messed up today. It was like...seriously life changing. And essentially- if I did that everyday.....the house would always be clean. (Things get messed up when I'm sick or when Andrew is a bit messy...or it's a holiday/special event.)

How do I do that with exercise or eating well?

ravenray

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_motivationwhat-am-missing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4d06b529-8ac0-4001-8672-b0901535f67aPost:afc9285f-6846-4188-8911-f6d59a9d5ea7">Re: Motivation...What am I missing?</a>:
[QUOTE]So one thing that helped me with cleaning around the house was telling myself that I only need to clean what I messed up today. It was like...seriously life changing. And essentially- if I did that everyday.....the house would always be clean. (Things get messed up when I'm sick or when Andrew is a bit messy...or it's a holiday/special event.) How do I do that with exercise or eating well?
Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]
Maybe track number of calories you eat (or estimate) and try to work out as long as you ate?

lunarsongbird

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_motivationwhat-am-missing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:4d06b529-8ac0-4001-8672-b0901535f67aPost:827b955d-a24e-49b1-91ab-0f620d07480d">Re: Motivation...What am I missing?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Motivation...What am I missing? : Maybe track number of calories you eat (or estimate) and try to work out as long as you ate?
Posted by ravenray[/QUOTE]

Oooooh...Raven...this is a very interesting idea, my friend....Hm. This could be quite fun. And if I didn't really feel like working out- I could adjust my food consumption.

Sounds so simple, right? LOL.

ravenray

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_motivationwhat-am-missing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4d06b529-8ac0-4001-8672-b0901535f67aPost:6860a889-e1b1-4ace-9fd6-6c68b4840740">Re: Motivation...What am I missing?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Motivation...What am I missing? : Oooooh...Raven...this is a very interesting idea, my friend....Hm. This could be quite fun. And if I didn't really feel like working out- I could adjust my food consumption. Sounds so simple, right? LOL.
Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]
See!  It might be worth a shot?

bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_motivationwhat-am-missing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4d06b529-8ac0-4001-8672-b0901535f67aPost:74fffa39-ac60-4234-877c-d812541d763c">Re: Motivation...What am I missing?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Motivation...What am I missing? : I think the reason this isn't working for me is that I'm tired of hating myself...Although I want to make changes- I also want to love myself and be accepting of myself. I want to love myself on my wedding day...even if I fail to lose weight. I'm coming to terms that this is me...and this will be me at 230 pounds...or at 145 pounds. I love me. Maybe my desire to love myself will help me motivate myself to do good things for myself. I'm just tired of carrying the guilt of not going to the gym...of eating fries. I carry SOOO much guilt. 
Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]

I think you need to un-attach the idea of self-hate from wanting to lose weight. I don't like the way I look, I don't hate myself but I know I will be happier if I lose the weight. Working to get to a point where you really do like the way you look and feel is better than convincing yourself that you are ok with the way things are. Then you can start seeing dieting and exercising as a way of loving yourself because you are doing it to make you happy.

I don't think carrying around guilt is a good thing but that feeling could be a motivator for you. Every time you think about skipping the gym or eating something you know you shouldn't think about how you are going to feel afterwards...is the guilty feeling going to be worth it?

Ollie08

Ugh... Like Meg, I'm highly motivated by accomplishment. But again that doesn't help get me motivated when the accomplishment comes after and I need motivation before.

I am highly competitive and I really like to be the best at everything I do. Can anyone think of some ways to motivate me with that?

doubleSS07

I'm in a bit of a motivation rut myself!  Two years ago my motivation was a disgusting and incredibly bad photo taken at New Years at the worst possible angle.  I cried when I saw it...reality set in how exactly how far I'd let myself go.  I went straight to the gym and signed up for weight watchers.  I was determined to try all the things I thought I couldn't do..like spin and running. 

I think the one thing I did different this time as opposed to the last 2 times I lost weight was that I decided to not be so focused on the scale.  I weighed in for WW but I also took measurements and bought clothes slightly too tight to work in to.  I started taking weight lifting classes and although the scale might not have changed I saw the change in my shape and especially my arms..damn bat wings were finally gone.

So perhaps think about your goal of exercise and weight loss in another way, like you want to lower your blood pressure, or run a mile, or see a muscle form in what you thought was your weakest body part.  Those are things that kept me motivated when the scale wouldn't budge.

Hazel_B

Beautiful....

Your need for Connection is moderate.

Your need for Security is moderate.

Your need for Influence is low.

Your need for Accomplishment is moderate.

Your need for Enlightenment is low.

cu97tiger

I read an interesting blog yesterday by one of my friends about the difference between doing something (i.e. exercise or healthy eating) for the end goal, versus for personal satisfaction/enjoyment. It really resonated with me. In the short-term, we can all make ourselves workout by running, doing yoga, etc. But for each of us, there is SOMETHING that we enjoy doing, even if it doesn't make us instantly lose weight.

For example, if you really like to dance, start taking dance classes. No, you won't lose weight as fast as if you trained for a marathon, but you would become healthier and are more likely to stick with it.

When it comes to food, a good motto is to eat for fuel. That's all food is meant for. Our society has turned it into a social aspect as well. So give yourself 2-3 cheat meals a week, and the rest, try to focus on fueling your body for the rest of life.

(PS Take this all with a grain of salt, as I sit on my couch eating 1/4 can of pringles and drinking ginger ale).

lunarsongbird

Maybe I should look into the Diet Cure again. I just don't think I was in a good enough place mentally last time I tried it...as you know...I ADORE the Mood Cure- it literally changed my life.

Here is an exerpt from "The Diet Cure"- 

 
 (Can you read it when you click on it?)
http://books.google.com/books?id=5uuTQ8ixqtcC&pg=PT15&source=gbs_toc_r&cad=4#v=onepage&q&f=false

When I first read this book..I thought to myself, "Good Lord- this woman can read my mind!" Perhaps I'll need to read this again and go out and get some more supplements.

Hazel_B

Great point Tiger!

What you said reminded me of hearing about how in today's society we tend to cruise along and never really become good at things that are interests. Using your dance example, it'd be like taking a dance class and enjoying it but stopping because we become bored instead of increasing the level of intensity/difficulty inorder to challenge ourselves and maintain our interest.

lunarsongbird

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_motivationwhat-am-missing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:4d06b529-8ac0-4001-8672-b0901535f67aPost:e9dbb40d-179d-4d45-87c9-30d99a79e663">Re: Motivation...What am I missing?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Motivation...What am I missing? : I think you need to un-attach the idea of self-hate from wanting to lose weight. Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

I agree. How do you do this? I'm afraid it may be easier said then done.

leia1979

I also lack motivation. H and I both wanted to lose weight for the wedding. H even made me schedule e-pics a little late so he would have time to lose weight. He didn't lose any weight, and neither did I. In fact, I weigh almost 10 pounds more than last summer (2010).

I feel like if my own wedding couldn't motivate me, what will? I do get more exercise than I used to, so I suppose that's some improvement. It's just that I eat too much. It's not even all the time. I'm usually good about lunch. It's just dinner and occasionally breakfast where I overeat.

ETA my motivators:
Your need for Connection is moderate.

Your need for Security is moderate.

Your need for Influence is moderate.

Your need for Accomplishment is moderate.

Your need for Enlightenment is low.  (Yes, I ranked shopping above enlightenment--I love shopping.)