NEY, but we have decided on a destination wedding.....

esteppsherri

My BF, Zac, and I have definately made a personal commitment and talked about getting married Spring 2012. He has not proposed yet, but has apperently told my parents and my sister when he plans on "poping the question"!! I read the post abour "pre-planning" and I completely agree that it is not a good idea....however; we have decided together that we both want a destination wedding in Monterey California and we have planned a vacation there this april. Zac mentioned a few times about looking a places for the wedding during our vacation and my mom keeps telling me we need to look at venues and maybe meet with Photographers while we are there.....???? AAAHHHHH..... I don't want to get to wrapped up in "pre-planning" without being engaged, but does the fact that we want a destination wedding change anything? Should we be meet with any key vendors during our stay in April? One thing leads to another..... looking at venues and meeting with vendors means we may need a rough guest list....????  HELP!!!

bourgehm

It seems like while you were writing that, you really weren't comfortable with the idea of meeting with vendors. So don't! I think it wouldn't make any sense. Enjoy your VACATION there instead of getting all wraped up in planning already. Trust me, after a while, the planning loses it's excitement. Wait until you're actually engaged to start meeting with people.

Elle1036

DEFINITELY wait until you're engaged to make any plans.  That's what the engagement is -- a planning period. You're taking the fun out of it for yourselves if you plan now.

calindi

I've found that Mom's can be the most over-eager people involved in planning a wedding.  Tell her that you're looking forward to your vacation, but you feel no need to plan until you're engaged.  You can certainly plan another trip out together after you get engaged to get some of the big pieces in place, but there's no need to rush.

Do only what you're both comfortable with.  If it feels weird, don't do it.  Tell your boyfriend that you'd rather save the planning until you're engaged, so he can either propose before your trip or you guys can go back again afterwards.

Ember01

Wait until you're engaged.

I had always said destination wedding, then my ex proposed, and the next day I was all about having my big princess day. Things drastically changed for me after there was a diamond involved.

This time around, I'm all for the big wedding with all my friends and family.

motoLyn

Just cause you decide to have a DW doesn't change anything in the wedding planning process.  enjoy your vacation when your in MB this april, Look around maybe make notes of what you see but you don't need to talk to vendors.  FI and I have having a DW June of 2012 and I have yet to even contact one vendor in Maui.  There is a time and place for everything after you get engaged.  Enjoy what is happening in your life currently. 

desertsun

Ditto Lyn.

Also, you might want to start thinking aobut how involved you want your families to be in your planning. This is one aspect of planning that I think is helpful to discuss ahead of time with your BF. Because once you announce that engagement, there may be a flurry of activity and interest and I think it will help to know how you as a couple plan to deal with people wanting to be involved in the wedding planning.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_ney-but-decided-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:57526fc2-7b81-4fff-9e31-06ebcd63ba49Post:8c869035-ef5e-44dd-bb31-4494340c8728">Re: NEY, but we have decided on a destination wedding.....</a>:
[QUOTE]Ditto Lyn. <strong>Also, you might want to start thinking aobut how involved you want your families to be in your planning. This is one aspect of planning that I think is helpful to discuss ahead of time with your BF. Because once you announce that engagement, there may be a flurry of activity and interest and I think it will help to know how you as a couple plan to deal with people wanting to be involved in the wedding planning.
</strong>Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

Very good advice.

Like Cate said, just tell him you aren't comfortable with pre-planning. Just have a little chat.

"Dear Zac, as exciting as all of this, I really do not want to plan before we're engaged. So we'll figure out all the venue stuff and other details once we're engaged. Until then, let's just enjoy our time together and look forward to a fun, relaxing vacation!"

jeanacorina

1) Yeah, I wanted a DW before I got engaged, too. Actually, I wanted a DW even the first two weeks we were engaged. We thought no problem, we can pull that off. But things change when everything's official. Including budget and guest list, which are two BIG factors in what actually happens.

2) No, do not go meet with vendors. Sit tight and save the planning for your engagement. As noted above- anything and everything CAN change in the blink of an eye. Ask just about any engaged or married girl here. We're not lying to you.

misskrysbaby

Just enjoy your vacay and hold off on the planning until you're actually engaged! Don't miss out on a great time because you're stressed.