Chores

mana8503

So to the girls that are living with their SO...

Do you have specific chores you do and ones the SO does?  Or do you just take a day to clean, not really specific chores?

Basically, BF moved in over a month ago.  We split up the chores, more so he took vacuuming, bathroom and dishes... but really hasn't done any of them.  I asked him a few times, and he says he's gonna do them, but doesn't.  It's frustrating, then he gets upset when I do it since it's "his chores".  I know I can be anal retentive, but geez how hard is it to put the dishes in the dishwasher?  That's my big thing I told him, as long as the kitchen is clean, I feel better if the rest is a little messy.  I'm only a neat freak in the kichen, but that's because I LOVE TO COOK - this is why he took dishes, I cook he cleans up. 

Sorry this ended up more a rant, just curious how other couples handle house chores... or if the SO end helps?

KatyRoseM

I had that problem.  Talk to him calmly about how you feel they arn't getting done, maybe make a day when everything has to be done.  Like everything must be done for Monday, then don't ask about it unless its not done Sunday night. 

nottheonlydreamer44

Ugh the dreaded cleaning problem. Mike moved in with me about 3 days into our relationship and we didn't have any real assigning of chores because things were all over the place anyway. However, when we bought our house 2 months later everything changed.

We are both clean people to an extent but we will let things go like laundry for a while. I hate doing the dishes/loading the dishwasher, doing laundry, picking up dog poop and vaccuming. We didn't so much have that discussion as it just fell into place. I do all the other house cleaning - dusting, organizing, bills (yes that counts as a chore).

I would say don't "do his chores"; but that sounds awfully motherly. Just suck it up and let them sit. You've shown now that you'll do them so now he's thinking, "okay I'll wait long enough and then I won't have to." No. Mike pulled this crap with putting his clothes away. I simply stopped doing it for him but cleaned everything around the clothes. I explained that I was not his mother and we didn't need to discuss who did what just do it.

Now he pretty much just does whatever. I can't say that the hands off approach will work but nagging will not. Trust me when he doesn't have any dishes to eat off of - he'll start cleaning, you might just have to suffer for a bit. lol.

coastiegrl25

Since I don't work right now, I try and do all the cleaning and cooking.  When I am not feeling good he helps me out, but that I try my hardest for him not to do anything.  The only thing I ask of him is that he helps put up his clothes.  I hate folding laundry with a passion, so that is usually his #1 thing to do. 

I agree with PP's if he knows you will eventually do it, he is going to let it sit.  Set some boundaries and don't back down.  Don't nag either, you don't want to sound like his Mom. 

mana8503

Yea, I think I was borderline nagging and mom-like.  THANKS for the advice,  I was just frustrated he was off 2 days this week and didn't do anything but clean the bathroom sink.  I even asked him to vacuum, but he went out, got a new truck instead and decided to look up new parts for it the rest of the day.  He also has a bad habit of not putting away his clothes but i don't do that, just the dishes since that's my pet peeve. 

We both work long hours, so a "clean sweep" on Saturdays is how I usually clean.  Only he got called into work today, so I have the dishes running now.  Only because I want to also clean the dishes he brought from his apt (they are questionable haha).  So I'll be running a few loads today until he gets home.  I'm definitely saving vacuuming for him - I HATE vacuuming since I grew up with hardwood floors so a vacuum only makes me angry.

I think I'm going to talk to him and see if it gets better.  Vacuuming I only expect maybe every 2 weeks but dishes need to be at least every other day!  If only just to put it in the washer and out of my sink

CASK85

We both try to keep the house tidy during the week and then end up doing a more major clean for a few hours on a weekend day. Neither of us has specific chores, but usually whoever cooks doesn't have to do the dishes.  BF is much better at picking stuff up than I am. . . so I guess I'm lucky. He actually told me that it makes him feel like I'm not invested in "our home" when I get lax about picking up after myself, which kicked my butt into trying harder to do it because I didn't want him to feel like I don't value him/our home. . . maybe something like that will help motivate your BF. 

AudgiePodge

BF does the trash and mops the kitchen floor. I do everything else.

Schrodinger

Have you guys had a conversation about what you consider an acceptable level of cleanliness?  Is the problem that he doesn't do his chores or that it gets too dirty before his chores get done?  I think that if you guys can both compromise on what is an acceptable standard it might things much easier for you.  But remember to pick your battles, some things are not worth it.

jemmini6

FI and I got really lucky with this I think.  We never really sat down and discussed anything, but we happen to have the same level of cleanliness (and messiness).  We both will just do things when it needs to get done.  If he's home and sees dishes in the sink, he'll do them and vise versa.  I usually end up doing more of the major cleaning though, which I don't mind because I actually like it sometimes. 

The only 'bad' thing is that we both have the same bad habit, which is not putting our clothes away.  I guess it's good in a way because neither one of us can complain that the other has clothes laying everywhere, but at the same time it's bad because our room is kind of always messy.  Doesn't really bother us though, if we have people over, we just shut our door

mkrupar

We both kind of do everyhing, except yardwork, that's all him. I hate doing yardwork. I think though, since you're so anal about the kitchen, maybe you should just make the dishes one of your chores. That way you do them when you want and there's no resentment for him not getting them done. I end up doing the dishes more than him because I cook more and am in the kitchen more. We just cleaned today and I did the bathrooms and the kitchen floor. He cleaned the rest of the floors and his office. I'm currently doing laundry, but he'll help me with it throughout the day.

mana8503

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_chores?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:613ccad2-207f-4c75-a982-b06f5f957911Post:8b27ce20-f7c6-4d6f-b08a-da80377bfaca">Re: Chores</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Have you guys had a conversation about what you consider an acceptable level of cleanliness?</strong>  Is the problem that he doesn't do his chores or that it gets too dirty before his chores get done?  I think that if you guys can both compromise on what is an acceptable standard it might things much easier for you.  But remember to pick your battles, some things are not worth it.
Posted by Schrodinger[/QUOTE]

That's the convo we had yesteday.  Our compromise is:  I cook and make lunch everynight while he takes out trash (when need be) and put dishes in the dishwasher.  Then on the weekends, pick up, vacuum, sweep mop and bathroom, etc.  Let's see how this works.

I would do the dishes but he really wants to do them since I cook... so we'll try it out. 

calindi

We're both messy, and both usually okay with that, but we'd prefer the house was clean.  Luckily, we agree that hiring a maid is high on our priority list for quality of life.  However, with him in school full time, there's no way we can afford it right now.

He's really good at picking up, but he does things rather rushed and half-assed.  I'm really good at cleaning, but I suck at organizing and neatening.  I also am awesome at procrastinating, so it's rare that I actually do it all.

I just cleaned the whole freaking house today.  I did all of our laundry - wash, dry, fold, put away.  Phew, that was work!  Then I cleaned both bathrooms thoroughly, made dinner, stripped the guest room bed (his Dad is visiting this week), picked up my desk, cleaned out the fridge.

What did he do?  Clean the kitchen, sweep the dirt that he spilled on our back porch. Which is great, but he wants me to sweep before he mops.  Uh, sorry, you can do BOTH!  I'm freaking TIRED!

Schrodinger

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_chores?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:613ccad2-207f-4c75-a982-b06f5f957911Post:f5109ace-30b3-4888-b0e1-6c79b9a129d1">Re: Chores</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Chores : That's the convo we had yesteday.  Our compromise is:  I cook and make lunch everynight while he takes out trash (when need be) and put dishes in the dishwasher.  Then on the weekends, pick up, vacuum, sweep mop and bathroom, etc.  Let's see how this works. I would do the dishes but he really wants to do them since I cook... so we'll try it out. 
Posted by mana8503[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm glad you guys could have a conversation and come to a compromise that works for you.  My XBF and I had huge issues with splitting out chores.  I'm the kind of person that will wait until I have no clean socks before I do laundry (and I've been known to buy more just to avoid doing laundry).  He was the type that would do 1-2 loads every couple of days.  We used to have huge fights over dirty laundry . . . why it never occurred to us to each do our own laundry, I have no idea.</div>

Blue & White

Since you do the cooking, I'd recommend that you do the putting the dishes into the dishwasher.  My BF is a lot better at putting them into the dishwasher and I'm a lot better at taking them out (cause I need them for cooking).  But I'd definitely talk to him

As for our chores, we do both.  We deep clean together about every other week and do little mini-cleanings by ourselves as necessary.

motoLyn

FI and I have unspoken chores, hahaha.  I don't mind vacuuming, its kind of like a space out zen time for me.  FI pretty much cooks all the time and so I do the dishes.  We each do our own laundry but sometimes will take in some of each other clothes to make a full load.  FI takes out the trash and cleans the bathroom, but this is after he is asked to.  I tend to goad him into doing them after teasing him in front of friends about how he is "lazy" which he isn't just that his attention is pulled in different directions to easily. 

His other chores are spider exterminator cause I HATE spiders, taking care of the cars (oil changes and washes) and doing maintenance on our sports gear i.e mountain bikes, snowboards, surfboards, etc.  I'm lucky that his mom raised him with the sense of doing household chores.  So he can cook, clean and bake.  This one is a definite keeper and I need to buy his mom a nice x-as gift this year and every year hence forth.

mana8503

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_chores?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:613ccad2-207f-4c75-a982-b06f5f957911Post:2badc1bc-3f9f-471c-9f2c-7167e12c5040">Re: Chores</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Since you do the cooking, I'd recommend that you do the putting the dishes into the dishwasher</strong>.  My BF is a lot better at putting them into the dishwasher and I'm a lot better at taking them out (cause I need them for cooking).  But I'd definitely talk to him As for our chores, we do both.  We deep clean together about every other week and do little mini-cleanings by ourselves as necessary.
Posted by Blue & White[/QUOTE]

He wants to do the dishes since I cook, but I usually soak them in the sink so all he has to do is wipe with the dishcloth and put in the dishwasher.  I don't mind putting them away.  I usually wash them if I bake since that's not "needed".  I just think he needed to know what was expected, so now he knows.