Maybe I am just being sensitive?

SeaTea02

So FI has this cousin who is getting married in the spring. Granted, we wont be able to attend because we have a cruise planned and she just sent the invites (no STD or anything). I first met this cousin in 2005 and have seen her a few time since, we are facebook friends, we had a family lunch with them a few months ago, and she messaged me a huge welcome on FB to say congrats on our engagement. 

This same cousin told her brother right around the time I met her that she didn't' like me. I thought maybe her opinion had changed... but then the wedding invite was addressed to FI and Guest.

And I over reacting to be a little annoyed? I mean I'm not enraged or really even mad, just bothered. His other cousin addressed her wedding invites to both of us. Is it etiquette to put guest if you don't live together? If it is, it seems rather rude. 

Thoughts? How would you feel? 

Ember01

I would be upset. That seems pretty rude. But, if you don't see them very often, I would just avoid her whenever you have to deal with her.

sessionswedding

Sometimes stuff like that happens and you don't even think about the fact that you wrote "and guest" like you just did on 50 other invites.  It could be an honest oversight, or it could be a purposeful slight.  But there are much worse things a person could do to you than not put your name on an invitation to their wedding.  Either way, I wouldn't worry about it.

motoLyn

I think it is a little rude to say "guest" even though she knows you and FI are engaged.  But since you don't see her often and you're not attending I would ignore her.  Enjoy your cruise!

sparkles88

I think that is a little strange that she put "and guest." I would assume she would obviously put your name since you guys are engaged. Even if you weren't engaged at this point, you guys have still been together for a long time so it would only seem logical to include your name on the invite. I mean, who else would your FI take as a date?

If there was some unusual reasoning behind the way she addressed it, my guess would be maybe she had them printed before you and FI got engaged? That's really the only thing I could think of.

loopy82

I have no clue what proper etiquette is, but to me it is common decency if you know someone is engaged and you know their fiance/e you should put both names on the invite. Where ever possible I always put both names of the couple on the envelope.

Elle1036

I agree with Lyn; I think the fact that you and S are engaged entitles you to have your name on the invitation as well.  FI's sister isn't my biggest fan, but she put my name on the invite when she got married.  I think you're right to be a little offended.

It's not something I would ever bring up to her (or anyone) though.  Just let it be.  I'm sure that's what you plan to do.

GreenPepperBurger

I think that is very rude and I would be offended. You and your FI are officially a social unit and should be addressed invitations as such.

loves2shop4shoes

Meh...I wouldn't be too too offended.  Then again, I'm used to my family being horrible and completely disrespectful, so maybe I'm just desensitized to it.

*HUG*

calindi

Eh, it's rude, but she probably doesn't mean anything by it.  A lot of people just think they invite the person they know and put "and guest" to indicate they can bring their significant other.  Be grateful she gave him a guest... that would be worse if she just invited him alone, yes?

Beads921

I would be annoyed. No questions asked.

desertsun

Proper etiquette is to put both your names on the invitation.

I think it's rude, and I would be annoyed, too.

Like she suddenly forgot your name? Bullshit.

Gah. I hate fake people.

SeaTea02

Thanks everyone! Yeah, she didn't invite me to her LAST wedding (yes, you heard right) so maybe this is an improvement? 

FI thought it was weird and so did his brother's GF who was "guest".

At least now I can be sure not to do that to anyone at my wedding...

marleylikeair

Sea, I think she just isn't aware of the etiquette. It really doesn't sound to me like she was trying to slight you.

I don't blame you for being annoyed, though. Your name should have been on it.

jeanacorina

Look, addressing wedding invites is so complicated, and you CANNOT please everyone. I did as etiquette dictates and had DH ask his sister what her date's name was. We addressed her invite to her and date's name. His family thought that was weird because she's not DATING the guy, they're just friends. Plus, then she was locked into bringing him, and couldn't change her mind on who she brought with her. I wasn't intending to make her feel "locked in," I was just trying to be courteous to her guest.

Then, my MIL addressed all the invitations for her side of the family and I'm sure she wrote "and guest" on at least some of those. I'm not sure. I don't really want to know anymore. Addressing invitations is a load of crap and I'm glad I never have to do it again.

So, yes... you're being sensitive. You have no idea what HER situation is, or if she was even doing the writing. Maybe her mom did it and decided to put "and guest" even though the ones the bride wrote herself had full names. You just don't know.

saisongbird

It's definitely rude, but is there a chance that she addressed the invitation before you got engaged?  I mean, if you've been together a long time it's still rude, but it's more understandable.  The same thing happened to me about 3 weeks after FI and I got engaged.  It's possible she had them addressed and then sat on them for a few weeks before mailing it out.

Now, if you were attending, and she wrote FI and guest on your escort card (which this bride did to us), I would DEFINITELY be offended.

jemmini6

I don't think it was an intentional slight.  Sure, it's a little off-putting given the fact that you are engaged and are FB friends, so obviously she knows your name, but she could have written "and guest" on everyone's invites.

FI's cousin got engaged after we did and are getting married next month.  The invite we received was addressed to my FI "and guest" as well.  He obviously knew we were engaged, but I haven't met this particular cousin (and I'm sure his FI was doing the invites) so I didn't even put a second thought to it.