preplanning

Swazzle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_preplanning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5d4e29b3-c29e-4a6e-a644-d820577228e6Post:fdf40662-e07d-429d-a225-6c846dac3dc2">Re: preplanning</a>:
[QUOTE]Nice to know I'm not the only preplanner out there. It annoys my boyfriend because he thinks that if i'm this into it before we're even engaged then I'll be psycho during the actual engagement but I just keep reminding him that the more I do now the less we'll have to do later. He's already said that <strong>he really doesn't care about the ceremony </strong>and that weddings are really just for brides. Even so I'm still just getting ideas and researching vendors so we know which ones to skip and which ones to consider. When he does propose we can sit down and go over the ideas I came up with and cross off the ones he doesn't like (hopefully) and maybe he'll have some good ideas of his own.
Posted by LilGirlNic[/QUOTE]

<div>He doesn't care about the part where you, ya know, get married? Well, that's interesting. </div>

peekaboo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_preplanning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5d4e29b3-c29e-4a6e-a644-d820577228e6Post:fdf40662-e07d-429d-a225-6c846dac3dc2">Re: preplanning</a>:
[QUOTE]Nice to know I'm not the only preplanner out there. <strong>It annoys my boyfriend because he thinks that if i'm this into it before we're even engaged then I'll be psycho during the actual engagement but I just keep reminding him that the more I do now the less we'll have to do later.</strong> He's already said that he really doesn't care about the ceremony and that weddings are really just for brides. Even so I'm still just getting ideas and researching vendors so we know which ones to skip and which ones to consider. When he does propose we can sit down and go over the ideas I came up with and cross off the ones he doesn't like (hopefully) and maybe he'll have some good ideas of his own.
Posted by LilGirlNic[/QUOTE]

<div>If it annoys your boyfriend, you need to stop.  Maybe he's freaked out with your preplanning, and that's why he hasn't proposed yet.  You have all the time in the world once you get engaged to plan a wedding.</div><div>
</div><div>The wedding isn't just for the bride.  It's about you two as a couple.  And if he really doesn't care about the ceremony, I'd wager you have bigger issues to deal with.</div>

Vintagelove4

Is it bad that I'm laughing at this whole thing? xD

OP just cause your the one percent that preplanning actually didn't kill the relationship of doesn't mean that it doesn't kill the other 99 percent.

LilGirlNic

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_preplanning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5d4e29b3-c29e-4a6e-a644-d820577228e6Post:9555e493-3426-4aea-ba38-487818b5a87f">Re: preplanning</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: preplanning : If it annoys your boyfriend, you need to stop.  Maybe he's freaked out with your preplanning, and that's why he hasn't proposed yet.  You have all the time in the world once you get engaged to plan a wedding. The wedding isn't just for the bride.  It's about you two as a couple.  And if he really doesn't care about the ceremony, I'd wager you have bigger issues to deal with.
Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]

<div>I understand the wedding isn't just for the bride, I was saying that that is what he thinks. All I'm doing right now is gathering ideas so that when it does happen (he's strongly hinted Christmas) there will be less pressure on us. Mostly because I work full time and also go to school part time. I don't pressure him with it, in fact I rarely bring it up. I understand preplanning isn't popular around here and you all stated perfectly logical reasons but I think my reasons for preplanning are also logical. And as to your wager, no we don't have bigger issues to do with, from what I've read here there were a lot of guys that weren't interested in planning the wedding (which is what I meant when I said ceremony, sorry for the confusion) at first and eventually got into it. </div>

tuarceatha

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_preplanning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5d4e29b3-c29e-4a6e-a644-d820577228e6Post:35b3a6de-1573-4907-abb5-70f598ef3505">Re: preplanning</a>:
[QUOTE]Is it bad that I'm laughing at this whole thing? xD OP just cause your the one percent that preplanning actually didn't kill the relationship of doesn't mean that it doesn't kill the other 99 percent.
Posted by Lilyrose4242[/QUOTE]

I like how your siggy and your avatar go well together.

I also have my unborn children's names, education plans, and health plans all figured out already.  My DH has said that he doesn't have an opinion about their lives so I have figured it all out for them. All of them.

peekaboo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_preplanning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5d4e29b3-c29e-4a6e-a644-d820577228e6Post:45a18343-6479-4b84-a5fe-f53cc6299257">Re: preplanning</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: preplanning : I understand the wedding isn't just for the bride, I was saying that that is what he thinks. All I'm doing right now is gathering ideas so that when it does happen (he's strongly hinted Christmas) there will be less pressure on us. Mostly because I work full time and also go to school part time. I don't pressure him with it, in fact I rarely bring it up. I understand preplanning isn't popular around here and you all stated perfectly logical reasons but I think my reasons for preplanning are also logical. And as to your wager, no we don't have bigger issues to do with, from what <strong>I've read here there were a lot of guys that weren't interested in planning the wedding (which is what I meant when I said ceremony, sorry for the confusion) at first and eventually got into it. </strong>
Posted by LilGirlNic[/QUOTE]

<div>BF and I kind of talked about it a while ago.  He's flat out said that if he caught me pre-planning, our relationship would be over.  I'm not a pre-planner, obviously.  But, what you're missing is that this isn't about you.  This about you and your BF who may or may not end up being your FI.  He gets a say.  You planning a wedding without his input is like...independently deciding when you're going to get pregnant.  You wouldn't do that unless he said he was ready, would you?</div>

Swazzle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_preplanning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5d4e29b3-c29e-4a6e-a644-d820577228e6Post:303f7906-4357-4fb0-96de-7ef1477f09e4">Re: preplanning</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: preplanning : I like how your siggy and your avatar go well together.<strong> I also have my unborn children's names, education plans, and health plans all figured out already.  My DH has said that he doesn't have an opinion about their lives so I have figured it all out for them. All of them.</strong>
Posted by jenjenniferf[/QUOTE]

<div>I love you.</div>

tuarceatha

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_preplanning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5d4e29b3-c29e-4a6e-a644-d820577228e6Post:2c4682ca-5f01-4239-a6a8-2347545a266e">Re: preplanning</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: preplanning : I love you.
Posted by rdr716[/QUOTE]

I love you too.
I can't buh-lieve your ticker has reached 6 months and some weeks. Are you getting pumped? Have you finished everything yet?

LilGirlNic

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_preplanning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5d4e29b3-c29e-4a6e-a644-d820577228e6Post:b7d7a4de-aaec-4816-ba7e-f6c8aeeb9f2a">Re: preplanning</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: preplanning : BF and I kind of talked about it a while ago.  He's flat out said that if he caught me pre-planning, our relationship would be over.  I'm not a pre-planner, obviously.  But, what you're missing is that this isn't about you.  This about you and your BF who may or may not end up being your FI.  He gets a say.  You planning a wedding without his input is like...independently deciding when you're going to get pregnant.  You wouldn't do that unless he said he was ready, would you? ETA: To continue my thought, BF has said that if/when we get to that point, he plans on being completely involved.  Why on earth would I take that away from him by pre-planning?  Would it make life easier?  Nope.  We live in DC - my dream venue could be thousands out of our budget, or what I thought we would want could be physically impossible.  Or, we could be in a place to throw one of those "platinum weddings" that you see on TLC or whatever.  Everything in life is so fluid that you can't pre-plan something like this.  You plan it when it's appropriate, based on the circumstances that you have at the appropriate time.  Not before.
Posted by peekaboo2011[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>That's why I'm making sure nothing I do is set in stone, I wouldn't so anything concrete without his input. The only thing that is concrete is the caterer and that's because he's the one who picked them out. We're good friend with the owner of a local restaurant that does catereing and he won't let anyone but RePete caterer our big day. He's also picked out his groomsmen and best man. Trust me I never forget that our wedding day is just that OUR day and I want him to love it too. He was actually going to propose on our anniversary last month but my dad wanted to talk to him in person first before giving him his blessing. He's old fashioned and refuses to propose without talking to my dad about it first.

</div>

steign

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_preplanning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5d4e29b3-c29e-4a6e-a644-d820577228e6Post:11f5b371-b1e9-4e90-9126-d278e62e1f97">Re: preplanning</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: preplanning : That's why I'm making sure nothing I do is set in stone, I wouldn't so anything concrete without his input. The only thing that is concrete is the caterer and that's because he's the one who picked them out. We're good friend with the owner of a local restaurant that does catereing and he won't let anyone but RePete caterer our big day.<strong> He's also picked out his groomsmen and best man</strong>. Trust me I never forget that our wedding day is just that OUR day and I want him to love it too. He was actually going to propose on our anniversary last month but my dad wanted to talk to him in person first before giving him his blessing. He's old fashioned and refuses to propose without talking to my dad about it first.
Posted by LilGirlNic[/QUOTE]

Bad idea. Sorry just my opinion. You have no idea how much friendships can change. I am in no way implying that your BF/FI(?) will stop being friends with these people but, if the dynamics in their relationship changes then will he still want them in the wedding? I don't know if he's asked them - I sure hope not - but, this is something to consider.

A friend of mine I went to school with 5 years ago asked a girl to be in her wedding the day she got engaged and this friend ended up moving away 4 hours from where her wedding and couldn't make it because of work conflicts. My friend told her she would find someone else and now they aren't really friends, and they used to be super close.

Hummingbird125

Omg, I just....can't. 

Seriously, what's even the point of a proposal at all if you're just gonna go ahead and assume you're getting married, and have even started planning the wedding. Seriously - what is the point? Why not have him just toss you the ring whenever he decides to get it and say "Oh yeah, thanks for this!" Even if you are 100000% positive you're going to marry this guy, the proposal is when he gets to tell you he's ready to marry to you, he's ready to start figuring out those details soon and plan  to start your marriage. I know I'm rambling and probably not saying this as clearly as I could, but if you AND your BF have already decided you're definitely getting married, and you're planning a wedding, aren't you, you know, basically engaged already? And, if you haven't had that kind of talk with your BF, where he tells you he wants to marry you and is financially and emotionally ready to do so, then you're putting way to much pressure on him by "pre-planning". 

This message was directed at no one in particular, but all "pre-planners" in general. 

I just. don't. get it.

beanbot2002

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_preplanning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:5d4e29b3-c29e-4a6e-a644-d820577228e6Post:fdf40662-e07d-429d-a225-6c846dac3dc2">Re: preplanning</a>:
[QUOTE]Nice to know I'm not the only preplanner out there. It annoys my boyfriend because he thinks that if i'm this into it before we're even engaged then I'll be psycho during the actual engagement but I just keep reminding him that the more I do now the less we'll have to do later. He's already said that he really doesn't care about the ceremony and that weddings are really just for brides. Even so I'm still just getting ideas and researching vendors so we know which ones to skip and which ones to consider. When he does propose we can sit down and go over the ideas I came up with and cross off the ones he doesn't like (hopefully) and maybe he'll have some good ideas of his own.
Posted by LilGirlNic[/QUOTE]

Oh, Jesus Christ. I give the fuckityfucks up.

csousa1

Bottom Line: If it's something that bothers your SO, or something you have to hide from them, it's unhealthy and you should knock it off.

leia1979

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_preplanning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5d4e29b3-c29e-4a6e-a644-d820577228e6Post:fbb8b29d-ce0e-4932-9db0-0887d2e50f7b">Re: preplanning</a>:
[QUOTE]Omg, I just....can't.  <strong>Seriously, what's even the point of a proposal at all if you're just gonna go ahead and assume you're getting married, and have even started planning the wedding. Seriously - what is the point? </strong>Why not have him just toss you the ring whenever he decides to get it and say "Oh yeah, thanks for this!" Even if you are 100000% positive you're going to marry this guy, the proposal is when he gets to tell you he's ready to marry to you, he's ready to start figuring out those details soon and plan  to start your marriage. I know I'm rambling and probably not saying this as clearly as I could, but if you AND your BF have already decided you're definitely getting married, and you're planning a wedding, aren't you, you know, basically engaged already? And, if you haven't had that kind of talk with your BF, where he tells you he wants to marry you and is financially and emotionally ready to do so, then you're putting way to much pressure on him by "pre-planning".  This message was directed at no one in particular, but all "pre-planners" in general.  I just. don't. get it.
Posted by Hummingbird125[/QUOTE]

THIS. The entire purpose of an engagement period is to plan the wedding and prepare for marriage. If you've already planned it, there's no point in getting engaged. Just go get married.

alleycat821

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_preplanning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5d4e29b3-c29e-4a6e-a644-d820577228e6Post:72c6bda3-2f80-4674-a3c6-5f322443365c">Re: preplanning</a>:
[QUOTE]The entire purpose of an engagement period is to plan the wedding and prepare for marriage. If you've already planned it, there's no point in getting engaged. Just go get married.
Posted by leia1979[/QUOTE]

<div>I love that.  </div><div>
</div><div>My two cents, I've noticed (lies, BF actually pointed out to me) that when I go BSC and start to preplan it's usually when I feel insecure about our relationship. That's not a good thing.  Put that effort into working on your relationship.  </div>

Swazzle

I know, it's crazy! I have some stuff to find and order but all the major stuff is booked. We're registering working on it and I really want to start looking for our wedding rings soon!

SKP82

Hilarious and ridiculous at the same time!

buddysmom80

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_preplanning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:5d4e29b3-c29e-4a6e-a644-d820577228e6Post:fbb8b29d-ce0e-4932-9db0-0887d2e50f7b">Re: preplanning</a>:
[QUOTE]Omg, I just....can't.  Seriously, what's even the point of a proposal at all if you're just gonna go ahead and assume you're getting married, and have even started planning the wedding. Seriously - what is the point? Why not have him just toss you the ring whenever he decides to get it and say "Oh yeah, thanks for this!" Even if you are 100000% positive you're going to marry this guy, the proposal is when he gets to tell you he's ready to marry to you, he's ready to start figuring out those details soon and plan  to start your marriage. I know I'm rambling and probably not saying this as clearly as I could, but if you AND your BF have already decided you're definitely getting married, and you're planning a wedding, aren't you, you know, basically engaged already? And, if you haven't had that kind of talk with your BF, where he tells you he wants to marry you and is financially and emotionally ready to do so, then you're putting way to much pressure on him by "pre-planning".  This message was directed at no one in particular, but all "pre-planners" in general.  I just. don't. get it.
Posted by Hummingbird125[/QUOTE]

Jeez I have a busy weekend, and I miss some of this.  I never heard about people pre-planning until lurking and seeing all the BSC on these forums.  Why would you do that?  And the quote above, I totally agree.  It's not YOUR wedding, it's a wedding for the BOTH of you.  Pre-planning just sets you up for disaster because it's going to make your SO very uncomfortable.  And listen to all the married women on here. They have been through all of this; from dating, to NEY, to engaged to being married. They are a wealth of knowledge and advice. They aren't putting people down to are pre-planning they are giving you the truth!

I'm a newb on here, so going through this thread and this forum in general I can understand the difference between "oh that would be nice" and "oh hi,can I put a deposit down on that venue?"  Don't do it.  I freaked out for a second and thought I was pre-planning but, I get it now.  And I would never pre-plan a wedding without the commitment of an engagement AND the input of my DBF (or fiance whatever you know what I mean).  My mother was engaged on October 19, 1974 and had her wedding ceremony on December 7, 1974 and she pulled off a classy wedding for the area she lived in, her budget and the trends of that time.  If she can do it in less than two months, I think anyone can. 

BostonGIrl4732

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_preplanning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:5d4e29b3-c29e-4a6e-a644-d820577228e6Post:11f5b371-b1e9-4e90-9126-d278e62e1f97">Re: preplanning</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: preplanning : That's why I'm making sure nothing I do is set in stone, I wouldn't so anything concrete without his input. The only thing that is concrete is the caterer and that's because he's the one who picked them out. We're good friend with the owner of a local restaurant that does catereing and he won't let anyone but RePete caterer our big day. He's also picked out his groomsmen and best man. Trust me I never forget that our wedding day is just that OUR day and I want him to love it too. He was actually going to propose on our anniversary last month but my dad wanted to talk to him in person first before giving him his blessing. He's old fashioned and refuses to propose without talking to my dad about it first.
Posted by LilGirlNic[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>What's the point of this?  Let's say you pick the DJ and photographer while pre-planning.  It's not set in stone.  You get engaged, and you sit down and show him the DJ and photographer.  He tells you that he doesn't really like the DJ's voice (who would be the MC) and that the photographer just doesn't seem right for the two of you because he wants a different style (photojournalism, more traditional, whatever).  So now you're back to the drawing board with your FI and all that pre-planning was time wasted.</div><div>
</div><div>I guess I just don't see the point in that.  It just seems like a waste.  My FI told me he really didn't care about planning the wedding and that I could really do whatever I wanted.  And then I started planning (right after we got engaged) and I took some ideas to him and he hated them all.  It turns out he really did want to plan the wedding but didn't realize that until everything got a bit more real.  We've done a lot of stuff together and it's actually helping our relationship to plan things out.  I know he cares and he knows that I respect him enough to ask his opinion.  Some stuff he really doesn't care about (like the centerpieces) but he's happy that I at least send him pictures and ask if he's OK with that.  I've been surprised at the stuff he's vetoed and surprised by the stuff he's planned after the veto because it's so much more us (usually it's something I hadn't thought of).</div><div>
</div><div>Obviously you want to pre-plan and you're probably going to go ahead and do it anyway.  I still don't really see the point because so many people are able to get weddings put together in the time they are engaged.  If timing is a concern, have a longer engagement.  I guess I just don't understand why you're planning but not setting anything in stone without input.  Plus, what if that friend of yours is busy on your wedding date (because until you book your venue, you don't have a date - mine got moved around a few times because of unavailability)?</div><div>
</div>

Knottie_22386750

i planned a lot of stuff before my fianc got down on his knee and gave me a ring. i called the building i knew i wanted to get married in and tried on dresses so i knew exactly what i wanted when it was time. 

i am with you!