Just going ahead and getting married?

LilTexasGal

First off, I am only asking because I am curious what you ladies think if someone who was planning a wedding suddenly decided to just call of the "wedding" and instead have a small destination wedding with only close family and friends, and move the wedding up drastically? What if the couple just eloped? What if they didn't even tell anyone they were planning on getting married, and then just tell everyone "Well, we're married!"?
Would you be offended? Would your reaction change if they were family/close? What if you were getting married and someone eloped before your wedding (like 6+ months). What if they eloped the day before?

Like I said, just curious! Though through thinking about it, eloping seems so much easier than planning a wedding!

LaSak87

I think it's fine as long as you don't then go on to have a fake "wedding" just to get a PPD and gifts.  As long as you are honest with people about your choice, make the choice that is best for you.

bethsmiles

I've asked BF several times if we can just elope when we get married. He doesn't want that. I don't want to deal with all the drama I know is going to come from wedding planning. I completely understand people's reasonings for wanting to elope and I don't think I'd be offended or upset if someone I knew eloped (I might be slightly disappointed I didn't get to go if it was a close friend or my brother but not offended). As for when someone eloped that is the same as when some plans the date of their wedding, as long as its not the day of I really don't care - although it would be kind of mean for someone to elope the day before and announce it on your wedding day.

And I completely agree with Lauren that as long as you are honest and don't attempt a PPD (fake wedding) then it's really all up to the couple.

ravenray

I think if I was family or a close friend I would be offended.  But I also think I would get over it.  People want to celebrate with you but while they may never understand they should get over it with time.

Honestly if you want to do it.  Just do it.  But don't have a PPD, and then you will be all good. 

 

kaitlynmichelle

I might be really sad if it was a best friend/sibling or really close family member that didn't tell me, but if its what they wanted I would of course support them.  Anyone that does that and has a PPD I wouldn't really be to happy with.  

BF and I have discussed a planned elopement - we would tell our families we were going to do it, if we decided to.  Our mothers would be pretty upset if we pulled a fast one and said "surprise, we're married!" so I'd give them the heads up.  

Eloping sounds so much easier and less expensive than planning a huge wedding.  I know BF does not want a big wedding at all, so I honestly won't be surprised if in the next couple of years we do something like that.

LilTexasGal

((Eeps sorry I posted and then got a phone call! I'm reading posts right now!))

Oh I certainly agree, a PPD is kinda of, to me, like "Well, we want gifts, but didn't want the hassle of inviting you all to the wedding!" To me, if you elope, you're forgoing any kind of pre-wedding parties and any kind of wedding gifts. A small, destination wedding though, I feel like it is okay to receive gifts (certainly not to expect) from people you invited - as long as you don't say "I'm having a small destination wedding to Aruba, but I am going to invite everyone and their dogs, because I know they can't afford to come."

Personally, I wouldn't care if someone eloped the day before or a year before my wedding (as long as the afore mentioned senario doesn't happen). I guess I've never been one to see how anyone else's life accomplishments or celebrations takes away from my own. You're married! Yay! I'm getting married too! Yay! Same with engagements, pregnancies, house buying, graduation, jobs, etc.

If the person who was eloping was a close friend, I would be sad, especially if I thought I was going to be invited to her wedding, but I think I'm a more or less reasonable person, and would understand that she made the choice that was best for her and her fiance. Just because someone might want/expect you to have a large wedding, I don't think you should be (though, I know people might be hurt.)

RWS2011

Are they eloping before or after the bridal shower?  Like PP said, as long as there isn't a major etiquette infraction involved, I say marry however you want!  There are only a few people in my life that would illicit disappointment from me if I missed out on an important event like this.

LilTexasGal

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_just-going-ahead-and-getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:57a046c1-b46d-4509-a306-8b4df32394d5Post:c26430ed-2163-443d-b200-2728ba2c1d26">Re: Just going ahead and getting married?</a>:
[QUOTE]Are they eloping before or after the bridal shower?  Like PP said, as long as there isn't a major etiquette infraction involved, I say marry however you want!  There are only a few people in my life that would illicit disappointment from me if I missed out on an important event like this.
Posted by RWS2011[/QUOTE]

Yeah, that is another aspect to look at. In my head it was before anyone had spent any money on their wedding, but if they eloped after the bridal shower (not sure about engagement parties, since that is celebrating an engagement not wedding... but still another aspect to think about!) I would probably be a little more than miffed. Maybe?

kaitlynmichelle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_just-going-ahead-and-getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:57a046c1-b46d-4509-a306-8b4df32394d5Post:90875226-e829-40ae-b760-41bb0c5272b0">Re: Just going ahead and getting married?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Just going ahead and getting married? : Yeah, that is another aspect to look at. In my head it was before anyone had spent any money on their wedding, but if they eloped after the bridal shower (not sure about engagement parties, since that is celebrating an engagement not wedding... but still another aspect to think about!) I would probably be a little more than miffed. Maybe?
Posted by LilTexasGal[/QUOTE]

<div>I think I'd still be ok with it, but if I had booked a flight/other non-refundable expenses to get to their wedding and they eloped right before I'd be pretty frustrated.  I might side-eye a teensy bit if they had all the pre-wedding parties but it would also depend on why they eloped really.</div>

LilTexasGal

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_just-going-ahead-and-getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:57a046c1-b46d-4509-a306-8b4df32394d5Post:fe899c5b-5623-4c7b-b9cc-ef1d6de922c5">Re: Just going ahead and getting married?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Just going ahead and getting married? : I think I'd still be ok with it, but if I had booked a flight/other non-refundable expenses to get to their wedding and they eloped right before I'd be pretty frustrated.  <strong>I might side-eye a teensy bit if they had all the pre-wedding parties but it would also depend on why they eloped really.
</strong>Posted by kaitlynmichelle[/QUOTE]

Good thinking too. I think is this why I ike "what if" questions, because there are so many different things that could come up. Keeps me grounded when things DO come up, it is like "You don't always know all the details."

kaitlynmichelle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_just-going-ahead-and-getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:57a046c1-b46d-4509-a306-8b4df32394d5Post:63996aee-c1b2-40bf-a811-fdae05aaabfe">Re: Just going ahead and getting married?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Just going ahead and getting married? : Good thinking too. I think is this why I ike "what if" questions, because there are so many different things that could come up. Keeps me grounded when things DO come up, it is like "You don't always know all the details."
Posted by LilTexasGal[/QUOTE]

<div>Exactly.  If someone eloped but had a bridal shower, etc. and was planning the whole time on running off, sure, that's rude.  But who knows what is going on, so if it was a necessary decision or better for the couple than I understand it if they aren't following proper etiquette.</div>

DanieKA

I'm on my phone so I didn't read everyone's responses, but for me, I think I might be sad or bummed that I missed a chance to see a close friend or family member get married, but I wouldn't be mad or hold it against them. Only the couple knows why, at that moment in time, they decided to elope. Sure, it could be tacky if they went through the motions of a big wedding complete with showers and gift giving events and then eloped and in that case I'd personally hope they at least would host a reception or vow renewal for their loved ones who missed out, but generally, for people who aren't drunk and already in Vegas, there's a reason for the elopement. And that's their marriage, their vows, their special time. I don't need an explanation about it. Bummed? Yes. But their relationship and marriage doesn't involve me. If it was right for them, it's right for them. Sorry for any crap spelling/formatting on mobile site, obvs.

DanieKA

Also, ditto what all the PP's said about a long as it wasn't planned from the beginning, but they were gift wh0re's and misled people. And as long as they are honest about being married and don't lie and go on to have a PPD. Other than that, I'm not in their relationship day in and day out so it's not my call. Okay, now I'm done:

jemmini6

What you ladies think if someone who was planning a wedding suddenly decided to just call of the "wedding" and instead have a small destination wedding with only close family and friends, and move the wedding up drastically?
Depends on how far into the planning process they were.  If guests had already booked travel, then I think it's pretty crappy just because tickets often aren't refundable these days.  If it's before that though, then it's your perogative.

What if the couple just eloped?
My first reaction would be that something happened that they needed to get married asap, but it wouldn't bother me unless lied about being married and then still wanted to have a PPD.

What if they didn't even tell anyone they were planning on getting married, and then just tell everyone "Well, we're married!"?
I'd be a little surprised, but how a couple gets married is up to them.

Would you be offended?
No

Would your reaction change if they were family/close?
I'd be disappointed that I wasn't there, but I wouldn't hold it against them.

What if you were getting married and someone eloped before your wedding (like 6+ months). What if they eloped the day before? You get one day to get married, that's it.  I'll never understand people who get upset that others get married before them.  The day before, I can see being a little iffy because that's kind of AW like you eloped and are trying to piggyback your celebration with theirs, but they paid for it.  If they are two totally separate weddings though (ie, you don't have any overlapping guests), then it's NBD.

eirwyn

Ditto everything Jemmini said.

audrewuh

So this actually happened this weekend. 

My estranged cousin got engaged last November and told me they were going to have a wedding in September of this year. I knew I wasn't going to be invited, nor were anyone outside of her parents/brother in our family. NBD. I was going to send her a little "congratulations" card just to be a good cousin. 

I got on Facebook yesterday and on my newsfeed pops up "Cousin went from 'engaged' to 'married'" and I was thinking whaa? I thought she was just playing games, but then I went to her profile and there are pictures of her and her SO in wedding day garb. 

I was really happy for them, but it caught me off guard. I side eyed it a bit, but that may be because I'm a heartless b*tch. I can't even tell you why I side eyed sooo much, but I did. 

LilTexasGal

Oh wow Audre, how random that I had one of my what-if moments and it coincided with your cousin's actual event.

I too will never understand the folks who think they get a week, a month, a year, just because they are getting married. I understand how folks around them should respect that their happy about their marriage and should not do anything to intentionally devalue their special time (because I bet you I will be super excited in the weeks leading up to my wedding), but I guess I take a practical view and think that, yes, you're happy, but really no one cares as much as YOU and your FI (perhaps Mother and FMIL too) that you're getting married.  No reason people should put their lives on hold, and if it just so happens that people have a honest reason to elope or even JUST GET MARRIED before you, you should respect their opinions.

Perhaps if the person were being malicious, I would feel differently, but typically weddings and marriages aren't done to be malicious. LOL.

FreeSpirit666

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_just-going-ahead-and-getting-married?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:57a046c1-b46d-4509-a306-8b4df32394d5Post:3f9f092c-3714-4b95-9e32-109737bda6cf">Just going ahead and getting married?</a>:
[QUOTE]First off, I am only asking because I am curious what you ladies think if someone who was planning a wedding suddenly decided to just call of the "wedding" and instead have a small destination wedding with only close family and friends, and move the wedding up drastically? What if the couple just eloped? What if they didn't even tell anyone they were planning on getting married, and then just tell everyone "Well, we're married!"? Would you be offended? Would your reaction change if they were family/close? What if you were getting married and someone eloped before your wedding (like 6+ months). What if they eloped the day before? Like I said, just curious! Though through thinking about it, eloping seems so much easier than planning a wedding!
Posted by LilTexasGal[/QUOTE]

I'd tell people about the eloping for sure, and sure feelings will be hurt but it's your day, your choice, as long as alot of planning hasn't been already decided. My bf & I are thinking of eloping or just having a small las vegas wedding, how cool would that be?