Is it weird?

Sarahkayfa

Is it weird to try on/buy a wedding dress even though it's not 'official' yet?

We live together and we are getting married. We've picked a tentative date(barring unforseen complications in 11 mons.), live together, and we're just waiting on my paperwork to be done for us to get 'engaged.' I want to 'spread out' the expenses and take my time finding a dress and not be rushed. But I feel a little weird having a dress in the closet and no ring on my finger. Even though it's not totally the case, I'm worried it seems a little crazy- like that episode of Friends where Rachel answers the door in a wedding dress.

[Deleted User]

If you feel weird having a dress with no ring, then hold off on the dress.  My fam gave me a dress last November (crazy ex-cousin bought it for her wedding but never used it and jumped the country, leaving the never used dress behind-complete with veil and headband-SCORE).  While I did not go out and buy myself a dress, I do not feel weird having a dress with no ring.  My BF was there when this happened and is fine with the idea. 

If you are seriously going to marry your BF and you are both actively working toward getting married then it might not feel as weird as you may think having a dress and no ring.

ETA: A perk to looking for dresses now is that it'll give you more time to find a perfect dress,without feeling overwhelmed to actually buy one since you don't have a ring yet.

SeaTea02

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_weird-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:564786e0-8c74-4f5d-a9e7-8410fce11b85Post:9724d0c9-b7f0-42ef-b4cf-9cb998fad03e">Is it weird?</a>:
[QUOTE]Is it weird to try on/buy a wedding dress even though it's not 'official' yet? We live together and we are getting married. We've picked a tentative date(barring unforseen complications in 11 mons.), live together, and<strong> we're just waiting on my paperwork to be done for us to get 'engaged.'</strong> I want to 'spread out' the expenses and take my time finding a dress and not be rushed. But I feel a little weird having a dress in the closet and no ring on my finger. Even though it's not totally the case, I'm worried it seems a little crazy- like that episode of Friends where Rachel answers the door in a wedding dress.
Posted by Sarahkayfa[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Are you trying to get citizenship or divorce papers?</div><div>
</div><div>You clearly don't consider your selves engaged as you said you are waiting for papers of some kind, so yeah it is weird to buy or try on a dress. You don't need to have a ring to be engaged, but apparently you feel you need some kind of paperwork to get engaged. It doesn't sound like you are waiting on a proposal, but rather something else. Just take your time and get engaged when it is right for you and if it takes longer than expected you might not be able to get married when you planned in your head. Life doesn't always work out that way. 

</div>

AudgiePodge

Yup, weird.

meamolly

STOP DO NOT PASS GO DO NOT COLLECT TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS

Do not try on dresses or even seriously look until you feel you are engaged. That weird feeling you have is telling you this. Relax. Enjoy your relationship. As said by many many married girls, you will cheat yourself of the experience when you are ready if you continue. Plus styles change and all that jazz.

SeaTea02

Your ticker is moving by the seconds Audg. That would stress the crap out of me. 

AudgiePodge

I can choose one that just says the days, but the our names are on the left and the hearts cover them up. Poopsauce. Eta: I don't know my left from right.

musikbx

Honestly, I don't think we internet folks can tell you what is or is not weird for you and your relationship. Though I'm inclined to say that the fact that you're asking an online forum if it's weird or not probably means that you're not comfortable with it.

bethsmiles

I think that when you go shopping for your wedding dress it should be a fun and exciting experience but if you feel uncomfortable that will put a damper on the whole thing. I agree with the PPs that the weird feeling is what is telling you that you probably should wait until you are engaged to shop for a wedding dress.

I'm also curious about what paperwork you have to do to get engaged?

desertsun

Your reason for buying a dress now is to spread out the spending, right?

Isn't it just as easy to do this if you put the money in a savings account until AFTER you're engaged?

YES. So this isn't so much a reason as a rationalization. You're getting ahead of yourself. Slow down. Wait until you're engaged to buy a dress.

Sarahkayfa

Divorce papers. They're filed, uncontested, but not final. It'll be about 30 more days.

My ex and I have been separated for a couple of years now & both of us consider ourselves divorced. 

Sarahkayfa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_weird-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:564786e0-8c74-4f5d-a9e7-8410fce11b85Post:3ad835a6-c61e-4a41-81d5-5c2fc7bc7a38">Re: Is it weird?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it weird? : I agree with Desert. It sounds like you're excited to be engaged and planning -- and maybe eager to have your divorce behind you if the proceedings have been drawn out for awhile and you're ready to move on -- but wait until you're actually engaged and planning . If you want to keep some money aside for the dress, you can do so in a special account so you're not tempted to spend it on other things. And if your papers will be finalized within a month and you know you're going to consider yourself engaged immediately thereafter, then you don't have too long to wait. :) Enjoy the anticipation for now, and save ahead if you want.
Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

<div>Thanks :)</div><div>I've been 'in the process' for years. If it were just up to me I'd have finalized it in '08.</div><div>Adam and I have been waiting a long time to just get married, and we'll probably not wait until March (as is the current plan )</div><div>
</div>

MLekathLEEN

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_weird-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:564786e0-8c74-4f5d-a9e7-8410fce11b85Post:50fef0a3-44fe-421c-8ea3-ab9fe35abba7">Re: Is it weird?</a>:
[QUOTE]Your ticker is moving by the seconds Audg. That would stress the crap out of me. 
Posted by SeaTea02[/QUOTE]

Me too...

EEEEK Audgie!!! Did you get your cake done yet?

SassyFlats

Don't plan a wedding before you are engaged.

When you are engaged (ring or not), then go hog-wild with trying on dresses and planning everything your heart desires.

You don't need a ring to be engaged, you and your guy need to agree that you are, in fact, engaged. Not waiting for something to happen before you get engaged.

Elle1036

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_weird-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:564786e0-8c74-4f5d-a9e7-8410fce11b85Post:9724d0c9-b7f0-42ef-b4cf-9cb998fad03e">Is it weird?</a>:
[QUOTE]Is it weird to try on/buy a wedding dress even though it's not 'official' yet? We live together and we are getting married. We've picked a tentative date(barring unforseen complications in 11 mons.), live together, and we're just waiting on my paperwork to be done for us to get 'engaged.' I want to 'spread out' the expenses and take my time finding a dress and not be rushed. But I feel a little weird having a dress in the closet and no ring on my finger. Even though it's not totally the case, I'm worried it seems a little crazy- <strong>like that episode of Friends where Rachel answers the door in a wedding dress.</strong>
Posted by Sarahkayfa[/QUOTE]

"I doooo...  well, that oughtta do it."

I agree with what pretty much every one else has said -- I just wanted to high-five you for the Friends reference.

bourgehm

Yes weird. Also weird to me that you're still technically married since you aren't divorced yet, but you are already going to have a wedding dress possibly.  So your divorce is not finalized, but you have a dress in your closet... hmm.

don't plan before you're engaged. END OF STORY!!

AmethystMSU

Yes it's weird and "bad luck" if you're superstitious. Also, even though you have been married before and already gone through the whole engagement/planning/wedding thing (I imagine... unless you eloped), maybe your Mom, sisters, aunts, friends, etc. will want to go dress shopping with you??

I am the first daughter to get married so my Mom and youngest sister would have been crushed if I had already bought a dress before we got engaged. They enjoyed going dress shopping with me and had fun coming with me to pick it up when it came in a few weeks ago.

I also agree with Desert; if the issue is spreading the costs over a long time frame, sock away whatever you feel comfortable spending on your dress and let it accrue interest until you're engaged and ready to go dress shopping!

peekaboo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_weird-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:564786e0-8c74-4f5d-a9e7-8410fce11b85Post:6f9e127a-443b-4633-86d6-42c679b51257">Re: Is it weird?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes weird. Also weird to me that you're still technically married since you aren't divorced yet, but you are already going to have a wedding dress possibly.  So your divorce is not finalized, but you have a dress in your closet... hmm. don't plan before you're engaged. END OF STORY!!
Posted by bourgehm[/QUOTE]

<div>THIS.</div>

cu97tiger

Audgie, are you getting married at roughly 2 in the morning?

trebmal

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_weird-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:564786e0-8c74-4f5d-a9e7-8410fce11b85Post:189fd12d-656d-4cda-9cf0-aee444b4220c">Re: Is it weird?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>STOP DO NOT PASS GO DO NOT COLLECT TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS</strong> Do not try on dresses or even seriously look until you feel you are engaged. That weird feeling you have is telling you this. Relax. Enjoy your relationship. As said by many many married girls, you will cheat yourself of the experience when you are ready if you continue. Plus styles change and all that jazz.
Posted by meamolly[/QUOTE]

LOOOVE this...also love the Friends reference.  But yes, it's a lil odd to do so since it seems rather clear that you're not considering yourselves engaged, or even divorced in all honesty...

skyler1108

If you have to ask then yes it is weird.

marriagerocks

Hmmm...you may want to take a little different approach to this relationship.  Have you done any premarital planning?  I'm guessing you would prefer not to end up divorced again, so why not slow down the planning and take a little time to make sure the two of you are good for eachother.  thinkmarriage.org has an online pre-marital class, as well as a tool called couple's check up. Both would be better investments to take your relationship to the next level than buying the dress.  ***Full disclosure: I am a relationship educator***

Wrkn925

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_weird-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:564786e0-8c74-4f5d-a9e7-8410fce11b85Post:f991c319-5b6e-4770-a2cd-acf94e927d15">Re: Is it weird?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Hmmm...you may want to take a little different approach to this relationship.</strong> Have you done any premarital planning?  I'm guessing you would prefer not to end up divorced again, so why not slow down the planning and take a little time to make sure the two of you are good for eachother.  thinkmarriage.org has an online pre-marital class, as well as a tool called couple's check up. Both would be better investments to take your relationship to the next level than buying the dress. <strong> ***Full disclosure: I am a relationship educator***
</strong>Posted by marriagerocks[/QUOTE]

Are you this judgmental with your clients? How do you know she needs to take a different approach to her relationship?  What do you know about her?

Just because someone is divorced doesn't mean the next marriage will fail.

SassyFlats

I dunno, I kinda agreed with the relationship educator- some sort of counseling or premarital class would be a much better "next step" than buying a wedding dress at this point. I honestly think premarital counseling is a good idea for anyone- regardless of their marital status.