New to NEY!!

PinkandLove77

Hi Everyone, 

This is my first time posting in the NEY board so I'll introduce myself first ..

I've been with my SO for 5 years (in July) and unfortunately do not live together yet. We are both 23 years old and still in college. After 2 more years of school and buying a house together we will get engaged.

My question is if it is bad to reserve a date for a venue 2-3 years out? And before being engaged even? I LOVE the venue and would be devestated if it were booked for my potential date. So whatcha think? 

melmac86

In Response to Re:New to NEY!!:[QUOTE]Hi Everyone,nbsp;This is my first time posting in the NEY board so I'll introduce myself first ..I've been with my SO for 5 years in July and unfortunately do not live together yet. We are both 23 years old and still in college. After 2 more years of school and buying a house together we will get engaged.My question is if it is bad to reserve a date for a venue 23 years out? And before being engaged even? I LOVE the venue and would be devestated if it were booked for my potential date. So whatcha think?nbsp; Posted by PinkandLove77[/QUOTE]

I don't buy it. You can't be for real.

bethsmiles

Yes. It is a horrible idea. You are not engaged so there is no need for you to even be looking at venues and honestly 2-3 years from now you may not love the venue you are looking at.

You do not need to worry about it being booked for your potential date because there is no way you know what day is going to work for you and your BF and your families/close friends possibly three years from now.

Just focus on what is going on in your life right now and in 2-3 years if you are engaged you can worry about wedding planning then.

Peaseblossom55

Yes this is a bad idea.  Don't plan anything until you are engaged, I say this for many reasons. Who knows when exactly you will be engaged, will the people you want to be there be around for this date, your tastes/budget may change a few years down the line.  Planning a wedding is what an engagement is for, enjoy the time you have now just being boyfriend and girlfriend.

Elle1036

I LIKE SKITTLES!

CASK85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_new-to-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:52acbea1-2a03-4789-bbb0-29ccb9c4b69aPost:cbd9923a-e463-4f5a-b814-978a7bb2055b">Re: New to NEY!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I LIKE SKITTLES!
Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]
I like skittles too, but not as much as I like M&Ms.

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_new-to-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:52acbea1-2a03-4789-bbb0-29ccb9c4b69aPost:51f2d0ec-4afd-4129-aa90-50489c2bdf05">Re: New to NEY!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: New to NEY!! : I like skittles too, but not as much as I like M&Ms.
Posted by cschiano[/QUOTE]

I would love some peanut butter m&ms right now.

LaSak87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_new-to-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:52acbea1-2a03-4789-bbb0-29ccb9c4b69aPost:51f2d0ec-4afd-4129-aa90-50489c2bdf05">Re: New to NEY!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: New to NEY!! : I like skittles too, but not as much as I like M&Ms.
Posted by cschiano[/QUOTE]
Same outfit, not nearly as delicious.

jorja86

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_new-to-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:52acbea1-2a03-4789-bbb0-29ccb9c4b69aPost:b12174db-c4c5-4453-87dc-3f0a7c10deb3">New to NEY!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi Everyone,  This is my first time posting in the NEY board so I'll introduce myself first .. I've been with my SO for 5 years (in July) and unfortunately do not live together yet. We are both 23 years old and still in college. After 2 more years of school and buying a house together we will get engaged. <strong>My question is if it is bad to reserve a date for a venue 2-3 years out? And before being engaged even</strong>? I LOVE the venue and would be devestated if it were booked for my potential date. So whatcha think? 
Posted by PinkandLove77[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes.</div>

Peaseblossom55

oh peanut butter m&m's are so good!

kaitlynmichelle

Now I really want some m&ms...

LilTexasGal

Just a heads up, pre-planning your wedding isn't really something we encourage here. Personally I would suggest holding off on any kind of planning. That means booking venue, choosing colors, or settling on a date.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-theme-boards_fall-weddings_fall-theme-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Theme BoardsForum:346Discussion:cfbf1c96-e3e9-4673-b82a-c1a71cc53725Post:93aeff6d-7390-4925-a99a-25061975b794">Fall Theme Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello Everyone! I have always wanted a fall wedding (<strong>I've chosen early October</strong>). I love Cherry Blossoms and was wondering if it would seem strange to have a fall wedding with a (generally) spring flower theme. I wanted to use the colors pink and chocolate with hints of sage green. So I would really appreciate any advice or suggestions :) Thanks Knotties!!!!
Posted by PinkandLove77[/QUOTE]


2-3 years is a LONG time from now. Apply your energies elsewhere for the time being. You will enjoy the wedding planning process more once you're actually engaged, and you will be glad that you waited. Don't go getting your heart set on stuff because life happens. Your BF might not want a fall wedding, you might have an amazing opportunity that would cause you to miss your fall wedding date, or a million other things. I don't think it is the end of the world to think about what you'd like from time to time, but there will be ample time later for you to plan. Enjoy the here and now.

PinkandLove77

Okay, well thanks to the ones who actually gave a real opinion  

My boyfriend and I occasionally discuss the topic openly so we know what we like and don't like. We like the idea of fall, my parents were married in October. At this point I've been in college for 5 years and am on summer break so I have nothing else to focus my "now energies" on. I understand not all encourage it, but it's my life.

Thanks ladies!!!!! 

LilTexasGal

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_new-to-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:52acbea1-2a03-4789-bbb0-29ccb9c4b69aPost:d69af6cd-4c72-4884-990d-470cc36815c7">Re: New to NEY!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, well thanks to the ones who actually gave a real opinion :) My boyfriend and I occasionally discuss the topic openly so we know what we like and don't like. We like the idea of fall, my parents were married in October. At this point I've been in college for 5 years and am on summer break so<strong> I have nothing else to focus my "now energies" on</strong>. I understand not all encourage it,<strong> but it's my life</strong>. Thanks ladies!!!!!
Posted by PinkandLove77[/QUOTE]

Still doesn't change the fact that booking a venue this far out is a bad idea. I'm holding by my "life happens" statement. It is too early to finalize <em>anything</em>.

And yes, it is your life. It doesn't affect me any... but if you're planning on sticking around, you should keep in mind what I said. The suggestion has been made, what you choose to do with that information is your own.

peekaboo2011

You wanna hear a story cupcake?

I pre-planned like crazy before I got engaged.  Not openly, but in my head.  And I never booked/bought anything.  Guess what?  Six months after we got engaged, it fell apart.

Look at preplanning like this:  You're planning an event that may never happen.  You'd look at me like I had six heads if I went out and started decorating a nursery for a baby girl because I just knew I was going to have one, and then found out after months and months of trying that I couldn't have kids.  Well, that's why we don't encourage preplanning.  Because after months and months of setting all of these things up, your relationship can change and shift and maybe die out.  It happens.  Not that it will necessarily happen to you, but it could.

Enjoy your relationship as it stands RIGHT NOW.  No wedding, no engagement, just the two of you.  Focus on goofy date nights and making dinner together. Learn to cook Korean food.  Learn to knit, learn to crochet, learn to sew.  Pick up a foreign language. Travel.  Do things together.  Do NOT plan a wedding until you're engaged.

bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_new-to-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:52acbea1-2a03-4789-bbb0-29ccb9c4b69aPost:d69af6cd-4c72-4884-990d-470cc36815c7">Re: New to NEY!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, well thanks to the ones who actually gave a real opinion :)  My boyfriend and I occasionally discuss the topic openly so we know what we like and don't like. We like the idea of fall, my parents were married in October. <strong>At this point I've been in college for 5 years and am on summer break so I have nothing else to focus my "now energies" on</strong>. I understand not all encourage it, but it's my life. Thanks ladies!!!!! 
Posted by PinkandLove77[/QUOTE]

Find a hobby? I'm in college too so my summers are pretty empty too but you don't have a job? or friends to hang out with? You could spend time volunteering.

If you didn't really want our opinions then why did you ask? We don't do validation here.

Elle1036

In Response to Re:New to NEY!!:[QUOTE]Okay, well thanks to the ones who actually gave a real opinion :nbsp;My boyfriend and I occasionally discuss the topic openly so we know what we like and don't like. We like the idea of fall, my parents were married in October. At this point I've been in college for 5 years and am on summer break so I have nothing else to focus my "now energies" on. I understand not all encourage it, but it's my life.Thanks ladies!!!!!nbsp; Posted by PinkandLove77[/QUOTE]

Oh I get it now. Yeah, go ahead and book a venue. It'll be nice to get that checked off your list, and you know you're getting married eventually anyway so what's the harm?

...I just wanted to see what that would be like.

PinkandLove77

I said thanks to the opinion givers. I never said otherwise. I asked, read the responses, appreciate some, and will make my own choice. 

Trust me, I understand that "life happens." I experience it every day. Which is precisely why I asked .. to get an outside perspective or maybe hear someone else's story. 

No need to attack or be too harsh. We are all human beings and matter. Some of you are way too serious.

*Enjoy Life*

Elle1036

In Response to Re:New to NEY!!:[QUOTE]I said thanks to the opinion givers. I never said otherwise. I asked, read the responses, appreciate some, and will make my own choice.nbsp;Trust me, I understand that "life happens." I experience it every day. Which is precisely why I asked .. to get an outside perspective or maybe hear someone else's story.nbsp;No need to attack or be too harsh. We are all human beings and matter. Some of you are way too serious.Enjoy Life Posted by PinkandLove77[/QUOTE]

I'm not seeing where anyone attacked you.

K Everdeen12

1. Long engagements suck.  Even if they are totally necessary and you don't actually have time to do any wedding planning for a majority of the engagement, it sucks.  (I'm working fulltime and doing a master's program almost full time at the same time.)  If I didn't have school occupying 95% of my free time, I would be so pissed with this engagement.  [FTR, I'm so glad we're doing it this way, because I know it would be impossible to do wedding stuff on top of this, but I don't like that I have to wait for.ev.er.  (Also if I knew that I really wasn't going to DIY anything, maybe I would have pushed for a shorter engagement.  Hmm... maybe I should have been preplanning anyway....)]

2. In my case, yes our venue was almost fully booked 2 years early.  BUT we were engaged, had a budget set, and a rough outline of our guest list when we booked our venue.  My parents expressed their intention to contribute and FI's parents let us know how much of his family we should be inviting (mostly just based on his sister's guest list).  If we had booked a venue before we got engaged, we would have booked a venue that was too small, with a different budget.  Essentially, any and all ideas I came up with before he proposed had to be forgotten because they were useless when it came time to *actually* plan our wedding.  We're *very* lucky in that my parents don't want to have any input in our wedding other than writing a check, because we would have to take that into consideration too.  Most parents do want input, so again, any preplanning is useless.  

3. If you are still in school, you likely do not have a job lined up for after graduation.  It will be basically impossible for you to start planning a wedding when you really have no idea what your or your BF's financial situation will be once you graduate.  Add to that the fact that you are planning on buying a house, will probably have student loans, and will be living in the real world for the first time, I don't see how adding a wedding that you shouldn't even be planning is a good idea.  SO MUCH can and will change between now and 2-3 years from now, especially since you are still in school.  Live your life.  Don't plan a wedding for a few years in the future just because you like fall.  

Swazzle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_new-to-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:52acbea1-2a03-4789-bbb0-29ccb9c4b69aPost:d69af6cd-4c72-4884-990d-470cc36815c7">Re: New to NEY!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, well thanks to the ones who actually gave a real opinion :)  My boyfriend and I occasionally discuss the topic openly so we know what we like and don't like. We like the idea of fall, my parents were married in October. <strong>At this point I've been in college for 5 years and am on summer break so I have nothing else to focus my "now energies" on.</strong> I understand not all encourage it, but it's my life. Thanks ladies!!!!! 
Posted by PinkandLove77[/QUOTE]

<div>So, the only things in your life are school & pre-planning a wedding that may or may not happen in the future? I feel sad for you. </div>

msuprincess04

Every time I see one of these posts I think of the episode on Friends where Monica puts her name on the waiting list for a venue even though she's not engaged. Granted, in the show she eventually got a date, and got married on it. But that's a tv show, where things generally work out the way they are supposed to. In reality, that's rarely the case.

Think about it this way. When your bf is ready to propose, he will. Pre-planning a wedding, is kind of forcing him to rush that decision. It's giving him deadlines and basically ultimatums. How is that ever a good situation? It should come naturally. It should be a surprise, it should come from the heart. Not out of fear or pressure. You'll be much happier that way.

Leave it be, look when you are bored, and dream about someday not a specific date.

*edited for spelling.

Stina51286

Its not bad to reserve it 2-3 yrs out if you are engaged but since you are not, there is no point. My venue called last week, 15 months out asking what time we were thinking of dinner since they are technically able to book something in the same hall up to three hours before ours starts.

So what if the same thing happens to you and you still aren't engaged? What if you guys have a falling out? It happens. Then you are out of your deposit and whatever pre-planning you did is completely obsolete now.

CASK85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_new-to-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:52acbea1-2a03-4789-bbb0-29ccb9c4b69aPost:d69af6cd-4c72-4884-990d-470cc36815c7">Re: New to NEY!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, well thanks to the ones who actually gave a real opinion :)  My boyfriend and I occasionally discuss the topic openly so we know what we like and don't like. We like the idea of fall, my parents were married in October. At this point I've been in college for 5 years and am on summer break so I have nothing else to focus my "now energies" on. I understand not all encourage it, but it's my life. Thanks ladies!!!!! 
Posted by PinkandLove77[/QUOTE]
I gave a real opinion. It just happened to be about M&M's. <div>
</div><div>My opinion about whether or not you should book a wedding venue before you're engaged is "you should not." Happy? Good. Run along now. </div>

PinkandLove77

I feel sorry for people that feel the need to be rude or put people down via the internet. 

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_new-to-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:52acbea1-2a03-4789-bbb0-29ccb9c4b69aPost:eafec186-bef0-4ed9-8b4d-9ed0700b5c20">Re: New to NEY!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel sorry for people that feel the need to be rude or put people down via the internet. 
Posted by PinkandLove77[/QUOTE]

...Still not seeing where anyone was rude to you.  You asked a question and got answers.

minskat30

I'm sorry but this is a bad idea.  You and your SO have been together for a long time (which is great) but you are both really young, you are still in college (are you graduating soon...why 5 years in? are you working?) and you are thinking about getting married a LONG time from now (which I think is a good thing and mature given the fact that you both need to get settled first). 

I'm not saying you and your SO will break up at all, I'm just saying you have a long time and some growing to do in life still.  Enjoy the now.  Even if you are a planner...enjoy the now.  I'm in my 30s as is SO, we are both professionals, SO is about to buy a ring this week and SO indicated he wanted to get married next year in late spring (and engaged very, very soon...again all according to him).  Am I planning a wedding?  Nope, I'm not engaged yet and I told him as much. 

peekaboo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_new-to-ney?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:52acbea1-2a03-4789-bbb0-29ccb9c4b69aPost:eafec186-bef0-4ed9-8b4d-9ed0700b5c20">Re: New to NEY!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel sorry for people that feel the need to be rude or put people down via the internet. 
Posted by PinkandLove77[/QUOTE]

*points to above post*  I gave you good, sound advice.  As did many other people.  AND, I backed it up with an example.

Also, you shouldn't feel sorry for us.  You should feel sorry for our husbands.

steign

I think you should worry about planning a wedding AFTER college. I don't know about you but, I am stressed to the max just doing school alone. I can't imagine having to worry about school work, tests, papers AND a wedding. If you aren't working and you are just a student, enjoy it while you can.

LilTexasGal

OP: Book your wedding venue, plan your colors, go buy your dress, pick out your bridesmaids and their outfits. Dedicate a whole room to housing your wedding stuff, I don't care. We gave you our thoughts, you disagree (though you conveyed it in a poor way) and took the "it's my life" argument. We valued your question enough to give what we consider sound advice, and you, in return, did not value the time we took to honestly answer you, and instead tried to victimize yourself. Perhaps you need to reflect on your own actions before trying to judge others.