Not Engaged Yet

Help! My Ring Is Ugly!

2

Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly!

  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:2ef47624-4d6d-4e02-868b-b2e93107de08">Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm still curious about the popular stance on this. If it's a gift that he's giving her, and it's just a piece of jewelry, then why can't she say she doesn't like it? She could still be extremely grateful for all the trouble he went through to get it made, but that won't change the fact that she doesn't like it. Considering the fact that they went to look at rings together to figure out what styles she liked, makes it kind of weird that he ended up designing something that she hates.

    When buying a gift for someone else it's like guessing what the other person would like. Most of the time you should get it right, but there are times you don't, and that's what gift receipts are for. So if you can exchange any other gift, why should this one be different? I think that's better than keeping it and hating it.
    Posted by ShiroNeko[/QUOTE]

    Shiro, I cannot read the poster's actual response because just looking at it gives me a headache but I will address your question.

    In my case, we got engaged without a ring.  Then, we went to look at rings together.  I picked out my 3 favorites and he got to chose the final one as a surprise.  Shockingly, he chose the one I absolutely loved.

    I think that the basis for a great relationship is communication, and this holds true to this scenario.  Both people should be communicating before the ring is bought and both people should communicate after the proposal.  I would also think about why my FI bought THAT ring for me.  What was it that drew him to it?  Did he get the best that he could with what he could spend?  I would speak up if my guy proposed with a ring that I hated.  However, before saying anything I would think about why I hated it. 

    Examples of when I would say something
    -It was a yellow gold setting.  I never wear yellow gold.  It just isn't me. 
    -If I worked in a job where the setting was just not practical, I would bring it up.  Why spend a bunch of $ on something I cannot wear most of the time?
    -I literally couldn't look at it without thinking WTF

    Examples of when I would NOT say something
    -it was too fancy/plain for my taste (I would find out why he picked it out and what made it special to him.)
    -it the stone was not the right size (honestly, I wouldn't even think of this - but I had to say it)

    Also, there are several gifts that I might not like but that I would never dream of returning.  I got some 'huh?' gifts for our wedding but they came from the heart.  We can look at them and remember those special people in our lives.  Is it something I would buy for my own home?  Not in a million years, but that isn't what matters.
  • katanne9katanne9 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:2ef47624-4d6d-4e02-868b-b2e93107de08">Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm still curious about the popular stance on this. If it's a gift that he's giving her, and it's just a piece of jewelry, then why can't she say she doesn't like it? She could still be extremely grateful for all the trouble he went through to get it made, but that won't change the fact that she doesn't like it.
    Posted by ShiroNeko[/QUOTE]

    It's a delicate subject that is different for every couple. One that should only be dealt with after one is engaged, worn the ring for some time and approach with much care. Even then, according to a lot of knotties, it's generally considered questionable. It very much depends on
  • ShiroNekoShiroNeko member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:5954d145-187c-4471-98c3-96355369ccaa">Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly! : Shiro, I cannot read the poster's actual response because just looking at it gives me a headache but I will address your question. In my case, we got engaged without a ring.  Then, we went to look at rings together.  I picked out my 3 favorites and he got to chose the final one as a surprise.  Shockingly, he chose the one I absolutely loved. I think that the basis for a great relationship is communication, and this holds true to this scenario.  Both people should be communicating before the ring is bought and both people should communicate after the proposal.  I would also think about why my FI bought THAT ring for me.  What was it that drew him to it?  Did he get the best that he could with what he could spend?  I would speak up if my guy proposed with a ring that I hated.  However, before saying anything I would think about why I hated it.  Examples of when I would say something -It was a yellow gold setting.  I never wear yellow gold.  It just isn't me.  -If I worked in a job where the setting was just not practical, I would bring it up.  Why spend a bunch of $ on something I cannot wear most of the time? -I literally couldn't look at it without thinking WTF Examples of when I would NOT say something -it was too fancy/plain for my taste (I would find out why he picked it out and what made it special to him.) -it the stone was not the right size (honestly, I wouldn't even think of this - but I had to say it) Also, there are several gifts that I might not like but that I would never dream of returning.  I got some 'huh?' gifts for our wedding but they came from the heart.  We can look at them and remember those special people in our lives.  Is it something I would buy for my own home?  Not in a million years, but that isn't what matters.
    Posted by **Mutley**[/QUOTE]

    Thanks for the response. I completely agree with you on all your points. In my opinion, the OP's reaction falls under the "WTF" category. Although, it does fall under the "too plain" category too, so who knows. I guess I just wanted to see if anybody else felt like there are certain scenarios where it might be okay to consider getting a different ring.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:3d1f9a81-64d0-4245-b620-8a8d5dfc4587">Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You didn't scare me off. I only posted this 4 hours ago and I'm at work. I wasn't sitting in front of my computer the whole time, I run around a lot. Look, I might have been overreacting when I typed this up; I see that now. My work friends have different opinions, but none of them are engaged or close to it. I thought I'd get some better advice here. And, for the most part, I did. I understand now that it's not about the ring and I should be happy with whatever. I didn't want to come across as a "baby" or a "princess". I'm new to all this. I have no idea what goes through someone else's head when it comes to rings. I'm the first one of my friends to get engaged, and the first one of my cousins. I don't know protocol. I always thought the woman had tons of input when it comes to the engagement ring. I understand where you're all coming from. Some of the comments were unneccesary - like about being a "New Jersey stereotype", and being jealous of his sister's children. Especially the one about already being judged because I want to get married in Atlantic City. That place and the hotel we want to be married at has very special meaning for us as a couple, and that really hurt. But for the most part, I can see your point(s).
    Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]

    1) You're not actually engaged

    2) YOu haven't even seen the ring itself yet
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:1bc640b1-9089-4097-b7d5-76be22a5a5f7">Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly! : 1) You're not actually engaged 2) YOu haven't even seen the ring itself yet
    Posted by Button5807[/QUOTE]

    Okay ...
    1. "I'm the first one <em>who's going to be</em> getting engaged."
    2. I understand that. Like I said, I'm new at this.

    image 170 Invited (holy crap!)

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  • edited December 2011
    Do yourself a favor, stop freaking out don't even think about the ring again until it's on your finger.

    If you absolutely hate it after wearing it for a while then TALK to your FI. Relationships rely on communication. You shouldn't have to be asking your coworkers and internet strangers for advice on something that is so personal to your relationship.
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    I know I should. It didn't even bother me until my supervisor got engaged and he was talking about how he hopes his girlfriend likes the ring he picked out. My thoughts wander a little too far sometimes >_<

    image 170 Invited (holy crap!)

    image 98 are coming to party!

    image 29 have other plans

    image 43 need to respond!

    Daisypath Wedding tickers

    "Bside - You're just too sexy for your own good" ~ leia1979

    "True love = I still love you even though we hang out all the time and most other people would be tired of each other already" ~ flygirlmeg
  • katanne9katanne9 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:3d1f9a81-64d0-4245-b620-8a8d5dfc4587">Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You didn't scare me off. I only posted this 4 hours ago and I'm at work. I wasn't sitting in front of my computer the whole time, I run around a lot. Look, I might have been overreacting when I typed this up; I see that now. <strong>My work friends have different opinions, but none of them are engaged or close to it. I thought I'd get some better advice here. And, for the most part, I did. I understand now that it's not about the ring and I should be happy with whatever. I didn't want to come across as a "baby" or a "princess". I'm new to all this. I have no idea what goes through someone else's head when it comes to rings. I'm the first one of my friends to get engaged, and the first one of my cousins. I don't know protocol. I always thought the woman had tons of input when it comes to the engagement ring. I understand where you're all coming from.</strong> Some of the comments were unneccesary - like about being a "New Jersey stereotype", and being jealous of his sister's children. Especially the one about already being judged because I want to get married in Atlantic City. That place and the hotel we want to be married at has very special meaning for us as a couple, and that really hurt. But for the most part, I can see your point(s).
    Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]

    OP, I'm glad you came back and replied. And that fact that you didn't flip a lid helps your case as well. I hope you can re-read your initial post and take our comments to heart. It appears you don't have many people to relate to about the subject so just be careful not to be influenced by them.
  • ShiroNekoShiroNeko member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:aa270ee7-8e4c-41e3-a147-238f4d05fda4">Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Do yourself a favor, stop freaking out don't even think about the ring again until it's on your finger. If you absolutely hate it after wearing it for a while then TALK to your FI. Relationships rely on communication . You shouldn't have to be asking your coworkers and internet strangers for advice on something that is so personal to your relationship.
    Posted by Button5807[/QUOTE]

    This sums it up nicely.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:1f065eb4-bba6-4a54-b9ea-22b2aff50d76">Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
    [QUOTE]My future fiancé had my engagement ring custom-made for me by his great-aunt who works for Lester Lampert. He was sooooo excited about it, and kept bragging to me about how beautiful and unique it was, and how his great-aunt was only charging him a fraction of its original cost for her "favorite nephew". I could only imagine what it would look like, especially since he had taken me to a jewelry store several months ago to look at rings and find out what I liked and disliked.  
    Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]

    You know that HE is soooo excited about it.  Be thankful that he put a lot of time, energy and love into finding what he thinks is the perfect ring for you.

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:1f065eb4-bba6-4a54-b9ea-22b2aff50d76">Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
    [QUOTE] On Thanksgiving, his older sister unexpectedly got engaged, and was presented with a ring that was also made by this great-aunt. Her ring is gorgeous! A big square diamond surrounded by little round ones. I was, admittedly, slightly envious.
    Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]

    Why are you envious?  The design, the center stone, etc.  Envy will get you no where by the way.

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:1f065eb4-bba6-4a54-b9ea-22b2aff50d76">Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Later that week, my ring arrived in the mail. Since our engagement is several months away, my boyfriend offered me the chance to see what it looked like, and I said I did. However, he went to go how his father first, who offered to put the ring in his safe until it was time to pop the question - so I never got the chance to see it. However, what my boyfriend did do was pull up a picture on the internet of a ring that was "very similar" to what my custom ring looked like. When he showed me, I was speechless -- the ring was so ugly and plain! There was nothing even remotely unique about it. I was very disappointed. It looked nothing like any of the rings I'd shown him in stores.
    Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]

    It is a custom ring.  He found a picture of one that is similar.  It is not the exact ring he had designed.  He may view your ring as unique because it is for YOU, because he put it together for YOU.  That is unique to many men.

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:1f065eb4-bba6-4a54-b9ea-22b2aff50d76">Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
    [QUOTE]When he asked me what I thought, I said the first thing that came to mind: "It's nice." He became very mad and upset at my reaction ("I show you your engagement ring and all you can say is that it's nice?"). I apologized profusely and chalked up my reaction to shock. Ever since then, I have kept it inside that I hate my engagement ring! I don't know what to do! He was so upset when all I said was "it's nice", that I don't want to tell him I don't like it at all. I don't want to insult his great-aunt, either, who is a very sweet woman. He is so very excited about this ring, and all I can think about is how ugly it is.
    Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]

    I am with your BOYFRIEND here.  I would be very upset if all you could say to me was "it's nice."  That is a slap in the face when he was very excited and obviously put a lot into the ring. 

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:1f065eb4-bba6-4a54-b9ea-22b2aff50d76">Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Am I just jealous over his sister's ring?
    Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]

    Are you?  I cannot answer that.  If you are jealous, get over it.  You are two different women.  It is juvenile to be jealous over another woman's ring.

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:1f065eb4-bba6-4a54-b9ea-22b2aff50d76">Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Am I just overreacting over a picture?
    Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]

    Yes.  For all that is holy.  It is a PICTURE.  I have yet to see a picture that does any ring justice. 

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:1f065eb4-bba6-4a54-b9ea-22b2aff50d76">Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Should I say something to him or just wear the ring and be happy I have it?
    Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]

    Well, considering that you do not have the choice to wear it because he has not proposed yet...   Wait until he proposes.  You MAY love the ring.  You may find it absolutely gorgeous and never want to take it off.  You may become attached to it because it is the ring he proposed with.  I would seriously try to forget about whatever picture you saw and the feelings you felt when you saw it.  You are not helping anyone by holding on to feelings attached to a picture. 
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:79560a96-9519-4869-9142-b29977f6ed9f">Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly! :
    Okay ... 1. "I'm the first one  who's going to be getting engaged."
    2. I understand that. Like I said, I'm new at this.
    Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]

    What are you quoting?  See bolded statements below. 
    Also, you do not know that you are the first one because you are not engaged yet.  People get engaged all the time without anyone outside the relationship knowing that it is coming.  People meet and get engaged after dating a month.  Your statement is very presumptuous.

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:3d1f9a81-64d0-4245-b620-8a8d5dfc4587">Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You didn't scare me off. I only posted this 4 hours ago and I'm at work. I wasn't sitting in front of my computer the whole time, I run around a lot.

    Look, I might have been overreacting when I typed this up; I see that now. My work friends have different opinions, <strong>but none of them are engaged or close to it.</strong> I thought I'd get some better advice here. And, for the most part, I did. I understand now that it's not about the ring and I should be happy with whatever. I didn't want to come across as a "baby" or a "princess".

    I'm new to all this. I have no idea what goes through someone else's head when it comes to rings. <strong>I'm the first one of my friends to get engaged, and the first one of my cousins.</strong> I don't know protocol. I always thought the woman had tons of input when it comes to the engagement ring.

    I understand where you're all coming from. Some of the comments were unneccesary - like about being a "New Jersey stereotype", and being jealous of his sister's children. Especially the one about already being judged because I want to get married in Atlantic City. That place and the hotel we want to be married at has very special meaning for us as a couple, and that really hurt. But for the most part, I can see your point(s).
    Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:f1b81397-846d-4472-aab2-851cf99a5239">Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly! : OP, I'm glad you came back and replied. And that fact that you didn't flip a lid helps your case as well. I hope you can re-read your initial post and take our comments to heart. It appears you don't have many people to relate to about the subject so just be careful not to be influenced by them.
    Posted by katanne9[/QUOTE]

    Thanks, katanne. I was glad to come back and reply, and no, flipping a lid does no one any favors. I figured, the people here gave me their honest opinion; why should I get defensive? Sometimes I need to be taken down a peg, I'll be the first to admit it. I came here because I needed a community and some advice, and I got that.

    image 170 Invited (holy crap!)

    image 98 are coming to party!

    image 29 have other plans

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    Daisypath Wedding tickers

    "Bside - You're just too sexy for your own good" ~ leia1979

    "True love = I still love you even though we hang out all the time and most other people would be tired of each other already" ~ flygirlmeg
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:67ef0296-12e0-4927-840d-bc9441485887">Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly! : What are you quoting?  See bolded statements below.  Also, you do not know that you are the first one because you are not engaged yet.  People get engaged all the time without anyone outside the relationship knowing that it is coming.  People meet and get engaged after dating a month.  Your statement is very presumptuous. In Response to Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly! :
    Posted by **Mutley**[/QUOTE]

    Your bolded statemet was correct.

    And I do know I will be the first one because my boyfriend is planning on proposing within the next few months. And I am the eldest cousin, and my other cousins are far younger than me. And all of my close friends are either single or not at any point to become engaged. I'm not saying these things out of nowhere.

    image 170 Invited (holy crap!)

    image 98 are coming to party!

    image 29 have other plans

    image 43 need to respond!

    Daisypath Wedding tickers

    "Bside - You're just too sexy for your own good" ~ leia1979

    "True love = I still love you even though we hang out all the time and most other people would be tired of each other already" ~ flygirlmeg
  • edited December 2011
    Oh, and I'm leaving work, so I won't have access to a computer for several hours. I wasn't "scared off" again.

    image 170 Invited (holy crap!)

    image 98 are coming to party!

    image 29 have other plans

    image 43 need to respond!

    Daisypath Wedding tickers

    "Bside - You're just too sexy for your own good" ~ leia1979

    "True love = I still love you even though we hang out all the time and most other people would be tired of each other already" ~ flygirlmeg
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:dcb175ac-cd02-414d-b030-49bc22891ce9">Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly! : Your bolded statemet was correct. And I do know I will be the first one because my boyfriend is planning on proposing within the next few months. And I am the eldest cousin, and my other cousins are far younger than me. And all of my close friends are either single or not at any point to become engaged. I'm not saying these things out of nowhere.
    Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]

    I never said that you were saying them out of nowhere.  I gave you different scenarios.  I maintain that while you may think that logically you may be the first.  It does not always hold true.  Also, there is no guarantee that he will propose within the next few months. 

    If I was a guy and got your reaction, I would be delaying the proposal for a long ass time. 
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:3d1f9a81-64d0-4245-b620-8a8d5dfc4587">Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
    [QUOTE]. Some of the comments were unneccesary - like about being a "New Jersey stereotype", and being jealous of his sister's children. Especially the one about already being judged because I want to get married in Atlantic City. That place and the hotel we want to be married at has very special meaning for us as a couple, and that really hurt. Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]

    I made the AC comment, and looking back, you are right. It's totally over the line. I apologize for that. There are some small inside jokes that are used on the boards/ personal life that don't translate well. I do stand by everything else that I said.


    Let me try putting it this way, lets say you planned this whole wedding with input from you BF. Then the day of, all your hard work is finally coming together, and he looks around, and is like "it's nice". How would you feel? That's likely how he feels. This is his big thing, and he might think you ruined it for him.


    Or he might just be jerking you around.
    <a href="http://i56.tinypic.com/2u7nk9u.jpg[/IMG] target="_blank"><img src="http://i56.tinypic.com/2u7nk9u.jpg[/IMG]" border="0" width=200></a>
  • desertsundesertsun member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I'm a material girl, just like Madonna.

    No really, it was important to me to have a ring I liked. I would have said yes to a twist tie.

    But I would not spend my life with it on my finger.

    I look at my ring every single day and it makes me happy b/c my FI took the time to pick out something I would love to symbolize our love for and commitment to each other. Also, it sparkles and it's pretty, and I like pretty things. So, it's sentimental AND gorgeous.

    There is nothing wrong with wanting both.

    I like Button's suggestion to wear it for a while and then if you really don't want to see it every day for the rest of your life, bring it up to your FI. When he is your FI.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


  • jeanna85jeanna85 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:58a21fe4-b4f6-4b8a-b99c-629988feb715">Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You want to get married at Hurrahs in AC? I'm judging you right now. <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/default.aspx?path=http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_questions-wedding-venues" rel="nofollow">http://forums.theknot.com/default.aspx?path=http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_questions-wedding-venues</a>
    Posted by hetshup[/QUOTE]

    the ring thing is selfish and ridiculous, and i hate to play devils advocate but i went to a wedding at harrahs in atlantic city poolside and it was amazing. this isnt my picture, but this is what it looked like:
    <a href="http://paulsblog.steelmanpartners.com/wp-content/themes/black-3column/images/article_images/harrahs_pool/Harrahs_Pool_01large.jpg" rel="nofollow">http://paulsblog.steelmanpartners.com/wp-content/themes/black-3column/images/article_images/harrahs_pool/Harrahs_Pool_01large.jpg</a>
    Photobucket
  • katanne9katanne9 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:4c73bc90-4693-4ba9-a251-cfb46f81e11c">Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly! : I never said that you were saying them out of nowhere.  I gave you different scenarios.  I maintain that while you may think that logically you may be the first.  It does not always hold true.  Also, there is no guarantee that he will propose within the next few months.  If I was a guy and got your reaction, I would delaying the proposal for a long ass time. 
    Posted by **Mutley**[/QUOTE]


    Ditto.

    In fact, I think you're in the minority in this board if you get engaged within 6-8 months of ring shopping. Most of us waited/are waiting 1-1.5 years after looking at rings. There is NO guarantee.
  • edited December 2011
    OP, I'm glad you came back. You sound much saner this time.

    Maybe the sister's baby thing was a little harsh.... but..... nobody ever accused me of being delicate with my words. Innocent

    You did need to be taken down a peg. I "understand" your fear that you'll hate your ring, but you DON'T hate your ring. You hate a ring that you saw online that is something your BF considers to be "similar" to the ring he had custom-made for you.

    I dunno if you've noticed... but guys have different meanings than we do for words like "similar" and "soon." That may be nothing like your ring.

    And if it is, wear it for a week anyway. Maybe even a month. That's exactly what I did. And it all worked out fine.

    I think we get this whole ring thing blown out of proportion. Society (marketing) puts SO MUCH value on "the perfect ring." So... you get a ring and it's not "perfect." But he loves you, he wants to be with you forever, and it's a gift from him.

    I have never seen an ugly diamond. Just like I've never seen an ugly flower. They may not look absolutely perfect, but nature isn't perfect and neither is your BF. So don't expect perfection, you'll only be let down.

    That's in any area of life, not just rings.
    Anniversary
  • edited December 2011
    Jeana that was so sweet it made me kind of queasy...
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    Sorry! Sorry! Too delicate?
    Anniversary
  • edited December 2011
    And for the record, my ring is nothing like what I wanted either. I think it's amazing and I love to wear it. I see others like mine, and I always think, mine's better. Why is mine better? It came with a proposal on the Riverwalk to the man I love. It's funny how it works. Don't take this away from him.
    <a href="http://i56.tinypic.com/2u7nk9u.jpg[/IMG] target="_blank"><img src="http://i56.tinypic.com/2u7nk9u.jpg[/IMG]" border="0" width=200></a>
  • edited December 2011
    Maybe

    I was expecting a voice over to start up...

    "Tonight on a very special episode of NEY...."

    followed by your little spheel and some light hearted guitar music accompanying the freeze frame.
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    Wow, I can totally see that now. And like, you have to read it with a Scarlett O'Hara accent:

    "Ah have nevah seen an ugleh die-a-mund. Just laik ah've nevah seen an ugleh flowah."

    Dang. I suck at life.
    Anniversary
  • katanne9katanne9 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:370932df-c3cf-4f9b-ab42-a34e4bf8db32">Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow, I can totally see that now. And like, you have to read it with a Scarlett O'Hara accent: "Ah have nevah seen an ugleh die-a-mund. Just laik ah've nevah seen an ugleh flowah." Dang. I suck at life.
    Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]


    BAHAHA! there goes the sobe!
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:f3eecc9d-0ad4-47be-879e-8bf92e7e62a9">Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am putting my drink down now...this thread is becoming dangerous to my computer.
    Posted by PaigeMcC[/QUOTE]

    You had fair warning. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />
    Anniversary
  • desertsundesertsun member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ring-ugly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:54a1432f-f79d-4541-9de6-66e447e9125bPost:370932df-c3cf-4f9b-ab42-a34e4bf8db32">Re: Help! My Ring Is Ugly!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow, I can totally see that now. And like, you have to read it with a Scarlett O'Hara accent: "Ah have nevah seen an ugleh die-a-mund. Just laik ah've nevah seen an ugleh flowah." Dang. I suck at life.
    Posted by jeanacorina[/QUOTE]

    Ahahahaha! On the contrary, I think you are awesome at life, jeana. :)
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


  • edited December 2011
    Ah'm so cheesy, ah could just DIE!

    *melodramatic hand-to-forehead faint*
    Anniversary
  • bajedivabajediva member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    wow, reading this whole thread was like watching a great movie! so many emotions, so many plot twists!!

    to OP: hats off to you. we all get a little worked up about some random unnecessary thing from time to time, but it seems you came back to your reasonable core. for what it's worth, i think you're a good egg.
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