The joys of weddings

jaycee7389

equally match the woes! lol

bethsmiles

That is super lame. I probably wouldn't continue a friendship with someone like that after the wedding.

cu97tiger

That sucks. If you are good enough friends that you're in her wedding (and she's in yours), then I'd think you are good enough friends that you can say 'I can only afford $xy for a dress.' I'm sorry if that throws off your plans, but I'm happy to help you look for one that is in a more reasonable price range.)

My biggest biggest biggest fear as a bride is to be a bridezilla like that. I did everything I could to find a dress under $150. With my BMs spread all over the east coast, them all trying it on wasn't an option, but if they hated it, I would have hoped that they'd say something to me. 

jaycee7389

I have a big fear of being a bridezilla, too.

I did tell her it was more than I could afford, and so did my friend. But she obviously didn't care and decided that in order to get the dress she wants she could just pay for the deposit instead of a BM gift. blahhhh

lunarsongbird

I'm going to let my bridesmaid pick any dress they want in a particular color- as long as their tatas aren't going to steal my limelight. My sister sometimes dresses a bit inappropriately.

This is a bummer. How expensive is the dress?

ETA: And I guess I just have a different view of Bridesmaids then some bridezillas. I am the one honored that they will stand next to me and share that day with me. I want them to be there with me. If one of them had challenges with any "bridesmaids" duties...like getting a dress. I would work with them on it. I would go to the length of making something work they already had in their own wardrobe.

motoLyn

I was happy when my friend let the BMs pick the dress that we wanted to wear in her wedding.  It was a bit more than I had budgeted for I think it was $40 more.  But I was willing to do that for her.  First I suggest you have a convo with your friend about the situation.  Sure the BMs dresses in your wedding were $90 more.  But I am sure that it could have been less if one of your BMs couldn't afford it.  Because you were willing to work with your BMs.  Sounds like your friend is just crafting her dream wedding without the consideration of the wedding party.  She's going to take you all hostage.  Especially is she is making demands on the bridal shower and bachelorette party. Stop it from escalating. the longer you wait the more imbedded you become.

Stina51286

Thats completely rude and sounds just like my sister! She wanted me to buy a dress for $250 and I tried telling her I couldn't afford it and she blew me off. Some brides need to take a class on not being a bridezilla!

jaycee7389

Well I text her and said I was sorry if she was upset that I didn't want to pay that much, but it was more than I was expecting. She said "well considering we have to pay for a flight to get to your wedding I didn't think you'd care about paying a little extra for a dress".

I get that I am having a DW wedding, but the BMs knew that when they agreed to be BMs. Also, that is where I am choosing to get married, and I would do it regardless if it was just him and I or an entire group of guests and bridal party. It's not a tit for tat, she is making expensive requests left and right and is being inconsiderate about them. There is a big difference IMO.

CCO2012

I'm so confused! Is TK being wonky? Was something DD? Or am I just not following?

jaycee7389

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_joys-of-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4f66b7b3-8ed9-4b50-9b1b-fc96a2955024Post:009eed01-05fb-481f-a1a5-d0decbaba990">Re: The joys of weddings</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm so confused! Is TK being wonky? Was something DD? Or am I just not following?
Posted by CCO2012[/QUOTE]

DD lol, I'll PM you.

lunarsongbird

Your friend doesn't sound very nice. Maybe this is why I don't have many friends.

motoLyn

Jaycee I can see the point from both sides.  I have a DW wedding and I'm was also in a wedding for a friend this past December here locally.  The BMs and I threw her a bridal shower and took her to Vegas to see a show, out to dinner and clubbing.  She is also one of my BMs.  So I can understand your position completely.  This is where I think it differs a bit for you and I.  For my wedding I let them BMs pick their own dress as long as it was a certain color.  If they can find a dress for $30 then more power to them.  Because I already feel guilty that they have to pay for a plane  ticket and accommodations that I don't ask them for a bridal shower or bachelorette party.  So I can see how your friend doesn't feel guilty pushing expensive things on you she is making it out that you spend on her as much as she did on you.  Her mentality won't change. 

I am sure that she could have declined the offer to be your BM but she could of probably afforded it and accepted.  So now you're in a this for that issue with her.

jaycee7389

Moto- I agree. I offered my beach house to them though, so basically a flight (which is 200) is all they have extra. I think she is being a tad bit ridiculous when it comes to comparing them because of that. Honestly, my friend said it is going to cost her more to be in this local wedding than go to MB for mine. I check every step of the way with my BMs if they feel uncomfortable with spending money on things, that's my biggest issue in the whole matter--that she didn't.

cu97tiger

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_joys-of-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4f66b7b3-8ed9-4b50-9b1b-fc96a2955024Post:9508e4d8-c1c8-41eb-857d-e262fcebcd0b">Re: The joys of weddings</a>:
[QUOTE]I was happy when my friend let the BMs pick the dress that we wanted to wear in her wedding.  It was a bit more than I had budgeted for I think it was $40 more.  But I was willing to do that for her.  First I suggest you have a convo with your friend about the situation.  <strong>Sure the BMs dresses in your wedding were $90 more</strong>.  But I am sure that it could have been less if one of your BMs couldn't afford it.  Because you were willing to work with your BMs.  Sounds like your friend is just crafting her dream wedding without the consideration of the wedding party.  She's going to take you all hostage.  Especially is she is making demands on the bridal shower and bachelorette party. Stop it from escalating. the longer you wait the more imbedded you become.
Posted by motoLyn[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I got the idea that jaycee's BM dresses were $90 LESS than the wedding she is going to be a BM for. I'm with Lunar, I want my bridesmaids to be happy and have a great time and NOT be worried that this wedding is putting them into the poor house. While I picked a dress and sent it off, if any of them had had a problem with it, I would have come up with a plan B. </div><div>
</div><div>Jaycee - your friend seems to be using this as an excuse to be 'me me me.' Unfortunately, short of calling her out on it, or maybe removing yourself from the WP, there isn't a whole lot you can do...

</div>

CCO2012

I agree with PP's. If she continues to be unreasonable, I would gracefully bow out of the wedding and just explain that the costs are just something you can not take on at this time.

motoLyn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_joys-of-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4f66b7b3-8ed9-4b50-9b1b-fc96a2955024Post:20cea741-867c-4e2d-bbf2-c9a138b5b972">Re: The joys of weddings</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The joys of weddings : I got the idea that jaycee's BM dresses were $90 LESS than the wedding she is going to be a BM for. I'm with Lunar, I want my bridesmaids to be happy and have a great time and NOT be worried that this wedding is putting them into the poor house. While I picked a dress and sent it off, if any of them had had a problem with it, I would have come up with a plan B.  Jaycee - your friend seems to be using this as an excuse to be 'me me me.' Unfortunately, short of calling her out on it, or maybe removing yourself from the WP, there isn't a whole lot you can do...
Posted by cu97tiger[/QUOTE]

I may have mis-read.  Can't go and confirm that now without Jaycee chiming in.  Either way the consensus is that this issue with your friend will escalate if you both can't get on the same page about costs and responsibilities. 

CCO2012

Your tatas are covered in it Liv, so I'd think Lunar should be fine with it!

motoLyn

Liv that's a pretty conservative dress.  Are you sure you don't want to take a step outside the box?

lunarsongbird

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_joys-of-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:4f66b7b3-8ed9-4b50-9b1b-fc96a2955024Post:371488d2-b872-4755-af3b-d73cb20b2422">Re: The joys of weddings</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The joys of weddings : Lunar, this is the dress I'm planning for your wedding. It's OK, right?
Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

AWESOME! Does it come in the color lapis?

lunarsongbird

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_joys-of-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:4f66b7b3-8ed9-4b50-9b1b-fc96a2955024Post:f2d83f0f-a96d-4f2e-a87b-244486f21a94">Re: The joys of weddings</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The joys of weddings : Oh I was going to do a home dye job. Hope that's OK. 
Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

Clothes dying...am I using that word right? It does kinda look like clothes are dying when people dye them.

doubleSS07

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_joys-of-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:4f66b7b3-8ed9-4b50-9b1b-fc96a2955024Post:3062fccc-0e90-4cfa-8408-fc94579e07fb">Re: The joys of weddings</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The joys of weddings : Well, you know, I figure that it will look slightly different on me than on the model. I think with my belly roll, cellulite, and stretch marks it will really complete the look. 
Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

You know with all that going on you can totally save on buying any accessories because that would just be overkill!

jaycee7389

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_joys-of-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:4f66b7b3-8ed9-4b50-9b1b-fc96a2955024Post:20cea741-867c-4e2d-bbf2-c9a138b5b972">Re: The joys of weddings</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The joys of weddings :<strong> I got the idea that jaycee's BM dresses were $90 LESS</strong> than the wedding she is going to be a BM for. I'm with Lunar, I want my bridesmaids to be happy and have a great time and NOT be worried that this wedding is putting them into the poor house. While I picked a dress and sent it off, if any of them had had a problem with it, I would have come up with a plan B.  Jaycee - your friend seems to be using this as an excuse to be 'me me me.' Unfortunately, short of calling her out on it, or maybe removing yourself from the WP, there isn't a whole lot you can do...
Posted by cu97tiger[/QUOTE]


That is correct lol.

I agree, Tiger. I would hate to drop out of the wedding, but I  am just so sick of being treated this way. Her sister commented on the status and said "don't worry, we won't let anyone ruin your big day"...like REALLY!?

kellyt89

lmao Liv, where did you find that dress? It reminds me of "I Dream of Genie!"

lunarsongbird

Jaycee...the ruiner of weddings? You should definitely wear the BM dress that Liv picked out.

doubleSS07

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_joys-of-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:4f66b7b3-8ed9-4b50-9b1b-fc96a2955024Post:fe9caf4f-519a-481a-8e03-4554759b3975">Re: The joys of weddings</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The joys of weddings : That is correct lol. I agree, Tiger. I would hate to drop out of the wedding, but I  am just so sick of being treated this way. Her sister commented on the status and said "don't worry, we won't let anyone ruin your big day"...like REALLY!?
Posted by jaycee7389[/QUOTE]

OMG!  I cannot STAND people who post passive agressive shiit like that on FB!  Really if you have an issue with something be a grown up and talk about it.  I didn't get to read the original post but I get the general idea from others.  Seems like you are either going to have to let the issue of the price of the dress just drop and buy it or back out and say that you just can't afford to invest that much when you are planning your own wedding. 

Just be prepared that if she's being petty and playing tit for tat that she might back out of yours.  BF and I have kicked around the idea of a DW and this is why I'm just not going to have BM's if we do.  People seem to get all cookoo about weddings LOL

cu97tiger

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_joys-of-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:4f66b7b3-8ed9-4b50-9b1b-fc96a2955024Post:599722ee-774c-4402-8668-edf96b5d9519">Re: The joys of weddings</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: The joys of weddings : <strong>I googled "inappropriate bridesmaid dress."</strong> HA!
Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

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NurseyK

I missed the original post....

All I can say is that you deserve great friends, don't put up with anything less than that.


doubleSS... I tried have no bridal party and my mom flipped. It was no bueno. Be prepared for pushback. (Wait, are you engaged? I don't remember)

carrtoons

]

carrtoons

hahaha that's my mom's SN I'm on her computer. This is Jaycee

doubleSS07

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_joys-of-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:4f66b7b3-8ed9-4b50-9b1b-fc96a2955024Post:af1b0844-76b7-498d-a694-52a0b04ec208">Re: The joys of weddings</a>:
[QUOTE]I missed the original post.... All I can say is that you deserve great friends, don't put up with anything less than that. doubleSS... I tried have no bridal party and my mom flipped. It was no bueno. Be prepared for pushback. (Wait, are you engaged? I don't remember)
Posted by NurseyK[/QUOTE]

no we aren't engaged yet but he has purchased the ring.  We have talked just in genralities about the when's (time of year) and possible where's.  We both just agreed on very small and somewhere really pretty.  I suppose I'm lucky in a way..I don't really have alot of family except really my dad and an aunt and uncle (mom and lil bro not in the picture) and neither does he.  Hopefully that translates in to not having issues with pushy family members!