Not ready yet? :(

Murphy724

So me and my boyfriend (soon to be fiance) have been together for almost 2 years now and in love for about 6. we both want to be married to each other and we are pretty much ready whenever our finances allow us to be. both me and my boyfriend work full-time and i go to school as well so i figure we probably wont actually get hitched until 2013. whenever i talk to my boyfriend about anything wedding wise he is all for it, he is supportive on decisions; he's ready to check out venues, pick a color scheme, and favors. my only thing is, i wonder why he wont propose yet. he told me last year i should expect it by my next birthday but i mean if he's ready to do everything else now why wont he propose? i understand if he wants to get me the best ring he can find but would that be the only reason?? HELP?? please and thank you 

*over analyzing*

bourgehm

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-ready-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5c3f7854-a861-4e97-a030-5ddc845b7140Post:300f8ea2-23d8-40ad-bccd-63dd4f7609e2">Not ready yet? :(</a>:
[QUOTE]So me and my boyfriend (soon to be fiance) have been together for almost 2 years now and in love for about 6. we both want to be married to each other and we are pretty much ready whenever our finances allow us to be. both me and my boyfriend work full-time and i go to school as well so i figure we probably wont actually get hitched until 2013. whenever i talk to my boyfriend about anything wedding wise he is all for it, he is supportive on decisions; he's ready to check out venues, pick a color scheme, and favors. my only thing is, i wonder why he wont propose yet. he told me last year i should expect it by my next birthday but i mean if he's ready to do everything else now why wont he propose? i understand if he wants to get me the best ring he can find but would that be the only reason?? HELP?? :) please and thank you  *over analyzing*
Posted by Murphy724[/QUOTE]

JIC



He will propose when he is ready. If you're not going to get married until 2013 at the earliest, why are you even worrying about this now? That means you have two+ years until the timeline, so stop. THere is no reason to get engaged now anyways. Give him the time he needs. Let him do it on his own time.

On another note,  you were only together for two, but in love for six?? hmmmm.......

bethsmiles

Bourgehm is right, he will propose when he is ready. There is no need check out venues, pick color schemes or anything else wedding related until you are engaged, that's what the engagement period is for. It is 2011, you and your BF are talking about getting married 2013. That is TWO years away. You don't need to be worrying about any of this at all.

Maybe he wants the proposal to be special and sweet, something you will always remember and he wants to take some time to plan it. Maybe he doesn't want a long engagement. Maybe he hasn't found a ring yet. That are a million possible reasons for why he hasn't proposed but is it really that hard to be patient and enjoy your relationship as it is now? This is a time you will never get back so stop jumping ahead of yourself and focus on your relationship now, not planning a wedding.

xokristenelise

well... since when do you need to have a ring on your finger to be engaged? my parents were engaged for 6 months before my mom had a ring. my FI and I consider ourselves engaged and I am without a ring. a ring doesnt make an engagement, a promise to get married and love each other forever does.
IMO

bourgehm

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-ready-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5c3f7854-a861-4e97-a030-5ddc845b7140Post:5a9942e8-8afb-4f19-909e-752f67012108">Re: Not ready yet? :(</a>:
[QUOTE]well... since when do you need to have a ring on your finger to be engaged? my parents were engaged for 6 months before my mom had a ring. my FI and I consider ourselves engaged and I am without a ring. a ring doesnt make an engagement, a promise to get married and love each other forever does. IMO
Posted by xokristenelise[/QUOTE]

You're right in some cases. If both people agree that they're engaged, then they are. However, for lots of couples, a ring is necessary to be 'engaged'.  Some couples decide a ring is not, others it is. For me, it was necessary. I didn't consider myself engaged without my engagement ring.

SopChick

First: stop analysing.

I agree with bourghem and beth. You have a lot of time before the timeline you mentioned for having the wedding.

In my experience (having guy friends and having worked in jewellery) some guys are weird about engagements, and engagement rings. To some of them it is a symbol of their ability to provide for you, their way of showing they care, marking their territory, showing off to other people, finding something that you deserve, or any number of other things that may seem insignificant to you. So yes, it could be as simple as him just wanting to save for the perfect ring for you - but stop worrying about it!

Does he love you any more or less because of a ring or title? Will you love him more for it?  Does engagement really change anything about your day to day relationship, especially given the 2+ years before a possible wedding you gave in your post?

I get that you want to marry him, and that you can't wait, but it is a really wise decision to wait until you are more financially ready. Another poster said a while ago (I'm sorry that I can't remember who it was) that if you have been talking about wedding/engagement related stuff a lot, lay off for a bit. Tell yourself that for every time you bring it up, he'll delay the proposal by a month. I know I personally would hate to have it in the back of my head that he asked because I bugged him too much.

luvdncn90

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-ready-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:5c3f7854-a861-4e97-a030-5ddc845b7140Post:5a9942e8-8afb-4f19-909e-752f67012108">Re: Not ready yet? :(</a>:
[QUOTE]well... since when do you need to have a ring on your finger to be engaged? my parents were engaged for 6 months before my mom had a ring. my FI and I consider ourselves engaged and I am without a ring. a ring doesnt make an engagement, a promise to get married and love each other forever does. IMO
Posted by xokristenelise[/QUOTE]


My BF and I know we are going to get married by the end of 2012 and we love each other...but we're not engaged. We don't consider ourselves engaed until he gets down on his knee or however he proposes and asks me to marry him. Unless he has asked you to be his wife, I wouldn't consider yourself engaged.

bethsmiles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-ready-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5c3f7854-a861-4e97-a030-5ddc845b7140Post:5a9942e8-8afb-4f19-909e-752f67012108">Re: Not ready yet? :(</a>:
[QUOTE]well... since when do you need to have a ring on your finger to be engaged? my parents were engaged for 6 months before my mom had a ring. my FI and I consider ourselves engaged and I am without a ring. a ring doesnt make an engagement, a promise to get married and love each other forever does. IMO
Posted by xokristenelise[/QUOTE]

While that may be true some couples prefer to have the proposal and ring before they consider themselves engaged. My BF and I know we want to marry each other and we know we will love each other forever but we don't consider ourselves engaged because we prefer to wait until he has proposed and given me a ring to consider ourselves engaged.

Neither way is right or wrong or better or worse. Its just depends on what works for each individual couple.

desertsun

Um...ask him?

We can speculate til the cows come home, but you won't really KNOW until you talk to HIM about it.

So just have a calm, adult conversation with him about it.

bethsmiles

Desert is so very wise. Listen to her!

PaigeMcC

Ditto Desert.  Talk to him about it.

Jordyana

First of all, you're not getting married until 2013. Neither am I, but that's why I'm not actually doing any planning. There's no real planning to do two years in advance. So take a breath, relax, and stop thinking about your wedding. There's plenty of time for all of that down the road.

Also, you say he's going to propose by your birthday. Well, has your birthday passed yet? I was told that my FI told one of his co-workers last year that he was planning to propose before the end of the year. I heard this around August and, sure enough, he proposed on November 19. He was using that time to save up for a ring and his proposal was unexpected at that point.

I do agree with desert, though. Talk with him. If you really want to marry this guy, you should be able to talk about marriage with him, not just the whole "would you rather have turquoise or aqua tablecloths?"  Being open with someone is usually a good way to start a marriage .

calindi

Yet another question that is easily solved with a simple solution - TALK TO YOUR GUY.  This isn't something strangers can answer for you.  We can all hypothesize until the cows come home, but it doesn't make it true.  Just sit down and have a conversation with him.  And try to be patient - you both have plenty of time if you don't plan to get married until 2013.  Just enjoy what you have now, and try to be patient.  If he said by your next birthday, then I'd say that's a pretty good timeline.  Just take a deep breath, enjoy your relationship now for what it is, and be patient.

SeaTea02

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_welcome-not-engaged-yet

Please refer to this. 

Talk to him. Just because he can talka bout colors and locations does not mean he is ready for a marraige. The wedding itself is far less serious compared to actual marriage. 

caitlin.cave

No matter when he proposes, I would recommend not actually calling vendors, etc until about a year out.  Browse as much as you want, but your tastes might widely change in the next year, and if you've already bought the dress and booked your venue and everything, you're kind of stuck.

[Deleted User]

Obviously, he hasn't proposed yet because you didn't ::footstomp:: hard enough...

skyler1108

I'm not sure why you are worrying about this. The world is going to end in 2012 so this point is moot......

But in all seriousness just cool your heels. It will happen when it happens. If you both agreed on 2013 then he may not want a long engagement and wants to wait until a little closer to 2013 to propose. But please do not start planning until you are engaged and about a year out from the wedding.

Murphy724

thanks for all the answers. in response, we've loved each other for 6 years but sometimes you cant always be with the one you love, time passed we kept in touch but we lived in different places for a bit. when we finally reconnected and came back to the same place we started up talking and seeing each other again and instantly fell in love. (during the time we lost contact i had a baby and he loves him to death, hes been there since i was 8 months pregnant and on). i've asked him about it since then and hes told me he wants to make sure i have the perfect ring, he doesnt want to give me just anything because i am not just anything to him. i really do appreciate all the response!!!!!!!

oh and plus i said 2013 because we are unsure how soon it'd be since we have a lot to save up for. we're starting to look around since its possible we'll get married sooner than later. but he has asked me before on one knee for me to be his wife, just no ring present.

Murphy724

and yes im not booking anything!!! lol im waiting a good while before that lol

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-ready-yet?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:5c3f7854-a861-4e97-a030-5ddc845b7140Post:25dfbdc9-5133-4f69-bbbc-4c3cbaf48a8b">Re: Not ready yet? :(</a>:
[QUOTE]thanks for all the answers. in response, we've loved each other for 6 years but sometimes you cant always be with the one you love, time passed we kept in touch but we lived in different places for a bit. when we finally reconnected and came back to the same place we started up talking and seeing each other again and instantly fell in love. (during the time we lost contact i had a baby and he loves him to death, hes been there since i was 8 months pregnant and on). i've asked him about it since then and hes told me he wants to make sure i have the perfect ring, he doesnt want to give me just anything because i am not just anything to him. i really do appreciate all the response!!!!!!! oh and plus i said 2013 because we are unsure how soon it'd be since we have a lot to save up for. we're starting to look around since its possible we'll get married sooner than later. <strong>but he has asked me before on one knee for me to be his wife, just no ring present.
</strong>Posted by Murphy724[/QUOTE]

Sounds like a proposal to me.

If you're engaged, figure out a timeline. Decide when you can have the money for the wedding and then (depending on how far out it is) figure out when you can start seriously planning and looking around.